Okay, so this time, the master of knots was older. He was old enough to operate a microwave oven. Our hero was ten years old by now, and you'd think ten-year-olds were smarter than this. Well, I'll give you the quick answer. No.
That winter, our hero had gotten sick, so his older friend, who was back from college on winter break, got our hero a bucket of ice cream. I know. Ice cream in the winter. Stupid idea. But that's not the stupid idea I'm here to tell you about. No, that one is way worse.
If anyone is wondering why I'm friends with someone who is ten years older than I am, let me give you a quick answer. Our mothers are best friends. The best kind of best friends, the kind I want in my life but can't seem to find.
Anyway, the ten-year-old wanted to eat the cool ice cream to soothe his sore throat, and there was only one thing in his way other than winter – the ice cream scooper was freezing cold and ice cream was solid. He really didn't want to spoon a whole gallon of ice cream into his mouth or contaminate any that he didn't eat, so our intrepid idiot decided to warm up the ice cream scooper.
Now, he could have done that any number of ways. He could have stuck it in his mom's boiling coffee (bad), put it in his pocket, stick it next to the heater and waited, or, as our hero reasoned at the time, he could stick the metal scooper into the microwave oven.
Okay. I confess I'm not that stupid. I knew metal things caught fire when placed in a microwave oven. So, our hero reasoned that if he put a wet paper towel around the scooper, it'd snuff out the fire.
He quickly found a microwave-safe plate and haphazardly wet a paper towel. Now, the paper is important to this part, so don't forget the towel is made of plain old paper. The ten-year-old wrapped the freezing-cold ice cream scooper in the paper towel and put that on a plate. Now for the pyromaniac glory. He placed the metal object in the microwave oven.
I want to tell you that it looked like a pyromaniac's heaven. I want to tell you that I actually lied and put the scooper in my mom's coffee. But no luck, I'm going to tell you what happened when I stuck a metal ice cream scooper into the microwave with a piece of paper. That's what you came here for, right?
I crackled. It smoked. The paper caught fire because it wasn't anywhere near wet enough, and I grabbed the flaming plate out of the microwave oven and panicking, dropped it unceremoniously into the sink. It splashed. The water was smoky, the remains of the paper towel floating around.
So there you have it. Don't stick metal in the microwave oven. Even if you put a somewhat wet paper towel around it. Just don't. You don't want to know what happened after my parents found out I had ruined the ice cream scooper when we had a gallon of Neapolitan ice cream in the winter.
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