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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvaMVnMaM1
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilH9Ecz9Dt
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5kcbqlNQh
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4stbyztm8e
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXq1pAkLdM
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngrtYl5qfC
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz913WcnhiP
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35SEiMRV9Q
為何記住？我解釋不了。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXLyHdT5vD
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVh9SjgfrK3
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOMxPzMYAX
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sQ5rpgN3U
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgOaYAEZPD
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06C0B1MKds
其中一個是他。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNv5Bickr0D
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEIPblTXWS
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiupvluhnMj
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMKJ9uZYxv
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHNhnQnM3R
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvGbxE5vQW
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJyDn0NKH7
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxROPF5iQXp
「你遺下銀包。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIO9yYVOhW
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEJNUjwXGe
「謝謝。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVjRP9ZSQu
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBAZhBFewl
「不用客氣……」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTSjvFv3M1
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvUEI5TwUl
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKeBpOMqYp
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18xd7TptA6
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdEuiVUlUx
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0RlP8VV9E
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7RYVYymt4
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKgzMclJU4
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pbIPtNlYs
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiBtQS5iEp
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoR8Gf1Bu8
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0fsOhw3Si
「我是文班許家偉。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36iup0Cy1R
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8LPTGzwO9
「我是理班李浩榮。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSXh0bC8rK
其實我早已知道許家偉。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLzqthKogl
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFKs54RN0j
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2oqtNBKJu
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KwR9j4TTF
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0t9778AW1
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQ9igFm4ec
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRCA6D8SBP
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTucD9wv3U
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsECvUCfSn
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uMA3bF8d5
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqTpGgIUM5
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoLzAGMDMg
不服氣。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwODjwWuAU
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfzpOkJz6c
繼續觀察他。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwALoZXPimM
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0nqD34wx1
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuIO0KXNmM
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuXIPlcN25
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ekgTsYlg9
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ya0PpiwDH
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3g3XPaNI2p
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEg754QzU9
我急步追趕許家偉。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTg6Yd5d65v
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8LQF1VKm6
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XBacU0WwD
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDS3MsvQegc
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjB4jVvcuZ
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKZ2ADzkhw
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRISDN3ovk3
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiv9SND8RV
「你遺下了銀包。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQx2ZM6RFe
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CSUi6AYoY
「謝謝。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQEfyaCyBG
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvY78KppVZ
「不用客氣……」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZamhfKunC
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN09AmoDVNv
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kdwXoz8lK
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OSIazjn8y
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygLsgZxgB7
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLhpHsTLS5
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQSIsH4IKu
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxbNRZIHKh
我望入他雙眼。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtXUblMKLK
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGvAWAb89X
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0c5B6kwq27
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1CXRSuxgf
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7j2B8Rg3zg
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJYr7MynxS
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhLdeqfjWa
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAtNbHfjLd
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9SWtt9Gs0
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2jaYQGfG1
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDxekrukj6
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tAtlNkx3q
「我是文班許家偉。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXuolp5kC0
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WmVbMnUQA
「我是理班李浩榮。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtfEPPiS9e
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJgwn5gvpx
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJGiJirDwk
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaD188OOUGD
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPrPdxYs4p
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPozEkRbzH3
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoh9FGFIzI
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1hUulY4bw
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOx9myHTGG
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCF4tkDtQD7
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbHDogbpHx
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfa54SOFgHn
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzQWPQSyzK
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbHpCDBSIW
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngF9P0DZEi
但我沒有阻止他。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwlHs36prL
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2VE8QtG88
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBHdy6HnfP
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NwpuClfZC
我慫恿他繼續說下去。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhFn2fiMLV
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNoJjWtc57
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfd4qqnyObC
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdHIpkYbDA
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMQGkEZcjZ
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3QnMZQrlc
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMMKkKiNnG
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvcbsXFmPW
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnc5ujFvBsb
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3Gu3LwylI
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhZqXOGLzA
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBe22f9Dfzx
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNU418a3O4
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsisMipVh9
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5nuBNPfnD
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SqRkkzGPq
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2I6IUHmQfC
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpPg1VzeJO
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2jju4J6nV
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97f4yW17aL
但我掛念他。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvJbX934rS
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgH0dtK3ngK
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOagves6PGt
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkeqn7ETaF
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMn5rxTDwU
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyjWa1QIu0
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSt8wPUD6U4
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhaTb4AT1x
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykI7lL4tPE
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ovX8O38SA
不要說。不要聽。不要見。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcoAekrUFt
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcSS4KNpco
希望時間會沖淡一切。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyBbOFagDE
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9QU7CKyIn
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXZbAu5JSC
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQLHEGy32u
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUm0LrpxBV
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtib8d9Jw0o
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyN65M1VgO
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAC5E4k6Y37
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJEST8HeEZ
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBtr74ormp
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X0XuN2nFm
「我也不明白。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmfFhTwRUj
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXw8lsPtjT
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypSXKghBw4
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqw0Cr0iHXC
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nMxol7psJ
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfRb05ARDG
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD1fPzro0b
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0PcNppMOq
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDa1p7EJTy6
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QH9hM3lBd
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUk2M7z5Xp
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRufd9V3dUs
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcjpVe3lQO
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc16UNunBdh
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iHIYk7Ypf
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mHRM3z5Q4
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtFJ61OGIW
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTUOyH7knX
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡop4KpywpTb
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCwp8WTARu
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUz0k90RDNA
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQPxq5aUUL
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiLXnmVspx
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8OIQW2xtM
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSPw7MpYsA
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadpHSg9Zfd
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMN0qjNFSE
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORJ3OsQm74
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtLkHaLFux
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTzRGNPm5E
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bYxjVruLV
為何要走到這一步？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTroZDUeAh
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3WzaL5jyd
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIQBR2EJ8z
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYaDvcmOfk
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIwVBJp3LL
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hVqNYpkjL
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4gSxjhpEp
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtvTFWSWFp
「別倔強。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTEKv31dfZ
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoe7OHZyYbZ
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnytQTtnO9
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6rCmt7Jo0
「我想你放棄。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlcG3nyCD2
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINzV6ZlkXu
「原因？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb39ISvNoXs
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuJbErY4Ie
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBTb5hpYFi
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBbLpHEkVS
「我知道。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCP65aFmTWi
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOJ470v9tp
「何解還要繼續下去？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4JF7MrnLv
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0lwxfjfNQ
「感情易放難收。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXRL07JgOC
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTA0KJVQS6Y
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HBn0upxEl
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeu4tcn2SEe
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxD5vY9uJIv
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EB0BwuqKm
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmHI9GFXHX
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VkFkaCxzL
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUpB8ltylM
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqrv91jBtY
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUslcbN5DNT
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hNU29LD61
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhL4shxGfHN
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxfFwJHGul
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHd7EUt2uh
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3U1JyWzJc
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIGimxifSo
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2U7lbAHlYr
小醉。半醉。大醉。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4w9ohqpZd
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WUWp0dXjo
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc6cq0rwLQ
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85hLwWIFAN
「直接講我愛他。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVBBAixZAV
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡantVAECJP9
「如果他拒絕？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6Ry3cSVpv
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy55XcFYiOW
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1WpRTQ2xm
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhlD7CvwUI
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7DpertrvZ
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVLTZbk5vD
「我當然是高興！」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZVJdOTRQK
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOaTwLRvmp
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfXAXEPQ5T
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFv9Q7HulT
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGXbdXgF90
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72g7M2mepB
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YPSHnsOhN
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOPfrVzcog
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxgpiPkhAH
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQPFxiHNhj
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGFaJMpzCK
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk8z81Bo5g
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHWjh2r4VX
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjWi7ls9VI
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGZ5y3Itll
「你仍然單身？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvk5NF1dwcM
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD14xv2Arj2
「是的。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡingSQhm79a
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslpPNZmXId
「要我當媒嗎？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzTt1fMrf4
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SNw5NTOxn
「不了。難為情。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycXYXNs2VX
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ItVoaJBft
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqRjOHHrAF
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pyB81ndQH
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAADXSkUvQM
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL8WJ0470v
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltp7YoTMy8
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdI5ULZya5
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLcR0kPQat
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQk5LPfELU
回家吧。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xUwFZ1Row
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMB0jVoaMV
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqZlENmRZm
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldhT7Ua25S
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZD6RIiWVS2
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8lbdVGY5S
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4TEIZ1lzt
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk105cqZk1
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemLgfLbKEN
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpycC2ljTmh
大概是一見鍾情吧。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8mxk3ihWe
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6OFMElzZT
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7JTaEVGei
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzotQqyYTZ5
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvUZocvN5O
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebS6CQsaGm
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6qQmFzZnP
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qlDq8lZJp
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6py67Ptqkg
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnjtvPDJeu
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpXyZQwGYV
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSPWxJLKrO
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6AQOAt96a
百感交集……160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0h7hPJh4q
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xNRVngO3H
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnK6lXIsWas
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99gfB3czeK
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroV5jnXJtT
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbSskKd04D
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡputx7d1B5r
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcy4GZS43yy
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslOc7vQsPC
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgNZSudtYV
「認得。你是文班的。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5StkZkKhic
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUJJoJmVSU
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2a5TMz0IL
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2UVbgtGT3
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9qND0fdCC
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKt6bXxiYa
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjbK98vo3o
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHevWPVx7CX
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvPpjYNvI2
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1TkgVhwBj
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTlo7fL1SM
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzEUOnlQ2P
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiNBevD9vR
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsM0vjR1Vcj
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0RfQXoCns
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfutSBIkQyY
我哭笑不得。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6s14KQ1Mh
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fs6b22rko
無意跟他繼續對話。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdu5YkYCM9
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cWHIJxWXo
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0QVd635ve
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6uZTSoUJo
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16Syy2vJRX
