I had to put up with my family a lot in childhood. To be specific, my brother, Dan, made my life a living hell- seriously. When we were younger, he called me names and laughed at me for seemingly no reason. As we grew up, the insults became more frequent and left a bigger mark mentally. It came to the point where I planned to leave. It didn't matter what my parents would say or do- I felt like they weren't doing enough to release the tension between my brother and I.
It was June 28th, 1998, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was 20. A few days earlier, I had called my boyfriend, Tyler, who I had kept a long-distance relationship with for the past year. He was living in Baltimore, Maryland, and he quickly agreed to let me stay there with him. Even if the relationship didn't work out, Tyler said he would let me stay until I could find another place. I dismissed the thought of ever returning to my family, though. I wanted to start a new life.
"I've had enough of you and this family!" I let this out in Dan's face that morning. I quickly began to tear up and punched Dan in the face; he essentially told me that he never wanted me as a sister and called me worthless and a disgrace. At this point, our mother and father had woken up and come downstairs attempting to release that tension. It didn't matter to me now- I wanted out. I had brought all of my belongings downstairs in the middle of the night, ready to pack my Ford and escape. As a final message, I ripped apart an old photo of my brother and I before running out the door. I didn't look back.
I drove out of the neighborhood and onto the I-76 freeway towards Baltimore. Tyler had given me directions, so I knew where I was going; I had brought a map just in case, but I never needed it. I was so angry and so upset that I had to pull off to the side of the highway for a little while just to try and stop crying. I tried to look forward to my new life in Baltimore, even if there was still a lot of questions and uncertainty.
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25 years later, I still have days where I cannot mentally function due to thoughts of my horrible childhood, but I have made so much progress. I found my brother last year; coincidentally, we had met on June 28th, and he had moved to Baltimore a few months earlier to find new work. I was happy to see him, and it was good for us to reconcile after all that time. I told him that I had gotten over it long ago- of course, this was true, but this didn't mean I had felt depressed occasionally. I told him he was still my brother and that we needed to stick together as siblings, "Maybe mom and dad let you go long ago, but I'm not going to let you go now."
He got to meet his brother in-law and his nephew that day, and I could tell he really needed a new sense of community and family in his life. His mental health has improved so much ever since then, and he has finally settled into an office position after jumping from job to job for so long.
Despite us growing genuine love for each other as family, there has always been (and will be) a permanent mark, an ugly mark of our childhood. Growing our relationship as siblings and as a family will continue to be a struggle at times, but I guess it was meant to be a journey. No matter what life will throw at us, I am ready to take it on with my brother as a team.
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