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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnV8Z9Gtid3
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTRR565ag7
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoALwlIeLII
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ofOclvAVv
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6lZIltHs4
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lkjixhmMy
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7fwgdPe9c
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasmOTxPP49
為何記住？我解釋不了。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPFgo1xuYO
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomBcB51lnH
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9FXlW6PFH
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPU5TjErqy
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoedfbHx8N
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRjt9U7RoO
其中一個是他。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttbXCxkvCu
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTR8h9Of9d
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSEpideZBI
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYZnDcUu2N
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FQ9OxAxSV
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1STjTNJ5hh
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7Zypejomq
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtzbqSlfIK
「你遺下銀包。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjL2yAEvZFA
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuSUsopHdJ
「謝謝。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnrWyGBbnK
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLCUrf4xay
「不用客氣……」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrHIxCKZMd
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlstZgrYUSb
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqWlJF2bMX
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUSL8j22nt
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjK6RXYaAl6
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqJzRORvwo
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcqtaJV5vS
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpuLCivGqb
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcjU1pLbJ9
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJBbjo257C
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5vS8mQyw1
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4wCX3611U
「我是文班許家偉。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnbwAAayqJ
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTx8tsMSOjV
「我是理班李浩榮。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCfAYmRCXr
其實我早已知道許家偉。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIYVEyxt2x
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyx1GwrYNp4
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWFkHyDJRK
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qDWkf9M27
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiUfMsnZuD
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jUBnPmiSv
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYApSKnQ0pV
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvo7mgHOt2c
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0qbpyAzmt
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8yJSnezMY
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEYwdRi4DX
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQ9Nc2KvDu
不服氣。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUww9UAJw2i
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBH8UqnKUB
繼續觀察他。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIFG2mTg9a
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6inzc7nJY
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVr5LuiPtUe
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDg5FGl3HFX
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡith7Evk6qs
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiZK2hWDEF
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGcB6XxDhc
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgK6NiyUcf
我急步追趕許家偉。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgXWOlMTHF
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Al16812Ot
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkOs0QuZFo
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6hsJ1MEOx
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraD8ndPxrT
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMbqIQUaXU
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxZeAnkBvE
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZeY5NPEnr
「你遺下了銀包。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAgZpa9DMe
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpU5RR3lzf
「謝謝。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciid0aWxsr
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7o4Fthc2Tk
「不用客氣……」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRjc4bXPpS
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDdg00Yx4i
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2tkK5z2eI
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbxyZOWwqg
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMsrNbW1IA
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeQxsOS2xz
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6OxSkyZgM
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMe03H3CGm
我望入他雙眼。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEi82bIl15
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTz2AUkLNh
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXrnQ0m2iJ
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JdIiocpq9
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgpv0b53of
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrKkVWxPsH
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8B90cLL06A
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFJAVJcD8p
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMfh09dUn6
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfu2cab2VC3
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ytm4WLMvl
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWjLMvgOkG
「我是文班許家偉。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4NcvYNs3t
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3fCOGr4dx
「我是理班李浩榮。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJjs10qUWn
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLo9Tw1u7I
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb20cOxP3RD
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsmM1uFgNC
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYJrNGzJzB
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWodRIE4Fi
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4bVMonQOi
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKGBv461uC
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUhGSMRvcH
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29nLNqwSsw
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuM4QaeKc3Y
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Lb4Nfyhzf
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSffe087OAc
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsImxbVhQW
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxniuIf1pr5
但我沒有阻止他。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfCrbc1XmP
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrcu9uaZq7
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdqkvLtOiJ
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq5ekudBI2
我慫恿他繼續說下去。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxFkQVfeAC
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkTyKbwXTv
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zYtCtCzCX
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUwQqYk0MT
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8npIoaXdbU
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hGbUD92oH
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmQENEEVKQ
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctwPAW0zm3
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrIlPd6YgA
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3ABSMo80t
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQeITCP4Wb
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiNd8HFrgf
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7uCIoghkd
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzl6RI5Cik
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXlUxNIbk7
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcKStj4GQp
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9EpHwjqll
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQqtykUe3Z
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhOaNudgyw
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCczjSoMJH
但我掛念他。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwfVtn0kN3
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmISSeQpsFm
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rE52wgTDd
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiB9paL9JDg
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXRxZwMwA9
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdfon06qVp
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsMzL06B2v
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4blitFCA53
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74GhkeKch2
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhPH4CSlfI
不要說。不要聽。不要見。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFKwQ3BlIf
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOYirQZqop
希望時間會沖淡一切。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UJQMfvzmy
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xPJM0d1Ja
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9a97w0UMG
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjf0kLNEYBC
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5YdeIAzIk
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2CCs1gwHH
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEH8HNn7bc
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMVXea6ILT
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1BlG8f6Kx
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlqmqsEncM
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TKVUxGUGo
「我也不明白。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rl9scLnIV
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNto4e7BbnL
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KSHpr7nAF
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqn6vxYGria
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UAsvf7TeI
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cjH1i3GaQ
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwv5yGffzO
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgViINBMNrg
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwZu6u1uZr
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSLPGfWnpg
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFNRCjvsRr
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7jWv7iytS
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKfQ0duF2r
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvHpiMydma
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLTIsrvMoP
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aMFypSfju
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejA1ANlmMq
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSKaHtn1FF
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifiMJ02jfz
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFWAUZfzI3
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BNnbnJK1n
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbURSxSjmV
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGCGGZL1Ve
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmW6JPeQhB
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNLfCItoba
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPct1CzRNUP
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1b9SWEKYJ
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTD9rKZsW9F
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxKol2XkJ7
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbuCc2qr38
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBh1H3d9HX
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksBuHxJbJH
為何要走到這一步？168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4N0Zsl3HC
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tRleAuZcC
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRA1vkeFY10
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCclcPdJY5
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsObAmOoSY
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSixtCOUrO
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkW5gufz0vx
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUqWm9qi1x
「別倔強。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eIG467ipl
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5ECINVBcQ
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GqbULv37u
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOX1M7a51F
「我想你放棄。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpcqb0LJcR
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73m0hyKdbr
「原因？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxozfTZtoeh
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6X7DFO3g6R
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoLf3paVlO
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3Qkqa4f64
「我知道。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwcESQHgf8
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkz12mbP0z
「何解還要繼續下去？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xtcUsOSdA
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGb1kXL7Gk
「感情易放難收。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriz6Mnb8Ww
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbP380MpJc
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWseRwsOtZ
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHW7UDhSSC
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHkNtAPOdf
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5gCWqBDVQ
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zBGmSDns8
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNU0dztWmpH
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVBEiszUYv
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmtQAkrHrR
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmBHw0QpO6
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1lqMVfBmu
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNCFx0WPpN
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANhEy5kVME
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4820k6dCu
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnBaC7csZQ
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnq7yNTnXHB
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRIMd8c67h
小醉。半醉。大醉。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHTNkQjJi4
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepgDzxHYVm
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7grpSX8XHd
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZ0vHVeQ4F
「直接講我愛他。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11ax6gbLeF
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51aRaljgVt
「如果他拒絕？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVVxyMaCrU
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNYkHMe1aR
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DOsvOqRva
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwV8pVG3fS
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvu6YQtoX7h
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZfUwLztwB
「我當然是高興！」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtHGRR3MHW
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EP2hEeHkd
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiornVA3kL
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2UnpIZZdm
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCgWcqZ9WQ
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlxhFWuGwe
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7JC4x5CGw
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9c6yIqJRq
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZlvpFtKfC
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEXIXYYvGJ
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrAYh2KBlB
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLGfZaeKri
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDknaNna7M8
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXOeX2crjr
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEFLoh9LtK
「你仍然單身？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl00T5tmc9m
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDGsrBHfyT
「是的。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopc44oXPSa
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsc9Y1XTgA
「要我當媒嗎？」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZam8uQXsWp
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUP5KDQcru
「不了。難為情。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjds3GXKZj
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQuUdJ1d8o
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojrGDTOlxv
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq7WBhmbTb
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tlA0K1KNW
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PsbzQMUQ2
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PYUI3KAXh
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb75w13oHRB
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaqOUYqNPt
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwncOZyhoRS
回家吧。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkCWS3kWTN
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfupOQm9bfK
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRW4zHBsnyU
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0Grs15PBm
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gtafaosuq
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDY4QFonuh
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBd60urnuiZ
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tgNkkwpBr
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqEaFvVebS
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fxNmfxbLg
大概是一見鍾情吧。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcju2vpExdN
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSSB3v3PFl
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0vtpB4jKV
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUAxPAA8aM
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTbSwFN1Qz
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e7WrDLnuv
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMM3EWptmaX
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQeWuK51CD
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGL9DMjk1n
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYreaK9Kth
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbsAaeV2vk
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOP6CbE6lya
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOAAH2tEAG
百感交集……168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnhroZTIFW
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvpU6YUxay
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa05dAOpHpQ
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DYwRyezXz
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ChLEAEujO
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZ5ELWHVpz
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyleIFb2BU
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeRluGL3ol
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUBhId0a6r
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKA5VDoHRag
「認得。你是文班的。」168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8vBmskG8q
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEd1lxgxVR
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLooQ2rrgke
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEVRPniv3L
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KoIn0Ud6E
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzFSWfkTKZ
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKgCiqUL55
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtYf0Yyief
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJSrST51r2
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZjAcqeGx9
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ISOXJ1tef
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKxvqmTU7E
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWu3L9qez4
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLPUiCjRc6
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6KSJIRTaB
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9MB34sopt
我哭笑不得。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIREFGRvz7M
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wyv3X0D56
無意跟他繼續對話。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXci6jIvNFv
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42glg8DupW
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1aNzrBap1
168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbBCLo9W8B
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcp9KNoSRV
