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「一樓到了,一樓是化妝品女鞋專賣區。」季慈在彎腰恭送客人出電梯的小空檔,偷偷放空眼神,藉以舒緩疲勞。所以當他看見程華站在不遠處,露出笑容專注地看他,季慈臉上有些燥熱,一種被抓到的尷尬。65Please respect copyright.PENANAqm8yt43yvv
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季慈笑了笑把尷尬驅走,程華見他笑邁開步伐進了電梯,照例喊了二十樓。65Please respect copyright.PENANABmESl0gcP5
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電梯裡的人不多,季慈能隔著面版看到程華認真閱讀廣告版面的側臉。65Please respect copyright.PENANAYbxVq3s8IB
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季慈在想,程華是他在奇怪地方,藉由奇怪形式,認識的奇怪個性的朋友。季慈會套用這麼多奇怪,主要是程華所表現出的各方面皆與他不相同,兩人卻神秘的擁有近乎相同的興趣。65Please respect copyright.PENANAn3wxWrt9ID
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程華喜歡找他一起看展覽、文藝電影,這些休閒將季慈的休假發揮到最大效益,充實了他的生活,與他平日下班或在休息室休息的活動不約而同。65Please respect copyright.PENANAgVTl2CZfYX
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相處這段時日他感受到的程華釋放出來的溫暖,彷彿補齊了遺失的事物,更重要的是程華為他帶來了不同過往生命中的氣息,是雀躍、活潑,以及熱誠,那與他自己的不同,是真正能夠溫暖冰冷的熱度。65Please respect copyright.PENANAQkJVfkLcfV
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其實季慈知道,他知道程華專注的目光下是什麼情緒、什麼感覺,這是在他看過這麼多人後,唯一一個能夠讓他如此透視明白的一個人。程華喜歡他,並且認真的在追求。但季慈直到昨天都只是將他當作一個單純,並有共同嗜好的朋友。65Please respect copyright.PENANAyOgDicsqv0
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他是不是應該告訴程華,短時間內並不打算再接受新的感情?65Please respect copyright.PENANAw0E1uCIGyG
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程華的視線驀地對上季慈,嘴角彎了彎,無聲的嘴型在說著:專心上班!65Please respect copyright.PENANAmZO9y3MMKD
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季慈拉開嘴角,直到除了程華之外最後一位客人出電梯後兩人依然沒有對話。季慈以為程華會上前攀談,但他很守紀分地幫他維持住工作守則,最後僅是在電梯門關上前回身朝他匆忙一瞥。65Please respect copyright.PENANAXUHtQiS8b6
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那一記眼神令季慈呼吸一滯,程華的情緒在他眼底一直都是透明的,清澈到總是一眼就能明白過來——為什麼隔了一晚,喜歡猝然成了愛呢?65Please respect copyright.PENANA913tZz8yZO
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季慈忽然發現自己的反應彷彿對愛過敏一般,他渾身不自在的、倉皇的、恐懼的失了步調,急促而快速的按著關門鍵,像個膽小鬼躲在電梯裡喘息。65Please respect copyright.PENANAMCqKvbGVLv
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季慈整天都在想程華那個眼神,越想越不知所措,而程華在他下班前傳了訊息給他,約他吃消夜,這段訊息換來了他人生第二次衝動。65Please respect copyright.PENANAsIa9jPNPvA
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即使有了答案,季慈下班時內心還是有些忐忑,他僵著一張臉穿過僅餘一盞路燈的車道,上了程華的車方做好,程華歡快的聲音說:「帥氣的電梯先生,上班辛苦了。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAFoOBjgaMpJ
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季慈低低嗯了聲,他正在思考自己應該直接拒絕程華,還是再稍等一會,對方要開車,應該要讓駕駛保持愉快的心情。他滿腹心思都在拒絕的時機、拒絕的話語跟原因上打轉,他想告訴對方:他對愛情現在沒有想法、沒有感覺,只有恐懼。65Please respect copyright.PENANAES5zhMrxNE
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程華轉動鑰匙發動引擎,一邊打檔踩下油門,車子流暢的進入車流中,一邊放柔聲音:「很累?那路上買個熱食帶回家吃?」65Please respect copyright.PENANAJvIdPyija8
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季慈暗暗深吸口氣,強迫自己的腦袋冷靜下來,不發一語地望著程華專注開車的側臉,直到等待紅燈,程華轉臉面對他,用笑容無聲詢問時,季慈才緩慢的說:「我不餓,你餓嗎?」65Please respect copyright.PENANA71E3fopwUD
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「我也不餓。」程華搖頭,似乎看出了季慈的異狀。「今天特別累嗎?」65Please respect copyright.PENANA1oo18qPugz
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「不是,我只是在想事情。」季慈搖頭,努力憋著以免自己在不對的場合裡說出來。「綠燈了。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAdWGVdKKkpG
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程華倉促的發出無意義聲音,趕忙跟上前方車輛。這座城市雖然並非不夜城,但晚上十點仍舊熱鬧。65Please respect copyright.PENANACB2w903mwV
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季慈因為心事重重而不說話,程華便也一路保持安靜,整段路程聽的全是小提琴獨奏,加上車體或車外不時傳來的聲音,所合成的荒腔走板演奏,季慈也感到內心有道荒腔走板的聲音。65Please respect copyright.PENANAoy7TbzC1BJ
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就在到達季慈的住所時,程華突然叫他:「季慈。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAmtXu1Mt4OU
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「嗯?」季慈原先還有些傻愣的不在狀況內,但頭一轉,程華的表情讓他大感不對勁,他害怕的話將要被說出口,逼得他只能急忙一面解開安全帶,一面道:「晚安,謝謝你,辛苦你等我下班了。到家打給我。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAAZRs27ylgg
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言語、動作一氣呵成,話剛說完季慈已經開門下車,也不待程華伸長了手想抓住他,喉嚨裡的聲音來不及發出,碰地關上車門,頭也不回的跑了。65Please respect copyright.PENANAmdfQRRAjV7
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「我到底在做什麼。」季慈氣喘吁吁地靠著自家門板,緊張得手心不斷盜汗、發抖。65Please respect copyright.PENANA1bYj0qhXOZ
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當他冷靜下來,脫掉鞋子預備進浴室盥洗,時間像是被掐準般,程華的電話來了。65Please respect copyright.PENANAZsvaB5Wis9
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「……」65Please respect copyright.PENANAZlY1fVPf9o
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「……」季慈沉默的接通電話,另一方也異常沉默,這樣的安靜太異常,季慈害怕程華繼續剛才那個被他中斷的話題,短暫的猶豫後奪了發言權:「晚安,到家了?」65Please respect copyright.PENANAH52H7yDeea
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「晚安,到了……」季慈察覺程華話語未盡,二度搶白,直接了當的說出了想了一晚的話,毫不婉轉:「對不起,我不想談愛、談感情。」65Please respect copyright.PENANA8JsXy2Atoz
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話筒的一端的寂靜被延長,彷彿看不見盡頭的折磨人心,季慈覺得身周空氣稀薄,不覺閉氣。他完全喪失時間感,憋得心臟都快要停了,程華突兀的輕鬆語氣拯救了他,「……我被拒絕了,太哀傷了。」這答案乾脆到令他生出些難過和遺憾。65Please respect copyright.PENANAI3NzXfstgY
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又聽程華說:「請問電梯先生,可否看在同是天涯淪落人的份上,明天下班跟我去喝杯酒呢?」65Please respect copyright.PENANASE6bJfrfj0
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這個邀約令季慈有些錯愕,他以為程華會想要獨自療傷或什麼,可能暫時不會再見面,或者有更多的接觸,結果程華的行為模式就跟他出現的方式一樣,使人錯愕。65Please respect copyright.PENANAOOtwttLKLQ
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「……明天不行。」他的聽力忽然變得靈敏,程華的呼吸梗了下,他又連忙補上一句:「星期日晚上可以。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6QrhsfNtO
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「沒問題!」程華急忙道,聲音比起剛才更顯精神,像是深怕他反悔似的,快速地說:「那你快去休息吧,晚安。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAsX02797LJs
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「晚安。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAFJleZmmq4o
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掛上電話後,季慈忽地厭惡起自己,為什麼明明是拒絕了,還要為對方的反應而難過與高興呢?65Please respect copyright.PENANAZEGmL67BU3
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但程華最後的邀約確確實實的讓他感受到開心,一種不被遺棄的愉快,以及頓生的貪心。65Please respect copyright.PENANA6seXaJHoSD
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