Jessica blew on the tassel of her cap three times.
I wish it would rain.
She noticed a crease on her red gown so tended to it. The same velvety textures subsumed the landscaped lawn of the outdoor stadium.
I wish I could crawl down a rabbit hole, where everything makes cents, make a bunch of illogical lessons with insanity as the cipher, then watch the sane people try to correct me.
On a bench full of senior students any and every which way, part of her envied how public schools killed Commencement ceremonies, overrated as they were. She daydreamed of a couch and twenty-first-century television on Retroflix, lamenting the lack of a skip option. Not only could she not fast-forward, but there was no popcorn.
Lethargically gazing, she found the girl who made fun of her stockings freshman year. There was the guy who hit on her sophomore year. There was the guy she caught staring thirty-nine times in Calculus. There was the girl whose periodic table jokes almost got her expelled. Everywhere, teenagers ready for freedom.
Contrary to what the Valedictorian was belching over the podium, it seemed clear that most students were excited to be out of this prison, not rejoicing in their academic achievements. Sentiments could definitely vary.
"I thought Jessica would have been Valedictorian; not that Azarean blowhard."
Her ears latched on to the sound of her name a few rows back.
"She's not even Salutatorian."
"Yea. Remember that time she took the average test score and rigged the program to give everyone the same score. "
"You don't know that it was her."
"Well, only she could do that."
"Shh..."
Looking back, literally, she attached the voice to a face and recognized the student. A dark-haired boy who'd dropped a gallon of weight since their first meeting. He was a curiosity, too, because she remembered his kindness and casual preambles to a friendly conversation, the way he smiled, made fun and did favors. Come to think of it, their relationship was border-line romantic before they suddenly stopped talking. Strange the way memory came and went. Many things were neglected after Freshman year.
Neglect, purposeful neglect, also explained why she never stood a chance at valedictorian. Not only did attention make her squeamish, but peer pressure bombarded her grades into straight C's. It drew suspicion when she suddenly earned an S in every subject, so she eventually settled for A's and B's.
Dusk had arrived.
"Jessica Teresa Leibniz."
Her name. Scotty! Beam me up! Do it, now! With no way around it, she walked up to the podium, wary of all the eyeballs. She shook hands with the principal who had considered her cause lost, took her piece of plastic, paused for a picture, forced her smile before the automated camera, and then passionately walked offstage.
"I would, hereby, like to congratulate the Graduating Class of 2127."
At last, Jessica moved her tassel to the left. A huge weight fell off her shoulders. She tossed the hat and tassel aside. If only she could navigate past the horde of family and friends now filtering into the oval field.
A clashing of the hugs followed, of which she was an innocent bystander. Familiar faces, unrecognizably happy, jumped for joy at their parents. Groups of friends who had survived the past five years through mutual uptake found the glory of group photos. Smiles all around. In her mind, the end of Commencement entailed little more and nothing less than a break.
Landlocked between concentrations of "Congratulations," Jessica breathed a long and somber sigh. "The same thing every time." Judging from the crowd size, there would be a wait before an escape attempt could be made.
Waiting...
Arms crossed, her sight fell to the low thread of her gown. Senses dulled, the enthusiastic cheering dilapidated into nothingness, followed by trembling hands and numbness. Maybe I should find my cap. "I mean, I only get one," she cracked. She brushed a tear and crouched on the ground. "I only get one."
She wiped her eyes lest someone catch her discomfort out in the open. It seemed inappropriate to let strangers see a grimace during—what should be—a celebration, so she looked for her cap and tempered the loneliness. No one would have to see her red face.
"NERRRRD!"
Bewilderment smacked Jessica's rosy cheek. She jumped upright, darting for the source of the voice. A dark hairdo in the vein of a mullet grabbed her attention, the blonde streaks over a tan face. Through the crowd, the black denim vest and black shirt passed with the words Androgynous Vision plastered in bright violet. Tight blue pants stepped to, carrying Valerie and the power of dimples.
"Were you crying?" Val said.
"No!" Jess remonstrated. "Caught something in my eye."
"It's called catching feelings!" The two leaned in and wrapped their arms around each other. "Congratulations, homegirl."
"Thanks, Val..."
In parting, Jessica beamed. "How'd you get here?" Delayed fireworks burst in the sky. Their loud, enrapturing spectacle drowned Valerie's reply, but the answer to her question appeared directly ahead.
Beth arrived, parting the red sea of velvet. Snug in a blue frock coat and white scarf, she waved happily as their eyes met. The old lady's smile could wrap anything in a bubble of warmth, inviting her closer when Shannon jumped from behind the coat.
"Girrrrrrrrrrl!" Beyond excited, Shannon held out arms of denim. Her serious sense of style beamed with her white smile, nylon stockings under her shorts that complimented green-glowing sneakers.
Jessica suddenly felt overdressed, which did not stop her from falling into Shannon's arms. She practically clenched the denim, overwhelmed.
Shannon gave a hearty "Congratulations," before parting to look up and down her robe. "Someone's a big girl now!"
Jessica wiped her eyes. "I'm something."
"Where's your cap?"
"Umm..."
"Here you go," said Valerie, tapping Jessica with a cap in her hand.
"Where'd you find it?"
"On someone's head."
Jess turned to Beth, who had been patiently doting over the three girls. Approaching, someone else might have mistaken Jessica's expression for sadness. Her red gown swayed with the weight of ever-present potential, a sight that made Beth grin. And before saying anything else, the teenager threw her arms around her, burying into the warm coat.
"Thank you."
Beth received her embrace with every filial fiber. "I wasn't going to miss Jess's graduation!" she declared, "and sure wasn't going to risk letting them come without a ride." Beth pointed to Valerie and Shannon. "They were considering walking, you know?" Jessica dragged her heavy gaze from Beth to her friends, who made funny faces. "We talked on the way over here, and I had time to think. I've never known everything, but I can't help but think that your parents would be proud of you this day. Don't you think?"
"I hope so," said Jessica, unwrapping her arms. Solemnity and fulfillment intermingled within her heart and danced to the beat. The sensation rocked her into a place where happiness lived. She breathed it in, letting her eyes rise to the night sky in wonderment of where Stephanie and Gerald Leibniz rested, whether or not they had a window into this little space under the stars.
Feeling worlds better, she rotated within her friends' suspenseful stares and started, "So what now?"
"We should go somewhere and celebrate!" said Valerie. "Duh!"
"Where are we going?"
"That's totally up to you," said Shannon. "It's also kinda up to Beth since she's driving."
"She's, like, the one friend in the group who has a license and a car," Valerie commented, then turned to Beth, "but you're a lot cooler than that, know what I'm sayin'?"
Jessica anxiously turned to her OG homegirl, wondering what answer lay behind the grin on her face. And Beth shrugged.
"It is totally up to Jess."
So, Jessica pressed the tip of her finger on her chin to think long and hard. Bulging eyes and a white smile meant she'd made up her mind. "It has to be a place with dessert. I want..."
"A pulse!"
Shapeless noise simmered over the heat of her face. Wails, cries, heaviness, they racked her imagination.
"Stabilized!"
"How many more?"
A slit of vision. Nothing but blurs and lambency. As if dragged from a dream, her mind stopped midway on the path to consciousness. She caught muffled noises along the way, followed by muscle sensation; they felt heavy. Her own heartbeat rumbled with the noise, too, and pumped heavier breaths. Chaos then rebounded across her thoughts, while bright flashes absorbed everything else. She desperately wanted to move. Determination fueled the twitch in her finger, while the bleep of the heart rate monitors kicked in.
Her body jerked forward. Jessica pierced the veil of reality, eyes wide. Held back by straps, nothing stopped the dismantled floodgate of emotions. Desperation made her twist and turn, exacerbated by the heat and bindings. But then she peered beyond the sanctuary, to see flames. The interior of a paramedic van housed her from the plea-ridden world. She was stuck, tattered clothes chafing against elastic bands.
Finally, a forlorn figured stepped inside, an exhausted man's dust-covered face peering over her condition. He was a white suit, top to bottom, bathed by a black layer of soot. The mere sight of him only gnawed at her anxiety.
"I have to get out of here!" she stammered.
"You're in shock!" he coughed.
Jessica pushed against the straps. "You can at least undo these! How the fuck will these keep me calm?"
Hesitantly, the EMT pressed underneath, and the straps zipped back into place. Jessica sprang forth outside, against the man's protest. What she saw, however, compelled her to a swift halt.
"Where is the complex?"
Nothing but debris, flame, and smoke remained in place of Pine Rim Hovels. Everywhere, within a pale cloud of dust and despair, paramedics attended the injured within a vehicle-barricaded perimeter. Yellow jackets and smoke-proof visors inspected inside and outside the rubble. Law enforcement officials patrolled a rail that demarked the area and extended into the nearby park, where more emergency teams gathered. Plenty of people, dead or otherwise, but there was no building.
Crying victims. The injured, lamenting faces of men, women, and children saturated the park. Blanketed stretchers of dangling hands rolled away, and a ghostly half-sun illuminated the remnants of dusk. Gothic rays impaled the smoke over New Sumer's eastern cracks and crags as carved by the destruction. If Jessica looked at her fingers, she would have noticed them twitch.
"No..." One step forward, toward the remnants. "No..." She shook her head in disbelief. The pavement became wet with her tears, a trail of them forming with every step.
"Hey!" The firemen tried to intercept her. Jessica ran for the debris. Quickly, more and more shadows chased after her. "Stop that woman!" Security caught wind of and raced to protect her from the ruins, where firemen scanned the radiation levels.
Sprinting, sprinting towards the embers, she evaded until one officer grabbed her by the wrist and tackled her to the ground.
"Beth!" she cried hysterically. "Bethany!"
More bodies crowded her to calm the madness in her lunges.
"She's not dead! I have to carry her out! She's not dead!"
ns 15.158.61.5da2
