（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgreEfJwSRR
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYkowjGjf1
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDytcN4fbyn
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡis0HjSeDMI
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTz64pHjSDu
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkTuvqCG8j
我滿意點頭。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptr1VfPBoA
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7PvcefHNX
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WvnHrZEtW
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nKLkRBxfd
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNN5SADBlzn
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLG5xr6jGq1
「不知貴不貴？」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAVfNpMeqr
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt4rnNsyI8
「應該還好。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZFEfYju63
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqKVvagdUV
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy9bkUUjAO
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCM8STdaKqj
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlTtJKra1a
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahK1ktDFT3
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpHXZnyqIf
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNNRVRE4xY
我震驚了。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYy3aBcjA7
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2CizmHrhE
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpIE6jCp9f
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgehqo4yey
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdDuxkxMHn
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKNganN3WX
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbO54UuZjKk
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1ZXMc8Z4Z
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bIVRL5QDL
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BtDZFLxst
What the hell?743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSQph0mppJ
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaALdfBdhcC
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSU2UzsY6pu
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTALrh1tM48
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡel1JLV2Gjg
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTedE6bHI7L
嘶——743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpkTN8JDNa
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EUZ5My5lF
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPrrjLN4vF
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5SFJDWoz7
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKmiFZlKYZ
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMdlfezlgQ
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Zbn4ldIk9
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUBcUvi23S
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JBK7Kaom5
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOXwSPQQ6l
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGXQsUGjRC
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkE7AdCRdTF
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkmnCMncHx
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MkJgodS9D
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPhLLKeEsw
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZq9zsXEnT4
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJ0N1a2v6c
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCIeWTGcce
然而高個子不為所動！743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPblqqCxz0
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87JT82DuTa
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHWEsO0IrB
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuzmfGoAY8
高個子依然面不改色！743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL67Ob1lfXD
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLHFfoAxMZ
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78ZHpzCR0N
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEBNugv7O1
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9w9Y8r3ow3
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdqw8dwM36
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEyxR6YoZR
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKsYYXTWf4
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW77dGtkukp
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrf37lScSb
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42w8JxgCcQ
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNtumj5EGS
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbJQP1h9CQ
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMasBjP1tGP
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qYAygOkhP
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzbZBWrCmj
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGDpqrJMlL
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUxMj21QMy
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYngCGfQgOg
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDGkERfBEK
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS7iLtpp5g
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZTQ9htplF
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJFgy8cPdP
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZIhwhWcXN
「所以不能吃嗎？」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PJxTQkkLz
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0dnUNjuLi
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjoFdAllMH
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYRD2Mxq0M
「但我餓了。」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDBzk0vJPN
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXqrILotzP
「……」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3UAeuMvKu
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUEOIGImSn
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFduaVzWq6
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeS4qyReBQq
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2A5XmaNdm
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGdXotfonX
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiN4YLoHOj
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDU73CywUWX
「小語……小語……」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37AEyIwfoM
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT8e4K0hPo
Gya——743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xtaZHTPPl
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJP12BoEpms
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH44ej6BReZ
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwz9xvjhP5
They are fucking gay!743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wfd7w4UE6
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMFryCm9HI
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBAtP5i3Jp
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0buhPYeCi
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovLzhhkIpW
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzj1gODSIu
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEUZD8ChJR
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6LgJGGBAj
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpa9OSxwi2j
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxYFU8wL2l
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5jjrpQAEy
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cTJGxIKjH
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBMIxeM5kB
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rGquIklbx
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ifSuJAcWm
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOPtSlIjyB
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqfsRIvvZk
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbfDvOp7ow
