I wish the stars would a line; I wish we could hold each other again. Today was the first day I woke up by my self, Today was the first day I had breakfast my self. Today… was the first time we have ever been separated from each other. It hurts that you broke up with me; I miss you; I want you back; We did everything together… We grew up together. I sit at this computer desk knowing I need to get this draft done; I sit at this desk, your last words running around in my head.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnmL1b41ww
“I don’t want this to affect you and your work, please don’t visit me, don’t talk about me, don’t write about me, please… I don’t want you as my girlfriend anymore”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEE5fkkREp
And then you were placed in handcuffs, having your rights read to you and you were taken away. The police had asked me to move in with someone I know so the house and everything in it could be searched. Yesterday is freshly burned into my memory, I don’t think I will forget it… I… It hurts. Will our plans of marriage and kids not happen? What about our holiday to Malaysia? I hope you haven’t pre-paid for it… I miss you so much… I stare at my computer screen, the title of the book and my name in a lower font under it.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiX3p77Nfcf
“I don’t want this to affect you and your work”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQOj2aW0oC
But it feels like it has, I feel it it has built a wall up in front of me the very wall stretching so far either side looking impossible to walk around, looking as if there is no end. However, the wall expands upwards, towering over me as if it’s as tall as a sky scraper. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyA7u3Y4Oau
“I don’t want this to affect you and your work”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9P78I9m5Tt
Lies… it was a lie… wait why… why am I mad about that? I miss you, but why am I mad? It doesn’t make any since as to why I’m mad… I… I need to distract myself… I push away from my computer desk in my parents’ study and look out the window that looks over Perth from the west. I know how great I had it growing up with two loving and wealthy parents, living in a wealthy apart building on the west side of inner Perth… I just can’t help but wonder if I even have the right to be sad, right. Did I ever have the right to be sad? I went to private schools, have a trust fund, have two loving parents, something of which many people dream of having.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FC0Yk5RNX
Even if I wish to publish my book, I know I will have the money for almost, if not everything from editors to promotions and maybe a movie or TV deal if everything goes well… Should I even publish a novel? The spot could go to someone better… Would I even be able to take the criticism, mainly with the destructive criticism, will I even be able to cope? What if I become controversial? 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFufoXtBdq
“Hey Hans are you in there?”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9I8N3979uy
The door to the studio opens, my 25-year-old sister, Lexie, wife and mother of two, walks into the room, the ceiling light and light from the window showing me that my sister’s light brown, smooth skin is glowing, her curls in her healthy, shiny hair which both of us get from our mother. She stops and looks at me when we are in talking distance, her face very sympathetic.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkUBIIPxFA
“I heard. How are you holding up? Do you want a hug?”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVVTnN1NOb
“A hug would be nice,”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0rFUKengQ
I say as I hug her, her arms wrap around me in a tight embrace, the same tight embrace I loved when we were younger and I would wake up from a nightmare or when I came home in tears after a kid at school cut my hair in class and didn’t get told off. Soon my sister’s horrible attempts at reassurance start, well not completely horrible, just poor wording.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4Q69vjnJM
“Maybe you can find someone better, maybe someone just as rich as our parents”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLROoerWwrq
“Money isn’t what I’m after, I want him back, he was my everything”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1OmkMESZo
“I know I’m sorry”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5bYUlwYSs
Our parents would love that though, I know they dislike the fact I enjoy writing and when I was younger dreamed of becoming an author but had told six-year-old me that I need to grow up and have a proper job and an author is not a stable one as I could be dropped by any contract in a matter of seconds. After all, they founded and run some entertainment company in America and own a news company in Australia.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fqohGs6i2
Lexie is a lawyer which the family constantly reminds me about. I am happy for her but some days the view on my sister changes because of our parents. I know Lexie must have felt the same about me more than a couple of times, as I won a lot of spelling bees in our younger years. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Pp4yTMm6C
“Lets go out and grab a coffee, maybe even a cake, you need some food in your system… How about we go to Leo’s Bakery, I know you love that place and I know Leo will help cheer you up” 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPwNOgn89J
She nudges my arm a little, I try to hide my smirk, but it creeps through.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEIJCauawv
“Sounds perfect”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsjagpNY8I
Hopefully it will get my mind off everything. We decide to take a bus as Lexie’s children, twin boys Charlie and Oliver want to come too as they’ve ‘had enough time with grandma and grandpa’. The bus ride around the city and to Leo’s bakery goes as smoothly as someone can only think. People pushed into a small bus, some elbows digging into my ribs and my ankles getting stood on, I even hold Oliver while Lexie holds Charlie to prevent them from getting hurt. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEY42u125tO
Soon they get off at their stop, stepping off the bus standing in front of ‘Leonardo’s Cake and Coffee’. The large two story building, the front wall just being glass windows. Table’s Wooden with the seat connected, inside of the far side widows tables filled with various different types of cakes from birthday cakes, wedding cakes and even normal cakes for no event, cupcakes, mud cakes, cheese cakes, and even strawberry and chocolate cakes. The far back walls of both floors is where the coffee are ordered, made and paid for.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwsawNbQA7
Charlie and Oliver runs over to Leo as he meets us at the front door. He scoops them both up and hugs them. Both of the boys calling him ‘Daddy’ and laughing. It makes me smile, to know that’s something I want, kids with a loving husband like Leo. To live in and grow in the house we knew was our, we saw as perfect for us and a family.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfOz0aGTFe
“I don’t want you as my girlfriend anymore”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5PxPOgKlt
But I want to be your girlfriend, I wanted to be your wife. Our kids was going to take your name and take mine as their middle names. We had schools picked out and even names, we talked about how we would react and how we would support them if one of them would be transgender or gender fluid, even non-binary. How am I meant to find someone as open and welcoming as you? What if I get someone that isn’t scared to lay their hands on me, you never laid your hands on me and I never laid mine on you… 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9aGhn35yK
How will I ever find someone as great as you?29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKYwRxPsoQ
“Lets get you all inside for some delicious treats”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2VWGvs7JT
Leo says walking in with his kids in his hands, Lexie next to him, I walk in quiet behind them. The twins do say they want all the cakes, but Leo buys them some cupcakes of six, each of them with white frosting, but once you bite into them they are a colour with that matching flavour. I would be lying if I said I didn’t buy one myself with a small cup of chicory coffee with two teaspoons of sugar. I know I need to diet as my weight is on the heaver side, but yesterday made me not in the mood to continue it, mainly when my number one cheerleader is in police custody. The first cup cake I bite into brings a lemon taste, I look at the centre to see neon yellow melted jelly. The second one tasted like Blueberry and the melted jelly inside is a neon blue. You would have loved these, maybe if you get out I can text you about them and you can go buy some, I could even send you the money to do so. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgP4tFwhjsS
I know even though I have lost a lot of weight some days I am jealous of Lexie as she was born with our father’s skinny genes; I am happy for her, though; I supported her when she wanted to gain weight and her friends told her she is perfect how she is and besides my now ex she was the first one to make up a dieting plan with my doctor when I said I wanted to lose weight. Leo taps me on the shoulder, I watch as he slides a piece of chocolate cake towards me, his voice ever so calm and even so reassuring. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHI1zhSOnS
“Everything you order today is on the house”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8XIOBnqBv
“Thank you”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcxbcdf5SK
I like that, I feel bad about it because Leo is losing money but I think I need it, Leo also knows how close I was to you, he knows we grew up together, you even asked him for tips on how to ask me out. I always thought how cute you were when I found out, I never thought you would ask my brother-in-law for tips given we knew each other since we were two. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzdd1HPKYM
“Aunty Hanie! I got a lime one!”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZJ2G6HT5I
Charlie holds up his cup cake the is leaking green, Leo holds the plate under it so no jelly gets on the table seats, floors or our clothes. He grabs the napkin in the middle of the table and wipe up the parts that missed the plate. I just smile and nod, grabbing the plate and holding it up to the cup cake. I do calmly explain to him that if you want to show me something that’s food related to also hold up the plate to avoid making a mess. I can only hope he understands, as he is only five. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFyUI4YYok
I hear the door’s bell ring as they are opened, meaning someone has walked in, I also hear Leo say that he’ll be there in a minute but stops half way through. I look up to see a guy dressed in a suit and tie, a brief case in his right hand, a phone in his left hand glued to his ear in some deep conversation. His skin is a darker brown but his eyes are a green. His hair styled as if he is in a boy band. He looks like the girls will swoon over. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89sr7mI6CD
“Harri! Welcome! Sit down and relax. Do you want you usual?”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrQgTeJvKc
Harri nods, gives him the thumbs before speaking to the other person on the phone with a welsh accent, he doesn’t sound happy. His phone call goes on for a couple more minutes behind he tells the other person he will deal with it later than ending the call and shoving the phone in his pocket. I can’t stop looking at his green eyes, I just couldn’t stop looking at them, thinking how beautiful they look. I barely, no, I don’t know this guy and his eyes make him stand out with his accent. I secretly wanted to know him as just friends. I never see him as a boy friend or even a husband, I don’t even think a friendship would even go as far other than a ‘Hi. How are you?’.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7X1PRg1z87
He asks if the seat to my right is taken, I could of easily said no, I really could of, but I said no, giving him the go to sit down next to me. His body language and even face show me that he isn’t happy. For a good while, I sat there, debating whether or not to introduce myself. I just end up eating another cupcake, this one neon pink jelly inside, but as I bite into it, the neon pink jelly inside squirt out from a hole in the side I didn’t notice and land on his left shoulder of his suit. I freeze, with the cup cake still in my mouth as he looks at the neon pink jelly on his suit. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7fLtJxsdK
I wait for his reaction, any reaction, he still doesn’t look happy but who would? Deep down, my body is trying to add up how much his suit costs and how much it would cost to get that little bit cleaned. Is it made by some rare fabric you can’t find in Perth? Was it costume made? I can feel my heart beating in my throat as I grow nervous about how quiet the atmosphere is. She watches as he reaches for one napkin and just … wipes it off his suit?29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2G94Em6Cl9
Instead, he grabs another napkin and wiping the melted jelly that is on my cheek. Before holding it against the cupcake. I hear my nephew’s giggling to them self and Lexie trying to silently tell them off, I even hear Leo race over and apologise on my behalf. I hold the napkin as he pulls his hand away to help Leo put his drink and food on the table before helping him clean up. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzLUmLkAaz
Removing the cup cake from my mouth and wiping the rest of my mouth, I had quietly apologised before wiping his suit as well, hoping it would come out more, but I stop myself releasing that I could just make it worse. But to my surprise he just chuckles and says it’s fine, he said the kids laughing made it funny and that he needed a good laugh today. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yPpFG06tv
I knew I could relax at that, well I hoped I could, yeah Leo might hear about it later if Harri complains to him via call or text, but right now, I’m relaxed. I know he won’t go into a rag of fit or slam his fist the table. Once the table is clean and his suit isn’t as sticky, they sit back down, Lexie apologises for her children laughing but Harri reassures her that it’s fine. His frown returns when his phone buzzes, I glaceed at his screen, which I shouldn’t of and saw a text from his mother, saying something like that she can set him up with a nice but pretty girl. He grabs his phone that fell out onto the table, shoving it back in his pocket. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LPpkrdGud
“Sorry about that”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZnNdSU8M2
“No, it’s fine, I should be the one sorry”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ioLzV6YOX
“My name is Harri”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qBRSmizKR
“Stephanie,”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O8hd8jxIv
I say, shaking his hand, his grip is firm, I could only assume a part of his personality was confidence as you had the same grip… The sight of the blood on your hands that night the car crash happened, I remember running out trying to help those you crashed in to. I remember you shouting at me to just get the bandages and call triple zero. I remember how much I was shaking, trying my best to explain what had happened… a part of me in denial that you likely killed innocent people by mistake when you were backing out of the drive way. I remember the look in your eyes when you took the couples pulse’s, the look of fear in your eyes. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtKeLe0svg
I look at Harri’s eyes, his eyes filled with something else that isn’t anger or fear. He is relaxed, maybe a little annoyed but over all relaxed. Thinking back to you, I don’t think I had ever seen you relaxed before that event, well… not as relaxed as Harri that is. How are you now? Where are you now? Are you safe? I know possible prison isn’t the safest, but I can only hope you are safe. 29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzwQAEVHV3
“This is purely a random question with nothing behind it, but are you single? The last thing I need is some boyfriend or husband seeing us”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8q2vp0enU
“It’s fine I am single. My three-year relationship ended last night”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTs26yQq3P
“I’m sorry to hear that, is it okay to ask why?”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQK8WXp233T
“Last night he got arrested over a crash that killed two people and he didn’t want being involved in it so he ended it”29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbwgzJZZJ2
I tell him. I didn’t think how much those words still hurt, those words still fresh within me. I know I wouldn’t be fine within a day, but I just didn’t think I would have to say them barely twenty-four hours later. I just eat the remaining half of the cup cake that I had bitten into, secretly wanting to link the melted jelly on the plate off it, but that would be ‘un-lady like’ as many people would put it. I look around to see who’s around first before giving it a quick lick, of course the kids giggle but I motion to them to keep it a secret. I heard Harri chuckle a little, which I didn’t mind.
