Devon
He grabbed my hand. He grabbed my hand! HE GRABBED MY HAND!! Why did he grab my hand? Was I sending some kind of signal without meaning to? I can’t do this. I have to protect myself. The few people I’ve let myself care about have left and hurt me, Leo will be no different. I can’t let him in. I’ll only get hurt. I need to cut whatever this is off. I’ll avoid him on Monday, he doesn’t have my phone number so it’ll be easy. God, I don’t want to do this but it’s my only chance of protecting myself. “Fuck even my dad left me.” I think sarcastically.
I see Leo making his way over to me. But, I just act like I didn’t see him and keep walking. When I look over my shoulder I see him, he looks hurt like I hit him. I make it through the day but I keep seeing his face in my head. The pain and the love that flashed across his face. But, the love was the thing that hurt the most to see.
At lunch he sat with David and the other football boys, while I sat with Cole and the skater kids across the room. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s for the best and that he would’ve hurt me anyway. So, I might as well hurt him first. “Dude what’s going on with you and Leo?” Cole asks me.
“I don’t know.” I lie. I know perfectly well what’s wrong. I just don’t want Cole to look at me with sympathy like everyone else that I tell. “Okay, I get it if you feel like everyone abandons you but I’m not going anywhere.” Cole tells me and I can hear the sincerity in his voice. I love him like he’s my brother, he slipped past my defenses and wormed his way into my heart.
“Thank you, I don’t know how much I tell you this, but you are the best friend a gay kid like me could ask for.” I say smiling at him.
“Well I’d hope so.” He says teasing. I just sigh happily. I’m going to get away in eight months and I won’t have to deal with anything. The bullying, Mom, and letting people in. I can’t wait to get out of here! I feel bad for doing this to Leo but it’s for the best. At least I hope that it’s for the best.
ns 15.158.61.42da2
