A Fathers Confession

The evening was a downpour of rain. Simon and Benjamin were playing in Benjamin’s bedroom. There was a knock on the bedroom door and Denis entered. “I think there is someone here for you Simon.” Denis, a friend staying for dinner, spoke, his voice slightly on edge.228Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnD5nlUt5bJ
Simon stood up and walked over to the door. “I’ll be right back Benji. Give Papa a second, okay?” His son nodded his head and Simon walked out of the room, down the hall, and into the living room. His eyes immediately caught on the familiar bright yellow scarf, his breath catching in his throat. He locked eyes with the familiar eyes he thought he’d never see again and then took in the face. It was older than when he last saw it, but it had been ten years since he’d last seen Daniel Spruce. “Hey Denis? Can you put on a show?” Simon asked, not taking his eyes of Daniel. Denis nodded and shuffled passed him down the hallway. He heard the familiar creak of Benjamins door open and Denis' voice speak to him before the creaky door closed. Simon let out a breath of air before beginning to walk to the door. He caught Jaspers eyes on the way outside. They told him that Jasper was there for him if needed. Simon gave a slight smirk, silently saying that he would be okay. Jasper nodded, but didn’t take his gaze off his lover. Simon stepped onto the porch outside, closing the door behind him and cutting off the light from inside. He refocused his eyes onto Daniel. A second of awkward silence between them. “Is there something I can help you with?” Simon finally asked. The rain was the only thing keeping him calm. If not for that, he might have just exploded right then and there.

“You’re going to call me crazy.” Daniel said, catching Simon off guard. He expected Daniel to be angry, or maybe even apologize, but neither of those reactions came from the man before him mouth. He sounded sorry, but in a more knowledgeable way. He knew a sorry wouldn’t be forgiven, but he also knew how he felt inside.

“Care to elaborate?” Simon asked, trying to sound tough.

“I think it’s best if I start from the beginning.” Daniel looked at his hands before speaking again. “When I was younger, a young teen not much older than when you were, I fell in love with a man.” If Simon was shocked before, he was flabbergasted now. Daniel Spruce, the same man who shunned him for loving a man and kicked him out for it, was now admitting to have loved a man. Who was this man before him, because it wasn’t the same man his father was ten years ago. “He was incredible and my heart has never loved anyone the same way it yearned for him. About two years after dating him, my parents found out and shunned me, similar to how I shunned you. The arranged a marriage with you mother and moved me away from home, making sure I would never see him again. Over time, I did fall for you mother, but not as deep or true as him. When you were born, I swore to myself that you wouldn’t have the same life I did, so anytime you acted differently from how my parents would have wanted, I shamed you for it. I know it wasn’t right of me. In fact it was so wrong, but your mother had the same views as my parents and I didn’t want you to know that your mother would hate you. When I found out about your boyfriend later, I felt fear for you. I lashed out, hoping that you would forget about him, but you instead ran.” Simon had been listening intently the whole time. He slowly began to feel remorse for Daniel. He’d gone through so much, and only wanted the best for him, and all he could do was hate his father.

“If you wanted me around, why didn’t you come after me?” Simon asked. This was the question that had haunted him for the past ten years. Since Daniel didn’t look for him immediately, he must not have loved him.

“I wanted to, but your mother forbade it. She said that I had said the right thing, telling you that you had no place in my home.” Simon saw his father cringe at his words.

“But why are you here now? After ten years you should have known that I wouldn’t want anything to do with you.” Simon spoke, trying to keep the tears that weld in his eyes from his voice.

“I know, but I couldn’t bear with myself if the last words I said to you were cruel and untrue.” Daniel seemed truly regretful for his actions and words that were said the last time they interacted. “I tried to contact you, but you had blocked me on everything and made yourself as discreet as possible. I wanted to tell you that-“ Daniel paused, chocking on his words. Simon had never seen his father like this. “Your mother died two years after you left home, and I felt you should know, but I couldn’t find you.” Simon felt his heart drop. He had known that his mother no longer loved him due to him loving men, but he still loved her. She was his mom, always was going to be, no matter what she thought of him. Daniel paused, trying to regain his composure and voice. “After realizing you were gone, I didn’t look for you for five years. I feared that you hated me and I didn’t want to hear you say that you did. I lived in fear of your thoughts on me, like I lived in fear of everyone’s thoughts of me.” Simon felt his father’s fear. He also feared others thoughts about him. “It wasn’t until I awoke from a nightmare that I began to look for you. I dreamt that you had died and I remembered what I said to you and I couldn’t live with myself, so I began to do research. I spent three years looking for you. I knew you had to know the truth that I love you more than you could ever know and that I am so sorry for everything I ever said and did that forced you to hide who you truly were from the world. I’m proud that you had more courage than I did and made your way into the world rather than hide yourself from it. You deserve this new life of yours and I’m happy for you.” Daniel finished. Simon didn’t know what to say. Daniel had lied to him his whole life and was now coming clean, but he wasn’t asking for forgiveness. He was asking to be heard. For once in his whole life, Daniel wanted to be heard rather than hide.228Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLg5CGSM99
Daniel nodded his head before turning to leave. He had taken a few steps off the porch and into the rain when Simon spoke again.

“Wait.” Simon called after him. The older man turned his head around to face him. Simon sighed before speaking again. “Would you like to meet the rest of your family?” He saw the old mans face light up and soften, realization washing over him. Simon couldn’t forgive his father, but maybe there was a way to start new with Daniel. Simon smiled softly and gestured for him to come back onto the porch. Daniel stepped back under cover. “I’ll go get him.”

“Hey Simon?” Simon turned his head around and looked at the old man. “Thank you son.”

Simon felt the tears well into his eyes again. He never thought he’d hear that word from the man before him ever again. He smiled and nodded. “You’re welcome dad.” He saw Daniels eyes gloss over before he turned back around and opened the door, letting the warm glow light the porch before he closed the door again. He sighed before looking at Jasper. His lovers eyes held full of concern when he saw Simons tear filled eyes.

“Are you alright?” Manny, another friend staying for dinner, asked.

Simon just nodded, looking at the ground. He didn’t quite know what to say. He just found out that his dad had been lying to him for years and he was now coming clean, trying to make amends. He takes a breath in and looked back at Jasper. “Would you like to meet my father?”228Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4XeFnJoCs

Jaspers eyes widened before he composed himself. "I'd love to meet him." He stood up and walked over to Simon "Are you sure about this?" He whispered into his ear.

"Yes, and I'll explain everything as to why later." Simon whispered back.

Jasper nodded and gestured to the door. "Well then, I can't wait to meet him." Simon smiled and opened the door, letting the light from inside pour outside once again. He stepped outside and Jasper followed suite.

As the two men connected eyes, an unease fell over them, one of fear, the other of distain. "Jasper, this is my father, Daniel Spruce. Dad, this is my husband, Jasper Winther."

Jasper immediately extended a hand towards the older man. "Good evening, Mr. Spruce."

Daniel took the hand before speaking. "Good to meet you. I hope you've been treating Simon well."

"Absolutely sir. I wouldn't dare break his heart." Jasper let go of Daniels hand.

As silence filled the space between them, Simon decided to speak again. "I'm going to go get Ben." Before either of the other two men could speak, he left for inside, shutting them both out.

"Are you the same boy he loved ten years ago?" Daniel asked, looking Jasper in the eyes.

"I am." Jasper was trying to keep calm. He trusted Simons judgement, but he still felt resentment towards Daniel. "I took care of him when you threw him out."

"I am eternally grateful for that. You helped my boy become a better man than I ever could. Thank you." Daniel spoke with kindness, catching Jasper off guard. He didn't show it, but the act of gratitude surprised him. "I'm glad he had someone who would be there for him when I wasn't. You're a good man."

"Thank you sir." Jasper said, his heart opening to the older man a little.

"Did he take your name?" Daniel asked, now making small talk.

"Yeah." Jasper looked at the ground

"To forget about me and what I'd done, I presume?"

Jasper didn't want to lie, but he knew that the truth had to be told. "Yeah." Silence. "He still loved you."

"What?"

"Even though he would never admit it, he still loved you, even after you threw him out." Jasper said. "You were his father and he still hoped that some part of you still loved even some of him, even if you hated most of him."

"The truth is I never hated him. I feared for him." Jasper looked up at Daniel. "He'll probably tell you the whole story later, but that's the gist of it. I loved him more than life, but in doing so I pushed him away and forced him to hide himself from everyone but you. You helped my boy and I will forever be grateful towards you for that."

Jasper nodded his head in understanding. "Thank you sir."

The door opened and Simon stood in the doorway. "Dad, this is Benjamin, our son." The little boy stepped out from behind and looked at Daniel

Daniel bent down to be at Benjamins level. "Hi! I'm Benjamin!"

"What do you like to be called though?" Jasper asked.

"Ben or Benji." The kid responded.

"Hi Benji. I'm your grandpa." Daniel said. Benji smiled and opened his arms. Daniel followed suite and the kid jumped into them for a hug.

"Careful!" Simon exclaimed.

"It's alright." Daniel said. Simon smiled at the happiness of his father. When the two broke apart, the older stood up, placing a hand of the youngers shoulder.

"Care to stay for dinner?" Jasper asked. Simon looked at him with happy eyes.

"I'd love to." Daniel responded.

Simon opened the door and let his husband, son, and father inside his home.

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A Fathers Confession

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