x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbClVaopJE
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFSurTHhPc
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFONq9wLwW
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8n3vzx3ug
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEQTq8n6bU
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7v3HxA2Qp
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoStDnURdZG
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Vui4dhqAf
為何記住？我解釋不了。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrR9y1amJUV
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqELbDar4fH
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEqw0Rcmk0
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmvBt6afhc
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwd0aKggoSE
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9V7FXNc92
其中一個是他。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54GOIY3381
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxThhSNMhw
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAYcR283tE
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wzy3w4Pqs
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKJ6Q5CCOp
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpM0KHwHiYa
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WxrcvhnEl
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzJTIPIwXC
「你遺下銀包。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3px2tHaQT6
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8C8E8sYFPe
「謝謝。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUTRNcMj6F
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHVFKi3LS6
「不用客氣……」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHd8ZKnGwI
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUBdLnQC8e
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVdyaCX3jC
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAFc2c4n77
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgj6H0xGAZ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZ6c99t1Qz
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMxludfAnD
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatEmM59I3g
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC74CFjVeUY
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSLXKOdz8j
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKLWY5ECVT
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LJ9pOq2jG
「我是文班許家偉。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOehudrUDlq
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhh2J2GF2j
「我是理班李浩榮。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqBAa4GSoF
其實我早已知道許家偉。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa02iParpUU
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJchshJSA9
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdZw8jGqSM
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsr6fMjXWs
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkT1SfHeLl
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEUDWJV5ZA
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2GkqLgXHx
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPjpsGfPIG
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CPShqHDN9
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJdRwvMSND
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkkrFbkDQZ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZVUaI2j7K
不服氣。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5D8yMt7UW
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56z8mSVaY7
繼續觀察他。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwomSxMRgKr
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaYvCkWK4V
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSlyMXN41q
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUD79y8th5I
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yg9hIUJ8B
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oL1igURPi
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp8BemwA5k
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9kN8r4lVN
我急步追趕許家偉。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq06qxDpTvX
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJyNUtZrQS
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPkcd97ThW
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQH1RsvLIC2
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjvjT245D4
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKkZCK7Ygz
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWkiDIKIT6
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWu3L67aAu
「你遺下了銀包。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRMub4wd6K
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW78IWfkHuR
「謝謝。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovSP76qYaQ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8y1dkPsDrm
「不用客氣……」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgajtyyjR79
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkD9fDM5co
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PDMXgkv13
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCio4z4myh
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdg4qNnyiek
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz392ju20dq
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VlaWrV7lD
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLsijKDDXc
我望入他雙眼。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYuvBecAX1
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYu9zVwmmg
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPhk8QeXCb
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzk03Foren
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6qat3BeZZ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbseNn8Oph6
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHoqsCVbnW
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUc3yWQfWld
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhm4GNvKEh5
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zx1VwCYEr
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaK1VDGIEu
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcn9YB584d7
「我是文班許家偉。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vlAM4O5Oj
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsNFzF5se2
「我是理班李浩榮。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIr2Dju7GGw
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4qxC4ROxI
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLwqzqj34F
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7sPaN46vS
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCy67VQLBdT
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEcdXJXqt3
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRe50BxMuz
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dI5YW92C7
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNZJpdi2T6
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqJDliCN76
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCMYd9g2Fv
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsPpDH2qk2
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPpajmgpMW
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNDfdw3EqE
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWz4Zi9X5L1
但我沒有阻止他。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68mt7hn9MQ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQe1uptdzK
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYlRMdpPPQ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL15yPkQbAu
我慫恿他繼續說下去。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0V2mv7aC43
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtQR8KWnMY
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaWJYueoLP
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAumb29GZNq
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5yiodYBba
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhx3soFTOa
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zaq78hCun
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviNB7K8A6I
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GOWesVbli
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlztE21RlH
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6fY7wSLk9
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dM7B7XLdj
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VItIEVv3i
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWlUKbIVid
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWnjnNWso9
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaVRnfK8RG
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSc8i2hlO9
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniep9gyUij
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7DucaomkZ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorLFAaQ6s1
但我掛念他。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uhDyelAdQ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIcqjGCLgJ
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttDT8UQz8C
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MhO0PrHzu
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUXjWjlSfB
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYj6pJXFWa
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU165LW8twv
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXmh2HxOcG
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuixwfbniJK
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQAd1T9a4G
不要說。不要聽。不要見。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstQ3DfZztT
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQVDtHkjSn
希望時間會沖淡一切。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdKRu3lUbk
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ665lfkwMAX
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6F77rmjSPr
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw4vj6vYvH
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShcQcKVWsf
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ePexZxis3
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVB0Phn05A0
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWiz7apufq
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Vv4pbBoCU
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ciN26Ggp8
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFPeBDoJ6a
「我也不明白。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUb43wpuMC
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKvvIGqR4f
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtoEjgCCKQ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqn9hu4CP1
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAorsZwuCZJ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pAp4SNMjD
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCWq2h21GR
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftEt1TdWFb
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosHuDaijsS
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBd7oKajmEW
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNvbFLbbSs
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUtqMIOouE
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2T6Uwc7EPd
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVor4ocPi2
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafwbYGeZYZ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBvs5nXmlT
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozzhVgwAFA
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MEZ5VmiXP
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXlV9sz1m2
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsruj1GtYF
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8r3z2cFkG
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZt26eoJ0V
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAU4hyrqyUw
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqpAkuXDm8
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNZkLvRbTG
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEWsk2smgw
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfGXvYveed
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESmljAyelh
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6z3Zp62EW
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6H2Rvak7R
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeT2fLLuSEf
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSywInsTuS
為何要走到這一步？149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZwJhvCcQ5
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O790CKMC3
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyhNYvHJfT
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjid12AK6Q7
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolbVOJg743
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEZxh52GVQ
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9m3fXFxTuZ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORu5cf7OPm
「別倔強。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXpMTuruOV
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNys8EbOmwG
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6yVDh29ar
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrC1nxHci0
「我想你放棄。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmNYuzD2K6
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7OkB21i0P
「原因？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1E09YAW2t
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSBDKiSMge
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDoRpawkMM
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3bdqzbZ4u
「我知道。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LZvUGaIyC
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgfU8hpEvd
「何解還要繼續下去？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ebd7qeyG5
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRXq651r1M
「感情易放難收。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVbkzSY6kZ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHpWCAXDUO
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyplPhVzGvm
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyYWx9NkTh
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOFgpfWlOg
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wq2dOcqz2
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWqg538a8t
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTQ5xeUD4z
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgsrMAQbfx
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEj4cic87m
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQimJTY290
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mOvoEetWK
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWxZTtpwth
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3Yopi0gDp
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPFn3JS2P0
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoejiDJVDKb
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDNDtrq2Er
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vx1jCZK6w
小醉。半醉。大醉。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibb1TcNTpB
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCenlmDTYE
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbyAvgHCvh
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4T4LrGtJog
「直接講我愛他。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFaBN7CNOO
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JKGuIYHZq
「如果他拒絕？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4g6kQW8tKc
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwGZeUC8tC
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWoLnsI89N
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeD4tvmjTd4
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwoQK8IcU1
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypiLv9g7Gb
「我當然是高興！」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEasrnEiGc8
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacSmlMVLLh
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8XoOy5tZ9
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43QMLkDOKG
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLMIy3dD6D
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiMIdJMz5C
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqct2j9tuq0
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJRFYcbmDX
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8j5Ro6Whx3
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4tsL1hvFB
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4tLmivpOI
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7RitiGRCf
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyTesmP7q6
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YptT24VDu
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrK2SoJd6OL
「你仍然單身？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxU6CkjIKk2
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfBREHIjjX
「是的。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAxnlePQaY
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHUJkiqy9L
「要我當媒嗎？」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw73edM1T82
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGYOxBRbCN
「不了。難為情。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKFQEbMvKD
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsj6xELnWsu
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BlPzGVMBD
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26rTinX0Fg
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNzMa3Bfvb
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFlIbW7fhc
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KNSbFAPTY
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrdfyxJhEM
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYQ7oMw2l1
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzxPyWX0NH
回家吧。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiymE3g9nS
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBZlnUKe9h
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytbgfXJTU1
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPjFUIShMi
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3CIYW1iTm
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNuK9cXbaT
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWClodBEcao
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlrRkK4EcG
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lVSUtGpD8
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrv1i7wPZf9
大概是一見鍾情吧。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IZpVrik94
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3S3V6BOMip
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtxD4i3gj2
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YCJH7Y6zB
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kFZB02zaB
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0vRio8pxd
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQktuEpwmgs
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZn0B1FjIss
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqX33LmebYS
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEkQJUoTUk
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElDweS4ec8
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06E4Lecik4
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx20aYyWS8e
百感交集……149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN12Q6lDQHv
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqn1ALVkObP
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9VyRSFDZW
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9Tj9Mzj8G
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hpftT4MCE
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsBsNXmmdX
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHGsIxtwf2
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAhM2ZjcYh
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQkvJ8vX4x
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7z8pNoPoyy
「認得。你是文班的。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sqVAgcDlQ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3HQIFfBJl
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmx6vPhgF3
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBCi9gU8V2
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSZa4FfXAj
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qXQ1T8GLv
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8panh09fJF
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfCRftuVKU
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fftqZmL7B
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBJzaXHeZ3
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJ5F01Lf4Z
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74cpOn4Y7Y
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfD3lAOYmi
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5sLxnhIFG
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwV2RCijS6J
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Oij5YAm30
我哭笑不得。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aZsmiNf6S
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXFqYRfYq4
無意跟他繼續對話。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaggrUSRvh
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFDITftjWH
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8R3PTthBu
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2tWMhrXLA
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqkFOdWLK0
