| May be triggering if you have body image issues. |
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Calming music played as Lotus began the finish off the last bit of rearranging she had left to do in the cabinets. Her mom was cooking as she hummed to the music. She usually wasn't the one who cooked— At least anything other than lunch and even she did that occasionally, always letting Lotus cook for herself as she didn't need to make sure all of the children ate since the rest would usually be at school during the time noon hit.
It was her father who was the one to cook breakfast just before he left and dinner after he arrived home from work. Even if Chance and Jin came home way later than her dad because of school (and Chance out being a nuisance), he still had Jeongsoo, Paz, Lotus, and Cole to feed.
He was also the better cook between himself and her mother. That's not to say her mom was a terrible cook! She knew how to make basic recipes! Otherwise, she would have never survived on her own after college.
In the other rooms, her brothers were cleaning and complaining. Scratch that, Paz wasn't complaining, the other four were. She couldn't hear his voice at all.
Lotus shut the door to the cabinet and stretched her arms. The strain in her shoulder caused her to grimace as she stretched deeper to soothe it.
"You done?" Her mom asked as she heard her groan as she stretched.
Lotus hummed in confirmation, allowing her mom to continue, "You can go back to your room now."
Lotus joyfully did just that. She passed Paz who was making sure the couch was clean. He didn't bother to acknowledge her as she opened the door to her room and quickly disappeared inside.
The smell of flora made her slump onto her mattress. Her room was always true to being her safe place. With her being surrounded by the calming scent of flowers from her fragrance plugin and her plushies and blankets, she let herself sink into her bed.
She could still faintly hear the voices of her brothers, but they didn't bother her. Her eyes closed as she lay in a starfish position. She wasn't going to sleep, she was just doing nothing in peace.
An hour passed with her doing nothing in her dazed out state before the noise in the house spiked. The spike intrigued her, but not enough to get up. She'd just have to eavesdrop from her spot if it was important.
However, eavesdropping did nothing when the jumble of voices mixed together to create a messy symphony of confusion that made her feel as if she was having a stroke.
"Lotus!" She heard her father calling for her, "Your Aunt Pearl is here! Come greet her and Rose!"
Lotus' eyes snapped opened and her breathing hitched. Her peace was now ruined. Meeting family was a dreaded time. She found it hard to speak to them, especially considering she barely knew them as they rarely talked to her or visited. It was usually her parents and siblings visiting them, instead.
The last time she had seen her aunt was three years ago, which she cringed upon remembering the past years. Her cousin's time was even worse. She hadn't seen her cousin in years, more than with Pearl.
With shaking hands, Lotus sat up and peered into her mirror at herself. Her hair wasn't styled and slightly messy, but not too dishevelled to not go out of her room to meet them. The dress she wore she used to sleep but also to go outside anyway. She was presentable, yet she still felt insecure.
They weren't just some strangers. They were family, they knew her and she would forever be surrounded by them. She was already haunted by embarrassing moments when her brothers decided to randomly bring them up. If she messed up in front of them, they'd probably do the same as they're laughing away and conversing with each other, reflecting on the past in bittersweet fondness.
There was a quick knock on her door before her mom slid in, shutting the door behind her. The woman crossed her arms, "Come on now. You have to get up and greet them. It's only the respectful thing to do. You never visit them and they decided to take time out of their day to visit us this time. They're family."
"...I understand," Lotus sighed and stood from her bed.
Her mom nodded her head before leaving, the door remained slightly opened. She thought over the pros of powering through this visit.
She hadn't seen her cousin in forever and she actually liked her cousin the last time they met. They weren't close, obviously, but they have been to a few events together. Not only that, but at least they weren't in public. They were in the safety of this home. It provided her more comfort.
She gave a slight nod of her head to assure herself that she was ready before walking out of her room, immediately being faced with her aunt and cousin at the front door talking to her dad and Jeongsoo.
"Don't be so scared," Her mother commented from beside her almost causing her to jump.
Her mom softly patted her back before going over two the two. Pearl's eyes lit up at the sight of her sister-in-law.
"Yeong-ja!" Pearl exclaimed.
Her mom's energy matched as they greeted each other. This gave Lotus room to slowly advance, taking in how much her aunt had changed. She admittedly looked older than three years ago. Her forehead held deeper wrinkles, only making her look more heartwarming as she grinned. Her once long hair was cut to her shoulders and she no longer wore her more colourful clothing. Instead, she changed to neutrals.
Her cousin Rose was just as different. The girl used to be shorter and held more baby fat. Her face was slimmer than when they were younger, making her look beautiful with her shining dark eyes and her face being hugged by her glossy locks that climbed over her shoulders. Lotus would be lying if she said she wasn't envious of how beautiful her former reckless cousin had gotten.
Rose caught her gaze and smiled at her, the gloss of her lips glinting in the light of the room. Despite her being one year older than Lotus, she grew much better.
Nevertheless, Lotus gave her a smile back. She truly was happy as she could be to see Rose, but the appearance change was overwhelming. It just made her feel insecure. They shared blood, but Rose got the better genes it seemed.
"Is this Lotus?" Pearl questioned as she finally set her attention on the girl.
"Ah, yes," Yeong-ja, her mom answered and moved over to let Pearl have more of a view of her.
Lotus gave a polite nod of her head leaving Pearl to chuckle. "She's so polite." The woman pursed her lips and looked towards Chance who stood at the side with a grumpy look, "Very different from Chance."
"Well..." Yeongja trailed off, "...She does get a little more on the informal side at times, though."
Pearl waved her off and held onto Lotus' hand. The girl sweated and stared down at their hands. Is this how her brothers and parents feel when she clings to them? Touching was awkward. It normally wasn't for her, but this was. She concluded it's because she just wasn't used to Pearl.
"Little Lotus, it's so nice to see you again!" Her aunt chirped, "I've missed seeing you!"
Pearl pulled away and looked over her, "My, you've changed so much!"
"Just the height," Lotus let out a gauche laugh.
"But just look at you, you look stunning," Pearl cooed, "Just like your father!"
She turned to talk more to Lotus' parents as Lotus slowly turned to Rose who kept her pleasant smile.
"Long time no see," Rose said, giving a nod of her head.
Lotus returned the gesture, "Indeed. You look very pretty."
"You're too kind," Rose giggled before presenting a gift, "Mom bought this for you. She never gets to see you so she was super excited."
"Oh..." Lotus murmured as she gently took the gift and peered down at it, "This looks expensive."
A folded dress that, while not exactly her style, had a pretty red pattern. The fabric didn't seem like it was cheap, nor exactly cotton. More like a blend of fabrics that seemed nice to wear.
Rose flushed in embarrassment and lowered her voice, "It is. I'm sorry."
"Oh no! It's fine!" She was quick to reassure the older girl, "I like it!"
She wasn't lying, she truly did like the gift. Although, she wouldn't be wearing it any time soon. She just felt bad that it cost a lot and that she couldn't give a gift back.
Jin appeared, raising a brow. "She gets special treatment?" He questioned.
He didn't sugarcoat his words seeing as he thought it wasn't needed since he and Rose were the same age and family with a closer bond than her and Lotus. Rose scrunched up her nose and flicked him off as the adults weren't looking.
"Screw off, Jin." She scoffed.
He held his hands up before letting his elbow rest on Lotus' shoulder.
"You know she isn't ever going to wear that. She's more of a light colour kinda girl," He pointed out.
"Jin, I like it!" Lotus was quick to defend the gift.
He laughed at her, and let her go from being his armrest. His hand ruffled her hair as if she were a child, redirecting his entire attention on Rose who seemed to be fuming that he pushed Lotus from the conversation.
Lotus just frowned and went to sit down in the kitchen where her parents relocated.
"Nevermind about our jobs, what about yours?" Her father asked.
Pearl seemed giddy as she answered, "I almost forgot to mention this! I was able to get transferred to around here! I knew I said I was just visiting, but I wanted this to be a surprise. This means the kids will be able to see each other more."
"That's good news!" Her mom gasped, clasping her hands together, "It'll be nice to visit you more often."
"Mhmm!" Her father agreed.
Lotus settled on a chair, listening to more of their conversation. Her fingers unconsciously ran over the smooth fabric of her new dress that she set on her lap.
"Have you been able to find a place yet?"
"Yep! An apartment near Mullae-dong. It's just enough for me to afford and has good enough room for Rose," Pearl couldn't help but brag.
'Oh, I've walked around there.' Lotus thought, 'It's not that fun, but it's okay.'
She pivoted her head to see the others beginning to enter. With most of them in the same room, her mom decided to serve the lunch she had made.
'That's why she was cooking.' Lotus mentally commented.
As she was handed her dish, Rose sat beside her as Cole sat on her other side. Everyone quickly seated themselves with Jin and Jeongsoo being the only ones without a seat. They resorted to standing as Jin glowered at Paz for stealing the seat that he was aiming for.
The family wasted no time eating. The boys had skipped breakfast because Yeongja forced them to deep clean the house so they were practically starving. They didn't show mercy as they began shoving food into their mouths as they talked to each other with very little manners.
Multiple conversations were going on at the same time, each having their own topics. Such as the adults with their boring talk on life or Jeongsoo ranting about his opportunity to finally get into a cosmetology school. They weren't that hard to get into in the first place, but she decided to be happy for him anyway.
She let them talk as she ate her food. The simple meal was tasty and she'd rather focus on savouring it. Besides her, Rose lightly chatted with Paz who sat across from her.
She had missed the intense gaze of her mom which flickered between her and her cousin.
"Lotus," Her mom suddenly called out, "Maybe slow down."
Lotus gave her a confused look causing Yeongja to sigh.
"Look at Rose, she's so beautiful. And her shape is perfect! You know boys like thin girls. It's time for you to lose a little weight. You're almost there!"
Lotus face dropped at her mom's sudden shaming. This was new. This was weird. Her mom never commented on her body before.
"Yeongja, there's nothing wrong with her body," Her dad chimed in, "I'm even fatter than she is."
"Women find it endearing, Gabriel. Extra fat makes a man look mature and fatherly. Men don't want a woman like that though."
Chance let out a laugh as she said that. Only her father sent a warning stare his way. His amused snickered caused her face to heat up.
"What do you think, Pearl?" Her mom turned to the woman and asked.
"You're right about that... But, Lotus is still so young. I'd worry about that when she's about to graduate!" Pearl chirped in response, not seeming to be bothered by Yeongja nitpicking her very own daughter.
Lotus slowly set down her chopsticks, her appetite lost due to the criticism. Chance seemed to still be amused by the comment as he side-eyed her with a small simper. Her other brothers weren't bothered to do anything as they were all bothering each other which was more important than whatever had gone on.
Rose was the only one to offer her a deprecatory look, mouthing her an apology. Lotus just shook her head.
"It's nothing," She uttered.
It wasn't Rose's fault that her mom just up and decided to compare them. She didn't dare blame the poor girl. It was only natural that it would happen.
Lotus was just a disappointment so far. Too afraid to be in public at times, too traumatized to go back to school, just an overall below par girl for their only daughter. When faced with someone who was in school with others, was successful in club activities, and held a breathtaking appearance, there's no way there wouldn't be a little comparison.
Lotus' hands settled in her lap and she stared down. This was a bust. She should've just slept in, but then again, her parents wouldn't have let her.
It just seemed that what she tried to escape from, always found its way back into her life. Even if it was petty compared to what had happened.
She looked back to the food she had left. She knew that it would be better if she had the figure her mom found "perfect", but she wasn't so sure she could just give up food now just because she needed to get slimmer. Food was just too tasty and it wasn't like she was overeating. Maybe if she upped her exercise she would get there. After all, she knew Rose was a very healthy girl. She just needed to get healthy, too. Perhaps cutting out all of the sugary foods and carbs she ate would help as well.
The food in the bowl looked tempting and she would've gone back to eating if she didn't feel too discomfited in front of them. If she ate anything right now she'd probably swallow wrong on accident from how nervous she was getting. That would just cause her more distress.360Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡod4mNUJbPY
