The first thing Artemis was aware of was that infernal beeping and the second thing he was aware of was the headache pounding the insides of his skull. His hand hit the alarm clock, silencing it.
Artemis would not usually use such crass language but, by god he felt like shit. His mouth was dry, and the room was spinning. He opened his eyes and for a moment he didn’t know where he was and then he recognised his dorm. His movements were uncoordinated and clumsy as he moved to sit. Weakness dragged at his limbs and nausea tugged at his stomach.
Artemis sat there for a moment as he waited for the vertigo too pass. Upon standing, he noticed it. The terrible aching pain in his insides, emanating from his backside. That was… new.
Artemis sorted through his vague recollections of the night before. He remembered the party (at least parts of it) that explained how he was feeling, his first hangover. Just great.
What that did not explain was the pain. He had talked to Jessica, watched Kieran challenge the captain of the rugby team to an arms wrestle, helped Kieran to the bathroom, sat and smoked week with Tom and then…
Flashes of a memory hit him.
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James straddling his lap and then Artemis telling him to, ‘Get off,’ and James ignoring him.
Artemis remembered restraining hands, hot breath on his neck and a voice saying, ‘Just let me.’
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Artemis stomach lurched when the realisation hit him. James had… had… Artemis didn’t dare finish that thought. It couldn’t be anyway… It just… he wasn’t…
He hadn’t said no, so it couldn’t be…. Artemis pondered this and decided that it wasn’t that bad.
He was fine. He was fine.
As the memories became clearer, Artemis breathing became more laboured. Artemis slumped into a corner of the room and covered his mouth with his hand to muffle the choked sobs and anguished noises. After a while he fell silent, wracked by soundless sobs. He cried until the pain and hurt gave way to numbness.
Artemis donned his uniform and packed his bag for the day. The world felt surreal, fuzzy and distant.
On autopilot, Artemis opened the door to go to breakfast, then paused. James would be at breakfast. Maybe Artemis could skip breakfast today, after all, if he did manage to eat something he would probably just throw it up.
Artemis sat back on the bed, at a loss for what to do. He was already awake so there was no point trying to sleep.
The clothes Artemis had borrowed from Kieran sat innocently on the floor.
Artemis rifled through the pockets and pulled out the bag of pills Tom had given him last night. He set the bag aside and reminded himself to wash the clothes before he gave them back to Kieran.
He stared at the bag of pills. He wouldn’t take any, that would be... Inadvisable. But so would being caught with the bag in his room.
Artemis stuffed the bag in his bedside table and locked it. The action caused the whiskey bottle on the cabernet to rattle.
Artemis considered the bottle.
Maths was his next lesson. He would be sitting behind James for an hour and after that was French, a class which he also shared with James.
Artemis couldn’t afford another attack like this morning.
After a long deliberation, Artemis unscrewed the cap and took a swig. And then another.
The pain in his head dulled somewhat and a pleasant buzz replaced the numb shock he had been feeling.
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After skipping breakfast to launder Kieran’s clothes (at least that was what he told himself), Artemis trudged into registration, bag slung over one shoulder. Upon entering the room, he was waved down by Kieran who had saved the seat next to him.
Kieran looked as hungover as Artemis, which is to say very much so. Flopping down on his seat with a wince, Artemis greeted Kieran, “Morning.”
Kieran raised an eyebrow, “You look like you were just run over by a truck.”
Artemis glared, “Look who’s talking.”
The corner of Kieran’s mouth quirked upwards.
Artemis crossed his arms, “And I would argue that my current state is almost entirely your fault.” He added sulkily. There was no bite behind his comment, nothing that had happened was Kieran’s fault. Artemis chose to drink, he chose to leave Kieran, he chose to smoke weed, and he chose to stay alone in that room. There was no-one else to blame.
Artemis took a sip from his water bottle, in hopes to sooth his pounding headache.
The rest of the class was not fairing much better, all sporting similar bedraggled appearances and headaches.
Why, oh why, had no-one thought to have the party on a Friday?
The door opened and a woman appraised the room. She was young, ginger haired, green eyed and far too cheerful for such an early hour.
The previous two days assembly had been elongated, so the class didn’t have a chance to meet their new teacher.
She greeted them with a smile and a nervous, “Hi, I’m Ms Edwards, I’ll be taking your class for form time this year.” An awkward silence followed, “Great, so I guess I’ll just jump right in. I will be taking the register in just a moment, I just... need to figure out how the computer system works.” And with that she sat at her desk and began tapping at the keyboard.
Conversation gradually returned and Kieran blew air out through his cheeks, “That was painful.” He shrugged, “She seems nice.”
Artemis hummed, not really listening.
Kieran rolled his eyes, “Hey, pay attention to me-” he was saying tap Artemis on the shoulder.
Artemis jerked away, a visceral fear filling him. Artemis’ breathing picked up while his eyes darted around the room. Meanwhile, Kieran pulled his hand back like it had been burnt.
Kieran put his hands up in surrender, “Okay, got it, no touchy.” He said, as if trying to calm a spooked animal. “You, um… are you okay?”
Artemis forced himself to lean back into the middle of his seat and forced his mouth into a tight smile, “Yes. Fine.”
It was at this fortunate moment, that the Ms Edwards cut in, “Okay, Archie?”
“Yes.” Said a boy at the back.
As the register continued Artemis settled back and Kieran said nothing more although sending glances his friends’ way.
Ms Edwards faced the class, “I have some ideas about some projects we could do during form time. There is a charity run program recruiting pupils from local schools right now all about mental health awareness and I would like seven students to volunteer to be an ambassador.” There was no indication anyone in the class had heard her. Ms Edwards continued nervously, “Unfortunately ambassadors will have to miss some lessons.” This grabbed the attention of many of the boys in the room, “Hands up.”
Kieran’s hand was one of the first to fly up.
Artemis raised an eyebrow.
Kieran hissed, “Shut up. I’m only human. I could dodge geography if I’m really lucky.”
Ms Edwards looked relieved, “This is a better turn out than I was expecting, we’re going to have a lot of fun this term.” She emphasised the point by clapping her hands together.
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Anxiety gripped his chest as Artemis walked to maths class. Artemis tapped his leg as he walked.
Tap, tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Five taps.
Oh. He was counting again. That couldn’t be good.
He stopped at door twenty-one. Students lined the halls waiting outside classrooms rather than entering which made using the corridors considerably harder and quite cramped.
People brushed up against him on all sides and Artemis froze, stricken. A hand brushed his wrist and suddenly the only thing he could feel was an iron grip around them. A shoulder squeezed past his and Artemis was back under James, unable to move.
He was paralyzed again, just like before. frustration overcame him, why could he never seem to control himself these days.
The students filed into the room as the teacher arrived. As he took a seat Artemis caught a glance of James walking through the door. James smirked and waved. Artemis stared at his desk and thought ‘go away, go away, leave me alone.’
By some miracle nothing happened. James sat behind him, and Artemis felt hairs raise on the back of his arm. He felt eyes bore into the back of his head.
Thirty minutes past with Artemis clenching his fists with white knuckles before he felt a tap on his shoulder.
Artemis spun to see James, a mischievous smile on his face. James winked and mouthed ‘morning sweetheart.’
Artemis quickly looked away, his hands shaking under the desk. God did he regret learning to lip read.
Why was James acting like this was normal? Why was everyone acting normal? Why did everything feel normal? Nothing was normal, nothing was okay.
Artemis just needed to get through this class, then… Then he would have another class with James.
He flinched when he felt another tap on his shoulder.
Artemis wondered how it was possible to feel so alone in a room full of people.
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Artemis didn’t go to the lunch hall during first break. He went to his room and made a beeline for the bottle of whiskey on his bedside. No-one had noticed how jumpy he was this morning so no-one would notice if he was drunk. He tried not to feel resentful at that.
Artemis did not subscribe to the concept of the tortured genius but if asked about this he could simply claim he was attempting to dampen his considerable intellect.
He had no doubt everyone he knew would believe this explanation. Artemis did not know how he felt about those closest to him having little-to-no insight to his life.
The thought left a bitter tang in his mouth.
The bell rang. He didn’t want to go back to class but his parents would be concerned if he stopped attending. Artemis felt trapped, it felt like he couldn’t control anything in his life, he couldn’t even stop James.
Artemis started down the corridor.
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Artemis was focused on the stain just left of his plate on the lunch table, not eating.
“Did that table offend you?” said Kieran, sitting to his left.
Artemis jumped, “Kieran. Don’t creep up on me like that.”
“I didn’t creep, I just sat down.” Kieran pointed out. Artemis said nothing, suddenly very interested in his food, which he had yet to touch. Kieran let the silence drag on for a moment more before asking, “Are you okay? This morning, the way you reacted to me tapping you. What was that about?”
“Nothing.” Artemis dismissed.
Kieran’s expression was disbelieving.
Artemis sighed, realising some other explanation was called for, “I am not used to physical contact. My upbringing was not one of great affection and I am still… adjusting to it.” Technically true. He needed something to throw Kieran off, “I cannot even say that I have had a friend of my own age before.” that would do it.
For a moment, Kieran was still, and Artemis was worried that he wouldn’t buy it. Kieran nodded, “Uh... Fair enough. You... you haven’t had a... friend before?”
Artemis’ lip quirked up, “I did not say that.”
Kieran huffed, “Yeah, yeah. You know what I meant. You haven’t had a friend your age before?”
Artemis searched for something casual to say, “No, not really.” Nailed it. See? He could be informal.
“How?” Kieran asked, munching on a mouthful of chicken.
“I have never really cared to. I had always thought people my age were… not worth my time.”
Kieran’s brow furrowed, “You realise that kind of makes you sound like a dick?”
Artemis nodded, “I do.” Artemis tilted his head “I also considered everyone I met to be below me; I could not name one person I respected before I was twelve. It was… not a good time in my life. I was being arrogant and, to be honest, quite a bore.”
“It’s cool you can admit that.” Kieran said. “It would be easier to bury your mistakes.”
Artemis relaxed; the vulnerability he had shown proved to be a sufficient diversion. Kieran was taking the bait. Although… it did feel freeing to admit such personal things, even if it was just a distraction.
Kieran shrugged, “I guess most people go through that phase. You know, the ‘everyone but me is an immature moron’ phase. Yours just happened to be… quite a long one.”
Artemis allowed a small smile to creep onto his face, “Thank you… I think.” Kieran wasn’t judging him. There were few other people he knew who he would trust to react this well to him opening up, Butler being one of them. It was a pleasant surprise.
“From now on I’m going to refer to this as your,” Kieran adopted a high-pitched voice, “‘I’m not like other girls’ phase.”
There it is. Artemis rolled his eyes and let out a laugh, “Very clever.”
“I am, aren’t I?” Kieran preened.
Artemis attempted to sink to Kieran’s level, “However, I would counter that witty rejoinder with this one. Being camp is not a personality.”
Kieran snorted, “Shots fired, shots fired. That my friend, is a bold-faced lie, being camp is a personality, I think I prove that.”
“If you say so.” Artemis said, his stomach turning at the thought of eating. Artemis didn’t have to eat; it was one thing he did have control over. Artemis put his fork down with a clink.
Kieran looked at the floor, “You’re probably the first real school friend I’ve made. So… Yeah, same… kind of.” The words hung in the air for a moment.
Artemis smiled, “I’m honoured.”
“As you well should be.” Kieran said, moving on swiftly, “Aren’t you gonna eat?”
“I’m not hungry.” Artemis said.
“Do you mind if I…?” Kieran gestured to the plate.
Artemis pushed his plate over to Kieran, “Go ahead.”
“Thanks, the dinner lady on this shift always gives me tiny servings- only me. When I asked her for more she says, ‘other people need to eat’. Sheesh. Whenever I go back for more, she gives me the evil eye.”
Artemis frowned, “Are you sure this isn’t in your head? You were convinced the receptionist was out to get you too.”
Kieran waved his fork at Artemis, “It’s a conspiracy!” he hissed.
“Right.” Artemis said, doubtfully.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5sAVjgsHP
