(Sierra's POV)
"Fix a Heart is number one on iTunes," Maddie announces from the row of seats in front of me.
It's been a week since we left the hospital. It's been a week since both Demi and I admitted to not only our family but also to ourselves that we need help. It's been a week since both Demi and I requested to seek help from Timberline Knolls. Yes, I am also checking into treatment. After reading up about the facility, I learned that they accept patients as young as twelve. When I told Dianna, she engulfed me in a hug and started sobbing, but she understood and didn't try to persuade me not to go. Demi, on the other hand, wasn't too fond of my idea. She told me that it would be difficult, that I'm too young. At the end of the day, though, it's my life, my health, my decision.
"Seriously?" Demi excitedly squeals. "That's awesome!"
Fix a Heart is the song that Demi showed us when she was in the hospital. Her Lovatics have been blowing up Twitter with worldwide trending hashtags as well as questions and comments directed toward all of us in hopes of actually receiving answers.
"Your fans are amusing, Dems," I say, scrolling through my Twitter timeline. "They're trying to figure out who the song is about."
"Give them a couple of seconds."
"A couple of seconds?" I gape at her. "The song was released less than thirty minutes ago and, oh," I raise my eyebrows as I notice some of them guessing correctly. "They apparently have evidence as to why they think the song is about Wilmer."
I flash her my phone screen, and she laughs.
"What can I say? They say that they're better than the FBI."
"I'm gonna tweet."
So, @WValderrama what do you think about Fix a Heart by @ddlovato ;)
Several phones chime.
"Really, Sierra?" Demi arches an eyebrow at me as Maddie laughs.
A moment later, I receive a Twitter notification from Demi.
@Xx_B!tches_Løve_$ierra_xX just found out that my #Lovatics are going to give the FBI a run for their money.
"You need to change your username, Sierra," Demi instructs.
"Why?" I scoff. "It's true. Bitches love me, and if bitches don't, bitches can go burn in hell."
"Sierra," Dianna scolds.
"Sorry," I giggle.
"Is Wilmer still behind us?" Dallas inquires.
I spin around in my seat to peer out the back window of the rental car.
"Yup."
We stop at a red traffic light. Still turned toward Wilmer, I see him pick up his phone and glance at it before meeting my gaze. I smile sweetly and offer a four-fingered wave. He flips me off.
"Demi," I spin back around in my seat. "Your boyfriend just flipped me off."
"You probably deserved it," she chuckles. "And he is not my boyfriend."
"Dallas, is the sky blue?"
"Yeah," she responds, slightly confused.
"Okay, just checking. Demi, the sky's still blue."
She groans.
"Would you just drop it? He's not my boyfriend."
"Friend with benefits? Fuck buddy? I can keep this going all day."
"None of the above," she glares at me.
"You two will be back together in no time," Dallas states.
"Don't get your hopes up," Demi mumbles with an eye roll, crossing her arms over her chest and directing her gaze out the window.
"Girls, we're almost there," Dianna softly informs.
I can feel my heart hammering rapidly in my chest. I swallow nervously as I flicker my gaze to Demi. She shifts in her seat, but her face remains impassive. I grip her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. She weakly smiles, though the smile doesn't even come close to meeting her eyes. I face forward without releasing her hand and exhale heavily.
You won't be able to do this.
You're weak for asking for help.
You'll never get rid of us.
You'll never get better; you'll be in this treatment center until the day you die.
You'll go crazy in treatment.
You're too fat to have an eating disorder, so why did you even bother asking for help?
"Hey," Demi kneads circles into the back of my hand with her thumb. "Don't listen to them, okay? Whatever they're saying, whatever lies they're telling you, just try to ignore them."
I nod, sinking my teeth into my lower lip. It's amazing how easily Demi can tell when my demons are attacking me.
Suddenly, just as we reach the lane leading to the treatment center, we hear a car horn blare. I turn around in my seat to find Wilmer pulling his car over to the side of the road.
"What's wrong with Wilmer?" Eddie wonders, also pulling over.
"Come on," Demi ushers as everyone piles out of the car.
"It's too far," I dramatically moan. "I'm too lazy."
Demi rolls her eyes at my theatrics. Mumbling under her breath, she slides forward the seat in front of her that Dallas was previously sitting in. Then, to my surprise, she hoists me over her shoulder as if I'm nothing more than a rag doll.
"Oh my gosh, Demi, put me down!" I screech as she calmly walks towards Wilmer's car.
"If you say so," she chucks me onto the grass.
"I. Hate. You."
"Love you, too," she grins.
With a frown, I force myself to stand up, brushing off dirt and grass from my clothes.
"Are you giving me a chance to run?" I question Wilmer with a straight face.
"Sorry, Sierra, but I don't hate you enough to allow you to jeopardize your recovery before it even begins."
"Don't be going soft on me now, Valderrama."
He just chuckles, returning to his car and reaching inside through the window.
"For you, my lady," he says in a British accent, handing Demi a pink, rhinestone-studded camera.
"You're such a dork," she softly smiles.
"Is that my camera?" Dallas asks.
"No, Dallas, it's mine," Demi sarcastically responds. "It's covered in pink rhinestones. Who else would own it besides you?"
"Well, why was it with Wilmer?" Dallas retorts.
"You left it at my house... I don't even know how many months ago."
"And you didn't return it sooner because...?"
"Dallas, in case you haven't noticed, we haven't exactly been on good terms lately."
"And whose fault is that?"
"Dallas," Demi reprimands. "Stop."
With a huff, Dallas rolls her eyes and figuratively bites her tongue.
Demi powers on the camera, presses a couple of buttons on it, and turns it so that the lens is facing her.
"Hey, Lovatics," she smiles. "Thank you all for getting Fix a Heart to number one on iTunes so quickly," her sad gaze flickers away from the camera. "But that's not why I'm making this video."
With the lens of the camera still focused solely on her face, she approaches the large sign of the treatment center.
"This is why I'm making this video," she flips the camera around so that the lens is facing the sign. "Unfortunately," she sighs. "I'm not here to visit," she returns the lens to her face. "I, um, I've relapsed," I notice her bottom lip trembling as she fights to hold back her tears. "But I'm not going to let this relapse define me. I'm going to get my recovery back on track. I'm going to come back better, healthier, and stronger than ever. And-"
"And I'm going to join her," I sling my arm around her shoulders, flashing the camera a halfway genuine smile. "I live everyday with issues similar to Demi's. I don't like saying that I suffer from mental illness because, truth be told, it makes me feel weak, but it's going to be a part of me until the day I die, so why shouldn't I make light of the dark deck that I've been dealt?" I offer a weak smile. "Every day I battle wars with myself. I self-harm, and I also have an eating disorder, but alongside my sister, and with her help, I'm going to learn the tools to be able to better fight my demons."
"Sierra and I want all of you to stay strong while we're getting the help that we need. You are all beautiful and worthy of life, and I'm lucky and so grateful for each and every one of you. You all have helped me immensely during my fight, and I hope that you all will continue to do so. I love every single one of you."
"Stay strong," we command in unison, simultaneously blowing kisses at the camera before Demi powers the device off.
"I want that uploaded onto all of my social media profiles as soon as you all return home," she tosses the camera to Eddie, who catches it with a nod.
"Why not now?" Maddie furrows her eyebrows.
"I don't want to take the risk of paparazzi getting here before I even set foot inside."
As we're returning to our car and Wilmer to his, I get an idea.
"Wait, wait, wait. Hold up, everyone. Dilmer, get your asses over here."
"Don't call us that," they demand in unison.
"At least you two agree on something. Now, Demi," I turn to her. "I want you to try something."
"Try what?" she raises an eyebrow.
"During my birth mother's drunken rants, I remember her once slurring something about having to do marriage counseling with my dad. They told her to release all of her anger towards him. About what? I have no idea, and frankly, I really don't care. But I want you to try it before you enter Timberline Knolls."
"You want her to yell at me?" Wilmer slowly checks.
"Precisely."
"Are you crazy?"
"Yes, but that's not my point."
"Sierra, I don't know about this," Demi's tone is wary.
"Oh, come on, what harm can it do? You," I point at Wilmer, "just cannot take anything that she says to heart."
"I can't start yelling at him for no reason."
"Is the fact that he cheated on you not enough to get you fired up?" I snort.
She narrows her eyes at me.
"I don't want to offend you or anything," she mutters to Wilmer with her head lowered as she twiddles with her thumbs.
"Trust me, Dems, you won't offend me."
"Trust you?"
"Ladies and gentlemen, the match has touched the gasoline," I back away from the two, joining my family. "Should we record this?" I ask Dallas.
"Why not?" Dallas snatches the camera from Eddie, powering it up. "This might be amusing."
"Trust you?" Demi repeats. "How can you possibly expect me to be able to do that again? I trusted you for four years, Wilmer. Fuck, I still trust you. Why? I have no idea. But although I do still trust you, that trust will never be as strong as it was before."
"Yup, she's fired up."
"Hush, Sierra," Dallas lightly slaps my shoulder.
"You tell me to trust you, but I'm still coughing up water from the last time you let me drown."
"You so got that from Tumblr," I approach the two.
"Yeah. So?"
I shake my head, locking eyes with Wilmer.
"You should have realized this beforehand, but because you hurt her and because you want her back, realize that you have to be willing to pick up all the broken pieces and accept the fact that, no matter what you do to try to fix her, she won't ever be the same again."
"Damn, Sierra," Demi raises her eyebrows, impressed.
"That was deep," Maddie chimes.
"And accurate," Demi adds.
And I got it from Twitter.
"Now," I clap my hands together. "Who's ready to drop me off at my own personal hell?"
"It's not that bad, Sierra."
"Quit lying to me, Demetria."
"If you just listen-"
"You're a stubborn hypocrite."
Demi rolls her eyes but drops the subject. The six members of our family reenter our car while Wilmer goes back to his own, and we all head toward the Timberline Knolls parking lot.
"I feel like I'm going to puke," I comment as the building enters my line of my vision. "I- I can't do this. I- I just can't."
"Hey," Demi places her hand on my knee. "Deep breaths, okay? We're in this together. We're fighting this together, Sierra."
I nod, still freaking out and on the verge of having a full-blown panic attack. I suck in ragged breaths, forcing myself to breathe as Eddie parks the car.
"Demi," I pathetically whimper, starting to think that maybe I am too young for this.
Hell, I probably don't even need recovery. Maybe my demons are right; maybe I am too fat for recovery.
"Shh, I'm here, babygirl. I'm not going anywhere."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"You're sure we're in this together?"
"Together. Always."
With another nod, I follow everyone out of the car. I don't realize that I'm crying until Demi swipes underneath my eyes with the tips of her fingers.
"It'll all be okay," she reassures.
"But how do you know?"
"Because I've been in your position," she winks.
I flash her a watery smile. She hooks her elbow with mine, leading us to the doors.
"Demi?" a familiar blonde woman greets us as we make our way to the front desk. "I didn't want to believe it when they first told me," she engulfs Demi in a hug as Demi chokes back a sob.
"Sierra, this is Lily," Demi introduces once they release each other. "She was my therapist the first time I was admitted."
"Hi," I shyly greet the woman, directing my gaze to the floor.
"Hello, Sierra. Do you two want to say your good-byes so that we can get you two settled and checked in?"
Demi and I twirl around to face our loved ones.
"I totally forgot about our luggage," Demi laughs upon seeing Dianna, Dallas, and Eddie holding our bags, her tone sounding as if she's about to start bawling at any moment.
"We figured you'd be a tad distracted," Dallas weakly jokes.
We go down the line of people, hugging each of them as if we will never see them again.
"I hate this," Demi admits with a sniffle. "I'm going to miss you guys so fucking much."
"As soon as you two earn visitation rights, we'll be here every weekend," Dianna promises.
"Dems?"
"Hm?" she turns towards me with glassy eyes.
I cup my hands around my mouth.
"Kiss him," I whisper in her ear. "You never know when a day might be your last."
"You have officially lost your mind."
"I lost that a long time ago," I step away from her.
"So, every weekend?" she looks at our parents who nod.
"I'll have to check my schedule," Maddie jokes, receiving an eye roll as well as a light shove from Dallas.
Demi chuckles at the antics of our sisters.
"What about you, Valderrama?" she approaches him.
"Looks like I'll become best friends with those red-eye flights again, Lovato."
"Are you sure?"
"Do you hear me complaining?"
"No," she shakes her head before gingerly pressing her lips to his.
Suddenly, a familiar song begins to play.
"Sorry!" Maddie apologizes, her cheeks flushing.
"No, no, let that song play," I mumble.
Her gaze flickers to Demi and Wilmer. She nods.
"Seriously?" Demi snorts. "This song? Really?"
"Shut up. You don't like it only because it is relatable to your situation," I shoot back.
"I figured it out, I figured it out from black and white. Seconds and hours, maybe they had to take some time. I know how it goes, I know how it goes from wrong and right, silence and sound. Did they ever hold each other tight like us? Did they ever fight like us?"
Demi returns her lips to Wilmer's.
"Ooh, she's going back for seconds," I laugh.
She flips me off, not breaking their kiss.
"You and I, we don't wanna be like them. We can make it 'til the end. Nothing can come between you and I. Not even the gods above can separate the two of us. No nothing can come between you and I."
Maddie stops the song.
"You know that you two can come up for air, right?" I giggle as they separate.
"Dad, stop glaring," Demi rolls her eyes.
Eddie just huffs.
"I love you, Demi," my eyebrows raise at the sincerity in Wilmer's tone.
"I lo-"
He presses his index finger to her lips, silencing her.
"I don't expect you to say it back. Especially not after how badly I hurt you. Don't say it unless you mean it."
"I never stopped loving you," she kisses him again.
"Okay, we get the point," I interrupt. "I said kiss him, not go into overtime in a game of tongue hockey."
"Sierra, you just wait until you start dating," Demi unwraps her arms from Wilmer's neck.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
She just smirks, grabbing her luggage.
"Ready to check in?"
Feeling numb, as if I'm on autopilot, I nod and grab my bags. With last looks over our shoulders, both Demi and I wave before approaching the front desk.
"You two look just as cute together as you did four years ago," an awaiting Lily playfully teases.
"Don't even start," Demi groans, causing the blonde to laugh.
Lily walks behind the desk to the computer.
"We'll get you guys checked in, and then we'll head to the examination room, okay?"
Just the name examination room sounds intimidating. Regardless, both Demi and I nod.
"Oh," Demi gasps, setting her purse on the counter and searching through it. "I don't want to be as stubborn as I was last time," she jokes in half truthfulness, handing Lily a stack of papers.
Her suicide notes. That's why I couldn't find them in the cabin.
"Now, I know that I already know your names, but for professional purposes," Lily positions her manicured fingertips over the keyboard.
"This," Demi gestures to me with both hands open, palms up, "is Sierra De La Garza. Without her, I wouldn't even consider being here again. She's my savior."
I roll my eyes despite the warm, touched feeling brought upon me by Demi's words, at the fact that she considers me her savior.
"And this," I mock Demi's gesture, "is Demetria Lovato. But if you call her that, she'll kill you," I chuckle. "At first, I thought that she hated me, but then she showed her true colors and slowly broke down the walls guarding her. She's my blessing in disguise."
ns 15.158.61.42da2
