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Sometimes, do you feel like you don’t belong in the world?
Like you are from a different planet to everyone else. An eleven year old Milly Clarke sat outside the Lillian Brooke Middle School’s principal’s office. She had a grumpy dog face that sunk into her knees. All the other kids were playing in the courtyard and playground. They were all asshats. Milly was to sit on the steps for the next hour - don’t you move your butt, Milly Clarke.
Miss Duncan snapped at Marie for calling Tom a chipmunk - he did look like one - but Marie could play it off as a cutie pie.
Milly had crumbs on her shorts from her tuna fish sandwich. Brady had a croissant with chocolate spread inside. Tamara had snackables. Milly had stinking tuna.
Milly sat on the steps and looked at the ground, not wanting to meet the faces of the other kids who walked by. Everyone laughed at the kid who sat outside the principal’s office like a lame criminal caught and hung out to dry. She is no good… We shouldn’t play with Milly… Milly had made a couple of friends earlier last month, but after they realised how low Milly was on the pecking order, not to mention her unstable outbursts, they jumped ship.
She was smaller at eleven and still had her signature bush lady hair although it was a lot longer and unkempt. Maybe there was a bird’s nest in there.
She wore a t-shirt with an alien face on it - green and bobbled. Mom had said she looked out of this world. Milly had laughed. Out of this world! Mom was nice. Milly looked up at the sun and stared at it for a moment and it stung. Maybe she should have a summer on Mercury? She could take Mom, and even Mama if she had time.
“Milly, Milly, Milly… Why are you such a dilly?” Clarey smiled. She had a few of her friends with her. Clarey was pale skinned and tall - she played for the school netball team - and she had a boyish mop-top haircut. Her mouth was massive and you could see her bottom teeth when she smiled.
“Leave me alone…” Milly grumbled.
Zahra had walked by with her friends. Clarey had stopped her and they talked. Zahra looked at Milly and smirked. Milly looked back and they met eyes. Zahra’s expression changed to one of disgust.
“Zahra, what do you think of Milly the criminal?” Clarey said.
“I don’t think of her… She smells like fish…” Zahra laughed and walked off to show off her pink nail polish.
“Oooo… Milly smells like fish! More like Milly smells like a willy!” Clarey said and her friends roared with laughter.
One second. That is all it took. Milly was on top of Clarey pounding down the hurt. Her fist was covered in blood - Clarey’s nose was bleeding and for a tough act, she began to cry.
The courtyard was silent. Milly looked up at the eyes of dozens of kids looking at her. Pressure. Milly ran off.
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Silence. They all looked at Milly. ‘Psycho,’ an older man said under his breath. Milly had hurled her backpack in a fit of rage. Her target had been a picture of a smiling medical professor that hung on the wall of the hospital corridor. It fell to the ground - shattering - and the glass shot across the floor.
A mother of two turned and pushed her stroller away grabbing the hand of her crying toddler. Milly felt pressure in her ears like they were going to implode. She looked down and knew they were all looking at her. A doctor had come out of the ward and asked what had happened.
Their eyes met and there was a current. The doctor reached for her phone to call security.
Milly ran. She ducked and dove between patients and slid past a porter moving a bed. Psycho. She needed to find a place to hide.
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Mom had been informed by the school. They couldn’t find her, but Mom assured them she knew where she was. Mom opened her bedroom closet and found a weeping Milly hiding between the frocks. Milly got into a habit of running home so she had put a tracker app on her phone.
“Baby girl,” Mom gave her a hug and began to cry with her.
“They are so mean…” Milly wept.
“I know my baby. I know,” Mom said. Milly hugged her and smelt a floral scent.
”You’ve been picking flowers?” Milly said.
Mom nodded, “You are my flower.”
“Yeah good job Milly! When bullies mess with you, just sock ‘em,” Mama said. She was reading a medical journal and licked her finger to turn the page.
“They always pick on the ones who have great potential. Classic inferiority complex,” Mama said, “I was bullied back in the day. I would have liked to hit them. But I knew it wasn’t socially acceptable. Ruin my credit with the teachers and future aspirations. But you are only in middle school so it doesn’t really matter yet…”
Sometimes Mama could just drone on for hours and Milly was often in her own mind. She kept imagining a summer on Mercury. They could have a picnic and play games. She wanted to be as far away from her middle school as possible.
“Can we go on a summer vacation to Mercury?” Milly said.
Mom and Mama both smiled at that comment. A summer vacation on mercury?
”Excellent idea! I’ll get the volleyballs,” Mama said.
”And I’ll make your favourite sausage mac and cheese,” Mom smiled.
“I needed a break from work,” Mama said.
”And some fun in the sun,” Mom said.
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Milly shut the door to the janitors closet behind her. She had lost Mom and now she was losing herself. She knelt on the ground into her hands and began to weep. She didn’t notice the man standing behind her.
“Hey Miss? I don’t think you are allowed here,” he said nervously.
Milly turned with her back on the door. She met eyes with a familiar face. It was Stevie’s oldest brother Pat. He had a skinny frame and sleepy eyes with medium length bleach blonde hair. He was the only one in the family who didn’t like sports and rather spent time in his room on his computer. He had a ghostly look about him.
“Milly?” He said. Milly thought he would not have recognised her. They never talked like she did with Bryn and Gary - the only times she would see him were at dinner, and he ate very quietly.
“Pat? What are you doing here?” Milly said.
“I am a cleaner… It’s just a summer job that I’m doing for a friend,” Pat said awkwardly as if he was embarrassed about it.
Milly would have never opened up but she was overflowing with emotions, and Pat seemed to listen.
“I understand… I’m sorry about what happened to your Mom… But you don’t know she is… you know…” Pat said.
“It was the way the doctor said it… He wanted to talk to my Mom… It could only mean one thing,” Milly said.
“I can come with you,” He said, “It’s not good to be alone, and I can help explain the damage…”
He smiled and it was a little wonky. Milly had calmed down a bit.
Pat had explained what had happened to the security guard and he reluctantly stepped down saying no nonsense like that again. Pat swept up the glass.
”Sorry,” Milly said.
”It’s okay. I get it. I punched a wall leaving a hole in the living room wall when I was fifteen,” Pat said.
Pat was nice - not the weird computer geek as she had previously thought. It was kind people like him that made the world better. Milly remembered how proud Mom had been that she had made friends and was doing much better at school. She had regressed into a feral beast again. She needed Mom. Without her nothing else mattered.
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It was a miracle. Milly and her mothers had taken a next day flight to St Paua on the east coast. Golden. She hadn’t been to the beach often. It had been five years. Milly felt the scrunch of sand between her toes and ran towards the crystal blue waves.
“Don’t go too far! The currents can pull you in!” Mama shouted.
”Come on!” Mom pulled Mama in. All three of them were playing in the cool shallow water. Mom splashed Mama with water and Mama grabbed Mom in protest. Milly wanted to stay here forever with her two most important people in the world. Away from all the evil.
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Mama came out of the ward. She was pink and deflated. She pulled Milly into a hug - squeezing her tight. This was the moment of truth and Milly was not ready.
“She is going to be okay,” Mama said.
Milly nuzzled into Mama’s shoulder and burst out into tears.
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