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“Your brother?”
She studied his appearance, only now noticing the familiar features hidden within his finer facial structure. Once she saw their similarities she couldn’t unsee them. His face morphed into one that was older and more haggard looking. Carrying the scars of battle and loss. A rare smile broke his often solemn demeanor, causing tears to well up in her eyes.
“Damian…”
Her voice trembled as she whispered one of those fifty-three names that she would never forget. One of the men who she killed.
His smile disappeared and he looked at her with concern. As if asking why she was crying. He had never liked to see her sad. Told her that the tears reminded him of his kid brother.
As she reminisced, his skin turned pale. Suddenly she was standing on a forest path, his mangled body lying at her feet. Both the horse and him had arrows sticking out of them. Though the archer had been meticulous, hitting Damian only in the gut. They wanted him to slowly bleed to death. An undeserving and painful end for anyone. The message had been clear. Surrender or more will die.
I should have listened.
His empty eyes stared at her accusingly and she felt the guilt start to make her gasp for air. Closing her eyes, she tried to calm her beating heart. He wasn’t here anymore, this was all in her mind.
A hand grabbed hold of her arm and she was sitting in front of Taylor once more. He looked concerned and his nervousness had been replaced by grief.
“I’m sorry. I should have recognized you sooner. You resemble him.”
She tried to smile and rubbed away her tears. Dislodging herself from his hand.
“You are the first to say so. Most say I take more after my father than he did.”
Steeling herself, she looked at his face again. Trying not to trigger her memories. She could still see the clear resemblance. They shared their honey blond hair and blue eyes, had the same button nose, and a similar slightly bigger than average mouth. More than anything, it was the way they carried themselves that differed. Damian had been a serious and mostly silent man, with a surprising knack for dark humor. Taylor instead seemed to be lacking his brother’s confidence.
“I’m sorry for what I asked.”
She found herself shaking her head even before he finished his sentence. He deserved to know what happened to his brother. In her own selfishness, she hadn’t even considered contacting everyone’s families. Something she would have to rectify.
“He died a couple of months before we lost. I had sent him to Valerian’s.. the Prince’s army camp. Thinking he would be ready to surrender.”
Taking a deep breath, she tried to keep her voice steady. Flashes of his bloody corpse kept appearing but this time she didn’t panic but instead fell into an almost emotionless state. As if she hadn’t been the one to experience what had happened but was just recounting someone else’s story.
“From what we could gather, the prince had him followed on his way back and killed him with an arrow.”
Lidea held her gaze on the hands she had folded in her lap. Not daring to see the emotions in the other man’s eyes. She shouldn’t have been as arrogant as to think that Valerian would have surrendered. He hadn’t attacked her not because he couldn’t, but because he didn’t want to. A fact that she would learn soon.
“Did he suffer?”
His voice sounded thick in emotion and she could hear him audibly swallow. Composing herself, she looked over to him. Not wanting to lie and tell him it had been a peaceful death, but also not able to bring what had happened to him into words. He seemed to understand her even without them. The emotion spilled over into tears. She had expected him to get angry, to look at her in condemnation. But that didn’t happen.
“I begged him not to go.”
Lidea wasn’t surprised to hear so. Who would have wanted their family member to go with her at the time? Most had been more sensible than her foolish idealistic self. They knew what would happen to them if they decided to follow her.
“He did it for me. I know it and I hate him for it. Why couldn’t he just be selfish? I never asked him to fight for me.”
It dawned on her that while Damian had no magic talent, Taylor being here meant he did. He must have wanted to protect him. For the first time, she wondered about the reasons that her father’s men had joined her cause. All these years, she had heard them speak about their lives and families. But had she ever truly listened? Or had she been too consumed by her desires to consider them having their reasons to fight beside her?
Glancing at the sobbing man, an epiphany struck her. He didn’t deserve to feel the guilt he did. His brother had made his own decisions. Taylor hadn’t asked and Lidea hadn’t required him to. Just like she hadn’t forced any of the others.
The weight that had been on her shoulders ever since that dreadful day that she was thrown into prison, finally lifted. Not completely, and it would never as it still were her decisions that lead to their death. But it finally got through to her, that she didn’t have to bear that burden all on her own. She wasn’t the sole one responsible. Even less was the man beside her.
“You love him… and he loved you. So much in fact that he wanted to protect your life so desperately that he was willing to risk his own.”
She choked on the words, as tears welled in her own eyes and she offered a wavering smile. Feelings were never her strong suit, but she hoped her words comforted him somewhat. However, Taylor looked at her and seemed to be shocked into silence. Just as she started wondering if he needed a healer, he started to convulse with laughter.
“Don’t ever look like that at someone again!”
Shock colored her expression as she send him a questioning gaze.
“Was what I said, that hilarious to you?”
“Not the words, but what was that smile? You looked like you had just eaten a sour apple and were trying to convince me to eat the rest. Or like a goblin. A goblin with sore teeth.”
As he continued his tirade of insults, Lidea felt slighted for trying to cheer up the man. She almost made her annoyance known, but one look at his handsome smile made her pause. His face interchanged with the one of the man she had known before.
Maybe, I can repay him.
“Taylor…?”
Her voice sounded hesitant and she was surprised when he stopped his tirade. Convinced that he wouldn’t have heard her over his guffaws. The look on her face must have tipped him off as he turned serious.
“Damian, he wanted you to live safely, happily. He already lost his life for this cause. Why are you here? Why didn’t you let them take you somewhere safe?”
The sadness was still there in his eyes, even if his burst of laughter had softened the grief. She expected him to look away or stumble over his words in response. If she pushed him just right, then he would listen to her suggestion. Find somewhere safe to live and Lidea could at least know that Damian had been able to accomplish what he had set out to do. Protect his little brother's life.
Instead, Taylor looked at her straight. His puffy, red-rimmed eyes were unwavering as they met hers.
“I am here because I want to fight. If I wanted to be safe, I would have fled long ago. It is my life. Neither Damian nor you get to decide what I do with it. Besides, couldn’t I ask you the same? I can’t imagine that sir Valkyrea would have wanted his daughter to be in this position.”
His resolve and the way he had turned her question back at her, left her stunned. She had considered what her father would think of her now. Would he have been devastated that she had grown up fighting? Probably, but she hoped that he was a little bit proud of her as well. Wherever he was now. Still, even if he wasn’t. It wouldn’t have changed her choices. So why did she assume that it would have changed his?
Recognizing her mistake, she flushed slightly and look sheepishly at the ground.
Seems like I have to start blowing less smoke up my own arse.
Her expression seemed to amuse Taylor who started to chuckle.
“Don’t worry. I know that you see me as a weakling that will die as soon as the fighting starts.”
Lidea wanted to protest. Say that she hadn’t been thinking anything so shallow until she realized that that was exactly why she had suggested that he had to leave.
He stood up with a smile and offered her a hand.
“Training is going to start soon. If you are planning to join, we could walk together?”
One look at the moss told her that training was still a while off. It occurred to her, that he was leaving early because he understood that she would need time for the climb up. Her pride itched and she almost shoed him away before thinking the better of it. With a nod, she accepted his hand and let him pull her up.
“You know, it would be good practice for you to carry me up.”
Taylor looked at her in dumbfounded silence, probably wondering if she was being serious or not. She raised an eyebrow at him in a quiet challenge causing him to squirm in discomfort. Enjoying it a bit too much, she took the lead. Leaving him to wonder while starting her ascend.
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Breathing heavily, she let herself drop onto the stone that had become her usual spot to observe from. Taylor couldn’t suppress his smirk as he brought her a drinking flask with water.
She had almost reconsidered making him carry her, halfway up the hill. The muscles in her legs were screaming and she felt lightheaded. Still, the exertion felt good to her body. As if she was finally making progress toward healing from her ordeal.
Accepting the drinking flask, she shot him a smile in gratitude before taking a big gulp. He returned her smile before walking off to join the others on the field. She could see their curious glances and could guess the interrogation he would go through. Luckily for her, they still seemed to be too intimidated to approach her. She didn’t mind as it meant that they didn’t bother her.
Lidea looked at the tower door through which Warchief would normally come running down. Remembering the state he had been in that morning, she was surprised that Crystal had not told the men that he wouldn’t attend. She hoped that she had been able to help him. He had been in so much pain. Worse was that Crystal hadn’t been phased. Telling Lidea that this had happened before, and often.
As time dragged on, she started to believe that he wouldn’t arrive and prepared herself to tell the men an excuse. But as she gathered herself to stand, the door swooped open and an apologetic Warchief came running out. His energy made her frown. If she hadn’t seen him that morning, she wouldn’t have noticed anything. Although she could see the dark circles under his eyes when she paid attention.
“Sorry, sorry. The bed had a stranglehold on me.”
His charming demeanor and easy smile, made the men laugh and not criticize his tendency to be late. It also distracted anyone from taking a closer look. Making her wonder how often his act had caused her to notice his pain. As he glanced over the men to her, their eyes met. A fleeting emotion weakened his smile before he looked away and recovered himself.
“Let’s start with general training, after that we will be splitting up into our groups and doing sparring matches.”
The men groaned in annoyance, but Warchief still kept them to their training. After their discussion a week ago, he had been diligently following her advice to always start training with physical exercises. To disgruntlement of the men who threw her an annoyed glance from time to time. Even though nobody had told them the change was due to her. They seemed to have connected the dots on their own.
Normally she would have been happy to see Warchief run through the exercises with the men. But now she cringed every time he had to strain his back. More than once, she wanted to run up and stop him. She almost did but Warchief seemed to have noticed her intention as he looked over at her and shook his head. Still, she couldn’t help frowning. He must be suffering.
Knowing that she couldn’t change anything at the moment, she instead tried to focus on the men. Trying to take mental notes of their improvement, as she still didn’t have her notebook at hand to write them down. Yet she kept throwing worried glances at the man leading them.
He had worked up a healthy sweat and although most of his recruits had resorted to putting off their shirts. Warchief kept his on. She had noticed before that he preferred to keep his tunic on but never thought anything of it. Now knowing the scars that lay beneath, she understood why.
As they took a break, she couldn’t help but breathe a sign of relief. Looking back at Warchief, she saw him approach. He was smiling broadly but she could see the signs of how tired he was. His darker skin was paler than normal and almost had a greyish sheen to it.
“It seems like I gave you a scare this morning.”
He had softened his voice, indicating that he didn’t want to share their conversation with the rest of the group. She thought of her answer a bit longer than she was supposed to. An awkward silence hung between them before he went to sit next to her with a sigh.
“You don’t have to worry about me this much. Believe me, Crystal wouldn’t let me get out of the infirmary if I couldn’t handle this.”
As he mentioned her name, she noticed that the healer hadn’t shown herself during the session. Which was unusual as she normally accompanied Lidea every day. Looking back at Warchief, she decided that he was probably right. The healer would have a better insight into what he could and couldn’t do. It wasn’t her business as to what he did with his health, but still, her curiosity pushed her to question him.
“You seemed to be having a nightmare… Is that what causes your powers to do that?”
The silence returned as he took the water flask from her and sipped off it mindlessly. Lidea had the idea that he used it as an excuse to give him more time to think before he would answer her. After satisfying his sudden thirst, he held the bottle in his hands. Stroking the embellishment with his right thumb. Occupying his hands as his eyes stared at the men enjoying their break. Though Lidea didn’t think it was them that he was seeing.
“Old memories. I have had them for a long time now.”
A gentle smile unfolded on his face as he turned back to her. His mind returned from the far-off place it had wandered to. Even with so few words, they both knew that the other understood. Lidea could only guess what those memories could be but didn’t think it was the right moment to ask him. Seemingly Warchief agreed as he was quick to change the subject.
“I wanted to talk to you about the sparring matches. You have been good at giving me advice from the sideline, but what would you think about helping me out directly? Your eye is better than mine when it comes to teaching them form.”
Lidea was amazed that he wanted to grant her that opportunity so soon. Sure, she had tried to help and give him pointers without being too overbearing. But it wasn’t as if she had been able to prove her skill to them. Still, Lidea wasn’t about to let such an opportunity slip by. Her hands had been itching every training session she had seen. Wanting to scream every time she saw them doing something wrong.
“I would love to. If I don’t bother you.”
His smile grew triumphant and made Lidea narrow her eyes. Somehow she had the idea that he was trying to take advantage of her. He seemingly took notice of her change in mood as he stood up and smiled innocently.
“So shall we start?”
His cheerfulness was contagious and she felt herself smile in return. Even if he wanted her to do his work for him, was it being used if she wanted to do it anyway?
“Yes, let’s start. Maybe these bastards will finally learn a thing or two.”
Warchief started to laugh and she smiled, trying to convey the confidence that her words invoked. She knew that she had the skills and experience to help them, but she didn’t know if they would be willing to listen to her. To them, she was the spoiled princess that got her legion killed.
“Get up everyone and grab your training weapons, we are going to start sparring. Lidea will be helping me today. If I were you, I would take advantage of learning from her what you can. Don’t forget that she was trained by possibly the best fighters in this country. Her knowledge is priceless.”
Lidea straightened up as everyone’s eyes turned to her. Knowing that she couldn’t show these men how unsure she was of herself. She wished that Warchief hadn’t given her such a lofty introduction, but it was better than that he would have left her to fend completely for herself. Her eyes glided over the group of men as she tried to get a feeling of how they received the news. The hostility from when she first arrived, had mostly died down but they still didn’t seem to know what to think of her. That she could work with.
“Thank you Warchief, I hope some of what I have learned can be of use.”
Some men smiled, others frowned but Lidea was feeling too jittery to be discouraged by the lukewarm reaction.
“Good, everyone hurry and pair up.”
She looked on as the men started to form their usual teams. Suddenly she wasn’t looking at the men of the resistance but at her own group of men. The ones that had entrusted her to lead, even if she had been the most inexperienced among them. Her hands trembled as her consciousness returned to the present, and she balled them into a fist to hide her distress.
Everything is fine. It won’t happen again. I won’t let it.
As the men started to fight, she had a hard time ignoring the blunders they made. She wanted to let them warm up before starting her interference. Warchief had a very hands-off approach, letting them fight and discover on their own. Although she thought it to be a good method for someone who already knew the basics, these men were just too inexperienced to accomplish much of anything that way.
As she walked between them, she took note of their footwork. Almost all of them had terrible balance, even those that they had considered having potential. A notable exception was Cedric. He was a tall and lithe figure, whose movements reminded Lidea of a dancer more than a fighter. Strangely enough, he had decided to forego his usual sparring partner Kyrion, an older more timid kind of man, and had paired up with Firon instead. It was by far the most interesting fight among the matches. Firon was without a doubt the most talented among the group. He clearly had fighting experience, but besides that, his figure alone would make him an intimidating opponent. Standing almost two meters tall, he towered over anyone else within the camp. With broad shoulders and a back roped with muscle, he looked as if he could squash people without much effort. He moved his training sword more like one would use a hammer, giving her the idea that he preferred other weapons over the sword if given the chance.
Despite the obvious difference in power, Cedric was holding his own. Avoiding the mighty sweeps intended to knock the weapon out of his hand. Lidea could see how he was trying to find an opening. In turn, Firon was growing more frustrated as the fight went on. She kept an eye on the pair, the match was growing more heated as it dragged on. At some point, Cedric lost his footing causing him to stagger backward. A fatal error and one that should have been the end of the match, but one look at Firon’s face told her that he wasn’t going to stop. He launched forward, aiming his weapon at Cedric’s chest, who in turn was frozen still in fright.
Her body moved unconsciously as she kicked Firon behind the knees. Taking him by surprise and causing him to buckle and nearly fall onto his opponent. He recovered before he actually fell and turned quick as a whip, intending on attacking her until she managed to break his concentration by waving her hand.
“Fight is over Firon. You won. No need to try and injure your allies in a practice match.”
For a moment the man seemed to still want to attack until her words penetrated through his battle haze. As he relaxed his stance and dropped the stick, she did the same in turn. Only now realizing that she hadn’t even had a weapon at hand.
The man didn’t acknowledge her but did turn to Cedric and reached his hand out to help him up.
“It was a good fight, sorry I lost myself in the moment there.”
Cedric didn’t seem to be too keen on accepting his hand but did share an uncertain smile before getting back up on his own.
“No problem can happen. Thank you for the practice.”
Firon grunted and looked a bit dejected before he turned away. As he left, Cedric shared a look with her and nodded gratefully. While she doubted that Firon had meant to hurt him, they were both aware that such a hit could have crippled him if it had landed.
“You are quick on your feet, but that alone won’t allow you to land a hit on him.”
He seemed annoyed at her assessment of his abilities. Although he wasn’t outwardly hostile to her like Firon was, that didn’t mean that he held a high opinion of her.
“I was trying to find an opening. It isn’t like I was just avoiding him for no reason.”
His tone sounded sullen and she nearly rolled her eyes at his childish behavior.
“Exactly. You were purely reacting to him, just avoiding. Avoiding an opponent’s attacks is a good skill to have, but you are only delaying your loss if you are waiting for him to create an opening. It is better to avoid his attacks in such a way that you create one yourself.”
“Create an opening, heh? Look, I am not like you. I’m not planning to hide behind my comrades when I go out and fight. So thank you for the help, but you can keep your guidance for you.”
This time, she did roll her eyes. Disappointed by his attitude but not surprised. It wasn’t the first time she encountered arrogance, and probably wouldn’t be the last. When she had first taken the reigns of Rhodry and decided for them to leave the stronghold. Many had protested. Looking at Rhodry instead of her, to get their commands. Rhodry had, however, just repeated what she had said. It was him who had pushed her to lead, after all. The protests had died, when not a week after they had left her family home. The royal army had managed to collapse the structure using explosives. Her decision was the only reason why they hadn’t been buried within its walls.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Taylor sauntering near them with a concerned expression on his face. Having wrapped up his sparring match, and wondering what the fuss was about.
Testing out her body by gently moving her body weight from one foot to the other, she decided that the climb uphill had tired her but not to a point that she couldn’t teach this man a lesson.
“Why don’t you try and attack me and I can show you what I mean?”
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Hi everyone, my apologies for missing last weeks update. I got sick and didn't have the energy to write. At least this one is on time, and I'm going to try (no promises) to upload again on monday to make up for the week I missed.108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6Z2JZz1ah
Hope you enjoy^^
