The world in front of me is desolate. It's abandoned. It's cold. It's numbing. It's unobstructed. It's at peace. Not a soul in sight. Not a noise echoing in the distance. Just my quiet breathes humming alongside the slight breeze that indicates the coldness of this world. The world that many before me have left behind. The world that has been abandoned and taken for granted.
There had been a time where people would be mindlessly going about their lives without a second thought of what could happen next. We were warned. But did we listen? No. We continued living as if we'd wake up the next day like every other day. We went through our daily lives, taking every moment - every decision - for granted. And here we are, or rather, here I am. Looking. Searching. Trying to find a way out of here. Trying to find something, anything. Trying to find someone, anyone. But my efforts are futile. No matter where I go, I always end up at the same place. At the same time. In the same direction.
No matter how many twists and turns I take, I end up here. It doesn't even matter if I walk straight ahead, I always end up back in this spot. I've tried and tried. I've yelled out in frustration. I've begged and pleaded to the distance for help. I've contemplated ending this suffering. But there's a small part of me that still holds onto the hope of surviving this. There's this hope that blossoms in my chest every time I try to end it all. I struggle to breathe with every attempt at breaking through this barrier of loneliness. Breaking through this difficult place in my life. I try and try, but it's all consuming. It's numbing.
The bite of the wind pulls me back from my suffocating thoughts. The thoughts that tend to send me into a spiral. The same destructive thoughts that threaten to consume my very being.
I push through the knot in my chest. I feel the cold tears trickle down my cheeks but I don't give up. I need to make it through this. I need to believe that I'm stronger than whatever is holding me back.
I try again and again.
Again and again.
Again.
Again.
Again.
I push my body to its limits.
I've lost track of time. At this point, time is just an illusion. There's no day. There's only night.
I fall down to my knees and grab onto the snow as I come back to the very spot that I've become accustomed to. I let out a blood curling scream as I fall onto the snow below me. How am I still alive? I close my eyes in an attempt to welcome oblivion.
But oblivion doesn't come.
It never comes.
Is this what hell is like? Is this hell?
I don't eat. I don't sleep. Yet, I continue to survive.
None of this makes sense. I've long stopped trying to make sense of where I am and how I got here. This place remains unfamiliar to me no matter how much I try to recall it.
What makes this place so special?
Why is this the place I always come back to?
These are questions I keep asking myself, time and time again. But I never have the answers.
I bang my fists into the snow as I pull myself up to a sitting position. I curl my knees upto my chest. I look into the distance with a blank expression on my face. I try to slow my breathing as I look straight ahead.
I don't know how long I sit here for, but it doesn't matter.
I'm the only one left.
I'll be alone in this purgatory, with no escape, forever.
I bury my head into my knees as I start to hum a song that my mother used to sing to me when I was younger. I don't even know why I'm remembering this song but it brings me some form of temporary comfort.
I stop humming and sigh.
But something's different. The humming doesn't stop.
I jerk my head up as I listen closely. I get up with a renewed hope.
The humming is getting closer and closer to me. And I start running in the direction of the sound. It's getting louder and louder the closer I get to it. My feet move faster and faster, and I feel a smile spread across my face.
I'm not alone! I'm not alone!
I keep running and running. I see something coming towards me. But, before realize what it is, I'm flung backwards into the air by an aggressive force. As I'm engulfed by what seems like a gush of wind, the humming dies down. And I'm left laying on the floor cold and alone, and greeted by silence at the very spot I've welcomed as my home.
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