She looked up at him. He smiled down at her, such gentle, caring eyes. She felt the resistance she had held begin to crumble. She wanted to make him a memory, all their moments in a box to tuck under her bed, there to sit and stay. But when he smiled at her, a smile just for her, she felt herself tremble.
What is it?
Nothing.
I don’t believe you. You always told me before.
It’s nothing.
You also swore not to lie to me.
Maybe I lied then.
But you didn’t.
Maybe I should have.
He was silent. He didn’t know how to respond. He looked away, out to the garden.
You can tell me if you want to.
It was then that she started to silently cry. He turned to her, snapping his head to her face as the first tear fell.
He said her name quietly. His eyes were wide, worried.
What do you want me to do?
She knew what she wanted. She wanted him to hold her, wipe away her tears with his sleeve. She wanted to tell him that she loved him; that she would do anything he wanted, anything he asked for. Because she trusted him with so much. She wanted to hold his hand and lead him into her world, a world where everything was something to be explored, something to care about.
She wanted to sit on a grassy hill with him, swim with him, laugh with him.
But she didn’t say anything, just shook her head, a tiny ringing crack echoing from inside her.
She had meant to break up with him. To tell him that she wasn’t the girl for him. That the world she came from he wouldn’t accept. Nor could she expect him to.
She knew what everyone else wanted her to do. If it went public she was dating someone outside her rank....
But when she looked into his eyes, his blue eyes like a settled storm, the tears wouldn’t stop.
He was one of those people who were so intelligent, yet he didn’t understand. He never did. He never understood when she wanted to hold his hand, or when she needed him to hold her. She wanted him to love her.
She wiped her eyes and smiled through the tears.
Nothing’s wrong. Nothing I can’t deal with.
I want to help. I want to help you deal with this.
She took his hand and pressed it to her cheek, willing the tears to stop.
You are helping. You just don’t know it.
She had so much to say, but she smiled up at him with eyes like broken glass, and held him to her. He was so much taller the she, as she wrapped her arms around his neck she felt herslf fall back onto her tippy-toes. She lay her head on his shoulder, and he turned his head to his lay on hers.
It’s nothing.
-OoO-
She opened her eyes, looking around at the people around her. She sleepily rubbed her eyes and looked up to her English teacher, watching him rattle off. Her copy of Macbeth was warm where she had placed her head, imprinted with the outline of her cheek and chin. She looked to her friend beside her and smiled. The questioning look she was given was responded with a shake of her head.
Her friend mimicked brushing something off her face, just below her eye. The girl did as directed, finding her finger damp with a single tear. She closed her eyes and saw herself, hand in hand with him and smiled.
It’s nothing.
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