ONE YEAR LATER...
I stood in front of my boyfriend's gravestone in a graveyard that's a few blocks down from my house. I stared at his gravestone as I held onto a couple blue flowers. The flowers that were currently laying on his gravestone were dying off so I thought it would've been best to bring along a few more flowers to set down even though I know that the blue flowers will eventually die off too. I don't mind, though. Ever since Will died a year ago, I've been visiting his resting place at least once a week. I would rather come everyday after school, but I know my dad will think there's something wrong with me if I confide too much in being with my dead boyfriend.
Ever since he died, life has been so much harder for me. I've become rather depressed and never really felt like talking to anybody. When he was alive, I used to talk to people. Especially the people who Will was friends with, but ever since he died, I slowly stopped talking to his friends and frankly, people altogether. The only talking I do now is with teachers if they have to talk to me about my classwork and my family which consists of just me, my little brother who's turning thirteen today and my dad.
My mom died right after my little brother was born. My dad became really depressed after that and always locked himself in his room and never wanted to eat. It was only a few years ago when he met a co-worker at work who helped him out of his depression and ever since then, he's been more open and I guess he pretty much moved on. Dad has always told me that life is too short to be hung over a dead loved one. I really wish it was that easy.
I sighed softly as I set the blue flowers down on Will's grave and stared at the dirt below me like I was waiting for Will to pop his beautiful blue head up and start grinning at me. Though, I know it's never going to happen. Finally, I sit down on top of the grave, criss crossing my legs over the other. I took a deep breath before I started to speak.
"School was boring as usual this week. I'm really glad it's the weekend so I won't have to see anyone. Though, my brother, Eddy's birthday is today and people are coming over. Can't say I'm looking forward to it, but...it's his birthday so what can I do? He wants to see people." I spoke out loud to Will, hoping he can hear me from the heavens.
"Anyways, people stopped talking to me about you. I really hated being reminded that you're dead. I hope that in the near future, some scientist can invent something that will bring people back to life and no, I'm not talking about zombies. Though, I don't know if I even mind zombies. They'll just remind me of how terrible life is." I continued.
As I sat there, I heard a soft rumble above me. I turned my head up towards the sky to see it becoming grey and then in a second, I felt a rain drop dropping down on my face and rolling down to my cheek. I softly blinked my eyes and before I knew it, it started to rain. I peeled my eyes from the sky and looked back down at the dirt. I didn't get up, though. I just sat there while the rain poured all over me. It felt nice. Almost calming in a way. I softly smiled to myself and the next thing I knew, warm tears started to run down my face.
I like the rain because nobody can tell I'm crying. Nobody will come up to me and ask me what's wrong or ask why I'm crying. They'll just mistake it as rain drops. I never really liked crying in front of people. Not even my dad or little brother. That's why anytime I feel a tear coming on, I quickly excuse myself and leave the room. It's not that I feel like crying makes me weak. It's just because I hate being asked questions. Ever since Will died, I've always been asked questions like if I'm okay and if I need help with sorting out my feelings.
I guess in a way, I've become darker since Will's death and I'm sure people can notice it too. I listen to sad emo songs and read depressing books and poetry. My clothing style hasn't really changed at all since I always wear black. I don't do any of this to torture myself. I just feel a bit better when I feel closer to death even though I hate it.
I softly sigh to myself as I slowly closed my eyes, letting my warm tears mix in with the cool rain drops. It felt really calming to me and I didn't want to leave at all. Though, I promised my dad that I wouldn't stay out too late since I have to help set up Eddy's party before the guests arrive. I opened up my eyes and fished for my phone out of my pocket. I looked at the time and frowned.
"I have to go..."
I shoved my phone back into my pocket then stood up and brushed any dirt off my pants then I took one last look at Will's gravestone. I know that I'll always come back, but somehow, a part of me feels like I shouldn't come back.
"I love you..." I whispered.
Then, I turned on my heel and walked right out of the graveyard and headed home.
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