Mom was not happy with me. Then again, when was she ever happy with me. I had never seen her smile yet. Her way of raising a child was to discipline us with fear and punishments. After being sent to bed without any dinner, I did not smile the next morning. I do not think Mom even cared. It was most likely that she thought being happy and smiling was not what God wanted. In a way, I felt sorry for her. It must be hard for her to go through life without seeing the beauty of it, and always thinking that the only way to God was by sacrifice, penance and being afraid.
Mom was doing my hair for the day. I did not understand why she spent so much time making my hair pretty as it would be covered with a bonnet. This time was different. She was tugging at my hair and feeling my scalp. She did this for some time. At first, I thought that she was looking for lice or something like that. This was not the case. She told me that she was checking to make sure that I had no horns. She explained in a serious voice that she was afraid that I was in Satan’s army when I could not recite the deadly sins. Then she informed me that we would be going to town today, and I would be helping her to shop.
On our way to town, mom was telling me that we had to be careful with what money we had. It had not rained for months and she was worried about how the family would survive. There was a marketplace in the town with stalls where people were selling everything from vegetables to animals. The atmosphere was exciting as it was fun watching people explore what was being sold. They also tried bargaining for a lower price. At times, they would be shouting so high, that I thought there would be a fight. Mom was not in a good mood. She complained that the prices were going up and up, so it would be hard to feed the family. Mom thought it was a sin that people would increase their prices when other people could not afford them. I did not respond or say much, as I knew nothing about the value of money and the hardships people had.
While mom was bargaining with a woman, I noticed a small girl that was sitting in the muddy street. She was dirty and her hair was a mess. She wore dirty and worn-out clothes. She was begging for food or a few coins. I felt so sorry for her. I wondered if she had a family or if she was alone and homeless. The saddest thing was that people just scowled at her as they walked by her. One woman even slapped the little girl's face and told her she should not be begging and bothering God-fearing people. This confused me, as I remember from the Bible that Jesus showed compassion for the homeless and the sick. This made me want to go over to the girl and become friends with her. I wanted to take some food that mom just purchased and give it to her.
Mom had seen me staring at the girl and pulled me away. She said that it was time to visit the Church. The church was an old brick building and looked like any other church. It was a bit dark and it was cool as if it had air conditioning. My mother knelt and prayed. She also found time to tell me to concentrate and pray. I should be asking God for mercy and to repent my sins before it was too late and I would spend all eternity in hell. I found it strange that my mom never thought that God was a loving God. She prayed and was religious because she feared him!
The grumpy priest came into the church and greeted my mom. When he looked at me, he had a face of disgust. It was obvious that he did not like me. I wondered did he like anyone.
“Your daughter is beautiful,” he stated. I was about to take this as a compliment until he continued, “I notice that her hair is braided and it clearly says in the bible (1 Timothy 2:9) that women should adorn themselves with respectable attire, and not braided hair or gold. Your daughter's beauty will be used by Satan himself. When she gets older, she will lure honest men to lust and sin. She will be a Jezebel and a whore for Satan. She will be the cause that so many honourable men will be sent to the fires of Hell! You as her mother can stop this. Otherwise, you will also be in hell for all eternity”
I could not believe my ears. Was it a sin because Mom braided my hair. It was nice that he thought that I was pretty. I could not understand how it would be a sin. I had no plan of fancying any boy and having a boyfriend was something I would think about for years. Being pretty could not be a sin, as I never decided if I would be pretty or not. It was how I was born. Besides this, were we not created in the image of God? If God made us pretty, then it was a gift. The grumpy priest did not know God. It did not matter what you looked like on the outside, it mattered what was in your heart.
It was soon time to go home. Mom met this woman she knew. She told me to sit on a bench outside the church while she gossiped with this woman. I bet she was telling the woman about what the priest said and that she checked my scalp for horns. I could see the other woman looking at me with a strange judging look on her face.
As I looked around, I could see that everyone was dressed the same. It was as if they were in some Thanksgiven play. Someone was being punished in a pillory. Some people were around him and throwing rotten fruit at him. Then I noticed the homeless girl that was sitting close to me. I started talking to her which seemed to surprise her. She told me that she is now homeless and an orphan. She once lived on a farm with her mom and dad. Her family did not have enough money as it did not rain for a long time. They were evicted from the farm. Her dad disappeared because he was so ashamed. This meant her mother and her were beggars. Things got worse when her mother became ill and died. She was buried in the paupers grave, without friends and family that would say goodbye to her. Now the girl was forced to live as a beggar. She had no home and depended on people's generosity.
I felt sorry for her. Some nice family could have adopted her or given her shelter and food. She could not take care of herself. What would happen to her when the winter came? How could anyone survive when it was so cold.
I heard mom calling for me and I rushed by her side. I told her about the homeless girl and the pitiful situation she was in. I went as far as to ask mom could we give the poor girl some shelter and food. She could help on the farm. Mom snapped back at me and told me that the girl was being punished by God. Most likely her parents were sinners and judged by God to be punished this way. I tried telling mom that she was homeless because of the draught that everyone was experiencing destroyed their livelihood. This made mom squeeze my hand in anger and tell me that I was just told that the girl was being punished and I had no right to question my parent's wisdom. Mom also warned me not to speak with the girl again.
When I got home, I did the chores that I had. The homeless girl and her situation were worrying me. I was lucky, as I had a home and I had food. The chores were hard but nothing compared to the life of a homeless girl. I did not even ask her for her name. This made me feel ashamed, as part of me must have thought her name was not important. The farmers were struggling because there was no rain and this meant that many families could be evicted. I hoped that the chores would take my mind off the girl. Even when my sister was trying to cheer me up by doing funny things, I kept on thinking about the girl.
Mom shouted at me and told me we needed to have a serious talk. I was worried that she would say that the chores were not done to her standards. Maybe she wanted to talk about the homeless sister. She did not want to talk about these things.
“The priest sees something in you that I do not,” she stated, “He thinks that your beauty is a gift from Satan himself. I am worried that Satan already has you in his evil army. I want you to answer me truthfully. Have you ever met Satan and spoken with him? Have you sold your soul to him? Have you worshipped him and promised him your loyalty?”
I was shocked at these questions! I was only 11 years old and Mom was thinking that I was a satanist. I admit that I was no angel, but I did not consider myself to be a bad girl either. How could a mother accuse her daughter of being a follower of Satan and all his demons? I started crying and trying to convince mom that I loved God. I also wanted her to love me. I think this was a lost cause as it was obvious that mom did not love me.
I went out to the chickens and prayed to God to send me back home to my normal time. I was tired of time travel and did not want to be in a place where there was no love. Dad found me and told me to get on his back. He walked around the farm with me on his back, He joked and said that he was now my horse and he would take me to heaven where I could play with all the angels. Soon we were joking and laughing. I was having so much fun. It was a long time since I laughed so much.
Mom got mad when she saw us and told me that it was wrong what we were doing. Dad tried to defend ourselves by saying that we were only having fun. He told mom that life was too short to always be bitter and afraid. Mom did not want to discuss this and I was sent to bed once again without anything to eat. Despite that I was frustrated and mad, I said a prayer to mom that she would find some sort of happiness and love me.
The next day, we woke up early as we had to go to mass. Dad told us that we should pray for rain as the land needed it. I could see that Dad was very worried. Mom told us that there must be witchcraft involved. Some witch in the town had cursed everyone with no rain. When we found out who the witch was and burned her at the stake, then it would rain. Dad was not so sure about this and argued that it could just be a punishment from God. We could please God by repenting for our sins and living as if we were saints. I wanted to explain that it could just be a bad year and there was no rain because of nature. It does not have to be because of a curse or a punishment from God. I decided to remain silent. Mom hated me enough and would hate me more if I questioned her.
The priest was grumpy as usual. He shouted from the pulpit, “Think what it would be like to be burned all over your body and to have the burning go on forever and ever. In hell, the fire never dies, and the pain never subsides. This is hell and where sinners end up. There is a curse hanging over this town. A curse that has meant that there has been no rain. Our crops are failing, our animals are dying. Hear my words, there is a witch or a coven of witches in this town that does the devil's work by bringing suffering to this town. A dark shadow of evil is covering this town. We must find any witch and send them back to hell, where they belong.”
The priest wanted a witch hunt, he wanted us to accuse each other of being a witch. The problem was that the congregation believed everything that he said.
When mass was over, my parents were talking with the priest. I spoke with the homeless girl and found out that her name was Jane. We started talking and joking. Then she got serious and said that no one spoke with her, as they thought she was being punished by God. I told her that we could be friends, and this made her smile.
Then I heard mom shouting.
ns 15.158.61.21da2
