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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpeJ7qUxdO
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDLZp2rwMx
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6XMRWQfTw
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7zcJT7O82
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduVe1OMH4K
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35Ji5fjKmi
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOaMXHXauZ
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zOpDJYX8H
為何記住？我解釋不了。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMQOHFg2c5
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEhAbBqwKn
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaebCQjFcA
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBTri4aheD
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DesO7LAac
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFs8OxOZDM
其中一個是他。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlZHiJaQKu
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcZPLFSiYJ
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjclQ3t2BsG
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxND4RuV2D
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxybSMTtlri
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ejj4Gr6o5
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uCO3htm2X
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPS8us6ABZG
「你遺下銀包。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk9fc6MoYu
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOXbhjepTj
「謝謝。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrboBcsTHcm
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHil4PqQAJ
「不用客氣……」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpB0mzwgSr
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Mr7vhZIi0
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIILsCclLKc
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRtSRApAz7
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyNufwpZvu
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYsWSqeLIO
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTvgoV5dq6
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakZcJZ2qrq
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BXYeesgWo
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnr8UQE0EGU
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsdUlhD51S
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRkSKgk0Rx
「我是文班許家偉。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPcmsYe4Eu
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyX3KmLdvjR
「我是理班李浩榮。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGOf6MYvxH
其實我早已知道許家偉。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgdmmVp474
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPwgYk68Dp
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWPgMtr6Ht
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLconsppNL
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyqTHnWbfH
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFZsTCg5Xp
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25cXq7Y7EK
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlAn4IQaQR
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nKpuo5jFR
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EcKQb3MDv
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26yPTkhDos
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIMIG3OnIk
不服氣。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaobvrr6cil
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuuklICCMm
繼續觀察他。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlG6E9AVFSi
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuS8uCvvdh
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hbb3OuHQr
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaal8gJwzN
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzZjJVf5Zq
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtULARTIxSA
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBpAuY3fmY
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1nKHhNitv
我急步追趕許家偉。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB77PkRX7vE
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnazMSCBb34
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2yXQF1byr
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCFzsnAtlF
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9Bf2cAIH3
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrewRfDEyJ3
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Hqod4ujXm
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2bZXDOwB8
「你遺下了銀包。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOlv3DoZX5
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLol1ztu4S
「謝謝。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TT5L5vWGh
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYz9sbRGYR6
「不用客氣……」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVwW8CTct7
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRSeLBlQzI
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHxGz0Ym6u
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerwAB23mri
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWlgMOKvJm
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvHNMDVsoN
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFl9RSJfNCH
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzFUhseKoH
我望入他雙眼。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKIqMnzMWk
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQIQzFpjbV
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrBbYglscH
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6S2z95Wfgi
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYBlMkWdQM
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sGhQjnAYX
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Mm6NZCy0x
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivBuIQxAQ3
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLF8g8DM1U
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorQUpSTGzR
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5seh6owAh
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPlLSdrpQa
「我是文班許家偉。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnOQ6QUPns
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAG1jiGa81
「我是理班李浩榮。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxD64IjnBp
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXI8tuetHoe
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgH0oIKlRnZ
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVCr0HLuFY
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRC7KVi2uqo
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0dRvAeaOs
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfd5ashxzoN
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7hEmlhx35
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqyB9G9nss
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHuYhjmTht
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFzXCeTHZ6
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xQuoAfGrK
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt12h9h7oZ
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YKI0n9k2A
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKUFbw0Zec
但我沒有阻止他。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbCnfg123c
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoo5ryepH6h
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAYyV9qbec
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsE0VQWTstx
我慫恿他繼續說下去。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLI2F9OVaG
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXcPGXDqXc
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHg32b1Gob
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxlZR0Sav2
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLhi16hJK2
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLymR9hnld
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKnwsfxaSJ
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE296mTYa9Y
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrU7BSMIwBK
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOXIVUaN9s
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yiiye4m5f
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMXCNQmc1t
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4L5uWnUnC
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wypvHDM2m
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUl6RGRK2RF
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhgiio5r8p
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHV4k3Tp7Z
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrlChxATFu
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbm3Ob5jcxH
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMdLUkKh1K
但我掛念他。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAe0NueGW5
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZA9hA7osKu
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqefG9zjtdE
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxnYQIzfsQ
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jLujbNzSU
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF50RDejxr0
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWejwThmm9
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINGOETYtnS
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJGwtIAsxJ
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzaoMHzBmn
不要說。不要聽。不要見。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhe8c0Alr3G
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOutYropKT2
希望時間會沖淡一切。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO763Mj4zOm
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHfhrf733O
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKUP3naJrW
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoe4yGIWy8t
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGoXePHs9K
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngz8ETO6ZD
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSaMqpetl6
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFx9gU5inu
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Rkbh9Mded
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadsA6koDA1
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblAnZCERp8
「我也不明白。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVjuAG5oU5
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQqmTgpGF3
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiNKZOTa3g
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEz1LaTCop
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsIulga81A
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5XdTbDtMj
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKyOkAW5mL
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24S3UXJgMT
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡio1MAmCPcQ
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FpTEH6pJW
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2hb4DS1Cq
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwT1H0F2fv
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLGNfdWYHO
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkgSe9dN2k
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3UUFLNfMj
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9tvMehMCu
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1oDnm1JIc
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeEKYAnHJu
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobN1fnjXJN
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIM0uMKVfY
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5uY9aRU05
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNexmOGt97Y
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwO04Y3szw
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6I4zwBKEd
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6Ck0iG0Vl
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiE02QYgM0t
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6GqxdkEeI
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3BsydBQqm
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0S5WRPamvN
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtdq3tQufT
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqb9eWKuZI
為何要走到這一步？167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvCUDrB7ER
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq3XLhpLZ6
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57a7keMwnY
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWc72w1CnO
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aXoINOCq5
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HKxJGbI15
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQceGSnzm8
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LDIyHLzdg
「別倔強。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJENBH1NJz
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETZpyseg2i
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oMkE977ZM
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7CJbWRcs0
「我想你放棄。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqaqfhoRx3
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKA3ftLDBT
「原因？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhS8OTkEFvO
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Qc28xBJ94
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5bxOItiwW
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGziLCVwpM
「我知道。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqtuP5Yhra
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AXEgnAxMa
「何解還要繼續下去？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBdGN1xJH5
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvsynmymMy
「感情易放難收。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtUD6YQbmf
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVOiSpSwDx
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLQjeB1SrK
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhGCeTcMQm
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XVDqrjRY3
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTMeG4Q5V8
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8LJwrZ32T
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi47RRYfit5
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoPi5bXFxI
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4kgPcbrMa
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWlZVIlr9h
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjvwpuqq70
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqo32dWm1Jh
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHHqwIfBnS
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPrXtWIVno
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzyWh8pFer
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9q2pes3UhG
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAyeUtYLNK
小醉。半醉。大醉。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBihzuHuJf
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgdxA5Cf0h
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8F2RJTEG6m
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRdBpAtTOg
「直接講我愛他。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgsi8BTaGD
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mNyDWFJAx
「如果他拒絕？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvToAmtlGjs
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfr3ytwRYES
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgqwkV1Ej4
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXEBcWWNHM
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxIy3wCl1d
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqexZbYPwOh
「我當然是高興！」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ52xY4EMLm
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0u16wOQ5HY
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3drF7q96x8
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsvtnO2wzo
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1vrWiIEFM
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGl8x7E964q
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUPd4KlkYX
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDw1yHDWFq
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnNwCchk2a
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknTq5c5dZM
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQX3OmC2tL8
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmb1R0J2v9Y
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhC8801XWY
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrVHzuse7a
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsa7Zogu2k
「你仍然單身？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhk1f5FkT6
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygYwMPrCqM
「是的。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyjdONQFTC
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycsiQTgKC0
「要我當媒嗎？」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgpDKyMOYk
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0KfxvZawe
「不了。難為情。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡke7HW6151r
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DUWtyhdIV
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgGgx8MkvB
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCO8RwJIKJ
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HX9xNOzst
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfFxfKKN2X
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwUeFdc8iK
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVyN8DVMib
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdulmAFn8P
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIFCjF3EXt
回家吧。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpz0QAihfXS
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nNJVHfHxM
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAUKcYLtkz
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiOoIWUVZf
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfkq5URosg
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkdFhfEzvH
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWlBPOAogA
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lwrBBqofK
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92oQsjsg6U
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大概是一見鍾情吧。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKonuBfm3PN
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNRIYxrmjH
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZRQkJpvfH
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8eGohoilC
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85IPq5eTIz
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbuiy6dVUl
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiGFnNcNKG
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuDnJ2ko4g
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEdBCwoGnz
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBon14DDrcM
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSobl5K2oRZ
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM2gupPyYl
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTkxahrwR5
百感交集……167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRSFg84vkr
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHQcWFvanp
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡih8DpmfvSV
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpAAhPAm1w
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9U6tPiOW72
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOp1N8mQmM
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQ8Ukq98eZ
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lu4h2GAtc
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5tduXStAj
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8P327DfZUE
「認得。你是文班的。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVac3wmw98
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsEAJOkeUJ
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9315VuBAtK
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIC5JyUKoTc
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPEx5tCifw
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNCV114QkE
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGK6pmOJsH
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4DCdURDSg
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0XGCRf7ny
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDpKY9Jh8i
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWObui5vpPL
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshth8pHkuq
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPcK1tfNJV
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEp0Mj1joKZ
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx2gvoUMXg
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwNFrwycPO
我哭笑不得。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiG6KiBIZ8z
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCrF3Pu1Sy
無意跟他繼續對話。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxTEKYG1wp
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFHQjJHlxn
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS5AI942cw
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHJpYL4rjy
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPLgUlaW1v
