Lucia—
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNPD5N8EuI
"You know, you should talk to him," Priest Dixon says, placing a plate of three-staked pancakes, eggs, bacon, and a half-empty bottle of syrup before me.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiZgxqdzkX
I pick up the fork on the side of the plate and scrap at the top of the pancake while leaning on my left palm. "I know, but I just...never get the chance to."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW412UCB9KJ
"Lucia, you had the chance to yesterday and you avoided him."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgwr2VOnS7
"I didn't avoid him." I shrug, playing with an oddly shaped bacon on the side of my plate with my fork.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrGtzeDu6I
I glance up at him when he doesn't respond to find his eyebrows raised and his head cocked to the side as if he's asking "Really?"
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLxQTNh9r5
I glance around the room before putting the fork on the plate and pushing the plate toward him. "I'm not hungry."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLP5YcU642h
"Why not?" He asks, still facing the sink as he rinses off the skillet.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UR3eBj488
I shrug. "I'm not hungry."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeeVaM9btq
He doesn't respond. He just wipes the water off the pan with a paper towel and puts it back in the second cupboard below the sink. He wipes his hand on the paper towel and then trashes the paper towel before reaching over the counter to pull my arms from their crisscrossed position.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJcf6Tx87z
I try not to cringe at his now pruney hands as they cover mine.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPgp1u3vfM
"Don't think I was stupid for not asking you what you ate yesterday like I usually do even though I know you ate nothing yesterday."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEeFkIfmoz
I chew on the inside of my cheek and become fixated on his collar.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMGwYAtRY8
"Or did you?"
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqMSTNFW32
Now he's just taunting me; he knows I didn't.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3VvvwxQuI
I don't respond. I just continue chewing on the inside of my cheek, still keeping my eyes fixated on his collar.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpymWZ6MUiq
"That's what I thought," he says.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQKDLKBfTV
"So, why aren't you hungry?" He asks.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcndWGc7Lnz
I wince quietly and dig my chin deeper into my chest.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADU1EMzdT4
"Don't you dare feel ashamed. Tell him."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KxCgV37IM
It feels wrong to say, but most importantly, it feels wrong to be doing it.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3E6fXsK93
"I'm...fasting." I chew on my lips so hard, I'm surprised that I don't draw blood.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2UDhCGjU8
I glance up at him when he doesn't respond, and he's just staring at me with emotions that aren't negative but I can't pinpoint what they are and I'm not sure I like them.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRz4IxyVipE
He's not disappointed. That should be a relief, but why does it still feel like I inhaled pepper?
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJtcjrza5K
I scrunch my nose to remove the peppery sensation when he asks, "Why?"
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5GhTihS9B
I freeze. It feels like someone's drenched cold water on me.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjw8cp559M
I shrug and bite my cheek, subtly shaking my head.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGn1U1WJOnq
Why am I fasting?
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4BkGTDRVD
"Because you should. You heard the sermon on sacrifice through fasting. This is the only way to please God. If you don't abstain from food, how will you crucify your flesh."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcq1aYrcYMx
My heart thuds.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUzPnLqH2o
Right. I swallow, trying to get over the harsh tone of the voice in my head.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVhSAPY9di
"Lucia." Priest Dixon softly squeezes my hands. "Look at me."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDhXfMrDs2
I reluctantly peek at him from under my eyelashes.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsy5QpYtkUU
"Is it for the same reason? Are you trying to please Him again?"
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm846vvKRe0
Yes.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRlmoHxvgA
I shrug and then shift in my seat. This feels weird; the feeling in me every time 'fasting' or the reason I'm fasting is brought up feels weird. It feels like I'm under the scrutinizing gaze of an investigator.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1SyHcmHP9
He lets my hands go and then double-taps the counter, "I won't force you to eat if you choose to continue your fast, but please try and cut back on the fastings."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXNnIX35b2
I can't.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxv85kz2r94
"You're hurting yourself," he says, before turning to finish washing the dishes.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNYanXelKn
My heart skips a beat.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNVXXORVcT
I'm hurting myself. Then, maybe I should...
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mux2nk1t4
"No. You can't stop. Imagine what He'll say, or even do."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHTV9iYvpN
My heart clenches as the familiar image of a menacing manly figure looming over me with nothing but anger in his eyes clouds my mind.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJYJp06InO
But...
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6bg7UrGJN
I tug once at my right thumb and bite hard on my lips as a crease forms between my brows.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsr7pa0trb
Should I?
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIXcOFNoAY
"No."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YJKBtidPz
My heart thuds and the peppery sensation in my nose returns as I hesitantly drag the plate to me.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdShUbE7QY
I try to turn off the red alarms in my mind as my right hand hovers over the fork before lifting it off the plate.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i8Cs5EmIe
I let out a shaky breath before digging the fork into the bacon, tearing off a piece, and then lifting it to my lips. I stare at the piece of bacon and my toes curl in my Converse sneakers and my mouth suddenly tastes tart. I force the bacon into my mouth, ignoring the pounding going on in my chest and the screams thrown at me from the voice.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OVEVdwDXV
My grip on the fork hardens as I try to swallow it. My insides churn as I cut off some pancakes. Then swallow. Then take another bite. And another. And another till half of the food on the plate is gone.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBE0zfPaMT1
I glance up at Priest Dixon to find him beaming at me.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujr5w6pPyH
"You've made Him angry."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDa6bfof4jv
I swallow, trying to move past the concave feeling in my chest. I try to return his smile with a closed-lip smile.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRCA8aUbwG
"Here." He hands me a glass of water. "You did great! Hurry. You're already late for work."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NqT3sS5jM
Right. I stare at the glass of water and wonder if I should drink it. If it'll make God mad too.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUT14A9Gz46
I chew on the inside of my cheek as I grab the glass and gently down the water, trying to ignore the feeling around me that makes me wish I'd shrink.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSW0wU3DtT0
"Silas." Priest Dixon calls with a strange tone of concern and panic.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxcEtzOrFN
My head whips toward the door more because of the name than the tone of Priest Dixon's voice, causing water to trickle down my chin.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrPBV5Aej1
He's here!
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSyIBFkYmg
My heart starts to jump until I notice his wheezing form leaning against the door frame, causing me to suck in a sharp breath. I let my eyes roam over the grimace on his face, the crease of his eyebrows, and the bits of beaded sweat between them.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFjOXHso9X
A wince escapes his lips every other second.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYWIg6JSdY
My eyes travel to his left hand clutching below his rib and I spot a sharp tear in his black shirt and a huge crimson stain coating his hands; it's...still...fresh.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QX8q1GqKz
I leap out of my seat to rush to him, but Priest Dixon beats me to it, so I just stand by the edge of the counter, realizing that I wouldn't have been able to do anything considering we were still...fighting?
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWeOwCr0Je
I bite my lower lip as my eyes run over his face and I notice the black eye under his right eye; it's faded. I also notice the small cut on his upper lip. I let my eyes roam his face before locking on his eyes. His stare hardens, matching the intensity of a glare.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6h4mczFkS
I inhale sharply. I'm not wanted here.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxrYD0Iu4i
Right.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9qwmGN8n5
I dart glances around the room before grabbing my bag from the chair behind me and heading for the door. My heart pounds harder with each step I take closer to him as I try to avoid his stare, well, glare.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoCoR63qhB
"I'm leaving." I try to ignore the grey eyes boring into me as I stand a couple of inches behind Priest Dixon.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvj0QrmrkBv
"Okay. I'll try to fix him up," He pauses as he puts Silas's left arm around his neck, causing Silas to wince.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fXycSPIZk
His tone sounds assuring. I don't know why. Silas and I aren't anything.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSORKECNYgZ
I try to move past the thought and avoid looking at Silas as Priest Dixon carries him past me and the smell of cedar engulfs me.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1HyX07IHb
I make the mistake of glancing behind me when I catch his somewhat softened eyes on me with a mix of what looks like regret in them, causing me to quickly avert my eyes.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFugbOwWXy
***
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDQm3xfWBY
"Hey, Cici."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S5s8bGud6
My heart flutters at the nickname but then thuds at the familiar sound of a noisy bar.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgi2o1UxDd
I thought she quit alcohol. I knew it was too good to be true.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvegsJl6qiU
I set my art book and pencil beside me on the floor, straightening up to hear what she'd say.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlzM5Toiei
"I'm going to be home late tonight," she screams into the phone.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqiI6bJj2T
I can tell, but at least she sounds sober.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODBXdyEL70
"Hmm" is all I say.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xPqKB1W6e
"I thought you weren't drinking anymore?" I ask her, trying not to sound judgmental.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUD4RappNFg
"My friends decided to celebrate after finding out I joined a recovery center," she says. "Don't worry, I won't have much to drink."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVc3EHsFNz
I bite my lower lip, not liking the term 'much' before saying, "Okay. Just be careful."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6EoqSflmV
"I will, sweetie." She sounds excited, and it's making me nervous.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYhR1Cvqde
"Come on, Amy!" I hear someone exclaim on her end.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeL6jM6YWEp
"I'm coming. I'm talking to my daughter." She screams back, causing me to pull each side of my headphones away from my ears.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfZl8zsncC
"Well, sweetie, you heard, I gotta go-
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXb38sJNPQ
"Wait. Mom." I call before she hangs up. "The rent is due soon, and I was wondering..."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKa49NwAZQ2
Well, I was wondering, since she's sober now, if she can pay for the rent, and I can save up for my Florence trip instead.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndHTO6qBHn
"I was wondering if you could handle it." I chew on the inside of my cheek, hoping she'd pay this time instead of...
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrQgiN24ae
"Sorry. Not this time, sweetie. My salary is short, but things will change."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFmw6BFwUi
I try not to bang my head against the wall I'm leaning on as I hear the all-too-familiar excuse of her salary "being short." However, I'm unsure how I feel about this promise of "change."; she is still at the bar after all.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgK5qiSaU4M
"Bye, sweetie."
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMughvL4Nn
"Bye," I mutter, staring at my screen.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iAkoxKzaS
"Yo Lucia! Chips refill in aisle 5." Margaret juts her thumb behind her before disappearing the same way she came.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxMcDBiGjh
I sigh, wishing my lunch breaks were longer.
ns 15.158.61.52da2
