"Why the hell is this so hard?" I mutter to myself.502Please respect copyright.PENANAiQI0GKfKV9
502Please respect copyright.PENANAatQUloioRE
502Please respect copyright.PENANAc1eCCYZjYn
Remember how I missed two of Evetta's birthdays? Well, I've decided to buy her two presents — one for each birthday that I missed.502Please respect copyright.PENANAmEzIPqM3fP
502Please respect copyright.PENANAuDLT8HhGG0
502Please respect copyright.PENANATCoj4mZ27P
I already got a violin bow for her. It isn't some grand, expensive, £2000 bow from 1752, but it's from me; I'm pretty sure that she's the sentimental type.502Please respect copyright.PENANAjlkMarvSJt
502Please respect copyright.PENANAbvO0OyxBpm
502Please respect copyright.PENANAul389Yqfex
Now, I'm looking for a black doll, and none of them seem perfect. Every single one that I've seen — which is actually only a total of two dolls — have processed hair. For some reason, I feel like she would want a doll with natural hair.502Please respect copyright.PENANAJNvxKTO7AE
502Please respect copyright.PENANAjnEz8k6cFp
502Please respect copyright.PENANAxyWzCCn1sJ
I'm about to give up and just get her a bracelet or something, when I see it through the window of a store. It's called "little Jamaica", and a black rag doll with what looks like twists on her head is smiling through the window.502Please respect copyright.PENANADQqDGSoZvn
502Please respect copyright.PENANASd7MTNrfWZ
502Please respect copyright.PENANAzk3vQPl4dd
I walk into the store, which smells like lavender, and am immediately greeting by a middle aged woman with locks. Her face looks halfway between black and Chinese; full lips, dark skin, sharp cheekbones, tiny nose and slanted eyes.502Please respect copyright.PENANAHA8ehfgPbF
502Please respect copyright.PENANAxgkfASyZgR
502Please respect copyright.PENANAMpxjV1sx1K
"Good afternoon sir," she says in a warm voice, but with an accent that sounds identical to Evetta's.502Please respect copyright.PENANAzyYSVTbpVl
502Please respect copyright.PENANAevbExac9Mq
502Please respect copyright.PENANAUScZ5Rb2ls
"How may I help you today?"502Please respect copyright.PENANAzdrFdc6FGb
502Please respect copyright.PENANAABjl0PKaMS
502Please respect copyright.PENANASLnf11mUuo
I look at the window, and see the doll.502Please respect copyright.PENANAE7XNDrNl6q
502Please respect copyright.PENANAqrPeSxt2uW
502Please respect copyright.PENANAgkjSACYDwY
"I want that doll; the one by the window. Upon inspection, I realise that it has "Jamaica" written across the front. She looks like she's crying, and she's facing me. 502Please respect copyright.PENANAwM8pJVrZol
502Please respect copyright.PENANAf4EmcZES77
502Please respect copyright.PENANAgk47cNohuI
I think I might be losing my mind. Maybe it's more than just amnesia. What if there's temporary brain damage? What if I'm going to completely lose my mind, and have to live the rest of my life in an asylum?502Please respect copyright.PENANA8kEVkmKOA8
502Please respect copyright.PENANAWGC7Di98vG
502Please respect copyright.PENANAqydIWZuVPz
Before I have a full blown panic attack, the woman speaks again.502Please respect copyright.PENANAvie7yQi2AN
502Please respect copyright.PENANA41m2lp1xgh
502Please respect copyright.PENANA0zQzCQXuyD
"The doll has too faces; one side is smiling, and the other is crying," she says, seeing my confused expression, and following my gaze to the doll.502Please respect copyright.PENANAMjgGfcDPxW
502Please respect copyright.PENANAMlmurh1qYT
502Please respect copyright.PENANAP6jF07C7oa
I walk over to it, pick it up, and flip it. Sure enough, it has a face stitched on the other side — the smiling face that I originally saw.502Please respect copyright.PENANA5FXlyfSGvw
502Please respect copyright.PENANArGGkDRlXgv
502Please respect copyright.PENANAxJWOjqGrMy
Thank god. I'm not mad. Yet.502Please respect copyright.PENANAOwYCfjPGrI
502Please respect copyright.PENANAIqbVnERbDI
502Please respect copyright.PENANABkSwxAUzTG
This is so... special. I love it, and I know that Evetta will love it, too. 502Please respect copyright.PENANAJoqWvZFKmj
502Please respect copyright.PENANAT40DuHrp8g
502Please respect copyright.PENANApDRgYQp7mR
I pay for it and walk out, feeling rather proud of myself.502Please respect copyright.PENANAb83OJZKpLD
502Please respect copyright.PENANAsc4unUOw36
502Please respect copyright.PENANACCtpKTuVrc
Yes, she's gonna be so pleased.502Please respect copyright.PENANAxQbgi7xvrT
502Please respect copyright.PENANAMzCq28qjO2
502Please respect copyright.PENANACfnAFSKt9b
Of course, my day can't possibly be that easy.502Please respect copyright.PENANA9YJ0LWe6D9
502Please respect copyright.PENANA5Mnx0h9YRa
502Please respect copyright.PENANAXTwodeD2Oy
As I'm walking on the sidewalk, one of the pink ear rings from the doll fall off and break on the pavement.502Please respect copyright.PENANAZmrS5OxKoP
502Please respect copyright.PENANAX9zQEgHkfW
502Please respect copyright.PENANAX8nPzteMaC
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath.502Please respect copyright.PENANAwiVXqNCU6w
502Please respect copyright.PENANAkF4zw7jUm7
502Please respect copyright.PENANAIwNfce2yYL
What the hell am I going to do now? I can't give it to her like this.502Please respect copyright.PENANAMkCL8Z6y7e
502Please respect copyright.PENANA46YtZrB9Y0
502Please respect copyright.PENANAqxubiD0Cwn
Think Caleb. What else can be used as ear rings?502Please respect copyright.PENANADHSCfrn0jX
502Please respect copyright.PENANAxXXGU7w5tM
502Please respect copyright.PENANAtX2mPbGiHe
Paper clips?502Please respect copyright.PENANAyCMGmkoC2t
502Please respect copyright.PENANAsqiLe1YaoC
502Please respect copyright.PENANAUBuD8GM0o8
No.502Please respect copyright.PENANAANZumPhQkN
502Please respect copyright.PENANAMgJx6TBC48
502Please respect copyright.PENANARwmshuc1n6
Hairpins?502Please respect copyright.PENANA2Pztb3zbK1
502Please respect copyright.PENANA6xa5QIpIkI
502Please respect copyright.PENANAcf4epAPZ14
Am I stupid?502Please respect copyright.PENANAUu6xQ2cKy7
502Please respect copyright.PENANA49yMESlhZo
502Please respect copyright.PENANAgbcBQuncy4
Nose rings?502Please respect copyright.PENANA7wBWsKvp50
502Please respect copyright.PENANATE2pHLJ6Tl
502Please respect copyright.PENANAmnrbXMycNw
Wait. That's not a bad idea.502Please respect copyright.PENANAtQiollflZf
502Please respect copyright.PENANAt6BHfVKcbX
502Please respect copyright.PENANAmDoCDnWuO3
At least this isn't that hard to find. 502Please respect copyright.PENANACae7lkIRyS
502Please respect copyright.PENANAmysG7Po2Sa
502Please respect copyright.PENANA4AEKfSzP16
After a few minutes of walking, I find myself in a shop that is stocked full with all kinds of body jewellery, and I pick up a pack of nose rings. Now that I see them, they look far thinner and flimsier than I'd imagined.502Please respect copyright.PENANAThKV4Wf14o
502Please respect copyright.PENANAJnn1Lya9Kx
502Please respect copyright.PENANAjuQRsUTBh9
God, I really hope this works, I think to myself looking skeptically at the tiny golden hoops.502Please respect copyright.PENANAm0CgWylkVO
502Please respect copyright.PENANA6m7g3jz3bl
502Please respect copyright.PENANAinZs6s0TGB
502Please respect copyright.PENANAXTBA2cvxSQ
502Please respect copyright.PENANANU0hoq1Tff
***502Please respect copyright.PENANALePvHhl9T9
502Please respect copyright.PENANAFOcv1ibZUy
502Please respect copyright.PENANAmKq59StiGe
502Please respect copyright.PENANAjNFITHeCmv
502Please respect copyright.PENANABLbgHXvcm5
The nose rings actually worked, much to my surprise. You'd never be able to tell that anything ever went wrong with the doll on the first place.502Please respect copyright.PENANArm8xWjKEN5
502Please respect copyright.PENANAiboKqTFiL2
502Please respect copyright.PENANAUxzH5MtutP
I'm finished walking the streets for today, so I've decided to take the tube back to the area in which I live. Throughout the entire train ride, I can't keep still. My knee is bouncing like a tennis ball, and I realise that it's more than me wanting to give her a doll and a violin bow; I want to see her again; hearing her voice through a phone isn't enough. Still, I call her as soon as I get out of the station.502Please respect copyright.PENANAoWeF0FACEP
502Please respect copyright.PENANAhbi7NRNIgM
502Please respect copyright.PENANAMf1vAcxX19
"Hello?"502Please respect copyright.PENANAy76WLB7t8F
502Please respect copyright.PENANAeJutoLbqRS
502Please respect copyright.PENANAc9rZ4wrjkI
God, her voice is beautiful. It makes me feel warm, from the inside out, even though it's freezing outside — snow has just begun to fall, and now I deeply regret not bringing a winter coat — and the cold air biting against my skin seems inconsequential.502Please respect copyright.PENANA3hMP8acr0i
502Please respect copyright.PENANA4rmHOEbtrO
502Please respect copyright.PENANAOXmuLyGBeq
"Can you come over?" I ask. 502Please respect copyright.PENANA2VudAszaZg
502Please respect copyright.PENANAqTFSAF2vPh
502Please respect copyright.PENANAaztxtq57DP
But a better idea comes to me.502Please respect copyright.PENANAQO7ebF9itn
502Please respect copyright.PENANALd9JlSy4VR
502Please respect copyright.PENANArblUQShePs
"Are you at home?"502Please respect copyright.PENANAY0oGCK3RaT
502Please respect copyright.PENANAVURKBmQWCm
502Please respect copyright.PENANAQlsCZtnsDc
"Yeah."502Please respect copyright.PENANAaEuMh0cOIl
502Please respect copyright.PENANAYKyHOlgRXX
502Please respect copyright.PENANAeyoJUgZTzo
"Um, can I come over? I mean, you'd have to give me your address, and I'd try—"502Please respect copyright.PENANAzJFAhwgZOV
502Please respect copyright.PENANA8DB5kVtbT2
502Please respect copyright.PENANAJlLLPxDPNZ
"Caleb, it's very cold — you sound cold, as if you've forgotten you coat — and I don't want you to get lost, and die of hypothermia. I'll come over. I'll bring you over to my house one day — show you the path."502Please respect copyright.PENANAeDQx45XKQH
502Please respect copyright.PENANAfaBFGnczVP
502Please respect copyright.PENANAXGX1ybEauy
"Fine. But please stay."502Please respect copyright.PENANAFGWmp5fitJ
502Please respect copyright.PENANAr04wSWC0RY
502Please respect copyright.PENANAFlN3DAY2AV
"Okay, but I have to leave early tomorrow. I have work."502Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7JKHRWmJ7
502Please respect copyright.PENANAPaS2BDhLin
502Please respect copyright.PENANAvo1YQfHdPb
"That's fine," I say as I walk through the front door of my house. 502Please respect copyright.PENANALSUQZ1StgP
502Please respect copyright.PENANA7qxn22xOQJ
502Please respect copyright.PENANAspfwCjJXq8
The call ends and I make it to my room, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. 502Please respect copyright.PENANA0VcF65Kluu
502Please respect copyright.PENANAcYMa3b8ZBx
502Please respect copyright.PENANAv6I3hd5rh6
However, I fix an image of her face in my head. I tell myself to stay awake for her. And I do.502Please respect copyright.PENANAYvVPtH0Ubp
502Please respect copyright.PENANANoWqFWh8yG
502Please respect copyright.PENANASTVVMDPm7W
"Caleb," I hear from the bedroom door, and instantly perk up, exhaustion forgotten. She's shrugging off her winter coat by the threshold of the door.502Please respect copyright.PENANAVbkZ45SUCi
502Please respect copyright.PENANAJe1T889e28
502Please respect copyright.PENANAkMQHtPMfyl
"Evetta. Thanks for coming."502Please respect copyright.PENANAfsvWMCFdtQ
502Please respect copyright.PENANAi77gvlcrJ3
502Please respect copyright.PENANAIUXOlLxeG6
"Of course, baby," she says, and when I hear the word "baby", I get that warm feeling all over again.502Please respect copyright.PENANAwXcht7hXD0
502Please respect copyright.PENANASQNve06sE2
502Please respect copyright.PENANANlKHo8Fq9H
"Um, I got you some stuff."502Please respect copyright.PENANAVp7yj4HjmL
502Please respect copyright.PENANAnKkWjVrYgS
502Please respect copyright.PENANAGM5Pirm4nu
"Yeah?" she inquires as she walks over to the bed and sits beside me.502Please respect copyright.PENANAGwN1rjl6Dj
502Please respect copyright.PENANAqieKOWhnpN
502Please respect copyright.PENANA9IvoSfCLIP
"I realised that while I was out, I missed two of your birthdays."502Please respect copyright.PENANAbv4305RAC7
502Please respect copyright.PENANAVSvIFBK8qU
502Please respect copyright.PENANAghSTUYmMWu
"Oh, god, Caleb," she says to me, catching on, and her voice sounds so... touched.502Please respect copyright.PENANAzLMvHDWp9H
502Please respect copyright.PENANAxI7HWT8QWi
502Please respect copyright.PENANAcAvlj2YghD
"So I got you some stuff."502Please respect copyright.PENANAzSj7cCHKRl
502Please respect copyright.PENANAnU34SalwxS
502Please respect copyright.PENANA9RLw728eEG
Her eyes actually have tears in them. Good god, I never expected her to actually cry.502Please respect copyright.PENANAH9PjW9pl8e
502Please respect copyright.PENANAFFhQveBOWq
502Please respect copyright.PENANATt1Iz7lgpZ
Before I can even decide which one I want to show her first — the bow or the doll — she throws her self on me and gives me a bear hug.502Please respect copyright.PENANATiC44vaCNk
502Please respect copyright.PENANApUKuBOa57I
502Please respect copyright.PENANAzNtdjICm6z
"I love you. Thank you so much. You're the best."502Please respect copyright.PENANAe9GSTHIdXc
502Please respect copyright.PENANAUII2X0ApJS
502Please respect copyright.PENANA7eZDdy6wV4
"I love you too."502Please respect copyright.PENANALxt6pymz5V
502Please respect copyright.PENANApv3zdJci3M
502Please respect copyright.PENANAVl4NZa5lY7
We stay like that for a while, just holding each other, and when we finally untangle ourselves from each other, her eyes are red.502Please respect copyright.PENANAH7d7V5Xize
502Please respect copyright.PENANADEcF5DKEAx
502Please respect copyright.PENANAXsepG0nvKf
"I got you a violin bow," I say as I present it to her.502Please respect copyright.PENANAHKxQr2TEHf
502Please respect copyright.PENANAQjgFpcFdl5
502Please respect copyright.PENANAZcu1k7LIpu
Her eyes widen and fill with tears again as she removes it from its casing and inspects it.502Please respect copyright.PENANAJJDihEVSOi
502Please respect copyright.PENANACdXtfo6OgA
502Please respect copyright.PENANANg2Nb5MZQE
"I mean, it's not great, but it works—"502Please respect copyright.PENANA67ObDWJDtp
502Please respect copyright.PENANAE2ZowNhuQZ
502Please respect copyright.PENANAmFv8i4cC1U
"And it's from you," she says. "That means so much to me."502Please respect copyright.PENANAaPKSPO9ACi
502Please respect copyright.PENANAheYc4f0LAN
502Please respect copyright.PENANAkRyFkEQpih
I was right. She's sentimental.502Please respect copyright.PENANAoBWBRooYoc
502Please respect copyright.PENANADuW9SJ5yj6
502Please respect copyright.PENANAXyeDnM9mwk
"I also got you a doll. A black rag doll."502Please respect copyright.PENANAHqUl8qn4eS
502Please respect copyright.PENANATlHxlsi7lD
502Please respect copyright.PENANA0wT0GnwPDL
As soon as those words leave my mouth, her eyes become filled with what can only be described as utter vulnerability.502Please respect copyright.PENANAciJLn59291
502Please respect copyright.PENANAkn14AhE2Pd
502Please respect copyright.PENANAYOM70EF39O
"Really?" she asks, her voice getting high pitched.502Please respect copyright.PENANAug1WOLSyOw
502Please respect copyright.PENANA7VDafpCe3a
502Please respect copyright.PENANAexrDFqijgR
Damn. I really didn't foresee her being this emotional.502Please respect copyright.PENANAnGZdJWNq5V
502Please respect copyright.PENANAp3owvJR9cw
502Please respect copyright.PENANAAi0dUiqg78
"Yes. I found it in a Jamaican store," I say as I pick it up and hand it to her.502Please respect copyright.PENANAe2fr8O76XT
502Please respect copyright.PENANAYUbWc4Q8CN
502Please respect copyright.PENANAcp179sLUPC
"Oh, fuck. This is... Caleb, I don't even know what to say," she whispers, turning the doll over, her eyes widening in surprise as she sees the other face.502Please respect copyright.PENANA9j7zQLrWlB
502Please respect copyright.PENANAJVlnePxoQU
502Please respect copyright.PENANAUsbYHzbgBj
She hugs me, and kisses my cheek, before retracting and rubbing her eyes, smiling at me.502Please respect copyright.PENANA4H5nOVe5A1
502Please respect copyright.PENANAFbEBSveVBP
502Please respect copyright.PENANAFkEAiM31u4
"Incidentally, I brought something over here for you, too."502Please respect copyright.PENANArfYSm7jZeA
502Please respect copyright.PENANAjYFFnYlWKn
502Please respect copyright.PENANAwe9O0uz8jo
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.502Please respect copyright.PENANAVw3LR9Tms1
502Please respect copyright.PENANADm967MrO1Z
502Please respect copyright.PENANAQFBcPAZOzQ
She takes out a tiny black doll which is attached to a card that says "Watchover Voodoo" at the top, and has some writing on the bottom.502Please respect copyright.PENANA8mO3d0KRYa
502Please respect copyright.PENANAvpZAh5h64G
502Please respect copyright.PENANAhWScs6OSRT
It's supposed to guide you," she says. "Now, I don't believe that some tiny doll on a piece of cardboard has magical powers, but I do believe that if you read an inspirational quote every day, you'll probably try to follow it."502Please respect copyright.PENANAyeFimzAboh
502Please respect copyright.PENANAlH90cOUccf
502Please respect copyright.PENANAwdtUUVE87E
I read the bottom, and it says:502Please respect copyright.PENANA3msZMF6R2l
502Please respect copyright.PENANAw1JOSb7wjo
502Please respect copyright.PENANA8yYndboh30
Reggae Kid502Please respect copyright.PENANAb2VO49nnNt
Keeps you in rhythm with nature and at peace with those around you.502Please respect copyright.PENANAiRlZtXHWZB
502Please respect copyright.PENANAU9Jx9aPJCm
502Please respect copyright.PENANA2aidN2NJt1
"You lost your rhythm and piece of mind with that accident, and by extension, the piece that you had with those around you. I can feel the unease within you every time I hear your voice, every time I see you, every time I'm near you."502Please respect copyright.PENANA2AL5dzi35C
502Please respect copyright.PENANAiJysXdyPru
502Please respect copyright.PENANA2iX2pNRQcz
I think about it; I never realised that she knew just how much all of this is affecting me.502Please respect copyright.PENANALcm9hW6Ba6
502Please respect copyright.PENANApBaxOmJncS
502Please respect copyright.PENANA3roeZrwVIz
"You need to find your peace and rhythm again."502Please respect copyright.PENANADpWORXujom
502Please respect copyright.PENANA4kyXM5zoJ3
502Please respect copyright.PENANATYYfeMv8XC
"Thank you, Evetta," I say, taking the doll from her.502Please respect copyright.PENANA0OQoZF5jf6
502Please respect copyright.PENANAQRn3twBT6O
502Please respect copyright.PENANABZBGL7IjRL
Thank you for noticing.502Please respect copyright.PENANAWZYZJcrRav
502Please respect copyright.PENANAvdcshieae3
502Please respect copyright.PENANA9G87w6AvGV
Thank you for caring.502Please respect copyright.PENANAL42UI6PqcL
502Please respect copyright.PENANAJ9TSMMfDao
502Please respect copyright.PENANAjzUtdKocPe
Thank you for loving me.502Please respect copyright.PENANAwqTVsBVYvQ
502Please respect copyright.PENANAvMG308xY4S
502Please respect copyright.PENANAdYmJxLuBqR
And I do something that neither of us saw coming.502Please respect copyright.PENANAnhNtYTDc2T
502Please respect copyright.PENANAG2UMl1iICe
502Please respect copyright.PENANAuDFyOID2nI
I kiss her.
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