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I believe that the biggest betrayal of man, roots from the soul. When your body rejects its goodness and processes a state more morbid. A metamorphic state of catastrophe where the soul either rejects the body leaving it void or empty, Or The body rejects the soul by clouding its judgment into and out of substance.
"You are Not Who I thought You Were."
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….The Four Seasons....
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/1/
Spring was early and fresh with residue of water in the air, seraphic. Youth coursing in our veins as we spoke of an eternal connection. The colors and winds swayed in our favor as we foolishly believed time was on our side.
We, The Neglectful Adolescents.
As spring ended so did your beliefs, our eternal connections lingering in remnants of what we used to call "Forever"
All it takes to change the interrelation between two people is the addition of one letter: When " Our" turns to "Your"
For you this would be the end of it, but sadly I took the eternal promise as obsolete and while I pined the day we would forget this silly quarrel to go back to how we used to be, you seemed to grow into a man I did not know. A man I would later come to hate.
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/2/
I waited through the cold autumn, the crunch beneath my feet stirring up a small dose of satisfaction. Many came and tried to stray me off this silly path I put myself on but naturally, walked away.
I had promised my self to the nostalgia of you being with me since that spring.
I put my confidence in the beliefs of Olympus, the human nature and anatomy descends from titanic roots where as the soul breaths from Olympic divinity. "No man is born bad."
But how are we sure every man is born good?
I hold all humans equal to the judgment of the following philosophy I have learned through my nineteen years of life,
A person can change their habits, but they can never divorce their nature.
And on that belief I shivered and scuffled through the bone prickling winds to make my way to the false destination of you.
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/3/
Summer. It brought me hope, it taught me the gate to the mind is the eyes of the ones we love but it forgot to teach me how lips contradict that very aesthetic. It forgot to teach me as warm as the sun felt on my skin, how cancerous it could become. It taught me the beauty of light but forgot to teach me of the cold, silence of the dark that followed it.
Summer felt like a hyper active middle schooler who wanted to run around without any sense of danger or conscience. How it jeopardized the control I soo badly desired all because of a half-witted temptation.
It scorched me till it felt like the desert of Cholistan, scavenging for a mirage even.
I reminisced in the memory of you like water, I bathed in it like the sun at noon, losing track of time in the ultraviolet rays of the blazing beauty.
I dug for too long and I dug too deep, forgetting there is no one standing on the other side to help me out.
Before realization hit me, I had dug a grave fit for two.
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/4/
Winter
Soon when I needed more than my skin to protect my core from the world I saw you for the first time in four seasons, I found you in front of me, yet unlike my hands yours clenched pebbles instead of roses. I smiled petting the urge that whined for you to come yelling, so full of desperation and obedience, yet when I reached out to her, I could not find her.
I could not feel her.
I could not sense her.
Yet all together I knew she was there but not for you- never for you. But for the one that taught her love.
The one that showed her acceptance.
The one that swayed with her in the soft spring winds.
Somewhere in my dilemma of your unpoised arrival, I never noticed the audience clear out and the curtains drape and the theater close.
I never knew I would lose you. I never knew that my desire to be with who you were was a wish too heavy for the world to bear, a wish too unfair to abide by.
My fingers ached and thinned as I clasped on to you, only to be met with a stranger with the same name as you, the same body as you, the same face as you.
Yet when our souls once again came togather, mine seemingly failed to recognize the presence of yours.
We became everything yet nothing at all.
Within the adrenalin to be with you, I never noticed when the desire faded into nothing more than a specter of my past.
Soo infinitely absurd it is to want everything from nothing at all.
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