
2020年2月23日53Please respect copyright.PENANAr6rNTMpNFi
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你相信突如其來的好運或厄運,全都是無法人為改變的命中注定嗎?53Please respect copyright.PENANAn2RhR6HcJ8
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最近發生一些事……開始讓我有類似的感觸。53Please respect copyright.PENANA0rFG2S5sKJ
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不過比起純看虔誠度的算命或占卜,我更相信凡事皆由人為引發的;蝴蝶效應一說吧。53Please respect copyright.PENANAkHtJv0mkZR
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「……怎麼會?我是說、怎麼這麼突然……?」拿著手機有些難以置信地再次問道,頓時從大清早鈴聲響起才被迫起床的迷濛中清醒,身子也不禁因嚴肅的話題而坐起。53Please respect copyright.PENANAaE0xfLnLnG
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『我也很難接受。』電話另頭傳來丈夫疲憊中夾帶無措聲音,身為律師總看大風大浪的他實在鮮少有這樣的語氣。『昨晚緊急送醫後本來情況還算穩定,睡前護士還特地過來查看過,誰知道……』53Please respect copyright.PENANARHRoDxprqh
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誰知道,事情的惡化永遠那麼突然。53Please respect copyright.PENANAWpoGVAMndy
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「……」沉默短暫停留於通話之中,腦海閃過千百種安慰的語句,卻都在即將出口時又覺得多餘而咽回肚中。「那,秋英也在嗎?她怎麼說?」53Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7JCJHrgEn
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『她這幾天都有值班,大概一、兩點時下班時過來幫忙照顧一下讓我能去買個晚飯,期間同樣沒說有什麼問題……後來想說反正情況穩定、醫護工作妳也知道很辛苦,就讓她先回去休息免得太累……老婆,現在回想的話,我是不是其實不該這樣做?』53Please respect copyright.PENANAlmNRMd5Hd0
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「你想多了……秋英也不是這方面的專科,更何況若真的要出什麼事……」她在也沒有用不是嗎——感覺到氣氛的不合時宜,我沒有選擇說出原先的後話,而是將內容調轉了方向。「……需要我現在趕過去醫院嗎?你一個人……」53Please respect copyright.PENANAXABv4IxTpI
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『沒關係,不用了。妳在家陪孩子們吧……他們也不能沒人照顧,後續該怎麼做就等我晚點回去再談。』53Please respect copyright.PENANAB2rF8zadIy
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還來不及回應的單方面約定,通話便被掛斷了。53Please respect copyright.PENANApnpWJGVd6v
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在太過習慣的感情與相處面前,有時連再見話語都是種多餘,省略而再省略……形成日常。而我們也必須被動地接受感情在長久後,佔據生活大半的柴米油鹽。53Please respect copyright.PENANAqHnw6Rkyr8
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「七點二十一分……」正處放長假時期的孩子們不太可能這時間醒來,我便給自己沖泡能安定身心的薰衣草茶,坐在餐桌將這些記錄在了私人帳號上。53Please respect copyright.PENANAH556MZqScA
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坦白說,這是一種很「微妙」的感覺。53Please respect copyright.PENANAqe1WIIWZjF
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不知道是不是每個人都會有類似經歷;又恰好能體會到相同感受。在想像之中,身邊人逝去通常會是感傷且難受的、說得反社會一些……我們也可能會為一些人的死沾沾自喜。而這在我的實際經驗裡,卻都不曾發生。53Please respect copyright.PENANAw5ufGTbs8F
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面對幼時至親突如其來車禍的噩耗,我只感覺麻木。或許是某些作家筆下那種悲傷到極致後的……表現吧?但時至今日,我仍沒有因此掉下過一滴眼淚、更沒有常見的劇情需求那樣……堆疊到後期爆發所有壓抑,高潮迭起。53Please respect copyright.PENANAEHEcsyDoGf
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而第一次迎來的情緒變化,竟是因為這與自己實際上並無太多交集、甚至存有幾分反感的婆婆,實在難以說明此刻的心情。單憑貼文上的電子文字,沒人能想像我在這段描述刪減反覆了幾次。53Please respect copyright.PENANAgnpNQLpHgP
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前陣子才見面說話的人,一覺醒來消失了——哪怕每次都希望能越少見越好,但突然成為永恆時,卻又覺得似乎不用到如此程度而感受茫然。53Please respect copyright.PENANALdzfWCV4gz
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喜歡嗎?不至於。53Please respect copyright.PENANAD0Ham5lonl
厭惡嗎?也不至於。53Please respect copyright.PENANA7KfKpXsTZB
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那,是我的緣故嗎——沒來由的罪惡感隨杯中的茶包沉入底部,甚至不知道自己原來會有這麼荒唐的想法。53Please respect copyright.PENANAqf9s8EXH5w
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「等孩子們醒來後……該怎麼向他們解釋親人的死?解釋死亡、解釋……」53Please respect copyright.PENANAc6oew9PS0F
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預設對白的字句,打了又刪、刪了……53Please respect copyright.PENANAXLu85p7lLz
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「新的『死胎』。」53Please respect copyright.PENANAIvclv4BOG7
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又該打些什麼呢?53Please respect copyright.PENANA7AA5zfY50a
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[為您的新貼文新增一張或數張圖片]53Please respect copyright.PENANAhmqU2hfufX
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TBC.