I shivered. Vits stared at Joe angrily. He had heard his voice too and he wondered what was going on. Clearly, he knew that whatever it was, it was my fault.
Vits hissed "This is a Golem, boy. I think Chaim needs to see it".
"Him" I corrected him.
"Whatever". He rolled his eyes.
"Where did you find it...him?"
It took me a couple of seconds to understand what he was saying, but then I got it. Creating a Golem was extremely hard and Vits thought I wasn't skilled enough for such a task. Before meeting Joe, I might have found that insulting but now I knew better. Whatever Joe was, he was alive or something close to alive. There was no way I could have created something like that, if not out of beginner's luck.
"I don't know" I lied. "I just found him there".
Even though I knew what had really happened, I almost believed in what I was saying. The time I had spent with Joe didn't feel real, it was too hard to believe. Yes, even for a boy who was studying magic.
"There?" Vits smiled sourly. "On your bed?"
"No, I mean, here in my room".
I was getting nervous. I realized I had to try harder, I had to pay attention to what I was saying. I wasn't safe yet - Vits was way more clever than he let on and, what's more, Joe could still betray me and tell his side of the story.
Vits wasn't paying attention to me anymore. He was staring at the Golem and he looked preoccupied.
"Do you know what Golems are for?" he asked, absent-mindedly, probably forgetting we hadn't studied Golems yet.
"Ye...I mean, no".
"Of course" he replied, still troubled.
"Well, they are created to do their master's bidding so, are you following me?"
I probably looked like I was spacing out, cause I was. I was too afraid that what Vits had just said could wake Joe up and make him tell about his master and the orders he had received.
I nodded silently.
I noticed that Vits seemed scared of the Golem. Fear never really came to my mind when I looked at Joe, but maybe I had to reconsider: if he kept getting bigger and harder to rule, who knew what could happen.
I was becoming too annoyingly aware of the fact that I was sitting in Joe's lap, so I crawled silently on the bed beside me.
"Good idea" said Vits. "In fact, I don't think it was clever for you to sit on it like that".
I wanted to tell him that Joe was a him, but he already knew and, besides, I could see why he didn't want to make him sound too human-like, considering that I had just spent a considerable amount of time sitting between his legs.
Vits looked at me in amazement.
"You don't really see why a Golem can be dangerous, do you?"
"Because it's big and mean?" I tried, of course, to guess. What did I know about it?
Vits laughed bitterly, but he couldn't hide how concerned he was.
"Because we don't know who his master is and we don't know why he sent him here".291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOQVf2OOnD
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There was nothing I could say or do. I was too afraid of getting caught up in something bigger than me. Vits showed Chaim the Golem and from then on, the creature was free to roam in the house undisturbed.
Actually, Joe was not undisturbed at all. He was way too annoying to be left alone. He kept growing bigger and he had a tendency to destroy things. Plus, he had to state his opinion on basically anything and there was nothing that seemed to make him happier than disagreeing with one of us. He was especially fond of arguing with Thea.
On the bright side, now I spent all of my time with my friends and I felt much better because of it. On the dark side, and ironically, it seemed to be the one side I was always clinging to, ha ha, my friends weren't sympathetic with the master of the Golem and that annoyed me more than I could say.
That day, for instance, we were all sitting at the table eating breakfast together, when Jimmy took a look at Joe, in the far corner of the kitchen.
"Are we sure it's a Golem?" he asked, grinning.
"What do you mean?" Chaim almost snapped back. Chaim and Vits didn't take Joe's intrusion in our life very well. They deemed it far more dangerous than we could possibly imagine. Of course, they didn't know I wasn't preoccupied with the Golem's creator, cause I knew I had created Joe and with the Golem's purpose, cause it was simply to be my friend.
"I mean..." Jimmy took a spoonful of sugar and poured it in his coffee cup. "They're supposed to look human-like. This thing looks like a deformed, supersized chunk of rock, not like a guy".
It wasn't the first time one of my friends pointed out that Joe wasn't human shaped and it embarrassed me. It wasn't that hard to shrug off, but what made it harder was being unable to tell them that I had shaped him like that.
"He looks like a guy" I replied, a little coldly.
"Sure..." Timmy rolled his eyes. "I guess, if you thought that the fadua could look like your uncle, then this thing definitely looks like a guy".
I didn't want to argue with them, so I didn't reply. They usually weren't so rude to me, but Joe's presence in the room made everybody feel uncomfortable - who knew when he would talk or what he would say. Or what he would break.
I considered myself lucky that he didn't tell anyone that I was his master, even though he hadn't acted properly with people either. The first day he begun interacting with people, he told Vits that he didn't look as old as he had imagined, based on what he was told.
That made Chaim and Vits even more paranoid about the identity of the Golem creator - apparently, Vits had many enemies who were ready to discard his good looks as an act of vengeance.
Joe was always kept under surveillance by the men. They probably thought that if he wasn't, he was going to hurt one of us. They had also tried to ask him about the things he knew, what had his master told him? But he hadn't had much to say, thankfully.
Since Joe was discovered in my room, I had been questioned too. Chaim had a hard time believing I didn't know anything about him, like I had stated. Especially like when, and it happened more frequently than I'd like to admit, I'd lose my cool and say things I wasn't supposed to know, like when I told everybody that his name was Joe.
Ever since Joe entered in my life, I always felt like I was about to explode. And the bits I remembered from the prophecy didn't help either.
I needed something to get my mind off and I knew just what it could be. So, after breakfast was finished, I approached the other guys. Whispering, trying to keep the conversation private, I suggested to go reading the diary a bit more.
"That would be cool" Thea smiled.
I knew the other guys weren't as obsessed with the diary as I was, but they knew how important it was to me. They also knew that I wanted to share it with them, so they essentially agreed to make me happy, which was more than I deserved.
"I don't know about that, I probably have to go studying" Saba joked.
It was only half a joke. In the last week, we had started studying Alchemy and Saba literally fell in love with the subject.
We picked up where we left off.291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCohxwHxGAO
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Mister Tunks wasn't a fun person. And I didn't like dark magic. I thought I liked being a bad person, but I didn't know the half of it. I liked having fun, perhaps at other people's expenses, I was selfish, maybe a little bit cruel. I was mischievious, I was trouble. But I wasn't a bad person. I didn't want to hurt others - at least not beyond repair. I longed for love and affection and, most importantly, the thought of making someone seriously unhappy drove me crazy. Making my parents unhappy wasn't the same thing - it was almost self defense.
And the way I felt about black magic wasn't even the worst part of the magic itself. All kinds of magic drain you when you make a spell. The dark arts were unhealthy and hurtful. Learning black magic was much more draining and excruciating than learning the good kinds. I never knew why. Maybe it had something to do with your conscience, or maybe it was your body's self defense - the Universe's way to warn you about dark magic - if you weren't a total nutcase, it would scare you off.
I could endure some pain, but the chase wasn't worth the prize. Of course, the fact that I hated dark magic didn't mean that Mister Tunks didn't force me to learn it anyway. I just want to make sure that whoever is reading this knows I hated every minute of it.
Mister Tunks was better than my parents, in a way. He didn't hate me just because I was born. And, as far as I know, he didn't regret buying me either until it was much too late.
He was very violent, though. What else would you expect of a dark wizard? His outbursts almost stopped me from being my usual annoying self, but at the end my nature always prevailed.
Once, I asked Tunks why he bought me from my parents.
He smiled. There was nothing wrong with the way he smiled but it gave me the creeps.
I guess his eyes were the reason behind that feeling. They were deadly pale and they showed no emotion - no fear, no anger, especially never a hint of amusement.
"I've been looking for an apprentice for quite some time. As you surely know, all great wizards need apprentices. I'm sure you think you know nobody knows about the prophecy they made at your birth. Well, you may be right, but those kind of news travel faster than you could imagine in the wizards community".
"Travel faster than I could imagine?" I scoffed. "Sure, it only took you fourteen years".
"You are so foolish" he replied. He wasn't angry and he didn't hit me - he took my hand, which made me feel much, much worse.
"I've been watching you. You have no idea what kind of power you have. That and the curse? You could be a perfect lord of the dark arts".
I always thought of myself as a failure, but if I was really so powerful, could it be that I was destined to do something good, instead of being the bad guy?
Tunks must have been able to read minds because he laughed.
"Were you ever destined for anything else?"291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGsgvdivVv
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Thea glanced at me uneasily.
"I think we should stop reading this diary until we find out who the author is".
I really loved reading the diary, but I had to admit he was right. The parts we had read were very peculiar and I did not think we could go on without knowing the context.
"We could still be spending time together, though", I suggested shyly. Heck, I had been missing my friends in the last couple of weeks!
We decided to go to the library. After all the time I had spent there alone working on the Golem, it seemed like a fitting choice. A place where I could start over again as if nothing had ever happened.
Thinking of it, I had begun fantasising about telling my friends the truth - I had created Joe. But before I could make a decision, Saba let out a gulp of joy.
He was holding a big book called Alchemy Through the Centuries. Honestly, it looked somewhat interesting but also extremely boring. Well, that didn't seem what Saba thought of it. She was staring at it like it was the Holy Grail.
"Nice book" Vits greeted us. "It sure tells a lovely story, but I could tell you a nicer story than that".
Though Saba looked displeased, Vits started talking. There was no stopping him when he felt like chatting. On the other hand, on a different day he may not feel like talking for hours.
His scrawny and slightly crooked finger pointed at the name printed on the book cover.
JANE LIEW
"I met Jane when we were both younger. She is a gifted writer, but I found her quite dull in person. Honestly, I pictured her as elegant and mysterious but she was the opposite. She kept saying a lot of silly things and she had no real opinion whatsoever. But that wasn't the worst part, though. That was forgivable. But she just wasn't...bright, you know? Of course, she writes historical stuff and she's great at that. But I don't think she could come up with anything original".
We weren't impressed. Or I should say, we weren't even following.
"What's the point?" asked Thea, raising her eyebrows.
"The point is," Vits took a long breath. "Even though I had made myself clear on the fact that I was already seeing someone, she asked me on a date!"
I snickered. "Is that really so bad?"
" She asked me several times" he pointed out.
"Maybe she really liked you" Jimmy offered. He said maybe in a strange way, like he could not quite believe what he was suggesting. He could be a real brat sometimes.
"You don't understand" Vits blushed. "My partner was there too and Jane kept saying she didn't care about his feelings".
"That's horrible" I agreed. I had never knew Vits had a partner. I wondered who he was.
Thea looked especially sad.
"Then, why do you keep the book?" she asked.
Vits managed a thin smile.
"The author may be a rude person, but the book is nice. It's mostly useful, there aren't a lot of historical books like this one, you know? Perhaps it's the only accurate one".
Then, randomly, he left the room. He always moved like than, appearing where he was needed and disappearing when he felt like he had nothing left to say.
Too bad. I wasn't into reading a book written by someone who made Vits' partner feel uncomfortable.
When I told the others this, Jimmy made a mocking smile and joked,
"I'm not into reading a book written by someone who wanted to go out with Vits and asked several times!"
Even though he was only joking, I couldn't bring myself to laugh. I had never really related to Vits, but I have always felt very odd myself. I tried not to think about what other people could think of anybody who would fall in love with me, but I'm sure it would be joke material.
"So what's the deal with Joe?" Thea asked me suspiciously.
"What- what do you mean?" I stuttered nervously.
"I have so many questions!" Thea announced happily.
"I can't help you" I lied. "I do not know about the Golem any more than you do".
Thea laughed.
"I wasn't talking strictly to you, Oliver. I was talking to the whole group. We should find out more about Joe".
"Can't we talk about something else?" I asked uneasily.
Jimmy narrowed his eyes.
"Why are you always so uptight lately?"
I wanted to say I wasn't, but I had been hiding so much stuff from my friends lately that I had completely forgotten how to behave around them.
I smiled. Before we started talking about Joe, thankfully, Chaim stepped in the room and told us to get ready for the next lesson.291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKfIuZSCxd
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That night I slept in Thea's room, in the bed in front of hers, like we used to do before I got myself in that Golem mess.
Something was still off, though. I couldn't sleep and I felt her moving in her bed, restless. She was still awake too. Any other night, we would have just kept talking until we fell asleep. Now, I really wanted to say something. Tell her anything. But somehow, I couldn't.
Then I heard her. She whispered something in her high pitched voice.
"Congrats".
She sounded sarcastic, or was I just imagining things?
"No, really". She added. "It must have been super hard. It's cool that you had it in you".
"Thea, what are you talking about?" I asked, trying to sound surprised. I'm afraid my voice trembled a bit too much, but I couldn't help it - what if she knew my secret?
"The whole Golem situation", she clarified. "You handled it pretty well".
"Thanks" I managed to say. "To be fair, I think we all did".
"Oliver, don't lie to me" Thea hissed. I couldn't see her eyes in the dark but I was pretty sure they looked angry.
"I'm not lying to you" I lied to her. "I just don't know what you're talking about".
Thea tried a different approach.
"Did you find the Golem in your room?"
I panicked a little. I wasn't ready to answer those kind of questions. As strange as it may seem, nobody after Vits had asked me such detailed questions about Joe before.
Was it too late to switch conversation?
I could always pretend I had suddenly fallen asleep, but that would have been an insult to Thea's intelligence. However, after all, everything I could come up with sounded like an insult to Thea's intelligence.
I decided to go for the truth. At least, some parts of it.
"I found him in the library" I whispered, not trusting the sound of my voice. If Chaim and Vits were so sure it was an enemy weapon, what better place to strike than the library? It was the metaphorical heart of their knowledge. Or something.
"Joe told me he'd never been outside of your room, before Vits showed him the house".
I bit my lip until it bled.
"I didn't know you and Joe had been talking lately" I accused her.
"What's the matter? I was just trying to find out something. I really wanted to know who created him, for instance. But he won't tell. Anyway, we all have the freedom to talk to him, if we want to. It's not like he's yours".
I was almost about to say that, as a matter of fact, he actually was. But, of course, I knew better than that.
"Whatever Joe told you, you don't have to believe it, you know. He might have been created to lie to us".
"I don't think he's the one who's lying here" Thea muttered. "And you don't have a good excuse, you know. I really, really like you, Oliver. But you know what? I'm tired of listening to your lies and pretend we're fine. We only get along when you're not having one of your mood swings".
That was when I decided to tell her the truth.
"Thea..." I said. But I felt like I couldn't go on. "Thea, you should rest. Tomorrow's your birthday".
"Today actually, it's past midnight". She laughed. "Why does it matter?"
I blushed. "It doesn't. It wasn't what I meant to say. Thea, I...I created the Golem".
I was so relieved. If I had known that telling the truth would make me feel so great, I would have told it before. Now everything could go back to the way it was before. Maybe it would be even better. Everyone would know how clever I actually was and they would be proud of me. Nobody had ever been proud of me before and it was something I had always wanted to achieve.
"I don't know what you're hiding" Thea replied coldly. "I don't know what game you're playing, but I'll find out".
"You don't believe me?" I asked.
"How could I? Nobody could create a Golem. Nobody with our experience, or I should say, lack of".
"In fact, in case you hadn't noticed, it doesn't really work".
"It doesn't really work? Oliver, that thing's alive, for Heaven's sake!".
I knew what she meant. I had been going through that scary process in my own head far too many times. Joe was alive and I had created him.
"I don't think Golems are really alive, are they?" I mused. "That would mean that whoever created them has a God-like power, and I can't believe it".
"It's not as if humans can't create life, you know" Thea pointed out. "Like when women give birth, for instance".
"Well, it's just not the same. To be able to give life to a piece of clay is a different story".
"We should ask Chaim" Thea decided. "You know, Chaim's our teacher. He's here to help us. Vits as well. You always act like they don't exist, or like it's us - the students - against them. It's okay to ask them questions or look for help".
I was more of a loner. The mere idea of asking someone else for help made me feel uncomfortable. But Thea was right, of course. I couldn't find my way out through the world of sorcery just by trying, guessing and occasionally rebelling.
"I will ask them" I promised, yawning.
That night I had a dream. I was wondering in Chaim's house, with nothing to do. My vision was blurry and my thoughts were hard to read. My knees felt weak, along with several other misshapen body joints.
I was in Joe's body.
It felt uncomfortable. You could really tell everything was in the wrong place. I never realized it would be so painful. Normally, people are not even aware of their body, it's just so natural for them. At least, it was for me. Joe's body was different, though. I was painfully aware of every inch. And they all screamed "Look at the mess you've made!"
I picked up a picture in a frame. It was a new picture that we had taken just a week ago. It showed the whole student body, Chaim and Vits. We were all wearing wizard clothes - top hats and cloaks - which we never wore in our everyday lives. Chaim told us that we were wearing them for aesthetic purposes.
My eyes gazed and I found my friends.
James Leedes. He had wrinkles around his eyes cause he was smiling and he looked a little tense, cause he wasn't used to it. He was also blushing. I couldn't wait to see him again and to talk to him. I had never made him feel like he truly belonged to the group and I felt so sorry. I had to make things right.
Jimmy O'Leary. He was always running around and laughing playfully, so, of course, he came out a bit blurry in the picture. He looked so small and innocent and yet he was so important. He saved me when my uncle had tried to choke me. Just the thought of it made me feel like passing out again. I still could feel his hands around my throat. Jimmy deserved to know how grateful I was and yet I had only pushed him away. I promised myself that would change, as soon as I woke up.
Saba Zaman. She was a true artist, with a lovely soul. She was mysterious and thoughtful. In the picture, she was staring directly at the photographer like she wanted to capture his soul. And yet, in the last few days, I could only think of her as a lazy student. What if she felt guilty about me starting ditching the classes as soon as she started staying behind on the work? Or worse, what if she felt mortified? I know I had to excuse my bad manners.
Thea Lewalski. My best friend, my favourite person in the world. I remember she was holding my hand in the picture. Even though we hadn't been really getting along, lately. She had still decided to hold my hand as soon as the camera started flashing. I wanted for her to know how much I cherished her friendship, I wanted to make her laugh and to see her blue eyes light up.
Then I noticed Chaim. He had one arm around Vits' shoulder, slouching a bit due to their height difference. He looked happy and proud of us all. It was true, I couldn't help but rebelling against people like him. Parents, teachers, masters...but what if there were no people like him? He was just a man who always did his best to make the world a better place and I was making his work harder. I had to start respecting him more, because he deserved it and I could surely learn a lot from him.
Vits looked happier than I've ever seen him. He was smiling, not much at the photographer, I'd say, but more in Chaim's direction. He was a complicated man, it was true, but I had been judging him too harshly. There was a lot he kept hidden inside, just like me. And I had a strong feeling he might actually be the best of all of us, if he tried enough.
Then I looked for me. But I couldn't find myself in the picture. I woke up screaming.291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVASrGTNjL
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Thea was still fast asleep, but I couldn't shake off the nightmare. I had a silly thought, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. What if I went to look at the picture and I really wasn't in there?
I couldn't sleep, so I went and checked.
I was there, smiling and looking a bit awkward (I remember clearly I was thinking of Joe, left all alone in my room and free to damage whatever he wanted). Vits had one hand on my shoulder in a nice, protective way.
I felt the same hand on my shoulder now.
"What are you doing here Oliver?" asked Vits. "You're shaking".
I turned to face him, and he immediately wiped something off my lips. It must have been the blood, from when I'd bitten them while I was talking to Timmy.
"Oliver, I wanna know what's wrong". Vits' voice made it clear that he wanted no excuses.
So I told him everything.
I told him about my struggle with my classes, about the Golem, about my friends and about the dream. I told the dream in a very detailed way, since it was still vivid in my mind's eye.
"When I woke up I realized something. That we live in a messed up world and we've all been through a lot. All of us students are orphan because of the War. You and Chaim...well you lived and fought during the War! We've all been through a lot of pain, and while I can't stand mine, I won't let it be in the way. Because if it's in the way, it'll only hurt all of you more. And nobody deserves that. Especially you. You are all great people. This picture, well, it makes me feel something, something I can't describe..." I rambled on incoherently.
Vits looked at the picture with tenderness in his eyes.
"The word you're looking for is belonging. In the picture, you can see a bunch of misfits who never belonged anywhere, who finally found a purpose and a place to stay".
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