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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pEXKLnoKp
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMW82QTO8r0
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5n4oHXe7XY
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqJqCYKYyy
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KWWH8XFrr
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdE8mDcmFn
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvly6X5N8L4
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNtS2WXR5z
為何記住？我解釋不了。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGwValU25P
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gOAwov3L7
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWrinutNCj
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwG7JP4EdE
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbERptbvpY
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyQI7vzKlu
其中一個是他。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbEPHEocyq
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOiN0pHsgR
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrA60rZ64e
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnx5JvIDtAG
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtF1eLiaQVA
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrmgWnoO4w
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKoJYwlhPn
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcSPobcY3e
「你遺下銀包。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdaPil4Z9P
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugrJQDNfB4
「謝謝。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NZwOdEJwO
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVnTgGwASh
「不用客氣……」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEC8TteigdS
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvFdOOKbLD
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOZyB1E0X6
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDVij6nIlw
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWXvovYPOZ
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJL6nR6WFFb
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDZlv5jTCk
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJ8BJOPunU
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLj9sn7Bh6S
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaKsCru2Nr
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqViOPMDYAz
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYH2nJGbww4
「我是文班許家偉。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68DMwIqUqJ
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXFdvPgCjZ
「我是理班李浩榮。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4D2MEzwY4
其實我早已知道許家偉。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnU4jPV8DJv
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoRBJurXqM
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVyUsYlQ0c
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcZazBfceP
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7AfwBI3YX
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoAZTemUuU
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcIxMDCvtw
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4uyzM2qMY
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsQbrZWJCy
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ou0poMeBk
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29AxqDwI4g
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VDAyLcEmk
不服氣。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPA5owlosG
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsNghRfCYn
繼續觀察他。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tXXjm9Lj2
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiJCJHVqHg
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwTEGyYZaB
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡje0hOsduAo
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Mpm7cNb0B
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjriiupMBx
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQgpbkfWYC
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTob9Bsec1
我急步追趕許家偉。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06kGlwtp3P
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUzbyFqMro
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1t8neTnnM1
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fI1BXEZqN
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoi8ScK2L7
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSNlReQX1c
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiQDZ3qrFi
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0vsGdFjl2
「你遺下了銀包。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZ0yQzoKz4
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWUVaye3e7
「謝謝。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLFKzgheK3
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1AtrbhjlH
「不用客氣……」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiA4cI1bV4
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0UYmPfVTl
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNR5lgBpka
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGud7m7IW3B
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYuTT7uEhf
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJw3sKtdaH
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAlBH7i3DW
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUS9Ws6VoR
我望入他雙眼。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KzJUYRv7o
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPGutDuqJe
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILMOAKS223
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCsZ0sJFUW
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtBZuVLS0P
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5T5yLcDBe
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhm6mCswCNg
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDr0x8ObZAn
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90bwfPgGAU
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwtKTl9Sd8
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0S0kAbea1
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93D95i84X0
「我是文班許家偉。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwZbVfaWGl
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQEwWOby1U
「我是理班李浩榮。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2YSc9dnGD
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiNEZPvycD
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyANJBO0riE
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsL08RDCVsY
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dVEBdhIMV
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypECtT5ZCQ
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3t3XSlIcT
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrk6OUTBOHa
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIICvbGjOXy
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9pVvd5aCL
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrvpny2izR
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡav2SRIWvYE
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr85EZNJuR1
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMj6pIZes8q
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTU9PlnE1F
但我沒有阻止他。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJj5nBUbcul
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhI5YUXbjE
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2cGy5xhXr
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGJWsn42Cr
我慫恿他繼續說下去。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpz9k2jsbJK
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiraJuDOAvY
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OHQhm3JhS
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYy5x0CQ8d
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnThkmvzP8
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gAimAZaPf
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8McL4pUsH
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6qcO4AT7x
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRUY0F6VIU
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNt3tdap6Ra
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wqyP40k5H
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHpE8zs5G6
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbswLtJJLWi
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveC8a6V2b7
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1Os7IMjOF
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1vu40SVu1
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡck66dZTIrd
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vmbixKF2C
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BfIF2oCdH
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcILj9YX0L
但我掛念他。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOqRIOBwod
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfLCO7H1DK
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaUG5AvbDg
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooDhhKbEjN
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuClpYG7Sye
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeFNDadBWm
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6HRH1di3P
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFURdqwXYG
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7J02oUgzC
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfqZt5fRtk
不要說。不要聽。不要見。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxl2oUozWHW
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpz6M0WJbp
希望時間會沖淡一切。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrJ4J8ZSvb
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicGJ14sydo
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRP4zrvmr4p
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVhjYIMDeh
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynO31mlLOJ
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjpwUgz1RH
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegf1uLwzcy
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDj56ywlKjO
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3E3sQwcE8
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmgsuW0ZOU
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHDDTOECdU
「我也不明白。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvwSLKGedW
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDr7jqXL776
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeO9Y6PxurQ
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AcUx3EnKD
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWEcQ63ITu
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBMCiv0388
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuZCZyENbW
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZRz31oMg0
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDNtFRXYf6
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1hqo3xOZU
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYJdJTaAFc
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrxthugJtk
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pgbmoBXyW
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjlj9TC6A4
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvCQrG7t48
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtR96hduJYb
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVU0Ru40ypR
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrRRv8NPhP
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq63YvTOKG1
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLCh2oW6a8
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3h2c02lZr
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQB1dWFCdb
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8qaMsWcwE
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOLIE74B3W
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWIGsUrejG
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUguc5eKo4s
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DlDa9nWxc
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjphI964o3c
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80gYq7DWwi
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUz8lVEPbOl
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAbgNmPH4l
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTE0I2CvSWf
為何要走到這一步？156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDvv5jb0F8
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7owVXOMHR
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTNZYwklSe
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bKXmQfRhr
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpBDTIR3nN
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6v5xzf3jSt
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJ2Ts8ubHC
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioLEdhJlgz
「別倔強。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnk7F3NnYE
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXvbI8g6nj
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PJXmswnRD
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeFshZIgL9
「我想你放棄。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ633L8ttu37
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOXZ9JcsPY
「原因？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxHIgGbJJU
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSkHyk5Vc2
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJpoRzp52W
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXeHAMq3Pi
「我知道。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnrqhSxHMQ
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7eZ7cZK0M
「何解還要繼續下去？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqz0GUVeilq
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6JIPszsmp
「感情易放難收。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡog6DwqqTfN
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNa0dJRZJ7U
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgAYsTUARI
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzKt1qZXzB
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwYxw3ewYT
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbK1TYjmGBN
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡys4UVMNkDE
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qhzpM8Wm9
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrqwsJjrOR
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ702IXU7dy
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zSTnIGg8Q
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7piGEKYCVY
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEM0XHqpwjG
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL99byqpEry
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhw5nRhgN47
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHrHFhZHOs
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVxpHfxxUU
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIxsrtUJeO
小醉。半醉。大醉。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16ZO6z23UV
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaKu0JTFJJ
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjvHcRTVOH
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeCNe4MhMT
「直接講我愛他。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqtLUtKU2C
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JyiFKZtlf
「如果他拒絕？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGloN2ImNA
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkMBzg24dh
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8yB9lkm1p
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMatxa45R6Q
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSht3vDldX
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtXtAkcFJE
「我當然是高興！」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡra1VdGolwm
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre28M9z8LV
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7ty2pesWI
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYKmN0t0sF
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRL8HWZ49Yv
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPSK6BDZx2
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhK5tJoPip
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLJ8zUoAX5
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OSoFlwUW8
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuCHBm7nLE
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJaKqWWKiJ
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVH0vYKilUy
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1fmeKDV3g
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvVN2ZZ5W2
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQLKAFULw6
「你仍然單身？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGt6RzHRX1U
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8ytA1k0kb
「是的。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mjx9UIUd5
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mrUE5Tx65
「要我當媒嗎？」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SLm4PcSNg
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrZKJ5eBjF
「不了。難為情。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eKhsW0C1L
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyM5V6cYIF
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiORX8i2Efp
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77PdM6lpvY
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd89rR1ZqO1
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DWYPfnY09
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYEDaC6i81
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6BiWuG8fV
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZd1FuvpAx
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvhODuFNkd
回家吧。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1AN87NGPW
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhj6TJQd7Z8
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHHJzLuEaF
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmwAgziiaz
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQufLIcEPNx
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNXLdEekap
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2C3YaaX28X
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fYlelfg1d
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzLOJ6EMvF
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Th6UyGUae
大概是一見鍾情吧。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIG2BzNVctS
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBSfGa7cOD
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOB574a8YN
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kbUChJA2l
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRbBbVUAcU
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGSbss40RQ
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6K0Z5TmdT4
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBz2K6o2CGu
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6sCRlJv3t
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZVu1gTsnk
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMcsNYw29C
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLg2Ics77v
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7r5lYVjFpJ
百感交集……156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZqCdxpfyw
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD6OVQM9PF
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmke9MemSrL
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPQVwAFPQV
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBKPxgLieT
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDejq8qQjo
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVAsyx9xqU
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwluVkBLAh
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDmrQtbErj
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemHfNjNWYf
「認得。你是文班的。」156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb5ZENpxC8
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzmQrdNnU4
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwi8WVLIE5u
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjg7ATw5NwC
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXv0XRv4ox
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21Ikg4Pjmg
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9DjuaDM4G
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6y9RgTQkAy
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchx7zdUd0y
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiN1PcZCyZ
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNAIiILI6t
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3m5eobYdG
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCU8DuCN6l9
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc39UfiYms6
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqLcdhSczO
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5j9mNllJCN
我哭笑不得。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5bdbj6beY
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25dLZVYbF3
無意跟他繼續對話。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXNXlao5NS
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Oh4XAepiB
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt8rKxAPLX
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFZzqrowUF
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHT4cjjCeKk
