你好,我是莊坌但。395Please respect copyright.PENANAMAvPS2iTqQ
395Please respect copyright.PENANAxWHvfIZuth
等等,你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來,然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊?395Please respect copyright.PENANAxGEbvvYi89
395Please respect copyright.PENANAK5EQYsZwia
對,我也覺得這名字很白痴,尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子,終於在我一歲整時,去找個算命師特別算出來的名字,據說是九五之尊的好名字。395Please respect copyright.PENANAjCAoNvO0Iv
395Please respect copyright.PENANAQxWDPvYEHf
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字,九五個屁。395Please respect copyright.PENANAXscQa6tokY
395Please respect copyright.PENANA4jy0V0qftr
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時,那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。395Please respect copyright.PENANAAMeFbziA8b
395Please respect copyright.PENANAUX4d6IZ3Og
媽的,在我面前被抄掉耶。395Please respect copyright.PENANAJ640V4dxsI
395Please respect copyright.PENANAObZ2C4AxVk
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷,不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。395Please respect copyright.PENANAux6oeMNR25
395Please respect copyright.PENANAEp5JzAeohB
更別說每次的自我介紹了,那簡直是地獄。395Please respect copyright.PENANAhXXJ4yEGYO
395Please respect copyright.PENANA9HBLCoNgB0
「大家好,我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭,不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉,那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。395Please respect copyright.PENANAbPw1VV83b0
395Please respect copyright.PENANAcAtCKfEbel
小學一年級,同學看不懂我的名字,還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。395Please respect copyright.PENANABTYjK4XMiz
395Please respect copyright.PENANAXRVTRKW1Dp
到了小學六年級,那真的很恐怖。395Please respect copyright.PENANAX7gnC5UCaf
395Please respect copyright.PENANAXCb1fqKbtT
「喂,那叫莊什麼但?」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學,轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。395Please respect copyright.PENANABUlxC1FPNe
395Please respect copyright.PENANAZfFdMOVtcW
「坌,念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。395Please respect copyright.PENANARblLdYHi1b
395Please respect copyright.PENANAZvwF9RE5Je
全班開始爆笑,我只能站在台上傻笑,一直笑,不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。395Please respect copyright.PENANA735oReIOdw
395Please respect copyright.PENANAVgz4nJS5RL
請把這個畫面重播,這也是我國高中自我介紹時,所發生的慘劇。395Please respect copyright.PENANAIgwcS1SJ8a
395Please respect copyright.PENANAJmuXRq6IL4
而我的綽號,也一路走來,始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。395Please respect copyright.PENANAbPSKKRBCPz
395Please respect copyright.PENANA8UZAQixeuG
大學聯誼時,我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。395Please respect copyright.PENANALEaoEmjKVw
395Please respect copyright.PENANAijDEStPVlH
「你好,我是……」395Please respect copyright.PENANAVnvSLF0sq5
395Please respect copyright.PENANA7a2B7OnlKl
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔!超厲害的對不對?坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌,但就是但是的那個但,所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔,超屌的對不對?」395Please respect copyright.PENANA4G9OadwtOK
395Please respect copyright.PENANA6GU2TS5bDy
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁!395Please respect copyright.PENANAymedRhZIGw
395Please respect copyright.PENANA3givHo7d1Y
我就只能傻愣愣的笑,然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。395Please respect copyright.PENANATNEswgg49b
395Please respect copyright.PENANABwgE0MGCkW
偏偏,我的長相比普通還普通,也沒有有錢的老爸,更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好,所以我一直沒有女朋友。395Please respect copyright.PENANACyNS0w9DVV
395Please respect copyright.PENANAfvmgMGk9sc
畢竟,誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧?395Please respect copyright.PENANAT8tFohDSqE
395Please respect copyright.PENANAUXVpaOhpGU
再說說我的人生吧,這名字絕對是個詛咒!395Please respect copyright.PENANA4Wxm4dsk6p
395Please respect copyright.PENANAgwkQOtOiDv
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢,更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level!395Please respect copyright.PENANAYymuRCwTaF
395Please respect copyright.PENANA88nP82XbgZ
此時你一定會想,抵抗力提升有啥不好?395Please respect copyright.PENANAjNpTnRp6xO
395Please respect copyright.PENANAIlAHxNvV6a
不好啊非常的不好啊!395Please respect copyright.PENANAt8FFXjQ5Si
395Please respect copyright.PENANA4izsvb2fmT
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友,我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。395Please respect copyright.PENANAoWIvfZ5sWx
395Please respect copyright.PENANADCB3HwKLOk
而體育老師的規定,只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加,前提是,他會陪著你去保健室。395Please respect copyright.PENANANFwAuaUFxC
395Please respect copyright.PENANAt1o8biUWQw
但是,就算測體適能前一天,我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦,只要一覺醒來,我就能夠用鼻子呼吸,然後痰也會自動消失,肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒!395Please respect copyright.PENANAsM8FydsQrv
395Please respect copyright.PENANAmlNPdkvf8F
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字,接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。395Please respect copyright.PENANAox4KR5H76r
395Please respect copyright.PENANA5A8VXM6R3e
出了社會,總是得找份工作。395Please respect copyright.PENANA6x72gqyI1I
395Please respect copyright.PENANA7DMpkwAf32
我自己買了台50CC通勤。395Please respect copyright.PENANAZZOB72ECHn
395Please respect copyright.PENANAyIaCDA5aTq
但我想它跟我一樣,體弱多病。395Please respect copyright.PENANAlC6wQBEvBk
395Please respect copyright.PENANAf44ndasFK0
常常停個紅燈後,它就不想動了,所以我得一個月去車行一次,不然我就只能走路去上班。395Please respect copyright.PENANAmHcZLeh4lL
395Please respect copyright.PENANAH5JXuxnY4Y
而且我想,它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。395Please respect copyright.PENANAAoYlAbWJnH
395Please respect copyright.PENANAf9SPkBe1dB
「坌但我今天坐公車來,等等載我回家喔。」395Please respect copyright.PENANAcyVSasurpw
395Please respect copyright.PENANAM37gWOgx3F
「喔,不過我的50CC很爛,有可能一半就掛了喔。」395Please respect copyright.PENANABvi56JjKXX
395Please respect copyright.PENANA1vX22VqHTk
「哎呀,沒差啦,真的掛了再說。」395Please respect copyright.PENANA5gZwCg9dYy
395Please respect copyright.PENANAV6o3XX87ls
然後,我很順利的將同事載回去,而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。395Please respect copyright.PENANAAeB72jFdYI
395Please respect copyright.PENANA370ObtDxEA
「沒很爛啊,聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。395Please respect copyright.PENANAAnfKrJmybR
395Please respect copyright.PENANAATzxmstrPU
我發動50CC,然後同事關門。395Please respect copyright.PENANAM5Kn9NvHRA
395Please respect copyright.PENANAjdr2qEo9uJ
它熄火,我傻眼。395Please respect copyright.PENANAC3lzKYmRug
395Please respect copyright.PENANAwb0KkOGaxk
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條,所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家,一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。395Please respect copyright.PENANAoJ7tu5tfDK
395Please respect copyright.PENANAVBtnAYl2hN
當然,出了社會還是沒有女朋友。395Please respect copyright.PENANA68bbz4KN8X
395Please respect copyright.PENANAmTx6Mr4Oea
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。395Please respect copyright.PENANAyNpTYOMEpB
395Please respect copyright.PENANA7OF3tXWWwC
但叫坌但又不是我的錯!395Please respect copyright.PENANAcgeIlTjMJQ
395Please respect copyright.PENANAoiP8XZtvQt
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了,隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉,偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到,以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。395Please respect copyright.PENANAmpmWnLFzwR
395Please respect copyright.PENANA0ymQ2LtT1C
我打開筆電,百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫,也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣,開個後宮吧?395Please respect copyright.PENANANR0sem9Nru
395Please respect copyright.PENANAnfcb7e2i14
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了,想到這裡,我竟然不自禁的笑了出來,笑到眼淚都飆了出來。395Please respect copyright.PENANAFEcoKgzDUs
395Please respect copyright.PENANAId5zyxYPSY
混帳,一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊!395Please respect copyright.PENANA9ny7fvjjml