Matthew's POV
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A few months later
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Astride a horse in the wildflower fields as the sun dwindles and the breeze picks up, Emily is ahead of me and I watch her straw like hair sway as she skilfully journey's through the mossy grass and the wild oaks. Apollo, Emily's grey stallion, her other love of her life is a large horse.
Grazer my horse that eats, constantly, is a slightly smaller black horse. Ebony hair and black eyes that enchant. Anything you give grazer he's willing to eat it. Apples however are his favourite.
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"Em" I call ahead and she pulls Apollo back, the white daisies crumpling under his huge hooves.
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"Tired already Matthew!?" She smirks and I laugh looking at her in the black riding coat that we had purchased together. Mine matches and I can hardly believe I wear it, yet here we are in a field, me craving a cigarette and her longing to be free. Things changed for Emily once I settled my turbulent mental health and decided to solely focus on my life. Now, as I watch her jump off of a grey stallion and land on her feet I reckon her a force of nature. Honestly the "L" word is a far cry from where I am at, but more than any of that I do not intend on dying alone.
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"Hardly" I say sarcastically as Grazer grunts.
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"I think he needs more fuel" I laugh getting down from my horse, smiling over at her as she practically swoons. Grasping an apple out of my bag and offering him it as she reels in Apollo and he makes a fuss about food.
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"Here forage and hay" she smiles at Apollo and he snuffles away, not totally pleased that Grazer gets all of the apples.
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"Where's the viewing point?" I ask her as she looks up at me lighting up, she doesn't complain. I think she's just accepted that nicotine is a permanent fixture in my life. Scooping my brunette curls back as she looks out at the distant sun. One hand shielding her eyes as she smiles.
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"About twenty north" she says and I nod grasping my bag and fumbling around for a few seconds as she eyes me curiously.
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"These equestrian pants" I laugh dumping the bag on the floor and eyeing her with my cheekiest smile. She laughs outwardly, I think she enjoys my charm, I can never really tell. All of the moves in our relationship are made by me, I have full control.
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"Matthew you have seen me in riding pants many times" she laughs scornfully as I take a long drag on the cigarette.
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"We need to get you some" she laughs and I shake my head.
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"No you wear the trousers better than me" I laugh eyeing her as she blushes pushing her hair away self consciously.
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"I also am a better horse rider" she teases and I laugh out loud ditching the smoke and heading straight for her. My hands tickling her instantly as she giggles and ends up in my arms.
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"We need to get going otherwise we will miss the sunset altogether" she whispers looking up and into my emerald eyes temporarily lost.
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"It will be dusk and we'll be riding back in the pitch dark" she laughs as my hands travel over the pants.
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"I like the dark" I whisper and she smiles reminding me of my night traipsing around the woods just weeks before. My face drops slightly, thinking of Taylor instantly and her messages, before I recover. Removing myself from her embrace and climbing back astride grazer.
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"Well come on then lead the way" I laugh slightly as she looks up at me, subdued. It's not that Taylor has been erased from my mind, quite literally she is usually at the forefront of my thoughts. However being that I have still made no contact with her or anybody else for that matter, proves that I'm still not ready to mention her to Emily.
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"Leading as always" Emily calls behind her as she thunders off with Apollo, I imagine the small smile on her face and follow.
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Before sunset, in the late afternoon the temperature seems to just drop and I enjoy it. The scent of the wildflowers and the hazy passages of sunshine that pass through the trees. If you're in a particularly delusional state of mind it's easy for your mind to wander. It's all too easy for me to see her, past the trees or over by the water. I sigh, Emily is in love with me little does she know that the man she loves, holds his first love forever in his presence. A woman who follows him wherever he might be. Whether he's in Canada or France or indeed England. Taylor is a package deal, always sitting in my shadow. Like a seperate part of my soul; and that's honestly why I can only ever give Emily a portion of myself.
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However I reflect, that portion of myself has grown. The way in which we wake up in the mornings facing one another, as she strokes my hair back and I hazily whisper to her that she looks beautiful in the weak sunlight that passes through the drapes. Her face when I rub my palms over her stomach, her smile when I make her tea and the way she stares at me when I spend time with her father on a Sunday.
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A light breeze sweeps through the trees and the sound of a stream catches my attention as I look past her shoulder and see a lake. Grazer makes his worry known, he's not a fan of water but we will indeed be crossing it one way or another. The only thing that works with him is remaining calm with just the right amount of determination. He stomps a little and I shh him.
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"Here I got you" I tell him securely pulling on the reins.
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"Easy" I say sharply as he huffs.
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Watching Apollo storm off into the water, the water flicking around as Emily confidently allows him to pick up pace. Leading ahead like she said she would. I watch her feeling at ease on the back of her horse and smile slightly.
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"We got this grazer" I say as he tentatively takes a first step through the cool stream.
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"See not too bad" I tell him as he finds his way through, just call me the horse whisperer.
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We take the water by storm eventually and he seems to quite enjoy spraying water up my legs as he begins bounding down the lake. Catching up with Emily as the horses walk alongside one another. Emily does not enjoy my distracting her when she is concentrating or when she feels like something is more important than us having a moment.
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"Honestly" I say down to grazer feeling her eyes on me.
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"You couldn't have made more of a fuss of the water" I laugh as she giggles and I look over at her, hair that has grown out and waves down past her ribs.
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"You sure got him through his initial worry" she surmises and I laugh, she smirks instantly.
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"Good at that huh!? Perhaps I'm a better horse rider than you thought" I jibe, letting go of the reins rather confidently as she joins just one of her hands with my own. Delicate fingers that intertwine with my own.
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"Just ten more minutes" she says softly and I smile, finding it slightly funny how she likes to break up our moments with her formality.
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"Ten more minutes until?" I smirk and she scoffs.
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"Until the best view of your life" she says encouragingly. A tiny blush falls over her cheeks. The horses enjoy being out of the lake and back on dry land, however a steep incline isn't as easy going. The grass and fields disappearing behind us as we head up dense rock. The trees opening up before us as Emily gasps. Apollo leading her first as grazer and I follow behind. She dismounts and harnesses him to a post before thanking him and placing down water and hay. A spare apple which makes him grunt. Grazer, having been harnessed enjoys yet another apple as I turn and face Emily.
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"I told you" she whispers looking out over the rest of the lake, the height is perfect for a full three hundred and sixty snapshot of the rolling hills. I stand wishing I had brought my camera along with me. Breathing in the air before turning to her and kissing her on her lips.
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"It's beautiful like somebody I know" I smile and she laughs. No cigarettes I think to myself, as I gaze out at the sun dwindling down below the horizon line. The only sound is the horses grazing in the background and the water below rippling as it flows through the valleys.
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Emily is captivated by nature, it's most likely the one thing we share in common. I watch as she slowly sits down on the earth, gazing straight out at the sun which is disappearing before us.
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And as I head over to the bags, she remains quiet, I had thought it utterly stupid to buy her something. I had told myself that my timing was off, lying to myself and those around me. However, the conversation has been carried out with her father. The parts set into motion. The only thing missing is the pounding in my heart as I clasp a small box in my hands. Retrieving it and slowly checking its contents. All there, Matthew you've got this. It's this or loneliness, keep the girl happy. Give her the life she deserves.
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"Hey Em?" I ask as she turns to face me, a contemplative look over her face. I needed her standing up really, otherwise it would blow the plan. Luckily, attentive as she is when I wait she stands growing concerned that something may be wrong when I don't continue with my request.
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"I ugh" I begin feeling the air swirl around me, the weather now cold as I clasp onto the box just behind my back. Honestly, perhaps I should have rehearsed.
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"Emily Robinson" I begin and she catches on, reading the room for once. Her eyes water and I see the answer already all over her face. It gives me reassurance and I begin acting like the perfect boyfriend. Being the man that she deserves.
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"Would you marry me, darling?" I say in my best British accent, the sun sets and I've timed it perfectly. Kept it simple no flowery language, just a direct question, it's almost business like I tell myself optimistically. A purely transactional moment.
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"My lord Matthew" she gasps joining me on the floor as I hold the ring box open. It's a fairly sizeable diamond, I wouldn't say no to me. I almost laugh until I look up at her gazing upon me adoringly.
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"I will marry you" she begins slowly and I can't help but to sense a but as I smile. Emily Robinson is full of surprises, this is but one of them.
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"That's beautiful" she says suddenly stunned looking down at the princess cut diamond ring surrounded by gold. It's entirely different to Taylor's engagement ring which took me months to select. This ring, for Emily Robinson, is generic. With its solitaire diamond and the surrounding diamonds decorating the band is the kind of ring one looks at and just knows it's an engagement ring. It's devoid of any personal attributes that she may have in jewellery, a simple engagement ring.
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"I will of course marry you Lord!" she repeats and I wonder whether she's hysterical, watching her eyes as they dart down to the ring and then me.
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"Have you asked my dad!?" She asks briefly looking over me and I chortle eyeing her and placing the ring upon her engagement finger. A brief pause as she gazes down at my hands in her own, the light disappearing as the sun goes down.
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"Of course darling" I tell her simply as she watches me sitting on the floor, water rippling down in the lake as I take her in my arms.
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"I will be your wife" she whispers slowly and I nod eyeing her before lifting her up. It's twilight and she links her legs around my hips, kissing me with no bounds as I place her on the back of my horse. Wordlessly I fasten the harnesses together so that we do not lose Apollo.
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"I will be your husband" I whisper having climbed on the front of the horse feeling her arms wrap around my waist and her head rest on my back as I guide us and Apollo back through the dense forest.
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"You'll be a Henderson" I whisper looking out at the thick woods and the grass collecting at the hooves of the horses. There was a time when I had imagined that Taylor would be a Henderson too.
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"Emily Jane Henderson" I giggle looking down at her hands interlinked around my waist, the ring glistening. The diamond glaring back at me and provoking me the whole ride home. My mind tells me I should feel complete, I should be honoured, instead I let her cling onto me and merely accept the moment for what it is.
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