I awoke in the morning with a stinging pain in my left eye.
An unfamiliar ground served as my place of resting and the sun shone brilliantly through fluffy, Ivory colored clouds. With no idea, not even a slight clue as to where I was, I stood up, straight and tall. (Posture is everything, said mother, always, always... never free of mother.) But I stood too quickly, and the stinging in my left eye (remember, left) turned into a stabbing, agonizing handicap. My sight failed me for several moments, flashes of bright, white light blinded me, along with colors I could not recognize.
I seemed to have forgotten what they were called- or perhaps they were colors that never before existed, colors created by the god forsaken ache in my eye. Perhaps, they existed, but a mind as sheltered and blind as mine never noticed them. The white light and the colors... (Oh, how dreadful I can't tell you what they were, but how can one name, or even describe a color that didn't exist before?) The colors danced off, fading out of my vision. I could finally see where I was.
Nowhere.
But I was there, so it had to be somewhere. Right? I was confused, if confusion is something nowhere. Was anything something, someone, nowhere? Was I? And how could I be sure that I was nowhere, and how did I get nowhere when before, I was somewhere? But surely, I was nowhere, for nowhere else I had ever been had been so absolutely full of nothing and no one
What I'd seen before was an illusion, it seemed- When I'd awoken, I had seen a blue sky, clouds, and brilliant sunlight. I had had the pleasure of solid ground to rest upon, but now, around me there was nothing. There was not even a color to surround me, not even black or white. There seemed to be no up, no down, no left, no right. There was no ground, but I did not fall. I stood, if standing was what it was all alone in nothing, nowhere. Now, I opened my mouth to call upon the aid of something, someone.
Somewhere.
In vain I cried out, for the words I spoke meant nothing here. I knew the language I spoke when I was somewhere but here in nowhere, the words I once spoke so fluently came out as gibberish. I knew the words all my life, beautiful words of that language I cherished. I wrote them and sang them. They all... All meant nothing. So it became clear in that moment that nothing would ever be clear nowhere. That's all there was left for me, was nothing, clearly laid out to see here in this nowhere.
I'd nearly forgotten the pain in my eye, but upon thinking of it, it began to throb relentlessly. I sought to put a cool,soothing hand on that terrible ache, but I'd forgotten what eye hurt. There was no right, here in nowhere, as there was no left. And so, there was no longer an ache in my eye, whatever eye that it was. My shoulders relaxed in relief. (Stand up straight! Tall and proud, said mother, I'll smack your bad eye! Don't slouch! Said mother) But nowhere was mother to be seen, here in nowhere, so defiantly, I slouched further.
How did I get nowhere? I was certain I'd been somewhere before! Perhaps the kitchen, yes, I remembered. The kitchen floor. A spoon...? (This eye is useless anyway! You disobedient rat, don't struggle, when he gets home this will be nothing!) Never free of mother. Not even here. Nowhere. Lips trembling, I realized, finally, what had happened to me. That quaking mouth of mine sought to cry out but nowhere cared not for the pain I'd endured. Nowhere had nothing to offer as a comfort so the pain did not matter now, because nothing, no one but I was here to acknowledge that the pain was even felt. I did not feel it any longer, and so it became nothing, and not long after I joined the pain in nothing.
But not yet.
My feet touched nothing but stood fast, and I , so I began to walk. It was then, I had made the mistake that sent me to insanity. But surely I would have gone insane just standing, doing nothing. How ironic. So strange how I was surrounded by nothing, but so doomed as I had been somewhere else. It all began to overlap itself then. I heard echos of nothing as I walked nowhere. My brain, my once sharp, witty mind that understood everything somewhere else tried to make sense of it, but god damn it all! There was nothing to understand. But it had to be something! I had heard it, echoing, rattling in my ears. And it followed me, the deafening sounds of nothing. How could I possibly hear nothing?! I could bear it no longer, the teasing nothing that surrounded me nowhere. Falling down onto my knees, I clenched my fists so tightly my knuckles turned such a color of white they looked as nonexistent as my surroundings. I alone existed nowhere with nothing. Inconceivable! My fists beat down on nothing as I made a desperate attempt to shatter nothing and nothing happened. Nothing could happen.
Such a fool was I!
There was nothing! This was nowhere, never again would I be somewhere, because there was nowhere left to go! It had to end, the hours of living nowhere with nothing, why, the pain I felt somewhere else couldn't have been worse than nothing nowhere! Nothing had triumphed over me now, but, it was not a defeat. That was when I finally realized. Nothing could triumph over me here. No one could find me and hurt me, not mother, not him- who now I knew sent me nowhere. I belonged nowhere. I was nothing.392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGR5lz9l04c
And so I became everything.392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv2GAuWRaj
