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-免責聲明:故事內容涉及以人類加入妖怪食物鏈情節,純粹以現時生物學生態類比,只屬幻想與虛構,如有雷同實屬巧合 - 140Please respect copyright.PENANASdxFfkF0Ba
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「喂,華仔。」條鬼佬以鬼佬腔廣東話叫我。「今晚有無節目?無就一齊去一野咬到d女一頸血啦?」140Please respect copyright.PENANAutk2eDCQ5n
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問返果時做咩咬鳩我?佢話,因為佢飲醉左酒喎。而家我焗住要同佢住。無計啦,就算嬲鳩佢咬鳩我,都要同返d生活習慣一樣既人往,做野起上黎方便d呀嘛。140Please respect copyright.PENANAWaIRL1sY83
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「戇鳩仔先會用牙隊落人條頸,噴到成身都係。」我話。140Please respect copyright.PENANAubY2bLIFGO
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「哈哈,我係戇鳩仔。咁先好玩!」鬼佬話。其實鬼佬份人都幾nice,有少少英國紳士feel。不過鬼叫佢咬鳩我咩?咬鳩我我就屌佢架啦。140Please respect copyright.PENANAa1NKe6BccQ
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鬼佬平時真係會著到成個吸血鬼咁,典型英國風格既吸血鬼。每年Halloween佢就最出位架啦。佢對於班本土派香港殭屍就好少理,因為佢吸親既,都係鬼妹。美國妹英國妹俄妹賓妹索高維亞妹,有邊種妹佢未食過?所以呢,佢又唔會話搶哂班殭屍風頭。有時真係想學下佢咁豁達。英國佬就係咁。BTW佢話佢最憎蘇格蘭吸血鬼。140Please respect copyright.PENANA9WfnzUTHHF
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我地住埋同一個單位,位於元朗某間村屋。如果你都住附近,不防留意下果有架老爺benz,就係我地所在既位置啦。咁當然唔會話埋你知咩車款啦:o)140Please respect copyright.PENANA6xfaJtcu4p
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不過鬼佬佢佢從來唔會渣,因為佢會直接變蝙蝠飛去目的地,渣架車過老蘭?佢先唔會啦,過海好撚貴喎佢話。所以成日叫我郁下架車,費事電池無電,叫人黎救車又洗幾舊水。140Please respect copyright.PENANAjxtNLvKHZ6
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(旁白:點解你地成日乜都話貴?)140Please respect copyright.PENANAJu94qeT5hx
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屌啦,吸血鬼都要洗錢架!我地要一日2餐,一個月要飲一次人血,果兩餐唔係錢呀?仲有交租呢?燈油火蠟呢?香港做咩唔洗錢架?做吸血鬼,係香港仲難生存,都唔知邊忽有血!鬼佬就話唔洗點做野,幾百年前銀行D錢,今日仲收緊息,都咪話唔和味!至於我,就係雙失吸血鬼。140Please respect copyright.PENANAoD69YfpaU5
失業、失戀。140Please respect copyright.PENANASDE6eXOV5t
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不過咁,呢部黑色 Benz都叫做變左我溝女既工具。140Please respect copyright.PENANAkiERPAwt9E
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呀係,小姓劉,名叫做華仔,德華。因為我好鐘意做愛,所以d人又會叫我做愛德華,或者華仔。二十年前,1996年係24歲。今年,2016年,個樣仍然係24歲。140Please respect copyright.PENANA6xoqG0t3qC
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當年未有SARS,大學生好吃香。今年,大學生做慘過擔爛泥怪。我雖然用左十年時間,讀左個degree,但都唔知做乜好。我呢D夜行生物,除左看更都唔知做咩好囉。試過係老蘭d夜店做過一排bartender既,不過環境太嘈了,吸血鬼對耳唔多頂得順。140Please respect copyright.PENANAJmYceSj4br
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但係,最近見左份新工,希望可以搵到食啦...我諗,應該都幾過癮既。140Please respect copyright.PENANAouxEBf1ECl
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「華仔下嘛,請坐。」一個著住西裝的女人話。140Please respect copyright.PENANApQfBeR9hpk
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「..唔該。」我話。「可唔可以拉左個窗簾或者..較暗少少個燈。」140Please respect copyright.PENANAWDBmWK1gkk
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「先生,我都想請你除左副超先,我地先至可以繼續。」個女人話。140Please respect copyright.PENANA7jTxt666XI
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超,除咪除!吸血鬼唔鐘意見光姐,唔代表見光會死。140Please respect copyright.PENANA4kvpjiuXRm
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「愛德華先生,想請問下你對於你申請既職位,有幾了解?同埋有咩期望呢?」個女人問我。140Please respect copyright.PENANA9tT4RPcA1t
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「咩呀...殺人之嘛下嘛。」我話。140Please respect copyright.PENANApBLpgEDFhi
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「你的確講得無錯...」女人話。「不過...我地指定要殺既人物,一定要以特定方法令佢死亡,唔係只係殺。你知啦,香港地呀嘛。」140Please respect copyright.PENANAZ4JUrSDQIZ
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無錯,我見呢份工就係全職殺手。當然唔係上jobDB就搵到啦,點都要靠D門路先至搵到。(唔好問我邊度搵)140Please respect copyright.PENANAS9IElAvEih
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(旁白:香港有殺手架咩?)140Please respect copyright.PENANAunQYjyRzEI
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你地以為香港無殺手?哈哈,咁你地就錯了....你地自己睇下政府公佈既每年香港失蹤人口數字啦,每年穩定地有幾百人。我可以話,除左比我地呢類人外生物食左之外,都係殺手所為。140Please respect copyright.PENANAZMM8D7nOkq
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「明既明既...」我話。「不過可唔可以舉少少例呢?」140Please respect copyright.PENANAdlPPQ6NNqi
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「我地係你正式加入前,唔可以講太多。」女人話。140Please respect copyright.PENANAFMruJjaScX
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「咁我加入囉。」我說。140Please respect copyright.PENANAEATE86Pu5A
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「等等先....先生,我都未知道你適唔適合我地呢份工作。」女人企起身,指住一個紙板人。「我想請你係500米外,刺殺佢比我睇下。工具有哂係檯面,你可以用任何方法。」140Please respect copyright.PENANAizKNEqrIDQ
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我望住檯上面,有刀有弓箭有球棒仲有支甜筒,就係無槍。140Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8zuqFOgaY
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不過都好,比槍我反而唔識用。一個正常香港人有幾可掂過槍呀?140Please respect copyright.PENANAmlQVGspXMe
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「開始得未呀?」我問。140Please respect copyright.PENANAWOSoMlYhdX
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女人點頭。140Please respect copyright.PENANAIpMWbaLziI
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難得有機會,我當然要玩返少少花招啦,豈有此理個女人睇少我?區區一個人類....睇少我?140Please respect copyright.PENANAFkphvmfxUP
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「颯!」一下風聲,紙牌人既頭先經比我撕左落黎,係我手上。而我仍然企係原位。140Please respect copyright.PENANAYJwG8btLjn
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「....」女人呆左。「你點做到架?」140Please respect copyright.PENANA9qkNE1usMb
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「秘密。」我羅住個人頭放係我塊面前面當做面具。140Please respect copyright.PENANAtyjCwYIoBq
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「....」女人開始好好奇。「起碼都話我知呢個係咩門派既武功?」140Please respect copyright.PENANANB6vSxz8aQ
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我轉一轉個方向再擺pose:「都係秘密。」140Please respect copyright.PENANAVvGyStdPlu
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