（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbQYHOXSyd
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9GjDIw0RB
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wJ8uJTRRE
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1tub9cdBJ
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我滿意點頭。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjwclsnUUI
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPEgfXa1Lf
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X0c9PkpDs
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIluN70Hlfx
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMtDSG08TI
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9yPhiJBxg
「不知貴不貴？」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6B9Su3ugrW
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJOtQhAX7N
「應該還好。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphP4vivdQJ
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHwwxMl7ds
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxRTJjZpqM
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yCiXf3Hzf
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZ9R1RWuCK
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lmxKo6nVL
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rMKkF1Gu8
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnAS1ldEaO
我震驚了。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbPKazq3zZ
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fwBFoBg2P
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqvAWJMt6u
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpN6BKv1yud
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVy8WAQGweG
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56dPogZm8r
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUBfo7wyOZ
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkBcmgrBmr
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxO7eexpHYV
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxaKYRIN59
What the hell?693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYS60weyXv
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KLcpjoTlv
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2bJRvzrJj
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77jvUENZdS
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sE95RJd3j
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嘶——693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGAO6OZFNA
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpvU12t9s4
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUFJdXDSaL
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJFqXSaPWi
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2f9fhTREcx
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfwZ7eM656
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKJW8rf6AJ
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4VX9SR7q9
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLQkMmTf8e
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcobhfHCNAw
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9GTAzS261
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhoNXWFkyZ
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGuCf4QPs8
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoK7EYBuoU
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvkut4aOan
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQWisXi5aZ
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbPMSpFVmp
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NR0GqEN0N
然而高個子不為所動！693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jX4YHNhcj
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaFLSWH5vI
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbQfxCzhbY
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTDmpceYpG
高個子依然面不改色！693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiHgA04vB6
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFzZ2izkde
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVf11tyATY
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymWUVMu2l7
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc54kKtmvI7
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sGVxnSkbU
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgzcMRdMmS
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vj4bRkhYC
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQ2CeP1PMz
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dk1X0TgXB
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShJzRTpVDb
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77W2oMVifg
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPy7PySXu3j
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0PxVX1kIE
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2cTs7mE8F
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGLiNul3ua
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLwwODPEyu
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiDpEvci2F
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6YXJNDNzX
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomvE0kBN8z
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6QuCbdWPv
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXyjyu2WMp
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKhzTnkgWx
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiblMXdGijP
「所以不能吃嗎？」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMg3yXtYfj
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrpfDJJTD4
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkizg8LTTzL
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「但我餓了。」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL49uwVU9zu
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「……」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SAuBPSax8
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMLVY8mp0M
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI92dUMCV2m
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPRomyyfwr
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpXiEORaWm
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSej8sOr74y
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXKjxVVvvj
「小語……小語……」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDthfHipuPs
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Gya——693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeewtNeCmtN
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOf2BKIPdn
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcIbI4RqUN
They are fucking gay!693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLPChnPg7B
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BswvzprMO
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibpaR63ZRN
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaWiZdlFxf
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcAOanSmYi
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKfLJrfGbf
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvT4P2KunX4
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb09xRQinu1
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWrA6a0bQc
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7RAQNlOD9
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUm1LXf4il
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlbRN9h7IK
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPIMv966RU
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QmGTBTzpW
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgArMXmTYCJ
693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwRsOgEN7L
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）693Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDJZAphQY2
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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