（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OgNdX4NY4
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNejSeQ53Ip
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsC68mCjLv
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz0tLfc1cn
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFLvMwj8e3
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPbLGRifjg
我滿意點頭。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7B4qoGeHyM
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1xODtguTZ
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2uKMl23rO
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ANBOqWgC0
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySTPFpFoTW
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE58VSeCh0m
「不知貴不貴？」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SrHHpoS3P
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94ZA9CZESm
「應該還好。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfsHI69iT6
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0rzdJfhdb
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWCDl267Wg
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEarU8E0uF
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseBL4KeO89
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIUUNsmxbD
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCpEiYCY8s
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgs9jQWHvX9
我震驚了。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkomA89nTj
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWACC44RXc
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xRUEEHlJv
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcl9ig9eT2
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1udHrqvoYP
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpwDrn0r1B
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkBvxruG2b
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlROl3Iztg8
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooDSgOkvin
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWlz9EUNxW
What the hell?669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4b5suYC2I
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IYd7qgV1P
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMZ49Hqo7C
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSj0Ho2EeUr
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITXKCIODid
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbO3LwAQu8h
嘶——669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX802lPVbyX
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uLStrVHnw
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglCBoL5aTT
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoZnOwZEDZ
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq4pUxCfkd
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYCcf41ChU
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ijhCUTKoU
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcUSl21N3P
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqUPcmv5QE
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvHulY5BJZ
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57u36gOa9a
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4u7W3DIIK4
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWrMgSnw7v
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIKr8i0tYb
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgx0P7pge7j
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAM1jjvZ9r
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPkn3WOvuu
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJVCe3xNYu
然而高個子不為所動！669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtq89FNPTS
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiaIydAwmR
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVgkIZXJto
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfGPSFoERL
高個子依然面不改色！669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlMUQzQa8j
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxDgKCxMpt
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYWDLxhYTS
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoGvka3DXG
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh00EDtYnuT
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYu8MdjfAr
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgqxafhC6Q
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4mtoiMZbT
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJGLR5Fa7m
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblRBf2SHnR
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7yGCYfnR8
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAskvRNCF9a
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDdrGTViSz
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWV7L7H0wU
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorZb6aclXL
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRhAGV1DW3
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfRYR4vvf3
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkq2BhbFCEZ
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuePFBPwtl
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq62igxlPA1
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kkjdeVWBv
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTSzS288h0
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTukHIWzex
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ927JhQz7og
「所以不能吃嗎？」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBBZSf3f7b
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAXmFmFy8k
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoypmmP4gP
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9f7RAC0o0D
「但我餓了。」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWxGEGQf4X
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQ341HvGWg
「……」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28onyoJIFz
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusxHKm7aPI
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rKgTVIUaG
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡib4PfkFDgb
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nKtIgZAbL
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSj3nOof8T
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt947Pi1Sep
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ105kpfomJ1
「小語……小語……」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0xb9Vet2Z
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQstu17AnE
Gya——669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2uieXrstF
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5vCO3FjFv
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGy0PmczZGc
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oxuoEcsBh
They are fucking gay!669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTAfQ3D0zo
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjRR1YxyV9
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnb9RSD1szc
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdVP8yBJ6r
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4847vUxVJ
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xzt46b10y
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYxbsFQWe0
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBStrxIBiv
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgekSnXF3WN
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbF1UwJPeZP
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFwWZZgZPv
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjUy0T3b4e
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhUGKbWYQp
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97Ep7ezNJM
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoFN1d5dD9
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAA7wfxObee
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkCVBSnZBq
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGtqs8nICv
