At home, Rachel's cooking the dinner and the house is wonderfully baked in the smell of a hot bowl of stew. Both Noah and Grace are watching the telly, some cartoon about a gadget weilding robot. Same as yesterday.
The entire family sits down to dinner, and the conversation is cheerful . Noah cracks a joke that he heard at school today and Rachel and I chuckle. Grace on the other hand, doesn't appreciate her brother's sense of humour, and calls his joke " dorky". When dinner's over, I help Rachel with the dishes. Yeah, don't be mislead by the name Felox. Ladies and gentlemen, this is one boring story.
This isn't an account of today, this is an account of everyday of my life. If my life were a book, every page will have the same story to tell.
I loved my family, and I loved my job. But then what was that feeling that kept nagging me? Telling me that I was an outsider at my own home. Merely a spectator, who chimed in every now and then and withdrew himself again? Or the feeling that I wasn't really an employee at my job. That I could be replaced. Replacable. Do you ever get the feeling that you are replacable? I do.
It didn't make me work hard or take more time out for my family. It just seemed to suck all want, or desire out of my life, till there was only one thing I wanted. Solitude. To be away from people , and the responsibility that they thrust upon me, and drive that bike down the dirt road like I did so many lonely nights before in my prime. When for hours and hours I rode my bike in the woods, with not a soul nearby, with nothing but the company of the cold , bone chilling wind.
When I walked in Rachel was making the bed. "I need a vacation", I said to no one in particular. " What? Honey it's the middle of the school year". "Yeah, I was thinking I go alone". " Alone? How can you go alone?" "The same way we go together?", I ask dubiously. " I mean... Why?" "Just to clear my head , get some perspective. " "Get it at home. Take a couple days off work". " No Rachel, I just wanted ...uhh..need a change I guess. You don't mind do you? "
The next morning I was breezing through the woods on my dirt bike. The cold wind was welcoming and the avenue was without a soul. No one to check my speed, I thought to myself. I raced past the avenue , finally feeling alive after years. There was only the rush of the tyres, and none to reach back home by time. Being free, of course, felt great. That nagging feeling was replaced by a new one, of happiness. After a couple of hours I stopped by a stream. I have a drink, and then splash some water on my face. I was beaming, and I felt twenty three again. I looked in my relection in the stream, and jumped back. I not only felt twenty three, but I WAS twenty three. My faint wrinkles were not there anymore, I was wearing my college varsity jacket and my hair was back to its pummed orange curls that I kept back then. There was no ring on my finger, and no picture of my kids in my wallet. I looked around frantically trying to perceive what had just happened. There was a strange ringing in my ears. It grew louder and louder by the second. I try to tune it out but to no avail. The ringing got louder and louder and louder...
I jolst in an upright position on my bed and hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. Rachel is sleeping beside me. The ring is back, and so are the faint wrinkles. "You have responsibilities", she said last night. " You can't just take off whenever you want".
After breakfast, I take off to the company I work for - Engentado. Weird name, huh?
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