Note to the readers: Please don't take this too seriously, I don't have a crush on Shrek, I'm just trying to be funny.
Now, they tell you to be careful what to wish for. I didn't even mean for this wish to come true. I'd made a light joke to my friends how amazing it would be to live with Shrek for the day. I'd meant it sarcastically. Clearly the wish world hadn't heard of the term.
"Good morning lassie!" Shrek called merrily, spatula in hand. He was covered in slime, onion slime I hoped, as he didn't have an apron on. He saw my expression and chuckled. "I'll have a mud shower in a wee minute, don't worry. Sit down, have some brew whilst I finish."
I really didn't want to try the brew. But my parents raised me with manners, and so I sat down on one of the chairs (silently praying it wouldn't break). The brew looked disgusting. Wasn't exactly the cup of tea I usually drink before school. But this wasn't exactly a normal morning. So I took a deep breath, and tentatively took a sip.
It was the best drink I'd ever tasted.
My senses seemed to grow, and I could hear everything, see everything, smell everything so crisply. It was magical. "What's in this?" I gasped, as I wondered if special substances were legal there. If they had laws at all.
Shrek beamed, from green long ear to ear. "Just a wee bit of spice from the garden, along with some stewed mud. I'm so happy you like it." He sat down next to me at the table, and placed down a big bowl. "Would you like some onion porridge?"
"Sure." I smiled to myself as he scooped the mixture up with his hands, and placed it in my bowl. Shrek definitely wasn't an eloquent being, but I hadn't expected him to be so...gentlemanly. He was just roguish and cute in the films. I was beginning to not regret my wish.
The porridge was just as good as the brew. I made a mental note to myself to ask Shrek for the exact recipes before I went home. It warmed me up a treat, and I felt like I was floating on air. Several times I had to check my feet were planted on the ground.
"I think we need a shower after that!" Shrek laughed, patting his bulging belly. His laugh boomed around the small room, and drove shivers down my spine. It radiated happiness, pure content. Something nobody in the real world ever gets to experience.
I nodded at him, and started to unbutton my pyjamas. "Where is the shower around here?"
Shrek's eyes glazed over for a moment as he stared at me. Not in a bored way, but with...something else. He shook his head vigorously. "Outside, lassie. I'll hop in first, let you finish changing." If his cheeks could have blushed, they would have, I'm sure. Shrek hurried outside, not taking another glance.
I finished undressing, and curled up by the fire as I waited for my turn. Just as I wondered if Shrek might lend me a dressing gown, there was a rat-a-tat-tat at the door. "You can use my old shirt for today lassie, keep yourself warm!" I headed for the wardrobe, and opened it. There were all of Shrek's clothes in all their glory. The classic white shirt, leather waistcoat, brown skinny trousers... But I was a lot smaller and skinnier than Shrek, so I grabbed the shirt and hauled it over my head.
It smelt just like him: earwax and mud. It shouldn't have smelt so good. Most girls are attracted to the scent of Lynx and Impulse sprays. Not me. I felt dizzy as I inhaled the scent. I wanted to bury myself in the shirt, bury myself in Shrek...
No. What was I thinking? This was the ogre that I'd seen on films, that it had a pocket version of on my phone. I was quite surprised I was with him at all. I was surprised I was getting along with him, let alone doing so so well.
But he was sweet. He smelt amazing, he cooked amazingly. There was just something special about him.
oOo
Shrek and I decided to head to Duloc. Despite Shrek's dislike for Lord Farquaad, the man running it, he still enjoyed having a stroll around the shops. As we walked through the woods to get there, he told me all about how the townsfolk grew to accept and love him.
"...And I bashed the guy over the head with the chair! The crowd loved it, and I felt so buzzed!" Shrek's arms were flailing all over the place, and I had to take one of them into my hand to stop it hitting me. "Whoops, sorry there lassie. I don't want to hurt you."
I looked him straight in the eyes. "You're doing the opposite of hurting me." We walked on, though quietly for a few moments. My hand still had his arm, but he had crooked it a little so I could hold onto it better. He really was proving to be quite the gentleman. After a few minutes he continued his story, completely unaware that I had watched Shrek the movie countless times. But I laughed and gasped, playing along, and even occasionally forgetting where I was and what was happening.
As we reached the entrance of Duloc, Shrek stopped mid-sentence. He had just got to the part where he was fighting the dragon, and how funny he was currently finding it that Donkey and her were now in love. "Oh no," he murmured.
"What is it, Shrek?" I frantically looked around. "Are the guards here? Is Lord Farquaad here? Is Fi—"
"Welcome to Duloc, such a perfect town!" The voices of children joyfully singing. I knew exactly what this was. I turned around. Sure enough, the little puppets were merrily dancing. I raised an eyebrow at Shrek, but he wasn't looking. He looked almost sad.
My body shifted, so I was facing Shrek instead of the puppets. "Are you okay?" I squeezed his arm, as my eyes searched his face worriedly.
He sighed, and nodded. "Aye, lassie. It just reminds me of Fiona. Farquaad changed some of the words to the song." 762Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzABgZQbFls
Sure enough, the last line was, 'Duloc is a perfect place because of Lord Farquaad and his wiiiiiiiiiiiiife!"
I suddenly realised that Fiona wasn't with Shrek. They should've been together at the swamp. My mind quickly figured that this must be an alternate universe, where Shrek and Fiona never married. "What happened to her, if you don't mind me asking?"
Shrek snorted. "After I rescued her from the castle, to bring her to Farquaad, I fell in love with her. And I thought she liked me a wee bit back. But nay. Donkey caught her trying to run away from us plenty o' times, plus she said I was..." Shrek bowed his head. "Ugly. Lassie, do you think I'm ugly?"
If my friends back home had asked me this question, I would have sarcastically told them he was the most beautiful thing alive. But here? I actually found myself believing that for real. "No Shrek, you're not ugly. You're lovely, in every way." I took his hand, and squeezed it tightly. "Shall we head back to the swamp?"
"Aye, please," Shrek murmured, squeezing my hand back fiercely. It was sweating a little bit, but it felt good as it was such a hot day.
As as we stumbled through the sunflowers, Shrek paused, and grabbed a few. I stood still as he fumbled with them, before weaving them into the curls of my hair. "You're the lovely one, lassie." We smiled at each other, hearts pounding a little, hand in hand. 762Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuf0LvZwZB2
It felt so good.762Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCkI7J4P2j
oOo
The starts shined above us, as we lay down for an evening picnic. It was soon time for me to go back home, and pretend this day had never happened. I couldn't tell my friends this had happened, let alone how amazing it felt to be lying next to Shrek on that night. They would have thought I was mad.
Yet here I was. Shrek had packed a beautiful picnic, full of all his favourites that were quickly becoming mine too. Barbecued flies, webs on a stick, eyeball cocktails, and so much more. I'd watch him prepare it all a couple of hours before, singing 'All-Star' with him at the top of our voices whilst doing so.
"Look at all the all-stars in the sky now!" I grinned, pointing at one of the dim ones. I knew Shrek was into different things; into things that were underdogs. 762Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadrCQpWSY4
He beamed his big grin, rotting teeth gleaming in the moonlight. Then his eyes glazed over again as he looked at me, as they had before the shower this morning. Shrek shifted his body closer to mine, as he started to sing the song again. "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on..." He crooned it, and I felt the music soar through me.
I took his hand once again, and rested it on the side of my cheek. "I don't want to go, Shrek. I want to share the rest of my life with you. I've loved every minute of it."
Shrek inhaled sharply. "Lassie..."
"I know, I know. We've only known each other for nearly a day, and I'd never see anyone I know again." I shrugged my shoulders. "But Shrek, can you feel it? This thing between us, it just feels so beautiful. I want to feel it forever."
Before Shrek could say anything in response, a purple glittery swirl appeared in front of us. Out of it stepped what appeared to be a wizard of a sort. "Alright, that's quite enough out of you two. We don't allow fairytales, we allow wishes. And you," he glared at me, "have had more than your money's worth."762Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQB7dnHT4D
"But I don't want to go," I sniffed, as a single tear slipped from the corner of my eye. 762Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NsjcKnOVS
Shrek pulled me to my feet, not letting go of my hand as he did so. "Lassie. You're an all-star, get your game on, go play. You're all that glitters, you're gold. And only shooting stars break the mould. Go break that mould in the real world. Do me proud."
His words uplifted me. Gave me a sort of strength, that I'm still carrying with me as I write this. "Okay, Shrek. It's been amazing meeting you. You've been my shooting star."
The wizard rolled his eyes, though I'm pretty sure he was hiding a smile underneath the wooly beard of his. "Let's get you out of here."
And with that, my perfect day with Shrek ended.
ns 15.158.61.51da2
