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Cant tell the exact time... First days of 2025 winter? Or maybe last days of the fall it was.
I just remember very well; it was too cold. The coldest winter I’ve ever seen in my whole life.
As cold as it froze me while standing out of the car. It shook my bones so bad.
There was something wrong with the weather. I could smell ash, and there was no sign of the warm sunlight.
I changed my clothes with no rush, then tied my hair with a thin rubber band and walked to dancing salon. I was tired and sleepy. Working out and keeping my body fit was getting harder.
I ran into Jimin in the corridor. He looked dull and sad, walking slowly to the salon he was Massaging his neck.
Lately, he was totally under pressure because of his solo album.
The company wanted to make sure the album debuts with no1 and all of these stressful thoughts made him mad and sensitive.
I still remember his trudged, heavy steps in the corridor... loud and clear.
- Yo! Park Jimin!
I tried to be energetic and just start the conversation.
He nodded up and started to walk with me. Fake smiled and kept quiet.
Knew he won’t talk if I don’t ask.
- what is it bro?
- Jin hyung... he left.
I was surprised, leaving in that time was too soon:
- why?
- an argument with sun-duk nim...
Jimin was staring at the floor, walking hard. He was walking like a man who knew this was the last dance practice in his life.
- he mentioned that solo dancing for him while singing is not a good idea anymore... but you know that... sun duk-nim never listens. He just cares about how do we look on screens!
I nodded, just like a heartless asshole! I wish I could show more care:
- He didn’t understand?
- nope...
Jimin said, hopelessly and then he suddenly stopped.
I just took two steps that I got that someone’s missing.
Maybe I should have understood what is the meaning of leaving behind in that time.
- Jimin?
He looked up, his eyes were wet... lucid enough to show the pain and suffer inside.
He set his trembling voice free:
- Jin Hyung, he just can’t do this anymore... he can’t keep dancing... he... he’s done with that.
- Jimin...
- They are annoying him. He should get some rest... or... or he will...
I got closer and held his shoulders. Looked in his rainy eyes and tried to make him calm. Don’t know if it worked at all or not?
- I’ll talk to him... persuade him to delete that part, so that Jin can perform easier. I ask Son Duk to reconsider as a leader.
Bit my lips and continued:
- stop overthinking okay?
Jimin wiped his tears and nodded.
I sighed and held his shoulders a bit more.
- this is a difficult concept Namjoon-A. I don’t know if... if my voice suddenly breaks down and I do it shit... what the hell...
- listen, buddy.
Held his arm and gave him the most stupid words I’ve ever said:
- we have time till the end if the spring... so we’ll take care of that together. Okay?
- what if we fail...
- If we failed, we decide what to do next.
He nodded again and I let myself believe everything’s fine now.
I still wonder why I didn’t ask a simple “are you okay?” or “is there anything else?”
What if that kind of questions would change everything? What if none of these would ever happen?
It’s a long time, my nights pass like hell cause I feel guilty about that.
We walked together to the salon; the music was loud.
Taehyung and Jungkook were in a corner whispering something. Hoseok was warming up.
Yoongi hyung was in another corner, bent and pushing his hands on his knees. He was gasping and sweating. His face was as white as the walls. But despite all, he ran fast when staffs called him.
you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife!
It was bright every where but you could feel cold and blue.
I smelled the ash again. Like something was burning but I couldn’t see... so I couldn’t help...
Jimin left me without any words. He wanted to warm up.
But I ...
I just stayed there and looked at members.
Everybody was aggressive. Practicing without Jin made everyone angry and the staff didn’t care at all... that was the thing that made us even more mad.
- Namjoon ssi! Hurry up. We’re already behind the schedule. We should start the group dance now!
I nodded and whispered:
- yes.
She said that in a cold way.
Its been a while that they behaved in another way. But the members and I, never did anything more than meaningful looks at each other.
It seemed we were scared of that nightmare come true someday.
Seemed that an imaginary safe place was all that we had.
I put my cellphone somewhere and stood next to others. Next to me, was Jin Hyung’s place.
But he wasn’t there... and I didn’t know, that it isn’t the first and the last time we face this situation...
- five... four... three... two... one!
Music again and everybody moved.
I stepped back with a spin and stood by Yoongi Hyung. Everybody shook their waists. I heard Yoongi’s gasps.
We put up arms and stepped back to give more space to Taehyung, Jungkook and Jimin. Yoongi moved slowly and left one step behind.
Some of the staff scowled. Yoongi’s body was shaking...
- one two there, now!
It was a hard part. Yoongi should step forward dancing in a bouncing way to take my place.
First kick, he was already late.
The drum, he moved but his knees were breaking down.
His rap verse started...
- Huyng!
Everybody shouted. He fell on the ground with a terrifying sound and yelled loudly.
- No!
ns 15.158.61.48da2
