（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocEviMArth
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuewZLIYjIu
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eKRpjv04w
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8VtJ7fMdC
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我滿意點頭。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZjMuHAgrn
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwmedIcTO8
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMmjiPBXdz
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIY2mvmpkb1
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQveKgpSIC
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7ew8etRM1
「不知貴不貴？」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDTtY7NvPX
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMe4n9u8d0
「應該還好。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdumQg3hP7K
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQFQ7E9Xl0
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsg4ROWkCQQ
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORe76qNtAX
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1zCvFe45H
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZUeHGcm2d
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUtjZqGsUs
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我震驚了。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMBnHMdWZQ
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmksOnlytas
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOWNnbSNTo
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9XARBRE7M
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumUviNQHZl
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ597O5uiMb
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ceQeIwbCD
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9ZaI79jxq
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGcuOfgsN0
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What the hell?670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2gQ7DxBaX
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj989vCkEvU
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2TDqBKrQL
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSieCzDlYYT
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3h0vtgD0Y
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嘶——670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbV4obuuR8C
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPI9lOqse8T
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dlsni2v0J
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtofdIOlYXk
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBq7J39I3a2
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rMjKnSc7S
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6iicfQeb4
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAh4lakxRW9
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCTyuiHokM
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Avax1YahX
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBNqYlFkny
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KNDuBWO4W
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM7xSfburB
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMLqH7uyHt
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4quX2uDj4p
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUf33qRhaq
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4AIwVSFWj
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpySxqc6pUW
然而高個子不為所動！670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJ9WDWIoAm
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我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGLgVlwsAI
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKsryidifN
高個子依然面不改色！670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcQlicD9oj
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBw3W568uAA
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhCnNFvsak
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjjeKc4SRo
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uIGqmgex4
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSWZDyHY7z
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZgYNryDib
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9BcV3Fgxe
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbEBeJKOiJ
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQUTd5rNtM
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4orLdYdv3
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXxQLbHisR
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZxhm0dibL
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgSjQUdxPL
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYoTsxHX5E
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKGqsiiQQm
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSseR6HMmyW
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKg7mfLIsf0
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfZfnLbV1W
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEpzD129vW
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZAPXIaKYr
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VNUYXCOcP
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uRTWiCxNl
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvWyuq8yrh
「所以不能吃嗎？」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJE7ZD9kBB
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「不能，吃了就沒用了。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kqny4JbVX
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「但我餓了。」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCr9lUJxXB
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「……」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKLgzXnUJt
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFiDbKDsjv
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhzpLt9WWf
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiq8Vuyg93
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtolN3yCwwQ
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHO6K7rnatF
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFv9WRV9F3q
「小語……小語……」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2pT0tBdK0
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Gya——670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vl6qu7dcO
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiHz97GwVM
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They are fucking gay!670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmIAm6oa93
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這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKxcO7xbPC
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFKDbbtnvx
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93bR20LjnI
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwwC1NqdIy
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QRXdX2Ofm
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuRaLWHDlD
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoCAgYabdJ
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJ5KuQ9qot
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDzlLzTM0k
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr767N3wU6a
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjqcAWeY6J
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgejUrBTp3
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9WpzzZ1jM
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExj9F9g3WU
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2kx7MMR81
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJfqZY0BQH
