What was taking so long? It’s been at least four hours. Shouldn’t she be out by now? I feel like I’m going mad. Again. Why does she always do this to me?
I pace the floor in front of the sitting area. The sweet old nurse, lovingly nicknamed Nana Free by the younger staff, shakes her head as she watches me walk back and forth.
She’d tried to get him to go lie in a vacant exam room a couple hours ago, but he was too worried. Too restless. It was to be expected of course.
What is taking so long?!
The main entrance opens, revealing detective Hault and the rest of my squad.
“Hey Dean, no word on our patient yet?”, Detective Hault asks him.
I jerk to a stop, standing before them rigidly.
“No sir, nothing yet. Still in surgery.”
“Now Dean, we aren’t on duty. Ethan is fine. And relax a bit, no sense in standing there like there’s a stick in your ass.”
I nod, still uncomfortable, “You contact her family?”
“Yeah. Her mother is impatiently awaiting word on her condition. She’s watching her daughter and didn’t want to wake her. Says she will be down as soon as possible.”
She has a daughter? I wonder if she looks like her? I guess I’ll find out at some point. I hadn’t much considered…she could be married. What then?
“Hey Alpha. Bravo and I were gonna go get some grub. You coming, or you gonna stay here and sulk all night?”, Delta asks.
“Fuck you Jason.”, I retort.
“I’ll take that as you wanna sulk.”
“Go away.”
“Suit yourself. Let’s go Bravo.”
Bravo Four gives a small smile, nodding at me.
“Do try to rest while you wait Dean. You look exhausted. Call me if you need anything.”
“Yeah. Thanks Tre.”
“You alright Dean?”, Ethan asks after the men have left.
“No Ethan, I’m not.”
The detective nods.
“Let’s go sit for a bit. I’m sure they’ll be out soon.”
I slowly make my way over and sink into a stiff waiting room chair. We sit in silence for several minutes before the detective asks me, “You think she’ll be okay?”.
“Yeah. I do. She’s fiery. Always has been. She won’t let go without a fight.”
He thinks back to all the fights they got into. The day she found out he’d been cutting his arms and leaving them to fester. She’d been livid, fought him tooth and nail over that. The times he had basically given up and contemplated ending it all. All the times he’d tried to cut contact with her. Before the last time. But he hadn’t given her a choice then.
My thoughts were interrupted by Ethan’s next statement.
“So, you do know her. I had a hunch but wasn’t certain.”
“I did. A long time ago.”, I’m suddenly on my feet again, pacing in front of the detective, “I’m not sure she’ll be happy to see me…Is she married?”
Ethan chuckles to himself, obviously amused by my sudden questioning of her relationship status.
“No, she’s not. Divorced, I think. Her ex-husband was a suspect in her disappearance, but obviously we were wrong about that. Why wouldn’t she be happy to see you?”
Why wouldn’t she be happy to see me… because I ripped her heart out over a text message ten years ago? Because I disappeared on her, and left her to her own devices for my own selfish wants? Because I was a coward?
I pace faster.
“I messed up boss. I was afraid of what she would have to say about the program. I cut all contact ten years ago…”
“Ten years?! You sure she’ll even remember you?”, Ethan laughs.
Shit. I hadn’t even considered that. What if she doesn’t remember me? Don’t think about that…that answer might kill me…if she doesn’t remember me…
My sudden reeling thoughts must have been evident on my face, because Ethan backtracks quickly, “I was only kidding son. Who wouldn’t remember your ugly mug, even if it was pre-program.”
I give him a small smile.
“I hope you’re right Ethan.”
I just hope she isn’t too mad at me…
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