Lucia—
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNr4KM4RIH1
"You know, you should talk to him," Priest Dixon says, placing a plate of three-staked pancakes, eggs, bacon, and a half-empty bottle of syrup before me.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMFsLQJxdK
I pick up the fork on the side of the plate and scrap at the top of the pancake while leaning on my left palm. "I know, but I just...never get the chance to."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtcxi5BVg4
"Lucia, you had the chance to yesterday and you avoided him."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFf8MBMHiv
"I didn't avoid him." I shrug, playing with an oddly shaped bacon on the side of my plate with my fork.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOcPCwCJtH
I glance up at him when he doesn't respond to find his eyebrows raised and his head cocked to the side as if he's asking "Really?"
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAidQV9sgD
I glance around the room before putting the fork on the plate and pushing the plate toward him. "I'm not hungry."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptlFk0GC7a
"Why not?" He asks, still facing the sink as he rinses off the skillet.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1NVm0iJjM
I shrug. "I'm not hungry."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3vLVppUZe
He doesn't respond. He just wipes the water off the pan with a paper towel and puts it back in the second cupboard below the sink. He wipes his hand on the paper towel and then trashes the paper towel before reaching over the counter to pull my arms from their crisscrossed position.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLGzuFoQZM
I try not to cringe at his now pruney hands as they cover mine.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20ljUFU8IK
"Don't think I was stupid for not asking you what you ate yesterday like I usually do even though I know you ate nothing yesterday."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu4VL5u9f5
I chew on the inside of my cheek and become fixated on his collar.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGeFU7B2iD
"Or did you?"
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2wY9BQRda
Now he's just taunting me; he knows I didn't.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUJekniJj2
I don't respond. I just continue chewing on the inside of my cheek, still keeping my eyes fixated on his collar.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw0JVqTNtq
"That's what I thought," he says.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltg7Tc75HZ
"So, why aren't you hungry?" He asks.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxh5JiZiUf
I wince quietly and dig my chin deeper into my chest.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4bz1Mxaw7
"Don't you dare feel ashamed. Tell him."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKzZgciAfZ
It feels wrong to say, but most importantly, it feels wrong to be doing it.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlar4TJMVyV
"I'm...fasting." I chew on my lips so hard, I'm surprised that I don't draw blood.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKA0UgoLOv
I glance up at him when he doesn't respond, and he's just staring at me with emotions that aren't negative but I can't pinpoint what they are and I'm not sure I like them.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QBVsV6tMP
He's not disappointed. That should be a relief, but why does it still feel like I inhaled pepper?
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3amB6QTGfA
I scrunch my nose to remove the peppery sensation when he asks, "Why?"
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkjnJAo6b3
I freeze. It feels like someone's drenched cold water on me.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52Mqm7rAwk
I shrug and bite my cheek, subtly shaking my head.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTvfGnFcuB
Why am I fasting?
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCnsL4MPXm
"Because you should. You heard the sermon on sacrifice through fasting. This is the only way to please God. If you don't abstain from food, how will you crucify your flesh."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAPmDaI8BU
My heart thuds.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniah3GBB4R
Right. I swallow, trying to get over the harsh tone of the voice in my head.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uYXPz5MoJ
"Lucia." Priest Dixon softly squeezes my hands. "Look at me."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHyLJXi9nd
I reluctantly peek at him from under my eyelashes.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmu1nyuvsw
"Is it for the same reason? Are you trying to please Him again?"
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYqhGsEKXc
Yes.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaCbaG3gyI
I shrug and then shift in my seat. This feels weird; the feeling in me every time 'fasting' or the reason I'm fasting is brought up feels weird. It feels like I'm under the scrutinizing gaze of an investigator.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxq26JDvd7n
He lets my hands go and then double-taps the counter, "I won't force you to eat if you choose to continue your fast, but please try and cut back on the fastings."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk9WDL8k1o
I can't.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxx0CiVKKAg
"You're hurting yourself," he says, before turning to finish washing the dishes.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3R4l1ez7x
My heart skips a beat.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiZkQDTnwj
I'm hurting myself. Then, maybe I should...
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0h2ncXoiiq
"No. You can't stop. Imagine what He'll say, or even do."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0gTSbo5Uq
My heart clenches as the familiar image of a menacing manly figure looming over me with nothing but anger in his eyes clouds my mind.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFKq9sPn47
But...
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl46vaWhMvS
I tug once at my right thumb and bite hard on my lips as a crease forms between my brows.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafE7HpvMqr
Should I?
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47Ei0t41oJ
"No."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphCNArNjjY
My heart thuds and the peppery sensation in my nose returns as I hesitantly drag the plate to me.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0hDKXqhm8
I try to turn off the red alarms in my mind as my right hand hovers over the fork before lifting it off the plate.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8I5vwTHp2
I let out a shaky breath before digging the fork into the bacon, tearing off a piece, and then lifting it to my lips. I stare at the piece of bacon and my toes curl in my Converse sneakers and my mouth suddenly tastes tart. I force the bacon into my mouth, ignoring the pounding going on in my chest and the screams thrown at me from the voice.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqSeOZ1Zqq
My grip on the fork hardens as I try to swallow it. My insides churn as I cut off some pancakes. Then swallow. Then take another bite. And another. And another till half of the food on the plate is gone.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxmuyyUB5k
I glance up at Priest Dixon to find him beaming at me.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrMWi8oX4D
"You've made Him angry."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBq4d1jDgQe
I swallow, trying to move past the concave feeling in my chest. I try to return his smile with a closed-lip smile.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zHDmZj3Q7
"Here." He hands me a glass of water. "You did great! Hurry. You're already late for work."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lKNdIxe4O
Right. I stare at the glass of water and wonder if I should drink it. If it'll make God mad too.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMq3QxiqLl1
I chew on the inside of my cheek as I grab the glass and gently down the water, trying to ignore the feeling around me that makes me wish I'd shrink.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCemzTU810a
"Silas." Priest Dixon calls with a strange tone of concern and panic.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgY6APbwcv
My head whips toward the door more because of the name than the tone of Priest Dixon's voice, causing water to trickle down my chin.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5axOqnQndB
He's here!
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0U0hgtxBU
My heart starts to jump until I notice his wheezing form leaning against the door frame, causing me to suck in a sharp breath. I let my eyes roam over the grimace on his face, the crease of his eyebrows, and the bits of beaded sweat between them.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9e6eIzuKX
A wince escapes his lips every other second.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3mlioTSHq
My eyes travel to his left hand clutching below his rib and I spot a sharp tear in his black shirt and a huge crimson stain coating his hands; it's...still...fresh.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsTJTGg1eg
I leap out of my seat to rush to him, but Priest Dixon beats me to it, so I just stand by the edge of the counter, realizing that I wouldn't have been able to do anything considering we were still...fighting?
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBTkVn2cEe
I bite my lower lip as my eyes run over his face and I notice the black eye under his right eye; it's faded. I also notice the small cut on his upper lip. I let my eyes roam his face before locking on his eyes. His stare hardens, matching the intensity of a glare.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvtaVdutMx
I inhale sharply. I'm not wanted here.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55GCMIUqrx
Right.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeK2viQLGs
I dart glances around the room before grabbing my bag from the chair behind me and heading for the door. My heart pounds harder with each step I take closer to him as I try to avoid his stare, well, glare.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1ygmJ44kY
"I'm leaving." I try to ignore the grey eyes boring into me as I stand a couple of inches behind Priest Dixon.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskE1abTNfw
"Okay. I'll try to fix him up," He pauses as he puts Silas's left arm around his neck, causing Silas to wince.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfvH062aVV
His tone sounds assuring. I don't know why. Silas and I aren't anything.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22OL1OM42O
I try to move past the thought and avoid looking at Silas as Priest Dixon carries him past me and the smell of cedar engulfs me.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM2C10Bglo
I make the mistake of glancing behind me when I catch his somewhat softened eyes on me with a mix of what looks like regret in them, causing me to quickly avert my eyes.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KGTgCjl0R
***
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FSborzwrm
"Hey, Cici."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQoozssV83
My heart flutters at the nickname but then thuds at the familiar sound of a noisy bar.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxPuxQeUzU
I thought she quit alcohol. I knew it was too good to be true.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIuTBJJ2ye
I set my art book and pencil beside me on the floor, straightening up to hear what she'd say.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwX6iignR7q
"I'm going to be home late tonight," she screams into the phone.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAQoBLRRf3
I can tell, but at least she sounds sober.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjWiIso3nH
"Hmm" is all I say.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoTMLX2Cph
"I thought you weren't drinking anymore?" I ask her, trying not to sound judgmental.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0HQkaNnSB
"My friends decided to celebrate after finding out I joined a recovery center," she says. "Don't worry, I won't have much to drink."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3r3ZMVcc2e
I bite my lower lip, not liking the term 'much' before saying, "Okay. Just be careful."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPa9Tv6xMt
"I will, sweetie." She sounds excited, and it's making me nervous.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3Zvn1Chsp
"Come on, Amy!" I hear someone exclaim on her end.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZUGfIHp9r
"I'm coming. I'm talking to my daughter." She screams back, causing me to pull each side of my headphones away from my ears.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUCLRRJVq8
"Well, sweetie, you heard, I gotta go-
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJdbTqx2bc
"Wait. Mom." I call before she hangs up. "The rent is due soon, and I was wondering..."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNsdFyk7R9
Well, I was wondering, since she's sober now, if she can pay for the rent, and I can save up for my Florence trip instead.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHaZSDEgVF
"I was wondering if you could handle it." I chew on the inside of my cheek, hoping she'd pay this time instead of...
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNi0WVsd6rl
"Sorry. Not this time, sweetie. My salary is short, but things will change."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshJ6PHqPvr
I try not to bang my head against the wall I'm leaning on as I hear the all-too-familiar excuse of her salary "being short." However, I'm unsure how I feel about this promise of "change."; she is still at the bar after all.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4axR507hQ
"Bye, sweetie."
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtOnvm60Yd
"Bye," I mutter, staring at my screen.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8X6G25gIKv
"Yo Lucia! Chips refill in aisle 5." Margaret juts her thumb behind her before disappearing the same way she came.
143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOcFywTve0
I sigh, wishing my lunch breaks were longer.
ns 15.158.61.55da2
