以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeii5VnbQi0
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtCsAIIgBZ
感謝參與～23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvybrarH0C
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrogPaJGBWX
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoe3dskSi9
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjEtjqMB4Z
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIz6BM77OSH
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9o6ukxYts
～～～～分隔線～～～～23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpN7HGQNtDA
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl15EDwHbFe
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cjlpGa3pk
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqCIVvIJpv
〈限制和自由〉23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVcHiIH2Y8
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszJHWpHWc4
penana.com/article/102489523Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSf5PryNvrB
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPqbXpZ0R7
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqTXNNlhei
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7zJu3QwER
詩度 0。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqdqCqu2kL
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTw2JDSmWWr
～～～～分隔線～～～～23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbT3zmFjpN5
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEz4YtCx8EP
〈問〉23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27yvJVZ2I6
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CTpKPLsZj
penana.com/article/102494423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzF5nWWoz0w
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm9w2NmT9F
詩度高一點。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMD268vcK8S
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8VCjcfq0C
～～～～分隔線～～～～23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CEfeRmPyh
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzSfdeCXug
〈摩天之輪〉23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuAGn9Jiws
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3wYwRSUvC
penana.com/article/104570523Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCTqbVd6j9
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bo9DLLnSD
詩度再高一點。
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pRpUCT7XB
～～～～分隔線～～～～
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYE3tAJ6KC
〈暗流〉23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnCERlXH7c
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPsy5Xyein
penana.com/article/160383823Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVH46zeBrF
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6WKcWCHGa
詩度比前三首都高。
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD38NI8l0bY
～～～～分隔線～～～～
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZgkUVVe1s
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7NXVRY98W
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMogPpxLuGr
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lHFar0wzP
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpid3xnrsx7
跟你分享。
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDk8r1SxlQk
～～～～分隔線～～～～
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslvrwyzxvo
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6t5YXCgJW
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5Wq4miHB6
【認識新詩的基本元素】23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKXiwxYxAX
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGirb7SRKDK
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719323Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9H3uINE5E
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4Ri8fWUaY
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaq6egUQQA
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntsdh9oDAF
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASqIASEN5d
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiiBiqoq4I
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3Gr3tgszt
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFaeabeNkz
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9gNvlvm0E
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0n2xxv3sMX
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDD4gT7q1t
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcKEiYgrRs
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lbQmlmnyJ
【這次全新寫的感想】
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbnSDFYhBh
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsgaMpMMg3
〈詠栗〉
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4QpwNRkZc
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwUodwj6U8
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZ8Q0kDuxO
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZcaskn0xq
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnCx8IErjl
如果寫成
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFYHnX6oul
〈詠栗〉
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtk5799Q7j
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9pvatNQ5B
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXfZIUQUZ3
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs63ySKsvHs
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6gFhwyjh7
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDPqzC8AE4
當然，現代詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
23Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZO6aEofHeM
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
ns 15.158.61.20da2
