-Jesse-
My hands throbbed from the impact. Although I felt more pain than fear at this point, my hands continued to pummel into the man's chest. I screamed and cried, unable to stop for fear that he may turn on me once again. I thought he loved me, but it seemed that it was all part of an elaborate plan. I had money, I had a good family, I had what I thought was a good relationship. He only wanted to use me. He wanted to take my money and leave me as his dirty sob story.
He tried to kill me. I was 19 at the time, full of rage and fear. Most of all, I was confused. It was illegal, murder. It was an illegal and bad thing for illegal and bad people that would certainly never happen to a young boy like me.
I couldn't go to the police, out of mental rather than physical restraint. His constant abuse and ministrations had lead me to believe that there was enough doubt for me not to take him to jail. There was enough fear that I would also go to jail. I had a street friend, more of an acquaintance than anything, who had told me in a passing whisper that he knew a guy who could help with that stuff.
I went to him, pleading, lugging the unconscious and bruised body of my alleged assailant on my shoulders. I wasn't sure that he would live, it seemed that he had completely gone into shock. Tears in my eyes, she smiled at me, a remorseful and broken smile.
"I never thought it would be you, man, not you." A laugh, he laughed so loud and painfully that I began to laugh as well. He took my ex-boyfriend away from me, laid him on his couch, and patted me on the back.
"I just...need something right now...I don't know what, but I need something." I explained, sat in shock on his floor. He clicked on the television in his room while we drank and listened to me rant over the background noise. I usually didn't drink, I was underage, but I couldn't deal with things at the moment. I hadn't learned anything, not common sense, not books. I hadn't gone to college yet because I didn't know what I wanted to do. When I took my gap year, my boyfriend guided me through life, and it broke me to realize all of it was lie.
"I need to get out...I can't, I can't...."
He put his hand over my mouth, effectively silencing me. He just nodded and stood, walked to his landline phone in his kitchen, and made a phone call. I wasn't really playing attention on who the phone call was to. When he came to sit next to me, he explained to me that he called one of his guys to come get me out of the situation.
"I can't have him dead, he can't die, you know that, he can't die..." I kept rambling on, my words filling the silence but not the emptiness of the room.
"I know, he's not going to kill him." He said.
"What's he going to do?"570Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWMOGWIjm8
"I'm not sure. Probably something much worse."
And I understood. I understood everything in that moment.
Okay, maybe not in that moment.
But I understand everything now.
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