I have heard a lot of advice telling me to vent my dissatisfaction so that it doesn’t turn into self-destruction.
My mind keeps replaying those traumatic memories, and to be honest, even I’m sick of hearing them.
I don’t want to attack or respond to those who bullied me because their knowledge, character, and intelligence are limited.
Even if they were to compensate me, they could never afford the sincerity I had at the time.
And even if they were to offer a so-called "sincere" apology or compensation after the fact, it would only feel like being force-fed garbage and having to accept it.
In the process of revenge, I’d end up being criticized—labelled as "scary," "pathetic," or "Why is she the only one being picked on?"
However, seeking understanding and being heard is human nature.
If certain things keep getting triggered and circling in my mind, there must be subconscious reasons I haven't fully understood yet.
If those "restless ghosts" are so afraid of being forgotten, I might as well set up a monument for them somewhere it won’t bother anyone.
And every time I recall more details, I can just carve another mark on it.
I don’t believe in the so-called "law of attraction" bringing more hatred my way.
Keeping hatred buried inside is what makes it explode—once it’s out in the open, there’s no need to carry it anymore.
I also acknowledge that, back then, I handled things imperfectly. I was naïve, and foolish—that’s why I was taken advantage of.
But laying my past self bare isn’t about reopening old wounds; it’s to remind myself how far I’ve come.
I don’t need to be the "perfect victim" to be understood and supported.
But I don’t need support either—I’ve already moved on.
I refuse to become a helpless wreck, complaining about society while doing nothing to improve my reality.
That’s why I only write when I feel like it—because I know this story has no real ending.
I write this for myself, as a reminder that I can come back and continue whenever I want.
Most importantly, I must break the habit of being overly nice, constantly watching others’ reactions and the atmosphere around me.
I wrote this for my own satisfaction. That’s all that matters.
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Chinese Version: 被霸凌的破事兒
ns 15.158.61.19da2
