The Autonomous Dumbass Protection Droid (ADAD for short) powered on to the surprising lack of a dumbass to protect autonomously. That dumbass of course being the reason piles of scrap were formed into a humanoid form measuring five foot and five inches in height, that dumbass named Xerxes M. McFrazier.
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They saw no sign of Xerxes either, as they patrolled through the halls and corridors of the Revnik. Then they found a dented wall plate and a wearerless brown felt bowler hat on the floor next to the door labeled ‘Captain’s Quarters’, they picked up the hat, with the intent to return it to its owner, and heard a thud and pained moan force their noise through the heavy metal door of the Captain’s Quarters. “By the will of the Stars, he can still hurt himself,” ADAD muttered under their speakers, knowing that was a good thing, given it is Xerxes’ natural state and the cause for their existence.
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ADAD opened the door holding the orphaned headwear and was greeted by the fearful screaming and frantic stumbling of Xerxes, very obviously hungover and unarmed. “Good Morning, Captain” ADAD voiced, with preprogrammed concern and justifiable contempt. “FUCK! Knock first!” Xerxes spouted, standing slowly and carefully and supporting his balance on his desk. “You headbutted a wall” ADAD adds once Xerxes had risen. “That explains the head hurty” Xerxes reached for his hat, still in ADAD's hand. ADAD handed it to him, “Do you require narcotic assistance?” “Wh- huh?” Xerxes studdered, adorning his hat. “Acetaminophen, do you want it?” ADAD said, the salvaged camera lenses that were their eyes staring at the pathetic stack of snake meat and cheap fabric before them. “Yea, please.”
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Xerxes slumped down into his desk chair as ADAD left for the medbay. He decided to turn on his computer to see if any warrants had been filed for his arrest, There weren’t. There was, however, a news report documenting the theory of one Dr. Sterling Ulfketel Devereaux, a human Theoretical Physicist and Astrologist. The article documented how Dr. Devereaux had stated that ‘the entirety of everything exists on a single dime and also simultaneously not at all.’ The article misspelt the word ‘dime’ as ‘dimee’ several times. “The Earthen Brotherhood will give anyone a doctorate these days,” Xerxes thought aloud. He turned the computer back off as ADAD returned with a bottle of water and a small dish holding a small pill.
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“What were you looking at this time?” ADAD asked as they placed the bottle and dish on the desk. “Some human said some dumb shit,” Xerxes responded before taking the pill. “Are you surprised?” ADAD asked, taking back the dish. “Nope,” Xerxes said as ADAD left.
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Xerxes leaves his quarters after about a minute to do his fucking job (you almost forgot this bitch was employed, didn't you?). His job, of course, being Bounty hunting and occasional mercenary work. He still couldn’t remember that much so he decided to ask ADAD, who was both more responsible and, not currently, a little hungover.
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“ADAD.” “Yes, Captain?” ADAD responded, “What the fuck are we doin’,” Xerxes asked. “Looking for work,” ADAD answered, “we were also doing that before you entered a drinking competition with a known drug dealer and almost got arrested.” Xerxes, unsurprised he was almost arrested, fucked off to the armory to get his guns, ADAD followed.
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Xerxes armed himself with two plasma pistols, styled to look like Smith & Wesson Model 3’s for the aesthetic, a fixed-blade knife, and a Winchester Model 1873 he ‘found’ (also for the aesthetic). ADAD armed themself with a sword and a Durenkal-Aska Model 88 Main Combat Rifle (A plasma rifle produced for use by the Earthen Brotherhood’s army that was retired because its ability to blow a ‘dictionary-sized’ hole through the wall of a space station was deemed ‘immoral to use on a living being.’ whatever that means.) that they had modified with a power regulator to make the amount of force changeable by the wielder (so they don’t punch a dictionary-sized hole in a space station on accident.)
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