(Sierra's POV)
Two months have flown by rather quickly. My first day of school is today, and I'm petrified.
I woke up thirty minutes ago, which was an hour before I actually have to get up. I hardly got any real sleep throughout the night. I trudge out of my bed, deciding that there's no point in continuing to toss and turn, and grab my outfit for the day.
After taking a quick shower, I change into a Rolling Stones tank top and skinny jeans with a red belt. I slip a jean jacket over my arms and lace up my red Converse. Once I've completed my outfit with a stack of red and silver bracelets and a grey purse, I straighten my already naturally straight hair just to perfect it before exiting my bathroom.
Did I forget to mention that I lost twelve pounds in the past two months? I did, and now my goal weight is ninety pounds. I think I can accomplish it.
I make my way downstairs, and to my surprise, Demi is sitting on the sofa.
"What are you doing up so early?" I ask her.
"I could ask you the same thing," she responds, sitting up on the couch.
I claim the seat next to her. We've been talking a lot more lately, but we are still nowhere near being close with one another.
"I couldn't sleep," I mutter.
"Me neither. Are you nervous?" she asks.
I simply nod in reply.
"You'll do great, Sierra. There's nothing to worry about," she tries to reassure me.
If only she knew.
"Why couldn't you sleep?" I attempt to change the subject.
She shrugs.
"Hell if I know."
Why does it always seem like Demi wants to say more than she actually does? I can't blame her, though. I do the same thing. I always bite my tongue to keep secrets from slipping.
I glance at the television to see that whatever Demi was watching has ended. She reaches for the remote that is sitting in front of me on the table. I try to grab it for her, but she beats me to it. That's when her sleeve inches up, and I see them. A piece of me hopes my eyes are deceiving me or the lighting is off, but the logical part of me knows that neither of those things are the case. No, it's not the 'Strong' tattoo that she has on her wrist. I know she has the word 'Stay' tattooed on her left wrist, but I have never understood what the two words represent. I get it now. My eyes quickly pass over the older scars and instead zone in on the more recent cuts, which are only days or even hours old, Demi still unaware of what I've seen.
How did I not notice that she self-harmed? We're more alike than I could ever imagine, and it all makes sense now. Is this what the family has been hiding from me all along? Is the fact that their daughter isn't what society would call normal too much for them? What will happen if they find out that I not only do the very same thing but also starve myself and purge? They'll send me right back to the group home!
I don't even realize that I'm crying until Demi speaks up.
"What's wrong, Sierra?"
"Y-You cut?" I blurt out.
Her eyes grow wide with shock.
"What are you talking about, Sierra? Did you Google me or something?" she questions me in a rapid-fire manner.
I'm confused by her question. Is this her way of changing the subject?
"What? No! Why would I do that?" I ask, returning the rapid-fire.
Her eyes dart around the room as if she's searching for an answer.
"Just forget I ever said anything, Sierra," she commands, rising to her feet. "You'll find out eventually, but I just can't tell you right now. As for my self-harming, you can't tell anybody! Especially not my mother or Dallas, okay?"
I can see that she is on the verge of tears as she pleads with me.
What would I want her to do if the roles were reversed?
"Please, Sierra!"
I take a deep breath.
"I promise I won't tell anybody, Demi, as long as you promise to stop cutting," I reason with her.
"Okay," she agrees, not even hesitating.
I know that she's lying and won't really stop, and I also know that she hasn't told me even half of the story, but at least I tried. Hopefully, she'll come to her senses soon. For right now, though, it feels kind of nice to know that I'm not the only one.
Demi escapes off to her room, leaving me to my own thoughts, which is never a good thing.
Why did you promise that? You should tell somebody.
What if she had found out about your secrets? She'd go straight to Dianna.
No, she wouldn't.
Yes, she would.
How do you know?
I grip my head in my hands, trying to silence the arguing voices. But, as usual, they don't stop.
We're a part of you now, Sierra. You need to get used to us.
"I don't want to get used to you," I mumble aloud in reply to the demons in my head.
"Sierra?" Dallas' groggy voice rings in my ears, silencing the dark thoughts for the time being.
"Yeah?" I ask, raising my head from my clenched hands.
"Are you okay?" she asks me.
"I'm great, just nervous," I lie about being great, but the part about being nervous is true
Dallas sits beside me and wraps me in a hug.
"You'll be fine," she says softly.
Why does it seem like she's trying to reassure herself more than me? Nevertheless, I return the barely-comforting hug anyway.
I'm going to need a lot more than a hug to get me through this day.
"I'm gonna fix some breakfast and wake Maddie up. I'll drive y'all to school," Dallas says.
I nod, not trusting my voice to speak.
As Dallas enters the kitchen, I return to my room. I crawl under my bed and grab my blade, then slide it into a small zipper pouch in my purse. I know I'll need it today more likely than not. I brush myself off and straighten my outfit before returning downstairs.
I can already smell bacon frying. My stomach grumbles with hunger, and I mentally curse it.
"Here you go," Dallas says, setting a plate of food down in front of me once she's finished cooking.
Maddie is sitting across from me, already dressed and digging into her food, while Dallas is sitting at the head of the table, sipping on coffee and munching on a bagel. Neither Dianna nor Eddie has awoken yet, and Demi has not come back downstairs, not that I expect her to.
I probe the disgusting-looking scrambled eggs while eyeing the fattening grease-soaked bacon and buttered toast. I'm going to have to start requesting my toast with nothing on it; at least that way, there would be a few less calories.
"Are you not hungry, Sierra?" Dallas questions.
"Not really," I mumble.
"You should at least try to eat something. It'll do you good," Dallas replies, taking a sip from her coffee mug.
How can this food do me any good? I'm already obese, and eating this food will only make it worse.
I swallow the bile that is rising in my throat and manage to eat a forkful of eggs. The knots in my stomach tighten as I chew. It feels as if I'm swallowing hot coals as the food travels down my throat, and it feels like a brick when it hits my stomach. I feel extremely sick already after eating only one bite.
"While you two finish your breakfast, I'm going to go get dressed," Dallas announces.
She gets up, sets her mug in the kitchen, and goes to her room to get ready.
I quickly get up from my seat and walk into the kitchen, then scrape my food into the garbage disposal and flip the switch. It feels as if a weight is lifted off my shoulders, but I still have to get rid of what I did eat.
I avoid looking at Maddie out of fear that she noticed how little I ate and will comment on it, and head to the downstairs bathroom. Thankfully, the room is unoccupied. I lock the door and grab somebody's black ponytail holder from the counter to pull my hair back. Then, leaning over the toilet, I shove two fingers down my throat until I start to gag. After purging, I flush the toilet, rinse my mouth out, and brush my teeth with a new toothbrush that I find in a package in one of the cabinets. I release my hair from the ponytail that I previously tied it in and exit the bathroom.
"Are you okay?" Maddie asks me as I return to the dining room.
"I'm fine. Why?"
"I could've sworn I heard you vomiting," she replies.
To my horror, Dallas is standing right behind Maddie and heard what her younger sister just said. I swear my heart stops beating.
I fake a laugh.
"No, I'm fine. Can't a girl pee without receiving an interrogation?" I nervously joke.
Their suspicious gazes nearly make me crack, but thankfully they say nothing else and break their stares. I almost breathe a sigh of relief. I need to be more careful.
"Do you both have everything?" Dallas double checks as we're heading out the door.
"Yep," Maddie and I chorus.
"Alright," Dallas nods once before walking to her car and claiming the driver's seat.
Quite too soon for my liking, Dallas pulls up to my new middle school. Maddie eagerly jumps out of the car and joins a group of friends. Thanks a lot, Maddie. I guess I have nobody to count on here.
"Remember, Sierra, your last name is De La Garza now," Dallas reminds me with a wink.
I crack a small smile and hesitantly exit the car.
I walk to the doors of the school on wobbly legs. I'm so nervous. I head to the office to receive my schedule, locker numbers and combinations, and anything else I may need.
"Hello," one of the secretaries smiles at me as I enter the office.
"Hi," I shyly return the greeting.
She rises to her feet and walks over to the counter that separates us.
"How may I help you?"
"Um, I'm new," I reply.
"Name?" she questions, returning to her computer.
"Sierra W-De La Garza," I stumble over my new name.
"Are you related to Maddie De La Garza?"
"Yep," I reply with a smile which she returns.
"Here you are, Sierra," she says, handing me various papers. "There's a map, your schedule, both of your locker numbers and combinations, and just a few papers that your parents have to look over. Have a great day!"
"You too," I mutter, much less cheerfully.
Outside the office, I lean with my back against a wall, one foot on the ground and one pressed flat against the wall. I correspond the map with my schedule and quickly locate where I need to go.
****
I've passed that damn Spanish room like a dozen times now! At least I know where that is!
My thoughts have grown bitter and frustrated. I'm very lost, and no matter how many times I glance at my map and schedule, I still can't figure out where I'm supposed to go. I've also passed quite a few students, none of whom have offered to help me.
Finally, I just give up. I slide down a locker in the middle of the deserted hallway with a huff. In case you haven't realized, I have zero patience, especially for school and stupid shit. Wait, scratch that. School is stupid shit.
"Need some help?" a feminine voice asks me.
I look up to see a girl with brown curly hair. She appears tall, but that might just be because I'm on the floor.
"Yeah," I mumble in response.
She offers me a hand, which I gratefully accept, pulling myself up.
"I'm Analisha Castle," she introduces herself.
"I'm Sierra De La Garza."
"As in Maddie De La Garza?" she inquires, cocking her head to the side.
"The one and only," I reply with a nod.
"So, you're, like, related to Demi Lovato, right?" she questions me once again, but with a more giddy tone.
"Uh, yeah. How did you know that?"
She snorts.
"Who doesn't know who Demi Lovato is? But I mean, you probably only look at her like a sister, right?"
"Yeah, what else would I look at her as?"
She throws her head back and laughs as if I said some inside joke.
"You're funny. I can already tell we're going to be great friends," she says eagerly.
As if.
I nod with a forced smile. She beams at me and links my arm with hers.
"Can I see your schedule?" she asks.
I hand her the paper and watch as she studies it. Her grin widens, and I swear her face is going to split in two.
"We have, like, all of our classes together!" she exclaims in a squeal-like tone.
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. She's one of those girls who say like before everything. That drives me insane. I always want to punch somebody when they do that. I mean, it's one thing to say it in your head, but voicing it out loud is just a whole other level of annoying.
I let Analisha drag me like a puppet to my first block, not as if I have a choice.
Why do I have a feeling that this day will be painfully slow?
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