你好，我是莊坌但。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDUXhhPmp5
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRjLnxWgtD
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71mU3Yp7xH
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnq4oRG7jqh
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xj6OcfYkP
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjn6DN3juej
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIdD2da1jF
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobw1G8VRYO
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dX4JZcIaR
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FbyYlxpNi
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooAKd701oK
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjaNKOvfA1
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBnYbOU9P7
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtO6RHAqPFB
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEdpPiiwXT
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEzYQIK6yr
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyeJdJkpZZ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xHiMjB3Hx
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNFO2DcuTZ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VQpyhw8F0
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvsoxEZzyq
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzxz8U3BdP
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7P283F8wTb
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQiBNcNoQ4
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5Md1KrDWj
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIamfbUxip
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOxWB1rSaC
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqR28UVJPBO
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUi6kK7ds5
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEDTu6NgYh
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wDxfxD6Ih
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pEjN6yOZJ
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaui9QmC2TJ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM70RGfy7ga
「你好，我是……」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGfzp42PUk
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRV7SBueKS
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fCzaYrb4S
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHYzEry3Iv
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96i998VkGi
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPIOdjfR1P
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1t29xedyoj
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Mm3CEWVuK
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwuLJmtlrs
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqw2JZAzGI
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6HOtWQhY7
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAw24mxVuN2
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6I1Va28MjG
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFpuHq2Vdu
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡja3iXMwq3b
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhJJL2gFxn
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZi5aSnrbeO
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8oKxc4GK7
不好啊非常的不好啊！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3rejYfWqO
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjlkDJMmLx
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPwVhBGbiT
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrPkeZEYRy
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLCYaCQ38h
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiHMTBiSSZ
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjgsl023i4
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqwqplYJLH
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOiA0ZG0wy
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPocnxMVH7
出了社會，總是得找份工作。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMoAsxQaKI
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2WtJisIzX
我自己買了台50CC通勤。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XioYdiPuT
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyQvd08w08
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtHuf77h0X
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIKCIX9EWK
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXI54mW86xS
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuqnNMQVK9
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mwtRQKUNQ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJSXqOelZN
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5skis8xuyc
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNMME87tvK
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgrSX4Uncn
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2bHQflZ7b
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSE2mAIwQI
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGwnfpdoh0
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaqCIEamEk
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGtTOdakJn
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26W2GZbCqX
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyx2Yb36Ri
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL28lQHEnNM
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMv4ym3Dr7
它熄火，我傻眼。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5umv2YiZ8W
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFPbyiyE95
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzCMpCCC6w
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8vEEhnZND
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJH9uwDDDmK
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZJPaZAUWu
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjguMP4QOB
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6VqWXeaWj
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcQncYvLaH
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YDKLjo31k
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51hHGc0OzS
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEYgM5gXsv
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkmsDYNirj
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZGlnO2Dr1
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTXNEFK2yN
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDmWQ3zANu
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMmdeQetoc
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