The grounds had fallen into disrepair since I had last visited my childhood home. My mother cared only for cards and drink in her last years. Her negligence of Ignit Covert, the estate of my father's family, was evident everywhere.
After leaving our horses with bent old Tubor, who had been a servant since my father was a boy, we made our way up the cracked cobblestones to the house. My father's rose garden was a tangle of weeds and ivy, the last few blossoms black from a recent frost. Dry vines bit into the ancient stones, the windows were caked with a layer of dust and a scattering of chicken droppings decorated the front steps.
The birds themselves were nearly wild. One cawed out a war cry and lunged after Brisam with it's razor beak. He booted it with a snarl. The chicken tumbled away in a mess of feathers and screechy protest. I would have laughed if the ragged sight of the house didn't distress me so.
“This-” my voice cracked as we waited at the door, “this is not how it always was here.” My face burned with shame, anger welling up from my gut.
“I know, my lady. You don't need to explain.” Brisam brushed away my excuses with an understanding smile, eyes tinged with sympathy. He knocked again.
The door opened. It had been years since I had seen my younger brother, Haneric. He had only been a boy when I had left home. Now at seventeen, his figure had nothing to recommend him. Like every one in our family, including me, he was plain as stale bread.
Haneric bowed his head, mousy strands of hair falling into his cool gaze. “Sister, I am glad to see you here so soon.”
“I came as soon as you sent word. I fear I have lost my husband as well.”
“Pity. We all knew how attached you were to the man.” Haneric droned, his gaze trailing over Brisam.
“This is my husband's squire, Brisam Teim.”
Brisam bowed at the waist. Haneric blinked slow as a snake. “Yes, I recall you bringing word from the mountains on several occasions.”
A stilted silence followed. Only the cluck of the chickens and off tune singing from Tubor in the stables broke the stillness.
“We are very tired, brother. Will you not invite us in?” I barked, desperate for food. My pride had kept me from eating in front of Brisam. It was ridiculous how resolute I was to prove something to a man well below my station.
Haneric nodded mutely and walked back into the house. The walls were bare of their tapestries. When we entered the Hall, the decorations of arms and shields were missing. I could only assume they had been sold to pay for my mother's gambling debts. After several years of my mother spending money like water, Sidimund had stopped paying for her habits. For all his faults, my husband was responsible with his wealth. He had no time for childish women using him for his purse, even if it was his own mother-in-law.
The only thing that remained was the large black bear fur in front of the massive fireplace. Haneric sat in one of the high backed chairs next to the hearth and motioned for me to sit across from him. Brisam stood at attention behind me. A servant I didn't recognize brought out a plate of bread and butter. I helped myself before Haneric, ignoring his look of censure. I didn't care if he was master of Ignit Covert now, I was still a highborn lady in my own standing.
He did not offer any to Brisam. Haneric gazed up at him with a wrinkled nose, contempt coating his voice. “I believe your man would be more comfortable eating in the kitchens. Do you agree, sister?”
I glared up at the youth. He was just like our mother. Even in reduced circumstances, he was too high and mighty for his own good. Father never would have acted in such a disgraceful way. I hoped the gods would give Haneric a bent back like Tubor to bring him down to earth.
“If you will pardon me, Lady Hania.” Brisam bowed and strode away before I could say anything. I couldn't blame him. I would have loved an excuse to leave my spoiled little brother's company.
The bread was almost stale and I could taste the barley and oats in it. Clapbread. When my father was alive, all our loaves were baked with pure wheat. I labored through the slice, thankful to have something on my stomach just the same.
“We will bury her after you have rested. Then we will speak of the future. Yours in particular.” My brother waved over a servant who brought out two tankards of warm beer.
I narrowed my eyes and swallowed a dry bite. “My future?”
“You say your husband is dead. You must marry again.” Haneric leaned back in his seat and crossed his legs, honing his gray eyes on me. He even looked like mother where I had taken after father. Clearly, he was just as conniving.
“If I do marry, I will find myself a suitor in time.”
“Who? Your squire? The man clearly has puppy eyes for you,” Haneric snickered. “Hania, I have already made inquiries after the news of Sidimund's death. I have found several men of high birth willing to make you a wife for the second time.”
“With large purses, no doubt.” I gripped my tankard, breathing evenly to slow my heart rate.
The brat had no hold over me. The only ones that ever did were mother and Sidimund and they were both dead. Never again would I subjugate myself, especially to my younger brother. But I had to remain calm, speak softly to stay in control of the situation.
Haneric sighed. “Seeing as you have neglected your family all these years, mother and I were forced to let Ignit Covert fall into disrepair. I will restore it to it's former glory.”
“Why don't you marry, brother? It would be simpler for the money to come straight to you as opposed to running to a brother-in-law for help.”
“Oh I shall. But mother left quite a few bills to be paid. I will need all the coin I can gather.”
I pursed my lips and winced. “Oh but who will marry you, dear brother? I almost forgot. What about your accident?”
Haneric shifted in his seat, his mouth snapping into a hard line. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Do any of your potential brides and their families know about what happened? The wild horse in the stables when you were twelve? I received word from mother that you recovered from your wounds...but not all of you did.”
Jumping to his feet, he huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “She told you about that?”
“Of course, I am your sister. Mother was distraught that she would only ever receive grandchildren from me. I'm sure she would have loved to see your issue, if she had lived to do so and if you still had your balls. If you were to marry me off, I would make sure any family looking to marry their daughter to you would know you are as fertile as a eunuch.”
Haneric gnashed his teeth and lunged forward. He had always had a snap temper. I held up an arm to fend him off but the chair crashed backwards with the force of his attack. He had his scrawny hands around my neck. Even if Brisam hadn't stepped in, he would not have been able to cause much hurt. He had always been a weakling.
Dragging him up by the collar, Brisam threw my brother across the bear skin rug. Haneric rolled to a stop in front of the hearth, his cheeks flushed and wet with tears. Brisam helped me to my feet. Rubbing my throat, I spit blood on the flagstones by Haneric.
“We will bury mother within the hour and then I will leave this place. If you try to meddle in my life, Haneric, I swear I will tell the whole royal court you are only half a man. Do not test me on this,” I hissed, boring my glare into him till he looked away with a pathetic sniff.
Patting Brisam's hand, I trudged from the room. We walked out into the courtyard, the sun resting on the horizon. We would have to ride through the night but I didn't care. I couldn't stay there any longer. Despite all that had occurred in the past two days, the sad sight of Ignit Covert was the most heartbreaking sight I'd endured.
I stopped underneath an outcrop by the rose garden, a freezing drizzle misting the air. Brisam stood in front of me, his breath coming out in white plumes.
"Are you well?” Brisam asked926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJ9Oy6yxUM
I gingerly touched my neck where Haneric had done the most damage. “It'll heal.”
Brisam tipped my chin back with his knuckle to inspect the bruise. Haneric's comment on Brisam's puppy eyes rushed back to me and I turned away from his touch. “Please don't.”
He didn't respond. Tightening his jaw, he let his hand drop. “He wanted to marry you off?”
“To pay for all this. Thankfully, my mother told me about his accident. Haneric was kicked by a crazed horse and lost his ability to father children. No family will give their daughter in marriage without the promise of heirs.” I smirked and coughed into my fist, the throbbing pain in my throat dulling. “He is as infertile as me.”
Brisam shifted his weight and peered out into the wet garden, clearly uncomfortable with my confession. I didn't care. I hadn't for six years since the midwife had told me after Emalia's birth that I would never have another child.
I glanced over towards the courtyard as the doors creaked open. Tubor and the unknown servant struggled with a coffin, the same kind my husband had been sent home in. I stared after them, numb to any grief or joy. Even my anger had subsided. I only felt hollow.
I tried to remember my mother as she was when I was Emalia's age. She hadn't always been heartless. At one point, it was her hands that brought most of the children in the area into the world, her skills at midwifery were unmatched. I wasn't sure if I would ever know what made her lose her soul to gambling and spirits, selling off her daughter as a child bride to pay for those pleasures.
“We will leave as soon as the prayers are said and the tomb is sealed,” I instructed.
“But my lady, it is late in the day-”
“Brisam, please.” Impulsively, I grasped his hand resting on the sword hilt at his hip. His charcoal eyes widened, studying my face with rapt attention. My gaze cut away and I folded my hands at my back. “I can't stay here any longer.”
I heard him sigh but I didn't dare to look up, my head spinning once more but not from hunger. At least not the kind satiated by bread and beer.
“I will have the horses ready, Hania.” He reassured me. I swallowed hard at his unbidden use of my first name.
Our familiarity with one another had grown so much in just a day. I shuddered to think of what it would look like in a month. He was still only a lowborn squire. I was not so different from my mother and brother in some aspects. Even if I was willing to admit I needed Brisam, I would never open my heart to such a fancy.
But I did need him. Hopelessly.
He left for the stables. I watched him, his strides long and full of surety. He had always been the kind of man who knew his place while Sidimund was alive. This new Brisam left me spinning. I sat down hard on the stone bench behind me and prayed the world would stop rocking enough for me to go bury my mother.
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