午餐用膳後,男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場,或場上打籃球,或場外觀賽。我亦不例外,在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際,一個籃球高速自後側飛來,狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉,我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁,沒把事情放心上。當然,我也沒所謂,小事一椿。134Please respect copyright.PENANArULsLvYbCi
134Please respect copyright.PENANACVWXzuSvuV
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。134Please respect copyright.PENANAzniasYDNb4
134Please respect copyright.PENANAAvbJlpp7rJ
匆匆一笑,半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑,僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。134Please respect copyright.PENANAql3DVgQUKG
134Please respect copyright.PENANAiAUuBDuOms
但我還是記住了那抹笑容,記住了他的臉容氣質,記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。134Please respect copyright.PENANABgrDOBE5KS
134Please respect copyright.PENANAYqCDOwh1EJ
為何記住?我解釋不了。134Please respect copyright.PENANASRbu10cM81
134Please respect copyright.PENANADpbOh3YfD4
好幾個月過去,夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目,男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起,動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒,說吃飽想睡不想動。134Please respect copyright.PENANAnBp9MJUoLs
134Please respect copyright.PENANAmuO5atrVmT
我獨坐長椅一邊,納悶之際,兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。134Please respect copyright.PENANAb3nX7NRP6n
134Please respect copyright.PENANAE4ZXDtgCSm
其中一個是他。134Please respect copyright.PENANAdgZ8XF4f0O
134Please respect copyright.PENANAAQ2uTKJVJn
那笑那臉那明暗,歷歷在目。134Please respect copyright.PENANA1PboaWi1nE
134Please respect copyright.PENANAThFpuH9FeK
心頭一顫,我馬上別過臉去。數秒後,我稍為冷靜,意識到自己的失態,佯裝無異,繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣,有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。134Please respect copyright.PENANAHM9HpE6SWW
134Please respect copyright.PENANAZvRvIfSIoh
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時,他竟從後叫住我。134Please respect copyright.PENANAfuWD5aH0YV
134Please respect copyright.PENANAAppbCnm7ej
「你遺下銀包。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAeEhA0RQtMJ
134Please respect copyright.PENANAZTOBlrNAeL
「謝謝。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAD6ZFS49L3Z
134Please respect copyright.PENANAxKzvxdbiT2
「不用客氣……」134Please respect copyright.PENANAAUwurfuBJr
134Please respect copyright.PENANAgAiULGD9V7
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣,他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼?不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題?甚或是「為何要展開話題」?134Please respect copyright.PENANA3LKeKC6IaE
134Please respect copyright.PENANA14jO24S5A9
氣氛尷尬,四目交投,卻不知如何是好。134Please respect copyright.PENANAaUm8yoYYTy
134Please respect copyright.PENANALyKQwCGTRU
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過,彼此才回過神來,甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上,他往下。134Please respect copyright.PENANAoFDRXuGT6R
134Please respect copyright.PENANARetOTt6WWX
誰料在午飯時間完結後,我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊,所以未曾正式認識。134Please respect copyright.PENANAUnyZfrIQmF
134Please respect copyright.PENANAnGG4RXwRbD
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。134Please respect copyright.PENANA0Y4GRNCLW4
134Please respect copyright.PENANAW2trn5iTT8
「我是文班許家偉。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAOy79uwFjeJ
134Please respect copyright.PENANA7Ko0brQyw1
「我是理班李浩榮。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAgh89zCZoIf
其實我早已知道許家偉。134Please respect copyright.PENANAx1pPAQiD7v
134Please respect copyright.PENANA1Ef6f1QyZP
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。134Please respect copyright.PENANApDc3Nz8gbv
134Please respect copyright.PENANAvTmipdol4s
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。134Please respect copyright.PENANA5jOn8M0gL7
134Please respect copyright.PENANAGV5izbBFwb
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別,亦無專長或短處,是個存在感不強的乖學生。134Please respect copyright.PENANAnLgdXEsKjN
134Please respect copyright.PENANAMVmSzByV85
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他?134Please respect copyright.PENANAnqKg3VI8ei
134Please respect copyright.PENANAUDnLTctys4
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝,只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。134Please respect copyright.PENANA5iVxdYBI1B
134Please respect copyright.PENANAooHUYa41SV
不服氣。134Please respect copyright.PENANA2pcE5YJBCk
134Please respect copyright.PENANAIpi5zxgZt2
繼續觀察他。134Please respect copyright.PENANA1N1EU1u8Im
134Please respect copyright.PENANAZeEaOX6yMR
匆匆數月,秋去冬來,我對許家偉好奇不減。134Please respect copyright.PENANASupgvtc37X
134Please respect copyright.PENANA5w0wDxwLKb
某天午餐後,我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅,於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端,近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光,動身離開。正感沒趣,阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡,看見許家偉的學生證。134Please respect copyright.PENANAWRyOjzlhy3
134Please respect copyright.PENANAZBmpvgxSnh
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證,再將銀包交到校務處。我反對,擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應,僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步,將銀包遞給我。134Please respect copyright.PENANAR9hXzFwyMO
134Please respect copyright.PENANAGlSrADsXix
我急步追趕許家偉。134Please respect copyright.PENANANfinESajA0
134Please respect copyright.PENANAotJ6G6YXUq
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問,我不是討厭許家偉嗎?人前,我一直表達對許家偉的討厭;人後,我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有,尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。134Please respect copyright.PENANANzCFjopWz1
134Please respect copyright.PENANA5Oc5qE1oYl
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。134Please respect copyright.PENANA1L4R3fLLNp
134Please respect copyright.PENANA8hQcUacbNp
遠遠看見他的身影,我自然而然打起十二分精神;聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉,我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的;走經中五級壁報板,會不經意試找許家偉的名字……134Please respect copyright.PENANA2u3qCLyjeG
134Please respect copyright.PENANAuwRhwZGhLK
「你遺下了銀包。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAf9nY7QyQnP
134Please respect copyright.PENANAyjtNKH25rD
「謝謝。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAYU3PEQspH7
134Please respect copyright.PENANAhStfi1MchJ
「不用客氣……」134Please respect copyright.PENANA4kFa5jqEtx
134Please respect copyright.PENANArD9j4cHbvg
經已物歸原主。他道謝,我虛應,然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。134Please respect copyright.PENANAMu2RWIUx1c
134Please respect copyright.PENANAiUNkx3BxSY
該要說甚麼?還需要說甚麼?沒有啊!但我們還是原地愣著。134Please respect copyright.PENANAiMLGa8ORyp
134Please respect copyright.PENANAWpW7sz4Vhv
他是否一早知道我?他是否早已察覺我在留意他?不會吧……134Please respect copyright.PENANAlfvei7ASg3
134Please respect copyright.PENANALTY2NlI8Hx
我望入他雙眼。134Please respect copyright.PENANALKZxyaaP0L
134Please respect copyright.PENANARo5s9lb9MA
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑,似乎在期待甚麼……134Please respect copyright.PENANAUqYOouzZKX
134Please respect copyright.PENANADjRfUuXw6s
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來,低頭轉身離開。134Please respect copyright.PENANALh43Fwu8ib
134Please respect copyright.PENANAuXUtgZy0Py
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在,問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容,認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的,不會繼續討厭他。134Please respect copyright.PENANAj6xfJrCsjG
134Please respect copyright.PENANAgWnUcC4gTM
上課鈴聲響起,學生魚貫回課室去。人群中,我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了,笑他遲鈍,後知後覺。134Please respect copyright.PENANAgniu9PH4qL
134Please respect copyright.PENANAG4eQ3zcH9q
許家偉臉紅,禮貌地點點頭,上前自我介紹。134Please respect copyright.PENANAdhdRBphp7q
134Please respect copyright.PENANAMCdrsaO8rz
「我是文班許家偉。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6mXHalwdk
134Please respect copyright.PENANAIpIT4opsyz
「我是理班李浩榮。」134Please respect copyright.PENANASh1Cni06Hj
畢業多年,我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講,舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料:「你們當年那麼要好,竟然未曾聯絡一次?」134Please respect copyright.PENANAON336vGuUF
134Please respect copyright.PENANACx0kz8mtoe
我笑笑點頭,不多解釋。134Please respect copyright.PENANA5mQRw47Mr3
134Please respect copyright.PENANAjSHMqtxcL1
畢業禮當晚,他告訴我,他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰,我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必,因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪:如已釋懷,為何重提。134Please respect copyright.PENANAGYzpl1yqsc
134Please respect copyright.PENANAm7iZ7gxByW
李浩榮笑笑,笑說他已覺悟,明白人的真正作用。134Please respect copyright.PENANAtYUUYG2v7X
134Please respect copyright.PENANAzcSDSZtxcH
聽到這莫名其妙的答案,我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。134Please respect copyright.PENANAb2yzfXoIz8
134Please respect copyright.PENANAp7Bx3p8iU8
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起,或是把深交的兩個人分開,例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中,而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。134Please respect copyright.PENANAOhFcI5afTM
134Please respect copyright.PENANAwhD6thQlXg
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過,有點無奈,有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後,我和李浩榮再無交集。134Please respect copyright.PENANAkGj5V4S5pT
134Please respect copyright.PENANAC3qJ6iGFBa
但我沒有阻止他。134Please respect copyright.PENANAYBJjCwdG6U
134Please respect copyright.PENANAdvHNqChMdY
他壓抑已久,情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。134Please respect copyright.PENANAng9507lLet
134Please respect copyright.PENANAkkxEpAYTyc
我慫恿他繼續說下去。134Please respect copyright.PENANAcjTlsOrbAz
134Please respect copyright.PENANATYtVOA6d7F
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子,經常氣得老師向父母投訴,父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀,起初會擔心對方身體,後來發現彼此不怕捱打,只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑,再玩再捱打……玩著捱著,二人同甘共苦十四年,彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我,反倒羨慕我的不起眼。134Please respect copyright.PENANA8hcPr4loqh
134Please respect copyright.PENANAHdJ0gsUlx5
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。134Please respect copyright.PENANAqyyiMaF4Xo
134Please respect copyright.PENANATkofKSkRr8
「不被注意、不被期望,方能活得自由稱心。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAkx2SgkXBg1
134Please respect copyright.PENANAmv3evmdRZI
我問他是否有煩惱,可以向我傾訴,也許我能想出好辦法。134Please respect copyright.PENANAyTIJy32MV6
134Please respect copyright.PENANA1MMaEdi41m
李浩榮報以苦笑,沒有正面回答。134Please respect copyright.PENANAmzOsvWGxit
134Please respect copyright.PENANAIPPWrZqmuo
那夜,他喝得爛醉,我送他回家。134Please respect copyright.PENANADaQnIsJMF2
134Please respect copyright.PENANAM6XLzCHKiw
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦,語調急促,不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮,留下一句道謝,利落關門。134Please respect copyright.PENANAeG0GK7KI66
134Please respect copyright.PENANACmzcZQvRV3
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。134Please respect copyright.PENANAECCSLFlF1V
134Please respect copyright.PENANAzPPTOnyF9Z
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害,亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。134Please respect copyright.PENANAJU1JlGSq2W
134Please respect copyright.PENANARLlwmfp1x4
但我掛念他。134Please respect copyright.PENANAEmTwcLSdPu
134Please respect copyright.PENANAUI8N0ia41x
不是偶然想起,不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助,不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯,是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。134Please respect copyright.PENANAQXmdtlDOvS
134Please respect copyright.PENANAGRY8cZOXom
想起他,我不期然會笑;想起他,我感覺窩心;想起他,我會自覺孤單可憐。134Please respect copyright.PENANAR2Esw1rF7o
134Please respect copyright.PENANAo0mKeA06FW
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。134Please respect copyright.PENANA1PFqQbkC1t
134Please respect copyright.PENANAAjgMyKjJlV
糟糕了!怎麼辦?怎麼辦!不知道。134Please respect copyright.PENANAwerg2oA3WI
134Please respect copyright.PENANAKZlDXHVAl8
不要說。不要聽。不要見。134Please respect copyright.PENANASDP94YKITG
134Please respect copyright.PENANAAxtlmh9lb0
希望時間會沖淡一切。134Please respect copyright.PENANAiIedvzKFOC
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。134Please respect copyright.PENANApFIhcjcrXr
134Please respect copyright.PENANA3T3akBV7p5
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應,煞是暈眩,有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。134Please respect copyright.PENANAcl756kpU4K
134Please respect copyright.PENANAGTzJwPK40B
阿媽沒有理會我,背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說:「昨晚是他送你回來。」134Please respect copyright.PENANA0ypEHwt4zX
134Please respect copyright.PENANADn2k4IXpqC
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛,重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算,反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。134Please respect copyright.PENANAK49qC5gGTs
134Please respect copyright.PENANAfmD0lB3NLn
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAARVXDTGS4o
134Please respect copyright.PENANASkGG5xGo76
「我也不明白。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAwdEAjibY13
134Please respect copyright.PENANAf29JMRes1w
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAUsjmiMCyPX
134Please respect copyright.PENANAuJ9pJjqayZ
「感覺,並非可以自由控制的。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAL9nK7suffw
134Please respect copyright.PENANA8VFaTGP6DS
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAp4DFFUECMX
134Please respect copyright.PENANAJluLQwaBky
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAeVcJv0WdxQ
134Please respect copyright.PENANA9idH65dewp
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」134Please respect copyright.PENANA0pemsJpy9V
134Please respect copyright.PENANAikhNqEo5na
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAunLMIqlanJ
134Please respect copyright.PENANAoTKkPdRUyk
我晦氣,毫不掩飾對她的討厭。134Please respect copyright.PENANAoMlgkUvqX1
134Please respect copyright.PENANA65vLOEK5B8
阿媽沒再多話,繼續在廚房忙著。134Please respect copyright.PENANAooGk672nNB
134Please respect copyright.PENANAJWsFYiNR3u
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我,為何旁人總愛插手?134Please respect copyright.PENANAvpVB2Mfnzl
134Please respect copyright.PENANA6MNd1aNh2o
抵著頭痛,我硬撐起身子小便去。134Please respect copyright.PENANAL9toe91K8D
134Please respect copyright.PENANAsRqMVXYYxX
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下,小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少,昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。134Please respect copyright.PENANArppLgv0qnV
134Please respect copyright.PENANANEsJgTZlLk
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。134Please respect copyright.PENANAizzJhwA38l
134Please respect copyright.PENANAwbgi2wlSSM
真的嗎?我真的把話說出口?134Please respect copyright.PENANAmSDmR7snzF
134Please respect copyright.PENANAIJBz52Tv8p
為何這麼驚訝?阿強醉倒後,我特意喝下更多酒,不就是為了把話講出口嗎?134Please respect copyright.PENANAoKDPLMB8zm
134Please respect copyright.PENANAMcDw1QBr42
便意盡,醉意消,騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。134Please respect copyright.PENANA5J7waWkiDG
134Please respect copyright.PENANAYt0uYoK6jv
為何要走到這一步?134Please respect copyright.PENANApsW5CDJ4QN
134Please respect copyright.PENANAFujMtOBaUg
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情,擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我,乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態,冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。134Please respect copyright.PENANAzqIkV4Wyah
134Please respect copyright.PENANAtErVr7jcXo
「世人表裡不一。口說開明,實質守舊。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAUoCEoCFFoT
134Please respect copyright.PENANATeuaFR1sAk
「是嗎?你呢?你口說放棄,心底裡在支持我吧?」134Please respect copyright.PENANAWmXtiHQmb1
134Please respect copyright.PENANAI03RlOAyQq
「別倔強。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAVgt34krtUu
134Please respect copyright.PENANADU8jylc8FE
「我想要知道你的真正想法!別敷衍!別蒙混!」134Please respect copyright.PENANAROlPgmfasI
134Please respect copyright.PENANAZgE8hbdbHu
「我想你放棄。」134Please respect copyright.PENANATNNhdRebjJ
134Please respect copyright.PENANAJtt70ov9q2
「原因?」134Please respect copyright.PENANAcRJOU7gFn2
134Please respect copyright.PENANAxOzi31BP1i
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAdY6owE95Pv
134Please respect copyright.PENANASPHF3eQJAa
「我知道。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAnnPe7Xq8HA
134Please respect copyright.PENANAtAHbFhduUM
「何解還要繼續下去?」134Please respect copyright.PENANA64I6j5fcJO
134Please respect copyright.PENANAHz7U9jg7So
「感情易放難收。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAOMHjHmHsnu
134Please respect copyright.PENANA0W9ibsgVUc
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智,她還有何話可說,只得被動地待我回心轉意。134Please respect copyright.PENANAbAhSHms5U9
134Please respect copyright.PENANAv8aQ8LFoIQ
傍晚,我約見阿強,在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀,有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣,我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此!我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足!134Please respect copyright.PENANAYGl6LSUcGn
134Please respect copyright.PENANA9XbWJldJ8T
架後,我沒有留下片言隻字,待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去,懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。134Please respect copyright.PENANAqGGLsveFjw
134Please respect copyright.PENANAd6vcWe1t7T
阿媽見我身上有傷,許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事,沒有多問,亦不予關心。134Please respect copyright.PENANAZhGfNukytU
134Please respect copyright.PENANAYvC6PIZifB
我不在意,一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……134Please respect copyright.PENANA3MRsaEviEE
134Please respect copyright.PENANAGbDDRmez9L
畢業禮,是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊,戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜,能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉,齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。134Please respect copyright.PENANATvMMQ8aPBj
134Please respect copyright.PENANAVbloM9BBpI
阿強取來一支烈酒,邀我對飲:「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAbaPC4NS7kp
134Please respect copyright.PENANA9Qboqdu71d
我欣然接受。他很了解我,許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈,自小經常一起偷偷喝酒,十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下,沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。134Please respect copyright.PENANAkODU6QYCUZ
134Please respect copyright.PENANAwqYed8Dno4
小醉。半醉。大醉。134Please respect copyright.PENANAYac1pPlDPe
134Please respect copyright.PENANA6pSyiAQD3C
阿強半伏枱邊,傻笑問我:「想好如何表白了沒?」134Please respect copyright.PENANAolLZ4drybW
134Please respect copyright.PENANAUeVNquSzXn
「直接講我愛他。」134Please respect copyright.PENANA4Rax09v0Tf
134Please respect copyright.PENANAUK0axXj2iy
「如果他拒絕?」134Please respect copyright.PENANAefXF6h0iG4
134Please respect copyright.PENANAK75NUQLrKF
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」134Please respect copyright.PENANA5EQ7oZZSah
134Please respect copyright.PENANAJq9ykwu7SN
「如果他接受了?那怎麼辦?」134Please respect copyright.PENANAJLBM20nOiO
134Please respect copyright.PENANA4ftU943Q53
「我當然是高興!」134Please respect copyright.PENANAKDZyE55xHa
134Please respect copyright.PENANAf3QfF4iizl
「我在問,他會怎麼辦?你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切?」134Please respect copyright.PENANApkBzFfpvEn
134Please respect copyright.PENANAJQuE4NMZmm
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。134Please respect copyright.PENANAEtnKh1lMgn
事隔四十年,我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。134Please respect copyright.PENANAaxsD3xs4Mx
134Please respect copyright.PENANAaT00cHJUsm
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻,但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。134Please respect copyright.PENANARteyjaeAQI
134Please respect copyright.PENANAfMYywBLP9g
李浩榮苦笑,笑容意味深長。134Please respect copyright.PENANAEJizZA4aea
134Please respect copyright.PENANAM7A9k06YT6
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」134Please respect copyright.PENANA70x45Goch7
134Please respect copyright.PENANA7ckkIvsheb
「活了那麼多年,經歷那麼多事情,我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」134Please respect copyright.PENANA6F9fV5Pkti
134Please respect copyright.PENANAHpPuzQOwuM
「你仍然單身?」134Please respect copyright.PENANApZLhZbY6aq
134Please respect copyright.PENANAl0kihjdS9c
「是的。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAeOJ7fNtTF1
134Please respect copyright.PENANAy6FGQqkXOU
「要我當媒嗎?」134Please respect copyright.PENANAWA9j6zf2x2
134Please respect copyright.PENANAqqIXyb078K
「不了。難為情。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAzhWgXG4S1O
134Please respect copyright.PENANA1Ar62NRlIy
李浩榮失笑,笑我不值得被愛。134Please respect copyright.PENANAkDGnCxrySP
134Please respect copyright.PENANAzSAFYpDaZD
我陪笑,笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。134Please respect copyright.PENANAaemTjB0w4d
134Please respect copyright.PENANA7RIwW4OUur
多寒暄幾句,我和李浩榮相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。134Please respect copyright.PENANAlzZsomZTha
134Please respect copyright.PENANAnj0DAvHpCm
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。134Please respect copyright.PENANAIAUm6QCu3g
134Please respect copyright.PENANAvXEM0D1zot
回家吧。134Please respect copyright.PENANA4Z7xtWCVOa
134Please respect copyright.PENANAjySbwR0i8H
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。134Please respect copyright.PENANARM56IBoJw7
134Please respect copyright.PENANAO3XwaAhqvs
「戚戚慘慘悽悽,清清冷冷,覓覓尋尋。」興之所至,我一邊脫鞋,一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。134Please respect copyright.PENANAhawz2n3eFE
134Please respect copyright.PENANAsBWRVbERrg
「尋他千百度,驀然回首,那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪,懶洋洋得撲到梳化上,順口接上《青玉案.元夕》末句。134Please respect copyright.PENANAIA83Emv25F
134Please respect copyright.PENANAhD8KTVJv09
枕臂望窗,映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗,憶起他的臉容氣質,憶起那抹笑容。134Please respect copyright.PENANAJZN7tOGgFQ
134Please respect copyright.PENANAMi4uotc3js
大概是一見鍾情吧。134Please respect copyright.PENANAzuIQEd9Wm7
134Please respect copyright.PENANABbk87ckaof
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂,後知後覺。134Please respect copyright.PENANAcB0XFaMvWv
134Please respect copyright.PENANAPUxO6F27ML
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向,結果會否不一樣?134Please respect copyright.PENANAKZaSBAvPcn
134Please respect copyright.PENANAmUFxiLP4q8
我笑自己想多了:結果會是一樣的。134Please respect copyright.PENANA1XpdIHhcv2
134Please respect copyright.PENANAlokEGBeRhN
我是懦弱的人,我珍愛自己,所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情,亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。134Please respect copyright.PENANAKYJMe1W1xo
134Please respect copyright.PENANATw8laAfyAf
李浩榮說得沒錯,我不值得被愛。134Please respect copyright.PENANAoVIJ2509d6
事隔四十年,昔日摯友躺在棺材裡,往日心上人站在我面前。134Please respect copyright.PENANACgy3y8n9RF
134Please respect copyright.PENANABthKVGH2lk
百感交集……134Please respect copyright.PENANAH66gtoNAWA
134Please respect copyright.PENANAhOJ1aJxCNm
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻,事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人,情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候,還以為痛楚會一直維持下去,有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。134Please respect copyright.PENANAt3M0PmBIYA
134Please respect copyright.PENANABKnne6Npge
不過電影終究與現實不同:角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡,情感故此顯得激烈而深刻;現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素,例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。134Please respect copyright.PENANAlyApQyHsvX
134Please respect copyright.PENANA4PsMawNRBR
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力,直至今日再聚……134Please respect copyright.PENANAnAY0Se6b8o
134Please respect copyright.PENANAhStboRzwEU
「認得我嗎?我是許家偉。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAncYGQkR42q
134Please respect copyright.PENANAlrfIIhTa1r
「認得。你是文班的。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAOZ23q2jOFC
134Please respect copyright.PENANAyBGqxnIV9K
許家偉淺笑,笑容如昔,淡然清雅溫婉。134Please respect copyright.PENANAojQ6uEEoMc
134Please respect copyright.PENANAK0Iu2CyT6R
閒聊之間,發現他仍然單身。究其原因,他只道難為情。134Please respect copyright.PENANAM0mIXP2GI1
134Please respect copyright.PENANAFxwJM84JKL
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。134Please respect copyright.PENANAKJ4CoHeu1L
134Please respect copyright.PENANArQQ7RMjYs5
四十年過去,許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。134Please respect copyright.PENANAff8zQ8OOpL
134Please respect copyright.PENANA6NKMYjDkub
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。134Please respect copyright.PENANAttAW0eV5iA
134Please respect copyright.PENANAtQoMJbngex
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。134Please respect copyright.PENANAovZKbfxX7H
134Please respect copyright.PENANAAu0OSnSfpo
許家偉在認真?他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑?134Please respect copyright.PENANA78RZHQqn3F
134Please respect copyright.PENANA7yQ6sRl48E
我哭笑不得。134Please respect copyright.PENANArFuoIlyoEU
134Please respect copyright.PENANAwmDgrA3aXy
無意跟他繼續對話。134Please respect copyright.PENANAQWf73rkqXn
134Please respect copyright.PENANA3jeZUHVehB
多寒暄幾句,我和許家偉相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。134Please respect copyright.PENANAhbAKy6SfH7
134Please respect copyright.PENANAJRYPjJg9iE
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。134Please respect copyright.PENANAH49yNYcwHV