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Once I got past the feel of Nokto’s hand on my waist and the awkwardness of having to hold his dark crimson gaze, I really enjoyed dancing. And I was good at it. I followed his instructions and his lead, I didn’t step on his toes, and his words tapered off as we fell into a rhythm.
“You’ve done this before,” he noted after a few minutes passed, a smile playing across his lips.
“No, I really haven’t,” I replied. “Well - promise not to laugh?”
“Mm, we’ll see.”
That inspired no confidence in me, but I was having too much fun to be concerned about his noncommittal answer.
“I hated doing laundry when I was little, so Mother made a game out of it. She’d sing while we were scrubbing the clothes, and then she’d dance while we were hanging them up to dry, and I’d try to copy what she was doing, or sometimes I’d chase her and try to steal whatever she had in her hands, but that usually ended in both of us falling over and dirtying the laundry again. It was just…it was fun. Even when I got older.”
I smiled at the memories, but a lump rose in my throat and a sharp pang stabbed at my heart, and I had to drop his gaze. Thinking of Mother always hurt. I bit my lip, blinking hard to fight the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. This was why I filled my mind and my schedule with anything and everything. I didn’t want to feel this ache.
“Sing something,” Nokto prompted gently.
I shook my head and swallowed hard to move the lump enough for me to talk. “All the songs were in another language.”
“So hum.”
I swallowed again and nodded. There was a song on the tip of my tongue before this conversation started, one that Mother sang every time we did laundry, and it was just the right tempo to match our steps. I hummed the first tentative notes. They squeaked past the lump in my throat, touched the air, and fell into silence. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to try again. This time, the notes flowed freely, weaving around us as Nokto led me in the dance. It was a cheerful tune, light and carefree, belying the heaviness of my heart, and when it stopped, so did I. He wrapped his arms around me, pressing my tear-streaked face into his chest.
“Sorry,” I choked.
“It was time for us to stop, anyway,” he said lightly.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I hate crying.”
He sighed and rubbed my back. “You need to get it out, Ivetta.”
I shook my head. “What if I do this at the coronation ceremony?”
“You won’t. You always do what you need to do at the moment. But if you need a shoulder to cry on later, you know where to find me.”
I shook my head again and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I don’t know why you and Chevalier put up with me.”
He tensed, just for a second, his hand freezing on my back, but it resumed its soothing rubbing motion before I had time to wonder what was wrong.
“Is that what he was doing in your room last night?” he asked softly.
I nodded. “Except I wasn’t crying about Mother. It was a nightmare.” I sighed and added, “I hate nightmares, too.”
“Do you get them a lot?”
“Yes, for as long as I can remember. They’re always about things that have happened to me, or things I saw happen to Mother.” I swallowed and pulled free from his embrace, keeping my eyes on the floor. “Sorry. Licht said you have nightmares, too.”
“He told you that?” Nokto asked, his hand appearing in front of me with a handkerchief. I took it and nodded.
“Not what they’re about, just that you both have them,” I said, wiping my face. “He found me sitting outside my house when he was on patrol one night during the gala. I used to sit out there when the nightmares woke me up.” I crumpled the soiled handkerchief in my hand. “It was so stupid of me. I made it so easy for-”
Nokto was silent. I took a deep breath and pushed that thought away so I could force a smile to my lips when I looked up at him. His crimson eyes were darker than usual in his unsmiling face.
“Thank you for the dance lesson, Nokto. I’ll get this back to you later, after…after Theresa washes it, I guess, since I don’t have to do laundry anymore. And…sorry about crying all over your shirt, and-”
He stepped forward and caught my chin with his long, slender fingers, leaning in to press a sudden kiss to my lips. I stared at him, wide-eyed, my heart hammering in my chest, too startled to move in the eternal second before he pulled back and turned away from me. He headed toward the door, leaving me standing in shock in the center of the ballroom.
“You don’t need more dance lessons,” he said coolly, and then he was gone.
I don’t know how long I stood there, my mind reeling. He kissed me. I’d always known he liked me - he’d flirted and teased enough to leave no doubt about that - but there was nothing serious about it.
Was there?
I thought we were just good friends. He worried about me, but so did the other princes. He looked after me, but they did, too. It was easier for me to talk to him than the others, though. It had been that way for a while. Before the gala, even. And he’d never tried to kiss me, and he’d never seemed bothered by my relationship with Chevalier.
Until today.
When he asked about Chevalier spending the night with me.
He didn’t…love me, did he?
What was I supposed to do about this?
The ballroom door opened, and Julius’ strawberry blonde head poked in. “Princess Ivetta?”
“Oh - sorry. I’m coming.”
I kept my head down as I left the ballroom, and I ducked into the nearest bathroom to wash my face. The mirror knew I’d been crying. I splashed my face with cold water, but the puffiness around my eyes would only dissipate with time. I just hoped the warmth on my lips would, too.
Should I tell Chevalier?
He was probably still in my room. Asleep.
I left the bathroom and headed toward the library. It was my day off, but I didn’t know how to spend that time. The library was always a haven for me, though. I could study, or read something fun for once. Aside from Chevalier reading to me when I was stuck in bed, I’d read nothing fun since before the gala, before I had to go home on my lunch breaks to tend to Mother as her health worsened. The sunny alcove was still there, waiting for me. Or I could read in the gardens.
Not that I could concentrate right now.
“Julius, could you send for Theresa?” I asked when we arrived at the library door.
“Of course, Princess Ivetta.”
“Thank you.”
I breathed a sigh of relief when I stepped into the familiar, silent embrace of the library. The smell of books was comforting. Leather, parchment, ink, all mingled together in the warm sunlight streaming in through the wall of windows. The alcove might be too warm when summer finally arrived, but today, it was just right. I settled on the cushioned window seat and looked down at the gardens below. Yves was practicing his violin in a secluded corner close to the palace, and, at the back of the gardens, Clavis and Jin were up to no good. I knew that just by seeing them together. Jin was Clavis’ frequent accomplice in his pranks, which mostly targeted their brothers, although servants and the occasional guest could fall victim as well. They were too far away for me to see what they were doing today.
“You called, milady?” Theresa asked. I turned to look at her as she dropped into an exaggerated curtsy, and I rolled my eyes. Her smile morphed into a frown as soon as she straightened up and looked at me.
“You’ve been crying.”
“Sariel gave me the day off,” I said, ignoring the question within that statement. “So…what should I do?”
“Well, that’s easy,” she said, one corner of her lips turning up into an impish smirk. “Go shopping.”
“What?”
“In town. You know, board a carriage, browse through a store, buy things. Shopping.”
“But…there’s nothing I need,” I said uncertainly.
She laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. “You’re a princess now, Ivetta. You don’t have to need anything. Besides, it’ll take your mind off of…whatever.”
“What about money?” I asked as she pulled me toward the door.
She laughed again. “You don’t need money, either. Just tell them to bill it to the king.”
“But that’s-”
“What he would want, because he wants you to be happy. We can stop in to see Belle, too.”
That idea caught my interest.
“Okay, but we have to clear it with my guards.”
“Hey, Julius,” Theresa said, throwing the library door open. “We’re going into town.”
His impassive expression didn’t change. He turned his gray eyes on me, waiting for my command, because that was how this was supposed to work. Even if I struggled to follow protocol and Theresa liked to make up her own rules.
“If that’s okay,” I said hesitantly.
He nodded. “Byron, arrange a carriage.”
“Um, if Charlie is available, I’d prefer to take his carriage,” I added.
“Yes, your highness,” the other guard, Byron, said, bowing deeply before he left.
“He was my coachman before…everything,” I explained to Julius, although I knew an explanation wasn’t necessary. That was a lesson I hadn’t quite mastered yet. Royalty never needed to explain their actions or their commands. They just expected obedience.
“Well, come on,” Theresa said, pulling me down the hallway. “We don’t have to wait here.”
“Are you sure you can behave during the coronation ceremony?” I questioned her. She flashed me a bright smile.
“I will be the model maid,” she promised. “But right now, I am your best friend, and you need cheering up. So, come on.”
Charlie sat in the coach box of his carriage, waiting just outside the front doors for us. I waved and smiled at his familiar face, a gesture he returned, and Julius helped Theresa and me aboard. Byron sat astride a horse, holding the reins of another, which Julius mounted after speaking to the guards at the front door. Probably telling them to notify Sariel and Chevalier of our departure, I realized. Then the carriage jolted forward, and we were in motion, flanked on either side by Julus and Byron.
“These shopping trips keep getting fancier and fancier,” Theresa commented. “Your own coachman, your own bodyguard - I said it last time, but you’re spoiled. So, how’d you get today off?”
“Um, Sariel has…something he needs to work on,” I said carefully.
“Did you still have to take that test?”
I nodded.
“And you’re just now getting done with it?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It took me about an hour, and then…Nokto offered to give me a dance lesson.”
“What about the doctor’s orders?” Theresa said sternly.
“It was only for a few minutes,” I defended myself. “And I’m not tired or sore.”
She frowned at me again, studying my face. “So, why were you crying?”
I bit my lip and looked out the window. “Mother came up.”
“Oh,” Theresa said, the syllable pregnant with understanding. She reached across the carriage and took my hand. “Still hard to talk about her?”
I nodded. “But…then…I was crying, and Nokto gave me a hug, and…he kissed me.”
“What?” Theresa shrieked, withdrawing her hand.
“Just a quick peck,” I said hastily. “But it…I wasn’t expecting that.”
Theresa’s bright green eyes were wider than I’d ever seen them. “He kissed you?” she squeaked.
I nodded.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I said miserably. “He left right after that, before I could ask him why he did that, and-”
“You know why he did that, Ivetta,” she interrupted me. She shook her head and slumped back against the seat. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before now. Whenever he’s around, he stays as close to you as he can without being in Chevalier’s way.”
I bit my lip nervously, fidgeting with my skirt. “I thought we were just good friends, but…”
“Wait a minute,” Theresa said, straightening up in her seat. “He volunteered to give you a dance lesson?”
“Yes,” I said, confused by the sudden sparkle in her eyes. “He said it was the only thing I needed to be ready for the coronation ceremony.”
“Has Chevalier talked to you about dancing?” she pressed on.
“No…”
“How’d it go? I mean, before you talked about your mother, and he kissed you, and all that?”
“It went really well,” I said hesitantly. “He said I must have danced before, and that’s when Mother came up, because she…taught me, I guess. In her own way. And when he left, he said I didn’t need more dance lessons, although I think that was because - why are you smiling like that?”
Theresa shook her head, but her wide smile didn’t fade. “You’ll find out later. It’s really sweet of him. Kind of sad, too, when I think about it, but mostly sweet.”
“And…I just have to wait until the coronation ceremony to find out what you’re talking about?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “It’s something good, I promise. We’d better go to the bookstore where Belle works first. I think I’m gonna explode!"
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