Christmas...the one thing that I hate about winter in Alberta, Canada. Not only is it so damn cold that you feel like a walking popsicle in ten layers of clothes, but there is so much damn snow as well.
But Christmas...ugh! There are so many things that I hate about Christmas. For instance, commercialism. It gets hyped up every year, right after Halloween. I've tried to convince my father to talk to the big wigs, but he never listens.
"Come on Lila, tis the season for holiday cheer!" My dad would say.
Yup, leave it up to old man Johnson to yuck it up and make a big deal about it. That's another reason why I hate Christmas. I'm meant to spend it with my family. It's like I have no choice in the matter. But my friend, Elizabeth Striker, tells me that I should be grateful for it. I at least get to spend time with my family. She never gets the chance to because her work. The contrast between us is almost ironic.
I'd give anything to be in her shoes right now. I'd rather be off fighting and taking down a criminal organization in another country than with being with my family. I even begged her once if I could come with her to Europe on a case, but she said that I would get killed.
"But I don't even have to be in the field! I could be your tech geek," I once told her.
"I'm sorry, Lila. But you can't come. Look, can you at least try to put on a happy face? I know that I don't say that often, but you should appreciate what you have," Elizabeth had once told me.
So, I sucked it up, every year after that talk with her. That was back when we were kids, still in High School. Well...we were in our last year of high school. Boy, I feel like that was ages ago. The Christmas following graduation was the worst one ever. I was in the worst mood of my life, because everyone kept trying to cheer me up.
"Come on Lila, it's Christmas! It's time to spend it with loved ones," My mother would say.
Loved ones. Yeah right. Christmas isn't about spending time with loved ones. It's about pretending that your family isn't disfunctional, for that one time of the year before it all goes back to being dark and dreary. Christmas is a time to put on a facade. All of this 'peace' and 'joy to the world' is all a joke. I mean, if everyone acted like that on Christmas, why couldn't they act like that every day after that? It's a joke.
But there's one thing that really bugs me about Christmas and its the fact that I was dumped on Christmas, by my long term boyfriend Jason. We had dated since grade seven and it was Christmas day after High School graduation that he broke it off.
We were at my house, enjoying the Christmas party that my father had decided to host. Jason and I stood under the mistletoe, puckering up for a kiss. That was when my love for Christmas turned to hatred. That kiss almost happened, when Jason pulled away, looked at me, and said:
"Oh Lila, if only there was someone who really loved you."
I thought that he was joking. Those were the lines from that movie, Frozen. I chuckled and had lightly shoved him.
"Shut up and kiss me already," I had told him.
But he didn't. He had stepped away from me. A look on his face grew serious.
"Lila, I'm not kidding. I never really loved you. I was your boyfriend because you were the popular girl that everyone wanted to be when we were in school. But now that we've graduated, there's no need for that kind of popularity anymore," Jason had explained to me.
I had felt shocked and betrayed. Why would he say this to me...on Christmas? It was supposed to be the time of year where loved ones were near. I asked him why he would do such a thing to me and his reply?
"Because I'm ahead in business now. I'm making more money than your dad. Besides, I can do a whole lot better than you now."
What a fool I had been. Why did I never see the other side of Jason? Why did I never see the truth, the deception and the false sense of love? Why was I...such a dumb blonde back then?
I don't know if I'll ever understand why I never caught on. I don't know if I'll ever enjoy Christmas again because of how Jason broke my heart. There's an old saying that goes: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Perhaps one day, I won't be fooled again. Perhaps one day, I will find someone who will not decieve me the way that Jason did. Perhaps one day, I'll give my heart away again. And maybe, I'll actually enjoy looking forward to it.
But for now, I do not look forward to spending another Christmas with my family or any other loved ones.
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