I used to have friends, back when I was in high school. Like... Real Friends. The kind of friends that you know have your back no matter what, the kind of friends you can spend a whole week with and never get sick of. I never really appreciated how significant that was until I started missing it. But then again... they always say that, right?

It all started even earlier than high school, though. There's a lake a few minutes away from the house I grew up in, and one afternoon when I was eleven or twelve a friend and I found a little clearing in the lakeside woods. I don't remember well; we were exploring, we must have stepped off of a trail, and there it was. Somebody had hung a rope swing from one of the tall trees right where the water met the hillside, and the sun set right across from us. The clearing was easy to get to but far enough removed from the rest of the world to be perfectly private, and the nature all around provided some breathtaking views. We knew right away that it would become Our Spot. 

Today, a few weeks later, me and Pete sat next to the rope swing in baseball caps and fished, drinking sodas. We talked about a lot of things. Yu-gi-oh cards, how we were excited to start middle school, I even caught a fish, but Pete felt bad for the thing and made me throw it back. He was always sentimental like that.

Or there was that time a year later, the summer right before high school. Nicole and I had been swimming, but we decided to dry off once the sun began to set. We sat together on a rock, closer than I had ever sat with a girl. I looked her in the eyes. She blushed, I think I did too. I kissed her... It was definitely my first kiss, and I think it was hers too. She looked so cute in her little bikini; I didn't trust myself to look so I made sure to keep my eyes closed. For a while, the rope swing became our secret spot. She moved to Ohio our sophomore year... I still think about her every now and then. I wonder who she's kissing now?

We all made another memory the week before we started senior year. Everybody got together at the ropeswing and we threw a little party; the radio blasted classic rock, we had a cooler full of sodas, and, best of all, we all had cars of our own waiting for us when we finished. We swam in the lake, we swung from the rope swing... And it looked like it would be a perfect afternoon until John cut his foot on a rock underwater. Emily passed out (she could never stand the sight of blood), and I had to sacrifice my towel to wrap up the cut. He couldn't really walk, so Adam and I had to carry him back to my car while Pete waited around for Emily to feel better. It was a mess. He got stitches. He thanked us afterwards.

Or there was the other time, we were all back from college. We lit a fire at the rope swing, but there was no swimming tonight- we wore sweaters and sweatshirts. We cracked beers and huddled against the cold, but it was worth it to see the old faces we hadn't seen in months. We talked about school, how we were all sick of making friends, and how being in the old town made it feel like we had never left.

Later on? John found a job in Chicago, Pete had gotten into med school in California, and I had bought a plane ticket; I had gotten sick of driving through the same streets every day. We needed one more adventure before we all left town for good. One last hurrah at the rope swing. We waited till nightfall and made our way to the rope swing with flashlights. We could all legally buy beer so we didn't even feel the need to, we could drink whenever we wanted. That night, it was just like old times. We lit a fire and we all stripped down naked to swim, even Emily and Amanda did after a little while. It didn't matter; it was really too dark to see each other well, and in any case we were all past embarrassment. When we were all done and dry the girls cried a little bit, and so did Pete. We all hugged goodbye and wished each other luck, and we promised that we would stay in touch and that we would all see each other soon. And we kept both promises... For a little while.

But now? I sit on a rock, in our usual spot, just like I always used to. The rock right next to where Nicole and I would sit, right in front of where we would jump off of the bank to swim. Amanda carved her initials into the tree behind me and her boyfriend had carved his underneath... She had cried on Adam's shoulder when it didn't last. 

As the sun sets over the lake I squint against the glare, with only my dog for company. It's been a while; seems like I only come home for funerals, nowadays. I look up at where John crashed his old bike trying to make that jump... There are still parts lodged in the trees. The old rope swing is still there too... I wonder if kids still use it? Maybe I'll call up some old friends. Seems like whenever I try I always lose my nerve and hang up as soon as they say hello. Things change. I'm different. It's time to move on... So why can't I get over the past?