I could only stare silently at my parents who were now judging me with their sharp eyes. My heart felt shattered at that moment, as if it was being torn into tiny particles that could no longer be put together.
Cry? Of course I did. My tears were uncontrollable and just fell out, but with tears streaming down my eyelids, it didn't matter to them at all.
“Where did you learn to act rudely like this, uh?”
“How could you cut your uncle's hand with a knife, do you want to be a murderer?”
I was speechless, no longer able to say anything. In that instant, I realized that my voice wasn't being heard here at all, even after I told them what that bastard did to me and they just assumed I was lying.
Liar.
I ran out of words, I swallowed the string of self-defense words I had in my mind. In my silence, I finally realized that there are no truly good people in this world and there are only people who take advantage of each other.
“I'm going to kill him,” I said angrily while looking at the bastard who was showing an expression as if he was sad. “That bastard who tried to tarnish me, I'll kill him!” I shouted louder in front of my parents.
However, the response I got from my sassy words was a hard slap on the cheek along with a scream of rage.
“I regret having a daughter like you!"27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeA5fxTQOX
I stared at my mother intently, as if asking through my gaze if that bastard was more important than her own child?
“You dare to look at me like that, you've really become very disrespectful lately!” I saw my mother go to her bedroom, and of course I knew what she would take from there for me.
Once out of the bedroom, I could see a thumb-thick rattan cane in my mother's hand. Without saying anything, she pulled me to my feet and hit my legs so hard.
Normally I would scream in pain when mom hit me even if it was just a light blow, but this time I locked my voice and swallowed all the pain I felt.
All I could think of was an unfamiliar feeling that seemed to scramble my soul to its darkest point. I realized that after this event, my life would change and the smile that I used to carve on my face every time would disappear either temporarily or forever.
I counted the time by the clock on the wall, and realized that five minutes had passed with the beatings yet to stop.
My body was pushed away, and my mother with a still angry look on her face looked at me very sharply. “Go to your room, and don't do it again”.
I forced my numb legs to walk to my bedroom that my parents had given me to occupy. Without saying anything, I pulled his suitcase from inside my room and threw it outside, even all of his belongings that were inside my bedroom were all thrown away regardless of whether they were breakable or not.
I slammed my bedroom door as soon as I managed to take out all the asshole's things and locked it from inside my room.
In front of my bedroom, my father knocked on the door with a soft voice calling out to me and I could tell he was burning with emotion at what I had just done.
I hugged my knees and buried my face between them. Crying silently with feelings that were hard to explain.
Did I have absolutely no right to defend myself for what that bastard did? Was I better off staying silent when he tried to rape me? Was my self-defense futile?
Why did my parents blindly believe that asshole's bullshit instead of their own daughter's words? Is it because I'm a girl and it's not worth considering? Is it because of that?
Such questions were constantly raging in my heart.
Throughout that night, I cried silently and didn't sleep at all. I woke up with the pain so deep inside me.
As soon as the sun began to show its light, without waiting for my mother to call me to get up early to get ready, I had already finished getting ready for school.
When I came out of my room, I saw that bastard sleeping on the carpet in the living room. I ignored him and walked silently out of the house to go to school in the early morning.
“Where are you going?” I saw my mom come in carrying groceries of raw side dishes, and I could clearly guess that she had just returned from the stall in front of the alley.
“School,” I replied simply as I walked past her without saying anything.
Maybe my mother realized that I hadn't said good morning at all like I usually did, and just left without saying goodbye. I could feel that her eyes were intently looking at me as I walked away from her.
Something small from my abandonment became the beginning that everything changed, not only for myself but for my parents too.
Simple things that are always taken for granted sometimes become the beginning of something big, just like me now, changing completely and drowning in a sea of trauma that cannot be healed at all.
Every night, every time I close my eyes to fall asleep, the image of that bastard trying to harass me always comes to mind and makes the fear and frustration come flooding back.
In fact, that bastard had left the house and just disappeared from my sight. Even when I grew up, he no longer appeared in front of me at all.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xPZeBc2FW
Additionally, my relationship with my parents has completely changed. There are no longer warm conversations like when I was little, I also eat together at the dinner table. I stayed away from them, closed myself and suppressed all the emotional turmoil that was inside me.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Dlvivvzu9
