（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgQiI2U9YJ
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPa8u9bV0af
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrMGh316T5
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XH2QRLfJ3
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGbeuFdmDJ
我滿意點頭。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwBYIAlZhQ
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolGttjvGr9
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCg0idbyCo
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSxu3h2M5u
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pRe45u82k
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvupIEIP39
「不知貴不貴？」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk9GfJ9I9w
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ur8y0iiFQ
「應該還好。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPYBkHLP1k
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVsLfjlmOy
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFHKoNM4MP
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbf02vIkr9a
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3SXl4jzwN
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZYDI1EWkM
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu06F5OzIdI
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHHeN60A0K
我震驚了。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4g1GBoy07
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJsrhOMh7x
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvO0xaWIYu
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uMcE64Nm5
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpz4MrcC9Lz
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSF8ixTv5Na
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLDEkBZsBQ
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGTclvFR6k
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cXI9RVKtu
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6MnQvdnud
What the hell?694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeBB8xx38i
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutC02Nk6a2
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIxEAbIdVh
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUBi1cR2rV
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiSA7qk7fw
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1KoAappxn
嘶——694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXubkQnGnXy
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYmGcBOQvZ
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7I5lPXE4F
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEuoPMz7Zx
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE4iSgRMGz
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjG4K0ZXKRZ
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXmSbxJvuM
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOOEZEbUWc
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGAMRnW9xE
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLFIGIuI9U
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgP3gxnLMh
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ943StZ5Vh
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LkamXvIbb
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHqBYoBfr1
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzeMV7mK8L
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPpl5KIpsr
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ahpRhTkar
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8walCKf65
然而高個子不為所動！694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnkIFUgyRR
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw85FLhTeAm
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVw2dWlsD30
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbMQgcZAfd
高個子依然面不改色！694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡru0G2RRwcC
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNLf68ntXr
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4LoqHmHWl
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSNYk8zGyq
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHak7zPiNv
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPu4K9U7DLz
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7s9Cz5EIPg
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsqt873kLY
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryrQyMYk4B
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1PFvPFJJi
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GYbkDi06E
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAUx2xOxZS
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBjqaFXRvf
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyVPFUj20J
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSIMKuJyg3
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmIOeLIQ9f
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88j7jYNJMO
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIOPZxAHRf
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOI4j92dwU1
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03TTwHetIz
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhjgttY9VA
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyztTyFliHl
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYuYPQ68PC
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHWiI0pvm3
「所以不能吃嗎？」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzALNu58YN
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEfJTlnQcK
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuvDCG7KWT
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe10Woj5usO
「但我餓了。」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6l4AVMzEHo
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwDQprhSt0
「……」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhe31JQ2RW
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S4cAaZBYW
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmJ1kb81Wf
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKsgfsDuNC
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKSU6ZExPi
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7t58haet2
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsxOGQHUXn
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZOntWhbho
「小語……小語……」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpf10YSK6lX
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Gya——694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0uTD2nQXQ
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2sx26Ava5
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6KncgWUWG
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DPxJEi3Ky
They are fucking gay!694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleIiatdwmB
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgUtwY4Nl2
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniTB09Y40r
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16y2ey52C6
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLu3SQ71Rl
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HZLkTcs1r
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJRuCOWb4l
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eF836ddkL
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X0KK3gnjM
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ofZJImOPS
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzD9AvI3eQS
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPdLIhjmNd
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfIdTUq03R
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlFRfMqjoV
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxyISGwuex
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HdGL12USy
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBhur5h6la
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
694Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSa1yjIG6Z
