"Nineteen.... twenty.... twenty-one."
My hands swiped for the baby raccoons darting over my back to press them into the blanket I had bundled down for them.
Thier tiny glistening eyes peered back up at me when I smiled back and checked my surroundings again.
Tucked away inside an old pipe, they were safer here than they would be back in our cramped headquarters.
Besides, no-one knew I had kept a whole litter of raccoons, let alone twenty-one of them.
"Don't look at me like that" I sighed back when they swarmed around the edge to try and clamber back onto my hands "it's only for a little bit."
Gently pushing them back, I lifted up the panel of pipe I had cut out for them to rehook it back into place and hide them again.
It was better than any cage, but it wasn't the open lands they should have been living in under the rolling skies.
Looking up, my shoulders slumped at the twisting of metal and wires dominating where the sky should have been.
The bask of city lights and neon signs drowned out even the sparkle of space that would be just beyond those metal panels holding this hunk of junk together.
Knowhere was home for so many, but it just didn't feel like mine. After seeing what I was; what I had been called for so long, there was an emptiness I couldn't shake.
I was lost all over again.
"Come on, Rocket" I growled at my self-pity "pull yourself together."
Heading back for our little headquarters, I had to focus on what was more important now.
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"There you are!" Peter called when I pushed through the door and made my way to the fridge "where have you been?"
"You just took off" Groot chimed in.
"Yeah, Buddy, I know" I mumbled back. 277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSStmLZq5xV
It helped that everyone understood the words underneath his usual tones that seemed like monotonous repetition to others, but sometimes, I wished our conversations could be private again.
"Exactly!" Peter gestered "we were in the middle of going over very important plans and you just scurried off!"
I glared at the milk he held and took a long sip from. At least it wasn't alcohol anymore. Not since he got what he wanted again.
Pulling open the fridge door, I grabbed for the nearest three milks. One for me, two for them. The fridge was always stacked, so taking three would barely be any hassle.
"Uh, uh" Peter bent over to close the door on me "are you selling them off? Storing up for winter?"
"It's barely a row!" I snapped back with my cradled arms.
"You've been taking a lot more lately" he pointed to me "you're up to something."
"Maybe he's eating his feelings?" Mantis pondered from the table where she sat with Drax.
"Feelings are not food" he added.
"I am not....!" I flared, taking a deep breath that I blew out when I stormed to the kitchen to rummage through the drawers for a plate "look, I don't need you poking your nose in my business, Quill!"
Teeth bared and anger rattling through me, the plate was wedged between the glass bottles freezing my fur.
"They're just trying to help" Groot spoke softly.
"I don't need help" I scowled back at him while stomping for the door again that I paused at to survey everyone bitterly "stay out of my head!"
Kicking it closed behind me, my bitterness rattled through me.
They knew everything about me now. All of my torture and agony, along with the way I had blindly trusted someone I thought was going to give me and my friends a life worth living.
They watched it like some projection while I couldn't do anything to stop them. They saw Lylla....
No. Don't think about that.
Flaring, I kept up my march back to the pipe.
My life wasn't thiers to try and understand. I wasn't just some experiment or pet. They had to stop digging into things I didn't want to pull back up.
Slowing as I neared the street where the familiar pipe on the wall was, I checked behind me to make sure I wasn't being followed.
I don't know what I expected when I didn't see anyone there. Anger that I wasn't worth coming after? Or happiness that I could keep this little bit of joy to myself for a bit longer?
Huffing, I squeezed through the wedge where homes almost met corner to corner, and popped out into my little area where the ugly pipes were hidden out of sight.
Approaching mine to gently lower my load on the ground, I could already hear the tiny squeaks within trying to get to me.
Hoisting up the makeshift door and leaning it against the pipe, I scooped the babies towards me and grinned when they scrabbled over my clothing to my back and shoulders.
Bubbles quivered in my gut at feeling them smothering me. The anger I had been boiling in simmered down at the sounds and sights of the little raccoons depending on me to keep them alive.
They wouldn't make it on thier own. Even after Peter made a trip back to his home planet to offload the native species we had saved, I couldn't bring myself to leave them in the forest like he wanted.
They had nothing to protect them or feed them. In a cage, they had it all provided, one way or another. Out there, it was ruthless for something so small.
So, they became my secret. We left Earth with my little ones hidden in my room aboard the ship. Now that we were back in Knowhere, they were safer in this area until they were big enough to feel that warm sunshine again.
The guilt that I was robbing them of thier own chance to see it for themselves was always prodding at me.
Was I as bad as the one who kept me in darkness and filth all those years?
Focusing back on the little squeaks and claws reaching up for my dripping snout, I quickly wiped it and laid out the plate so I could pour the first bottle into it.
Sipping through the cold metal straw of my own, I watched the wave of hungry mouths start lapping at the liquid. Hands submerged into it, and some teeth were bared at others squeezing in too close.
Would I have been like that with my siblings if things had been different?
What even happened to them? I never found that out. I don't think I wanted to know if it was related to that facility.
Running my fingers over the metal embedded into my hands, I peered at those unmarked by experimentation.
I felt my cold metal press to the glass I poured to keep the demanding mouths fed. The clinking of hard surface on hard surface reminded me of how lucky they had been.
If I had turned from that room, who knows what history would have been repeated for these little ones?
They were safe now, with me.
Bristling, I smiled at the messed faces dripping up at me when they returned as thier bellies were filled.
This was a different feeling than the one I felt with my friends; Floor, Teefs, and especially Lylla. This one wasn't from my heart but from deep in my bubbling gut.
It made me warm and comforted, but also hyperaware of all the little noises prickling my ears. Everything worked within me to determine if the scurrying of a roach or the flaring of a flaming wok outside a business was going to need me to take action against it to protect them.
"I...love you guys" I smiled through my tears silently streaking through my fur again.
I should have said it to my friends. It was nice having friends, but it was even nicer to love them with all of your heart.
But this love, this was one that was making me realise I'd lay down my life again for them so soon after dodging death before.
"Nothing is going to happen to any of you" i vowed "you'll be safe with me."
They huddled against my clothes as they left the empty plate behind. Sitting there, I carefully placed a hand over them to brush the soft fur of the tiny bodies quivering.
Whispering, I started my count again to make sure none had straggled from safety.
"One... two.... three...."
Pausing, the guilt spread upward again.
None of them had names. I was numbering them, just like I had been numbered myself. 89P13. I had it etched into my skin under my fur like all other subjects.
And here I was, numbering every last one like they were nothing more than that to me.
Quickly, I finished my mental check and plucked each baby from myself to tuck back into the blanket in the pipe.
They curled together when I covered them back up, picked up the used plate and bottles, and solomnly wandered back.
Sliding up to the table with the unused bottle, I drank it while deep in thought.
If they couldn't talk, how would they name themselves? They couldn't just be numbers thier whole lives. I couldn't name them like they were common pets.
"Peter" I grumbled out when he scowled at the mess around me "uh..."
The words got caught. Eyes were on me. I didn't want to sound desperate.
"How did you....get your name?"
He paused, confused.
"Well, my mother chose it" he replied "some names are passed down in family. My middle name is Jason, the same name as my Grandfather."
His grandfather. That's who he wanted to return to Earth for. He was already hinting at his plans to return for a while now. Since destroying the Lab, it became like a pull for him to return to his home planet.
I dropped my eyes, focusing on my drink.
"Why?" Peter's voice grew sincere now "what's up, Rocket?"
I looked to him, then everyone else focusing on us.
He took a seat beside me, making my body tense up.
Instantly, I was uncomfortable at having to delve deeper.
"I chose my name" I glanced to him "so, if you aren't named, and you can't chose your name, then what are you?"
"What's bringing this up?" he questioned.
I hunched at everything swirling within me.
"At the...." my eyes started to blind with tears again "...with the subjects... will they always be the numbers in thier skin? They can't talk. They can't chose something better."
"Oh."
There was silence. It was tense. I could feel it in my fur when I gripped the glass and was aware of my metal scraping it once more.
"With Earth animals, they don't really have names or numbers" Peter started "not unless someone has one as a pet."
A pet?
"Peter!" Mantis hissed.
Anger flared again.
"So.... I named myself to be a pet?" my voice dropped as my fur raised.
There was a chorus of denial and a hand on my back I shoved off.
"They name things very dear to them" Peter struggled to make things right "when I was a boy, I had a dog I called Lucky. Although, it wasn't very lucky; it was missing a leg and an eye, but the point is, it was a name I thought was special for him.... like Cosmo."
"They shot him into space!" I snapped.
"And he's very special!" Peter blustered back at his mistake.
I growled and turned to my drink.
Why did I bother?
"Our father named me because I looked like a bug" Mantis spoke up with a look to Peter "it wasn't a special name like yours. We aren't defined by something someone gives us. We can choose who we are. You aren't numbers, you are Rocket."
"And I am Drax" Drax chimed in happily.
"I am Groot" Groot grinned to smiles.
Mantis glared to Peter who threw his arms up.
"And I'm Peter" he grumbled in embarrassment.
"You are a moron" I took a sip then chuckled as he flared up "but I think I get it. If you love something, you name it."
Twenty-one names. How was I going to figure out what made them special to me individually?
I wasn't going to figure that out while they stayed crammed in the pipe down behind the houses.
Maybe.... it was time to face the music?
"I'll be back" I slid under the table and made for the door again.
"Where are you going now?" Peter cried out in exhaustion.
I just waved him off and left on my renewed purpose back to the baby raccoons.
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"Alright. You all have to stay with me" I spoke when I scooped the glistening eyes back towards myself "no more dark pipes. I'm going to figure this out and what makes you special."
They all were so special to me already. But names? I never had to name anything other than myself before, and I already knew what made mine unique.
Tying the blanket around my throat like a cape, it shielded the little ones clinging along my back and shoulders.
Dropping down, I squeezed out of the dark area and scurried back for the headquarters.
Facing the door, nervousness rattled me before my face hardened and I untied the blanket to bundle it under my arm.
If I could get to my room past everyone, then I could break it to them gently that they had twenty-one new stowaways.
"I'm back, shock; I know. Anyway, off to do business" I blurted as I walked through and made a bee-line for the corridor where my room was.
I heard a small splat and froze, knowing exactly what was coming.
"ROCKET!"
Ah, shit.
Always the same one too. It's grip was incredibly weak. Even when saving it from the lab it fell off first.
"What is that?" Peter fumed.
Drax gasped, pointing.
"Rocket. You gave birth."
"NO!" I screwed up my face in disbelief as I stopped down to pick it up "it's...."
Well, he already saw them. Peter wasn't impressed, as usual.
"I thought I told you to get rid of them!"
"And what was I supposed to do? Let them starve to death in the trees? It's cruel. They deserve more like, like, wind and grass and...."
"Sky?"
A growl slipped my lips and I remained in place, panting through the shaking betrayal.
They've been in your head. Nothing is secret anymore.
"You can't talk about what I went through like you share numbers with me!" I jabbed my side "they deserve that! I deserve that! I'm still chasing that damn sky!"
Real sky like the blue one I saw. Not stars, not multicolored atmospheres; blue sky.
Everything was trembling. Anger coursed through me and shook the little bodies still clinging to me.
"They're staying with me" I clenched my fists.
"And they are wild animals" Peter glared back "they eat trash out of fast food dumpsters!"
"Well then, throw me out with them!" I bit "I'll keep them safe! I'll make sure they eat real food!"
"Rocket..." Groot mumbled.
"I will" I sniffled and stood my ground "I'm not leaving them too."
Our glares met and remained fixed until Peter sighed and turned from me.
"Rocket" Mantis stepped forward "they won't live like you."
"They've got shorter lifespans" Peter muttered without looking at me.
Shorter lives?
I looked to the faces lifted to me and then to Peter who couldn't even look me in the eyes.
"How long do I have?"
He didn't want to answer. He turned but saw me bundled with the babies and sighed.
"Two to three years."
Mantis' antenna dropped at the shock washing through me. Her eyes glistened with mine.
They'd barely live before they died.
"Then..." I hesitated, nodding "give me three years and I'll be back."
Every one of them was going to be named by then.
Groot looked around the room then to me. We were inseparable. I wasn't going to stop him if he wanted to come. I cared for him when he had to regrow from just a burnt branch and he saved me when times were darkest.
"I'll be going to see my Grandfather" Peter spoke up "it's about time I went back and saw him. I can drop you off on the way through?"
"Both of us" Groot said.
"Thanks, Buddy" I smiled to him coming to my side.
Mantis moved forward.
"I'd like to find my own path" she spoke softly "I've been doing things for Ego, then for the Guardians; it's about time I do things for me."
"I'll come with you" Drax blurted.
Mantis' eyes sparkled when she shook her head sadly.
"I need to do this alone."
Drax's lip quivered but he regretfully agreed.
"I'll find what I lost too" he only said.
With Gamora already gone back to the Ravagers, and Nebula searching for a better world for the human subjects of the Lab, it was only us five left.
"So... that's it?" I frowned to our group "everyone is leaving?"
I'd be back, but I didn't think they'd all give up just because I had.
Were we done for good? There would be no more of our friendship or The Guardians?
"No. You can continue onwards with The Guardians when it's time" Peter nodded down to me "Captain."
He hit his chest with pride as he gazed at my stunned face.
Mantis did the same, followed by Drax, then Groot.
They were all proud of me. Proud to be going thier own ways. Peter was stepping down to live his life with his family.
"But....i'll be gone. There will be no more Guardians...."
"They'll be here when you return" Mantis soothed me.
But not the same team I was looking at. It'd be others that I would be leading like Peter had tried with our mismatched crew.
Was I up for all this?
"Three years" I swallowed down the lump in my throat, nodding.
Peter rushed forward to pull me up into a hug. Mantis happily squeezed in with Drax crushing us. Groot planted on top of the pile, grinning at the baby raccoons clambering along his roots from the warming group hug.
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"Do you think you'll be alright?"
Peter stood by the stairs to the ship to gaze at me taking in my surroundings.
Grass bristled along my toes I dug into the earth. The air tickled my face and froze at my nose inhaling the freshness of it all.
Branches of trees danced above the forestry I faced. Groot pressed a hand to one of them in fascination of the similarities they shared.
But, right there, over the trees and surrounding the rolling hill we were parked on, was the bright blue sky smudged with its white clouds.
I caught what I had been chasing. It was beautiful, Lylla.
"We'll be alright" I smiled back to Peter "thank you again for everything."
Letting the babies clamber over Groot, I rushed back to Peter to give him a hug.
"What about you? Will you be alright?"
He smiled, tears forming.
"I think I'll be fine" he agreed "I'll get to sit in that house and hear my mother's favourite songs while I eat the same bowl of cereal like nothing ever happened."
The same thing he had been doing before being abducted as a child.
That sounded like a nice life. A cozy one, with family to grow older with.
"Until then, Starlord."
"Until then, Rocket" he chuckled.
I raced to catch up to Groot already peeling his way ahead through the forestry.
Pausing at the edge, I watched as Peter returned to his ship to lift it back into the air.
The seats around him were now empty as his crew were already on thier own paths in thier lives.
With one last wave, we parted ways so I could enjoy the warmth of the sun over my back and the cool breeze in the shadows of the trees surrounding me as I raced towards my new life under the blue sky.
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