i heard your god damn laugh before i even seen your face.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kdJqAUZ2K
so simple, so quick, so fleeting with not a thought in our heads.
my boyfriend's brother.
everyone told me you had anger issues and were troublesome.
i just thought you were misunderstood.
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you were 15, i was 18.
you were not my business. i was not yours.
we never gave each other a second thought until about 2 years later. i stayed with your brother and we moved in together.
thats when my crush started. my sinful, gut wrenching crush.
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we would drink together, get high together, take cocaine together, at yours, at mine, at your friends, clubs, pubs, alleyways and underpasses. we were terrible and inseparable because we both were fucked in the head, we had our own shit we were trying to deal with and it was nice to have someone at that time.
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you were this awesome brother figure in my life, you were cool and all the girls liked you. way out of my league. i was stupid. my feelings for you confused the fuck out of me.
the drink and the drugs didn't help because thats when your little flirtations would happen. you wont remember but you would hold my waist, stroke my neck, whisper in my ear and kiss my cheek.
i thought i was going crazy. but other people seen it, other people thought you had a crush on me. i thought you might have liked me too. boy was i wrong.
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i liked you for 3 years. for the first year you were like cocaine to my heart. you made me all happy, giddy and crazy. then the guilt would hit me and i'd wanna kill myself because i am the worst person ever for having these feelings.
the second year was the tough one, when we moved back to live with you. i just kept telling myself i'll eventually get over you, it's my fault, i'm delusional.
the third year was wayy easier, i convinced myself my feelings were gone and i only thought of you as this annoying but amazing brother. everything was great.
my son, your nephew came along, and i knew then that my feelings were dead.
they had a life, they grew, they shrunk and then they died. it was fine.
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but what happened recently, brought back those feelings like ghosts, haunting me.
all those tiny little moments that gave me butterflies, the sweet things you did, you kept me alive, literally. i now know it was meaningless to you. because you don't remember.
and once again i was confused. but you made it crystal clear you have no feelings, and it meant nothing. now everything's dead and i'm mourning. how can my heart break for something that wasn't real? all in my head.
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so any guilt your feeling, is on me. i've been living with it for years. now you know it wasn't your fault. it's mine. i'm the delusional one.
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i'm sorry
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