Nuengdiao went to school as usual
It's past anniversary. He meets Chopper , his cousin. He stood in the parking lot. Palm hasn't arrived because he took the bus. It seems likely that he will be late for flag raising ceremony. He simply said goodbye to Chanon and walked in
"Nueng , go home first."
The behavior of the person in front of him was tense , which raised questions for him "Why go home?"
"Please come back" Chopper's expression was full of pleading. But without specifying what had happened , his face was filled with worry
"What happened? Or is there someone watching?'
"It's not. But go home now."
Before deciding whether to leave or not. Nuengdiao glanced at the walkway leading into the teaching building. Sheets of paper were plastered all over the place , there was almost no room left. The students gathered watched a lot. At this time , Nuengdiao met the eyes of passersby who were staring at him , and there were loud murmurs
"Chopper , what's this about?"
The cousin tried to stop him from seeing. The more Nuengdiao cursed furiously , the more Chopper followed. He walked over to the paper , tearing it down.
Im a gangster , but my son is gay man..
The flyers were not only in the music room but also on the way to the school , and probably spread throughout the school. But it wasn't the sentence that caught Nuengdiao's breath but the phase next to it. The blurry photo has been enlarged but it's still clear who it is. It's a photo of Nuengdiao and Ben kissing in the piano room behind the scenes
Nuengdiao opened Facebook to talk to Ben
But before he could click on the chat interface , a news sounded.He saw the video posted by Pom. He was expelled from school but still played a depraved game. He unfriended Pum , but the video was posted publicly and his friends on the list liked it , so it popped up on his feed. He was originally going to glance over but since it was Ben's face , he clicked . At that moment Chopper stopped him but it was already late
"Who hits who? Or will whoever sleeps with you agree to be your wife?"
The moment the video was played there was boos. Ben was hiding but the pranksters were still chasing to bully. There were a few people who couldn't see their faces. Only to see Ben trying to cover his face and run away
"Do you like being eaten that much?"
"Like 'being meat' what the fuck?"
"Come with me , you can suck down here."
The words were so loud that Nuengdiao's heart tightened and trembled. Chopper stood in front of him making a distressed face. He reached out and tried to turn off the video but didn't dare
Nuengdiao was so angry , that his hands trembled. And the next thing almost broke his heart
"Nuengdiao kissed me first , not me. Im not GAY!"
Continuing the taunts of the videographers. He didn't hear Ben say anything anymore because then he got away with it. Even chopper standing in front of him right now couldn't hear anything. Spilled tears blurred the world in front of him. His chest was cold with disappointment , the person he thought could trust , the person he gave his heart to said those words
"Nuengdiao."
At that moment the scream of the person in front of him woke him up. He turned to look at his cousin
"Ben's dad is a military officer , he was homophobic. I've tried to talk , but Ben is miserable right now. Now he's locked up in the house because his dad knows about it."
Nuengdiao stagnant brain recognized the cruz of Chopper's words. Back home , his mind pieced everything together , but he forgot how to operate
"Mom...."
Nuengdiao subconsciously muttered. For a moment , he lost the strength to get up. The sound of the bell signaling the flag salute is about to begin reminds everyone to be ready. He realized he didn't seem to have anywhere to turn , whether it was home , school , or even a music club. How disappointed she would be without an heir to the clan , how disappointed she would be that he wasn't the man she wanted , disappointed to know the son she raised liked another man
"Nuengdiao."
Chopper tried to wake him up but his head went blank. He walked in the opposite direction , feeling the wind constantly blowing in his face , his heart longing for a place where he could leave it al. He jumped over the fence at gate 6 , not turning around
.
.
Nuengdiao stood quietly near the line between life and death. The edges of the building were empty.The toes are only one foot from the border. The closest distance to the finish line , gentle but barren. He looked up at the sky and moved his feet slightly , just one step and everything would be over
"You take a step further and i'll jump"
Nuengdiao said without turning around because he heard someone running up the stairs , panting. He knew who it was so he spoke first. Someone like Palm was trying to pull him back but where Nuengdiao stood was too dangerous. He had to stay calm or everything would go wrong
"Nuengdiao come down."
He turned his head to look at his opponent , a worried expression evident on his face. " Do you think... jumping will hurt?"
"It hurts."
" I watched a documentary. It is said that the pressure of the incoming air will make us unconscious before hitting the ground."
The face seemed to be talking normally , completely different from the panicked expression on the other side
"But if you realize that if you really dont want to , you'll regret it."
"What i want to ask is... Is there a reason you decided to to do this?"
The words echoed in the deserted building , where the two boys were only one arm apart. " didn't you know you followed me here?"
"I know. I just don't understand why Nuengdiao did that."
Suddenly he thought of his friends. this word 'friend' is a true friend or just responsibility to have "I don't want to die. I just want to disappear. Do you understand?"
The other side was silent , the breeze blowing softly through his ears
"If i die , i'll be a spoiled child in my mother's eyes. I Just want to disappear , i want to disappear into nothingness like i don't exist , to be completely erased from this world. Happy or sad."
He said with blank eyes
"Have you ever been like that Palm? the feeling that nothing in the world can hold me back anymore. I don't belong in this world , i don't belong to anything , there's nothing i can do about anything here."
Palm's palm reached forward for him to grasp "But Nuengdiao still has me."
The deep voice echoed throughout the heart. Admittedly , the person before him has been friends for a few months , but he still felt something buried in Palm's heart. Was he for his clan? And if they had to , would they still be friends like this?
"You? Is it for a true friend or just a responsibility?"
Nuengdiao turned back to the space ahead. And solitude come again begging him to embrace it. There is only momentary pain , then there will be the abyss of eternal emptiness
"Don't come."
When he heard the person behind him step forward. He shouted softly , tears welling up in his eyes "I come here not out of duty , i came as a friend of Neungdiao."
Arms wrapped around Nuengdiao from behind. He hugged tightly and pulled the weak body to his chest. Nuengdiao lost strength in both legs so he could not stand. He hoped to be able to borrow this body to lean on , taking on the heavy responsibilities , the soft legs and the heart that was in pain
"If Nuengdiao's heart is still beating , so am i. We live and die together. Is this enough to prove I'm not doing it out of responsibility?"
"Palm"
Nuengdiao sobbed , like a lost man in the arid desert. Day after day , he was transported into a world with no way out , emptiness
"Im a useless human being , i dont know where to go , i don't know what to do every day. But it was thanks to you that i lived. I want you to know that you are not alone. Someone will be willing to take your hand when you fall."
Palm's hands have become rough because of countless fights. He stroked Neungdiao comfortingly , bringin with him the warmth he had craved all his life. For a moment , the hand reminded him of his father who died when he was 10. It was warm , tender mixed with cruelty
"Palm , my mother."
'I don't know"
"But if it were me , i'd consult before deciding what to do. If you want to come back , i'll come back to you . i'm not going to say anything to khun Tanya."
"Palm. You're doing it out of obligation , aren't you?'
"No one sacrifices their life for a man for the sake of a mission." Palm replied
As he said that , he tightened his arms as if he wanted to bury him in his heart. A towering wall won't fall no matter what
"Neungdiao has only one friend in his life. I also only have one friend , you , Neungdiao."
.
.
It was almost noon when they returned home
It was longer than he thought. after descending from the building , the sun has also receded signaling the arrival of the afternoon
"Nuengdiao"
When he opened the door to the living room , his mother was the first to arrive. Chanon stood on the other side , with a look of relief from his heart. He looked at his son with relief. There were about 5 other people in the room but when he came home they came out , so did Chanon but Palm didn't
Because Nuengdiao had grabbed the hem of his shirt and stayed. Palm bowed slightly and quietly took his father's placee
"Where did you go. I'm so worried"
"Gone for a walk"
His mother sighed and hugged Nuengdiao in her arms. She didn't ask any more questions , though there were many questions in her heart.
"Don't disappear suddenly like this , i'm worried."
"Have you seen them?"
He knew it would be useless to run away , just looked at Palm and smiled softly
"Those picture?"
Nueng nodded
"I see." She admitted succinctly
"In fact , the school told me that a security guard had token them from the surveillance system. And the principal fired that person."
'So i know it all."
The son separated himself from the arms mother. She paused quietly and then nodded slightly "Are you mad at me?" Something stuck in the throat "... when you are."
Tears piled up in the corners preparing to fall again. he knew what his mother was like. A woman who lost her husband all her life putting her expectations on him will eventually suffer a great mental shock will not be able to afford but fall in love with her child
"Angry!"
"My son likes to play the piano , why sneak up behind the stage. You have to be performing as a musician at a fancy party."
"Mom..."
"Nuengdiao likes to play , doesn't he? Why don't you tell me i'll find a good teacher to teach you , so that you can show your talent."
As a result , the one who hesitated was him. She suddenly become the woman she was that day. He said he was the god who blessed his dreams , helping to ward off evil monsters.
"I mean kissing..."
"What do you want?" His mother laughed like it was no big deal
"But the one i kiss is a boy." He said breathlessly. She leaned close to his face and whispered to son's ear
"I've kissed woman before."
"Mom!"
The boy was surprised while the still smiling mother reached out and rubbed his head. This touch was full of the love he had always craved
"Did Nuengdiao ever wonder why parents have children so late? In fact , mom and dad got married when they were 24 , but when dad was 31 mom gave birth."
He had never though of that
" I know it's not easy for a child to be born. She knew her family wasn't completely clean. If the child is forced to be born , it means inheriting the family."
"So parents decided to force their children to do only one thing , which is to inherit the clan. Besides , we never force him to do something he doesn't like."
She smiled again
"Your dad is a pretty patriarchal person. Before he decided to have childer , he was thinking about how many children to have , what gender it was , what kind of person he wanted to be when he grew up and at what age he got married"
The she protested "Children are not dolls that i can wear as i please , if she doesn't agree , don't give birth. And yet ten years have passed"
She continued " I know being the heir to this family is not easy. But i only ask that when you grow up , you can help us take care of the family business. Except for you , i have no one left. As for other things , i don't force you. Wo do you want to love , what you want to do , i don't stop you. That's enough."
He cried again , but it wasn't like the initial feeling but freedom. This wasn't really about being able to get out of the cage completely , it was about him having his wings spread a little. Nuengdiao buried himself in his mother's arms , he hadn't felt this warmth in a long time.
"Thank you so much Mom."
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