Waking up this morning, at home, in my bed is when I finally realize that yesterday wasn’t just a dream I had manifested in my head. Washing my face, brushing my teeth, getting dressed for day, seemed more luxurious now than it did before. At some point this morning while I was still sleeping, my mom had put a pair of dark jeans, a black hoodie, socks, and a pair of black tennis shoes on my dresser; an outfit she had bought last night after dinner. With a little bit of guessing and mother’s intuition, she got the sizes almost perfect.
Last night, when she had discussed me meeting the daughter of her friends, I had assumed she was talking about in the near future…meaning in the next week or so. You know, after I get the slightest bit used to be out in the world again. She had other plans for my first full day back home. That plan being for me to spend it with a girl they might as well have paid to be my “friend.”
My worries and thoughts are not on the stranger though, it’s on what I can do to get the hell up out of this house as fast as possible.
Lester.
At least that’s what they called him. I met him in prison, six months into my sentence. He was in for a drug charge. Nothing crazy. We had only spoken for a few months time before he got let out but when we did, he was always going on about the different things he has to offer. Lester was a money man, a hustler, branding himself and networking invariably. He always told me that if I ever need drugs or way to make big money quickly, to find him whenever I’m free. Lester lives in the next town over, one just as small as mine, so he wouldn’t be toilsome to locate him. Finding a way to get myself to him will be the part I’m going to have to put some extra work into.
A fresh start would be ideal. A new city, new people, no one who recognizes my face at a single glance, no one who knows what I’ve done. I could pretend to be an entirely different person, hiding who I truly am from my neighbors and friends. Then I could do exactly what I want without suspicious, peeping eyes. And when I do, my work won’t get sloppy…ensuring my freedom.
Checking out my window for nothing in particular, I see people heading out for work, a morning jog, or to run an errand. Bobby Lynn still lives straight across the street, in the house built long ago without any modifications. Bobby’s an old woman who performed the same routine daily. It appears that hasn’t changed either as she exits her house in her faded orange t shirt and washed out jeans. I imagine she’s going to Kroger, needlessly shopping as she finds something to do to fill her loneliness. Her husband’s passing left her in a state of constant movement.
To the left of us, Bradley Kent revved the engine of the expensive, loaner turbo car as he left to go clock in at that same office job at that insurance company he’s worked all his life. He skidded out of his driveway, showing off as if all the neighbors haven’t seen it time and time again. To his disbelief, the only time we are watching him is to say or think something like, “There goes Bradley Kent ripping through that driveway again. That man’s too old to be acting so childish.” It was true, Bradley did act fairly young for his forty year old age. Although he had a steady job, a wife, and two children that they loved oh so dearly…everyone notices that subtle stumble in his walk up to the door when he comes back home a bit later than the average husband working a nine to five would. Bradley Kent drinks and cheats on his beloved spouse, mother of his children, the stay at home mom he smiles charmingly for. The woman had no identity, nothing more to her than being a wife and mother. She lost it long ago. One only sees her with her kids going to and from fun activities she’s orchestrated for the day. She gave up her life so her husband could live the one he desires, the one he didn’t want to lose after knocking her up. No one really likes Bradley Kent.
Elizabeth Williams. She didn’t always live around here. She was one of the few that weren’t born in the tiny town of Oldham County. She traveled here with her family when she was ten years old. I remember her arrival when I was fourteen. Her parents clearly weren’t informed of how hard we bust our asses to shake this place off our backs, forgetting it ever existed. It didn’t take them too long to learn this. Elizabeth used to be peppy when she walked outside, excited for whatever the day may bring. The now seventeen year old girl exited her house sporting a disgusted expression upon her face, revolted by the world and everything in it. Elizabeth is worn out by living here, exhausted from the same old faces, same old schedules. I can practically picture the calendar on her wall that tells her how many days she has left until graduation.
Everything is just as I had left it. Which will make my reappearance into civilization a tad easier.
I know what makes each person tick.
“Xander!”
My mother calls out from downstairs, pulling me out of my thoughts.
An unfamiliar car pulls into the driveway.
I crouch down by my bedside, glancing up at my door and listening intently for any footsteps coming near. My face scrunches up as I pry the wooden floorboard apart. Once detached, I steadily raise it up, avoiding any creaking. Reaching inside, I wrap my hand around the cold metal, pulling the nine out from inside the floor.
I let the floorboard down, putting it back in its right position as I give the gun a once over, flipping it from once side to another. I put it inside the waistband of my jeans, my sweatshirt covering up the bulge nicely as I rise to my feet.
Her voice is heard before she is seen by me. And I have to say…what a melodic voice that is. I didn’t have to see her to know the voice came from her. Somehow, I needed not to be told of her appearance…but I already know what she looks like.
“I just can’t wait for you two to meet.” Mom says with a chipper tone.
My feet descending the stairs slowed their pace as my eyes drifted close, picturing the blonde haired girl with hazel eyes. Short, maybe five foot two. Freckles; not a lot, but enough to notice them upon meeting. She’s dainty. Small enough for her doctors to comment on their size when her blood pressure is taken. All of this, I am certain of.
As I am always right…what I imagined her to look like, matched up perfectly in person.
Though telling by the expression on her face once I enter into the living room, I don’t believe she expected me to look as I do. She gapes up at me, unblinking with her lips slightly parted as if she was about to say something but lost her train of thought.
It’s been a while since I last saw an attractive girl, or any girl for that matter. My desire for her is instant as we come to stand face to face. I’d be lying if I said that I’m not forcing arousal away. The idea of sex and the opportunity to have it has showed itself sooner than I had predicted. I’ve obtained five sexless, consecutive years…and I am just ready to explode.
Self control was never a strong suit of mine. Acting on impulse is the reason I find my life like this; out of order. Although stripping every ounce of clothing and respect from her is high up there on my list of to-do’s…
You will have to wait.
“Xander, this is Anna Maria!” Mom beams excitedly, motioning. “And her parents, Colton and Nancy.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Her voice sings through my ears, unable to put my attention on her mom and dad who attempt to exchange their own pleasantries with me.
Did you come here to distract me, Anna Maria?
There are more pressing matters that require my full focus. The remainder of my life is at stake, Anna Maria. Did you come here to rid me of it? What are your intentions?
Why are you here?
“Xander?”
I glance over at my father who is looking at me expectantly. Hands shoved in my pockets, I finally say, “You as well.”
“The pleasures ours.” Colton tells me warmly, in a way that showed he pities me.
“Anna’s going to WKU next fall.” Mom throws out the information as if it should wow me. “She’s taking this year off. Which is well deserved,” mom scrunches up her nose as she smiles at Anna Maria, “Anna was in all advanced placement classes, on the honor role, and even participated in after school clubs.”
The facts in being fed, I’m sure is all true. Though Anna Maria isn’t the daughter or friend the adults in the room view her as.
You are curious, aren’t you, Anna Maria?
A reader, a writer, a wonderer. Anna Maria lives in her own reality, made especially by and for her. Her days begin and end in an alternate universe. A universe where morals, ethics, and aspirations are manifested by her specific fantasies.
An open world creates an open mind and that…Anna Maria…is going to get us into beautiful trouble.
“Maybe she can help me graduate high school.” The comment I make is meant to be a joke but often times, my face forgets to play along with my words.
So the five of them stare, as if pausing for laughter or even a twinge of a smile.
“Well we really wanting you guys to meet because Anna doesn’t talk to many people.” Nancy explains, ridding of the awkwardness by airing out her daughter’s business. This gained a frown Anna. “And given your situation…” she looks away uncomfortably. “It just feels like too perfect of an opportunity to pass up. We’re not here to judge anyone. I’m sure you know that’s hard to find around here.”
Nancy doesn’t have much about her to read into, neither does Colton. Her gentle tone, relaxed demeanor, and unwavering eye contact suggests that her intentions are pure, honestly wanting a friend for her daughter.
Is that a show? A well thought out plan to persuade me into trusting you?
Maybe they’re that skilled at that picture perfect family pose. Could they be that good at hiding their true identities? So sweet to my face and behind closed doors having family meetings about what their next move against me will be? I’ve built my walls to be indestructible, their chances of breaking them down need to be as slim as the next.
What could it be?
You guys think I’m not fit for freedom. You think I can’t be a productive member of society. But why the acting? Are you seeking a swift return to prison? Would you go so far as to frame me? Would you try and solve the cold cases that I need to stay frozen?
What do you want from me?
“We don’t need to make this any more awkward than it already is.” Anna Maria says with a shift of weight from one leg to the other. She fidgets with the hem of her thick, tan sweater that she’s matched with jeans and tan boots.
Is this who you are, Anna Maria? Is this the way you want to dress? Do you color coordinate your clothing even when preparing for bed? This is not who I pegged her for. I am never wrong. What personality are you hiding beneath this hallmark card of a girl? Who are you, Anna Maria? Do you even know?
“You guys don’t need us breathing down your necks. Maybe we should give them some space to get to know each other.” Mom offers, glancing between the group of us as if making sure none of our expressions read of objections. None of them did. We all just exchange hesitant looks, everyone waiting on someone else to put the plan into action.
“We could go see that movie we were talking about!” Nancy exclaims with a hopeful look at both of the husbands. A sappy drama with a love story for the ages. Mom loved those movies and Nancy fit the bill; she prefers them too. The two men appeared reluctant to say yes but keeping their wives happy must make for an easier day.
When mom suggested we get to know each other alone, I presumed she meant they’d exit the room…not the house itself. The idea of their daughter being alone in a house with a murder doesn’t scare them. Why? Is it possible to be so accepting as to let this happen without any drawbacks? They aren’t easing their way into anything.
The silence as the front door shut, leaving Anna Maria and I alone…is thick.
We stare.
At each other.
Her once fidgeting hands lay limp at her sides, peering up at me through full, long eyelashes that brush against her eyelids.
My hands remain in my pockets as I observe her lazily.
What are you thinking, Anna Maria? What do you want to know? You have a million questions, I can tell.
Are you scared, Anna Maria? Are you wondering if I want to hurt you?
The answer is yes.
Yes, Anna Maria, I do.
Because I can’t read you. I cant understand you from an introduction.
You are already so frustrating.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Anna ask, arching an eyebrow.
I blink, escaping my thoughts. You’re overwhelmingly distracting.
Side stepping Anna, she takes a step away as my feet carry me to the window by the front door. I can feel her watchful gaze as I pull back the curtain, checking the driveway.
Mom’s car is still here. So far so good.
“What are you doing?” Anna asks from behind me as she follows my trail to the dining room.
The china cabinet, passed down from generation to generation, was always ruled to be untouched. Growing up, it was an instinct to avoid it. Mom cleaned it every once in a while but it never moved from its place. So before I left, I stuck an envelope full of cash to the back of it, knowing It’d be safe there until I got back.
I open the envelope, making sure the money is still there before wedging it into the waistband of the back of my jeans.
I stop at the entrance of the house, grabbing my mom’s car keys from the hook on the wall.
Swinging open the door, I turn to face Anna who stares curiously at me.
“Well…” I begin blandly. “Make your decision fast, Anna Maria.”
Her gaze shifts between me and the open door a few times.
With an audible sigh and a roll of her eyes, she starts in my direction. Not muttering a word…
Anna Maria walks past me and exits the house.
ns 15.158.61.7da2
