You know when they say if you smile every single time, it becomes a part of you and even when you aren't okay, you'll think you are.
Well, maybe no one says it, just me. But that's what I thought when I said I was fine. I thought saying it would make me fine. 184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6cAr2gFiZ
But you guessed right, I was wrong. I became worse, because everytime I said I was fine, one thing always reminded me I was not. It was like a conflict was going on within my mind and it was tearing me apart.184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TgbceDhLt
I said I was fine, but I'd wake up in tears after a dream about the incident.
I said I was fine but I'll look at the scars on my body and realize I wasn't. I said I was fine, but my reflection in the mirror said the opposite.
I said I was fine but the weakness in my body said something else. Same thing over and over again. I realized that lying to oneself was the worst decision you could ever make.
I found out that the only time you'll begin to get better when you aren't okay, was if you actually admit that you aren't fine, because that's when you begin to seek solutions. It's how it goes when people see those little bruises appear on their arms day by day, when they feel the pains and aches all over their body but say they are fine.
They would keep dying in silence because no one will help them, since they are good right? . But the moment you say you are not, treatment starts and then you would actually reach that moment of being alright.
I knew that, no one needed to tell me, but still being me, I kept my mouth shut. Not only was the incident hunting me. Thing's at home began to add to the list of things choking me up. They all thought that was the problem. That was just a part of the main problem.
It wouldn't seem like a problem till it happened to you. I don't pray it on even my enemies because it's not a good thing. You live your days watching people laughing and smiling genuinely, while you laugh and smile outside, but within, your heart has be shattered into a million pieces.
I was going to be fine, I knew it. But the only way I could be, was if I admitted that I wasn't to actually get there. It isn't as easy as you think. So I chose the way I thought was easy, keep lying to everyone else. That's when my smile came back in. In quote, happy Kammy was back. I knew so well I was only shattering those million pieces of my heart into trillions.
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