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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphBop5Qanv
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvUgqGrj8H
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYDew16Yov
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKJogiNsT0
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldXLEkCtQE
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBO9SCoCRY
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡin039XwyRx
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZ9qRO4r82
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeS6eQoHsN
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CXOHudfY1
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaAXxYGKaf
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHXcydyk9z
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtODdMSMj5
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSQiszKm8n
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHCOkB0QLN
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZoPSOnE6z
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRV8y74ec2v
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EqeOU1yc0
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0MYxjiy0I
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAV5e3gfz7
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcvezQfgPV
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDb9Sa6IYo
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtW2yoog2W
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuJBwfC1uk
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvrzlSe1as
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AMactTwB0
You've met?
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhTLY1XmlU
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYpUVX1F6d
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7CnxiDhuL
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFo1CuVcz1
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD9ySUDaEX
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5CWubUz0l
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzgflq3Zzl
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPMF96GQhF
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XPoOWlanh
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vubAAmcbV
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmCmWHRHkf
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvWmLfc0r1
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlEVBmiBQ8
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiGCSMY63z
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuZessC7k9
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPzwwVMwsu
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iXpdrlmZn
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3A1nsUsDj
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZzXhiEpom
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriAHn4WaVu
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiME3bhmmqm
I know that already!
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCqhwfVOur
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKAp8owCuF
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfkY4Ccpi6
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vryLo9ULh
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXsUkCdg2V
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwry3vjFiM
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOUHK5kd0D
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvvKowI0dT
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirpfULcTVW
No you're not!
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SHARON153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRkky6P8g7
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthJbCraU1S
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6AeKfyE1I
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyrmMn0eNp
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEhhVLo33x
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6StfzW2GTc
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1b55aEbLnb
What?
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChaK6xC3mB
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaeXZOfZGB9
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpe0VjedD8
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwH4oPOLpco
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFUqJWR5yY
Long enough.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfH4xy1FjU9
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWSu6TM2hg
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFiLpW2xiB
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QmSgZ0PwD
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Jli6E8YWV
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ME751NMAv
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27IJsuAipu
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pjK9sJPfF
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzw5kPo5Cw
Well, if you insist.
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMZhS0vFtM
GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscOCwFDRWp
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcrsr124Fj
GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbsDyL7Ft9
Does this mean you want me back?
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWinJKv0fF
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytvG0ndzpJ
HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGYYeAHtZB
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswg6ypmEMG
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52Un57nITJ
GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxfwskQFWs
Well you can't have me.
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPTAOPiiKG
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCVX7GuaGP
HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzsMOG41wg
WHAT?
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pEVQlkim3
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGG0YloR1E
GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhA0iiigoD2
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0qQAFwdAe
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudAkJfdTh7
HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVob0r5ZhOQ
But...
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAy6rc53ypj
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaMI4Aq1Z8
GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3nWjdxmDL
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoOQ9cBJd3
CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGmzC7rj5r
But...
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrzlffwsgN
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVO5GTc4WrE
CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDGCE3ag5B
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxPXDtuGFW
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HARRY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQlzu38ita
Gregory?
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153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOPhd5qn7d
GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR49IrLku7t
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2UK1KtVSV
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljRUkXucuC
CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiiLJbY0Yr
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vbZcdcSoT
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ebwHUWz6D
GREGORY153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJpP7LzgRu
Of course you are!
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The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCADQs9umNf
CHANTAL153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWejVQTTKP
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfNhJxpFQT
153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6YGtNgpeX
THE END
ns 15.158.61.20da2
