With the : guacamole, salsa, tostada chips, drinks (galore) and the pizza in the oven he waits for his date. Did i mention he really wants to make love to this girl. Shes short, cute, smart and has beautiful long purple to rose gold hair starting at the tip of that beautiful head of hers he feels like a thirteen year old looking at Jennifer Lopez for the first time. After making the living room look clean he heads over to his room to make sure it dosnt smell like a dirty gym bag. After picking up the fast food bag and dirty cloths from the floor and take one good sip of 3 day old Wendy's tea he makes the bed. To his surprise he looks in the drawer in his bed stand and sees he only has one condom. Not a minute later he receives a call from none other than her. "Hey, hows it going?" He asks "It's going well, work is dragging and sandra has been on my ass all f**king day, but besides that nothing much," she takes a quick pause and says "are we still on for tonight?" In a flirtatious way he replies "yeah i can't wait to see you tonight" thrilled she says "okay, see you at 9 bye", "and a don't forget my chips kay" confused he agrees and hands up. "What chips?!?" He dosnt remember the bag of chips she likes, what an asshole. So confused and pondering of the last few dates he grabs the keys and heads out to the gasoline station. 3/4ths of the way there he remembers, hitting the steering wheel he screams out "pita chips!". See what Irvin also dosnt remember is that he left his wallet in the pocket of his denim jacket.
"Chips, condoms, chips, condoms ..." Arriving he pulls over by the gas pump and jumps out of the vehicle. "Chips, condoms, chips, condoms....." Okay so when someone is usually doing some math or thinking; well of sex you tend to forget more then one thing, the second thing Irvin just forgot is that he left the car keys in the ignition. Waltzing into the gas station he picks up a bag of chips and a box of Trojan magnum condoms. I have no idea why magnums if his penis isint even that big. Go ahead Irvin make that cashier feel awkward. "I take it you dont need a cheesecake from the frozen section do ya", "you got dessert writen all over ya". Okay go ahead cashier lady make Irvin feel awkard. "That will be 9.95, cash or credit"
"Fuck!" "Hey, hey, hey keep it down save it for that special girl," she gives him a suddle pause and stare "or boy if your into that sorda thang, not that theres anything wrong with that". "No, no i forgot my wallet at the home ill be right back" jogging to the car he pulls the car handle and realizes he left his stupid keys in the stupid car. Shoker right. And would you look at the pretty phone on the passenger seat moking him.
7:54 reads his watch, "fuck, fuck, fuck" shes going to be home in an hour and hes here in the parking lot. Theres no other thing to do but run home. The beautiful thing is that Irvin lives in the most beautiful neighborhood, his apartment is located on mountain park. Its a 4 minute drive up the mountain and or 25 to 30 minute walk up the steep hill. Running, jumping and almost getting hit by a car and a chase from a weiner dog he gets home at about 8:35. Jumps his fence and into the back door he grabs his jacket, extra key and bike and speeds down the moutain. 10 minutes later he arrives at the gas station, he throws his bike, chips and condoms in the back and heads out.
Getting home he bringe the stuff down, leaves the bike in the car and run to the restroom, triping on the hall way carpet he jumps in the shower with a bloody nose, he has less then 5 minutes to shower and change. After last phase of rinse the door bell rings he Jumps out of the shower and slips on the carpet, falls and hits his tail bone in the most intertaining way possible. He puts on his pjs and runs to the door where he is attacked by the most stunning women hes ever seen, she hops onto him like a monkey and begins kissing and grainding on him like a horny koala holding on to a tree. "Ive been waiting for this for some time now" she tells him and he leads her to his room and spend the next 30 minutes making love.
Did she even touch the bag of chips? No.
So tired from her work and his impressive and incredible Weiner dog attack they pass out on his bed. She dosnt taste a single one but she takes them home right after she left. The good thing she didn't notice the bruce on his ass. What a way to end the night of almost being the worst ever. Come to think of it because of that bag of chips he got a second date.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
